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Original poster

ahem...this sounds really dumb and naive but what is a male orgasm???

36 replies

sassygirl · 05/02/2007 11:13

We've been married 15 years and anyway I always thought we had a very active and pleasurable sex life.

I dont even know how we got on to this subject but my dh said he's never experienced an orgasm. Im like what the... I thought when a male blows he has an orgasm. I dont understand what he means, like I am gobsmacked. I'm thinking of all the kinky things we've done together and he's had zip.

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OP posts:
Twiglett · 05/02/2007 11:14

do you have children?

are they dh's

I think they're proof he's climaxing

orgasm = climax = ejaculate

itsmeNDP · 05/02/2007 11:14

Ermmmmm, surely it is when he comes ?!

I know men can have dry orgasms (no semen), but didn't think you could have the semen but no orgasm....

kittylette · 05/02/2007 11:14

thats what i thought twiglett

surely if he ejaculates he orgasms?

Cappuccino · 05/02/2007 11:15

this is a joke, right?

Original poster
sassygirl · 05/02/2007 11:16

no really this is not a joke...he is dead serious

OP posts:
Original poster
sassygirl · 05/02/2007 11:17

yes we have children...i am really embarrassed to ask the question in the first place but he is dead serious

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 05/02/2007 11:18

do you have kids?

cos if you have, I think he's had at least one

or two

depending on the number of kids

I am completely perplexed about what he means

VioletBaudelaire · 05/02/2007 11:18

Is he expecting fireworks perhaps?

choosyfloosy · 05/02/2007 11:19

If he says he's never had one, he's never had one I guess. I've always understood it's perfectly possible to have 'leaks' of semen before orgasm so therefore pregnancy perfectly possible.

He's opened up to you and it must have taken some courage. Shock for you though.

To cut to the chase...

I'd like to recommend NHS sex therapy. You may have to wait a long time but it's great when it arrives

Original poster
sassygirl · 05/02/2007 11:20

yeah twiglett thats what i thought i knew orgasm = climax = ejac

OP posts:
itsmeNDP · 05/02/2007 11:20

Maybe he just doesn't have the Hollywood stylee 'OH GOD, OH GOD, OH YES ! OH YES !' ones ?

Original poster
sassygirl · 05/02/2007 11:22

i dont really understand what he's told me. i'm thinking is he expecting the ground to shake or something. i have no idea what he's talking bout. he tried to tell me but i couldnt help but rant on like are yo fo real..

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 05/02/2007 11:23

um, how do you decide when each, um, bout of shagging, er, stops if he doesn't have an orgasm?

do you just keep going till, er, when?

Original poster
sassygirl · 05/02/2007 11:26

we're pretty open to things with our sex life so i cant understand it...gosh i think im getting a complex...

OP posts:
kittylette · 05/02/2007 11:35

well how did he explain it?

he ejaculates but doesnt feel anything? sounds medical to me

ItsMeMellowma · 05/02/2007 11:40

hmmm sounds like a typical male imo always looking for something more

orgasm = ejac - Don't let him tell you otherwise!

choosyfloosy · 05/02/2007 11:44

um.... my personal view is that if someone tells you they are not having orgasms... they are not.

I'd be really shocked and surprised if my dh came out with this so might easily react the same - no problem with honest reactions.

but to go back and tell somebody 'sorry, you're just a typical man/woman always looking for more and i don't believe you' about things like this - that would be the beginning of the end for me.

I know you said you can't remember how it came up, but can you say to him that it shocked you but you'd like to know more about why he felt able to tell you this now?

May be too early to talk about going to a sex therapist - if that's what he wants. I spent the best part of 20 years hoping that I would just have orgasms but it's a decision people hvae to make for themselves. If he enjoys sex, he may not be that bothered about orgasms, like a lot of women.

Original poster
sassygirl · 05/02/2007 11:57

thanks choosy for your comments. I am still in the shock mode tho I always prided myself on being a great lover having a great relationship with dh. we have our ups and downs like everyonelse. gosh now i am second guessing my whole marriage all cos he said what he said...oi ya lol

He seems to enjoy sex, can't leave me alone for a second very passionate etc thats why i dont get it and obviously a lot of you guys are thinking the same as me, whats his problem.

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 05/02/2007 12:03

if he's not having an orgasm it's not your fault

he needs to get help for that

ItsMeMellowma · 05/02/2007 12:05

I was joking btw...obviously I did not expect the op to go and laugh in her dh face did not think it would be taken so seriously.. very sorry...

DrDaddy · 05/02/2007 12:13

While the two are clearly linked, they are actually different processes. This is from a medical advice site:
"Ejaculation is a reflex that depends on stimulation and response in the pelvic region, orgasm is an experience that requires a connection to the brain. Usually these two processes occur simultaneously, but either one can in theory occur without the other. Some men who have had spinal cord injuries and don't have pelvic sensation can ejaculate, even though they will not experience orgasm at that time."

jabberwocky · 05/02/2007 12:19

See last few posts on this thread also.

PinkTulips · 05/02/2007 12:22

i knew a guy once who claimed ejaculation was actually painful for him and i don't think he really had orgasms as he was ejaculating.

it is possible and fair deuce to your dh for admitting it, must have taken guts.

i can imagine it's a shock for you and i don't think many of us would have reacted better but now thatit's had time to sink in you need to go and talk to him and see if he'd feel comfortable getting medical advice about the matter. i take it he doe experiance some pleasure as you have an active sex life?

choosyfloosy · 07/02/2007 21:08

sorry was probably in serious mode and am sensitive on this issue!

i think it's great that you have such a good relationship and sex life that he has felt able to talk to you about this tbh.

Kidstrak · 07/02/2007 21:17

sassygirl its perfectly normal for your husband not to have had one, my husband told me he had the best orgasms when he was 16 and he said they were multiple at that, he can still have them just not all the time, ejaculation doesn't mean orgasm, he tells me an orgasm is an all over body expierence where his body shakes and the build up is intense, a bit like when women orgasm.