Son’s mother telling him he is ill when he’s not

[Dylan222]

My 12 year old sons mother has told him that he has ADHD and is that he is Autistic, her parents have also told him.

However he does not have ADHD and is not Autistic. It looks to be a type of child abuse called Fabricated Illness by Proxy. I have been working with his GP to get Social Services involved, his mother has been falsely stating to people for the last few years that my son has these conditions, however this week was the first time she has told him.

Any advice please on how I should approach it with my son? I have explained the situation as clearly as I can to him and confirmed that he does not have ADHD or Autism, but I don’t know whether to talk about it with him more or just let him come to me if he is worried about it.

Thank you

Cross post.

If you ex- wife had really been violent to your child social services would have intervened.

Good grief.

Have you contacted Dr Marc Feldman?

he will help anyone who needs it. He’s the worlds top dr when it comes to Fll.

That is very interesting, I dont know how it has been achieved.

Why didn't you get his hair cut yourself if he's with you half the time. It's not just her responsibility. If he's with you so much then you can easily mitigate some of the issues your son has. (if they aren't autism related, as you say).

Yes, you would have thought so, but the apart from a ripped t-shirt etc, there no marks on him (he alleged that he was hit above his hairline though for example) and his mother lied about him. The Police did not involve Social Services

You were talking on about Muchausen a few months ago. Now this?

He's three, so we accept it feels early either way. School do seem very focused on a couple of weeks of acting out when he started though, which does feel like a very transitional time on which to base an assessment.

She stopped me from seeing my children for 9 months. I could not reach them, otherwise I would have got him a haircut.

The police didn't involve SS? I have some experience of situations like this and I am surprised, to say the least.

Swiss cheese.

They are the same thing. FII and muchausens. Fll is the new name for it…

Thank you, no I haven’t but that really interesting

This is irrelevant, it’s in their financial interests to not have pupils diagnosed. Our SENDCO never believed our DD was autistic even when she was diagnosed. She is a SENDCO who isn’t qualified in diagnosing and isn’t a neutral party.

Nothing wrong with longer hair.

The abusive man I know obsesses about haircuts too. As if that indicates abuse.

well that changes my previous comments- the OP clearly is a bitter man who is using anything to target his ex and not focussing on his son. All very sad

I know, but he had posted twice about his on mn, months apart. Neither went that well for him.

Wouldn't you be better getting a diagnosis or not of autism op. Surely that's the first step, rather than involve SS.

I think Munchausen is the same thing as FII just renamed and both are a form of child abuse.

Mother fabricating or child undiagnosed are both possible. SS will investigate and take it very seriously and the situation will resolve.

OP hasn’t done anything wrong to raise concerns.

OP - can you respond to this post?

Your poor boy is stuck in a most horrendous, toxic situation, caused by BOTH his parents! Never have I said this before, but for his own safety, your son needs to be removed from BOTH your cares 😞

As for school - they absolutely CANNOT diagnose, or say your son does or does not have ASD or ADHD. If they have ever actually said that, they should be hauled over the coals.

oh and an autistic person isn't ill... so go and educate yourself so you can be a better father.

I'm going to summarise what I think the Op is trying to get across and from his other posts to. Clearly there is a lot going on here:

-OPs ex was concerned about sons behaviour and took him to a doctor for an assessment. This was done in part online and then an hours assessment by an assessor with the son

-OPs ex told OP he had been diagnosed.

-OP looked at the detail behind it and contacted the doctor who says it was not a formal diagnosis but an opinion.

-At the time of diagnosis the son was experiencing a traumatic time and refusing school. He rang OP and police several times reporting his mum for punching/kicking and slapping him.

-OPs ex reported him for abuse and was granted nonmol order so the Op did not see the son or other child for 9 months.

-During this 9 month period the school were concerned about sons appearance as he was often unwashed, unclean, lacking a haircut and other concerns about his appearance. They reported this to social services who got involved

-OP took evidence to the courts proving the allegations against him were false and he was granted access to children again and now has them half the week

-OP found out other things that concerned him: grandma threatening to record son naked, son being allowed to vape at home and that he was allowed to be awake all night.

-Behaviour seemingly improved with contact with dad again

-Latest is that the ex has now told her son that he has this diagnosis. NHs consider the private appt as final and wont reassess but school and Op disagree

All of the above could be down to either a struggling boy with autism or a struggling boy who's parents are at odds

OP, as has been said a MILLION times on this thread, take him for a private appointment yourself to be assessed if you doubt it. If you have parental responsibility then there's no reason you need to get his mums approval.

This

He has offered to pay for a private assessment and Mum has said no.

I agreed to an undertaking, I had send concerned emails about my son after his mother had stopped our contact and he had started to become distressed. She had stated that had been abusive to her and my children, but it was untrue and the non-mol was effectively ignored after she began to drive the children round to my house and drop them off at my door. There was no evidence for her allegations and she declined to go through a fact finding hearing. My son lives half of the week with me, my younger daughter stays one - two nights a week with me.

If the NHS ADOS assessment showed neurodiversity then why is the OP arguing?

Quite,

He doesn't think the child is autistic even though the same assessment that the NHS would do was carried out!