Coming Clean by Liz Fraser

[RhinoRhino]

A couple of threads that I had posted on relating to the Memoir ‘Coming Clean’ by Liz Fraser have been deleted from the MN site, apparently due to non-compliance of the MN guidelines from the posters. MN are obviously well within their rights to delete threads if they demonstrably fail to comply with their guidelines, nevertheless I feel strongly that MN posters are given a platform to critique this book, and also any other public ventures by this author. It would be neither fair nor right that posters are completely silenced in this particular matter.

As such, and in line with Mumsnet not seeing “anything wrong with honest feedback” I would like to make the comment that Coming Clean as a Memoir falls short due to the shaky and not entirely truthful narrative. There are certain facts contained within this memoir that are easily disprovable (for example, relating to the marital status of both author and her partner when they started their ill-fated affair), which leaves a massive question mark over the rest of the book. Is it entirely reasonable to make money from something that is promoted as truthful when it is, in fact, not entirely true?

I think there are people whose lives have been negatively impacted by the book and its subject matter, and I hope that MN will agree that these people should have a voice, as should anybody who wants to comment on a published piece of work.

As long as posters align their comments with the MN guidelines, this is a topic that people may wish to keep discussing, and also keep in the public domain. And if MN wants to provide a set of rules particular to this thread – certainly if they are arbitrary and differ from the general guidelines - I am sure it would be very helpful.

Mumsnet, please help us to help each other by keeping in the public domain something that us silenced mums feel should be out there.

Do you all have a vendetta against Liz? I have no idea who she is, stumbled across this thread and have read through but am none the wiser. The comments are all just so mean, picking at everything she says or does 🤷🏻‍♀️

@AnotherWrinkle The comments on here aren't mean in the slightest. Feel free to not read the thread if it's not your thing.

I haven't been affected personally by Liz but it hasn't taken me long (by reading here and scrutinising her numerous and overly detailed SM posts) to discover that she's been far more 'mean' to the women she has silenced than anyone here has ever been to her.

The Cleaners of mumsnet speak the TRUTH...unlike our personal travel consultant Liz.....

Oh you're absolutely right rhino, and I'll be hiding the thread. But believe me when I say almost all of the most recent couple of pages are downright nasty. And I say that as someone who is the first to eye roll at any bland comment being labelled as unkind. The thread seems to have started as a discussion about a book, fine. But it's moved into a scathing attack by several people on everything Liz posts on her socials. It has nothing to do with the creative writing board.

I was brought up to challenge others where necessary. I could have just scrolled by but I didn't think that was the right thing to do. As I said, I have no idea who Liz is but believe me reading through this thread became uncomfortable, and I hoped my previous post might make you stop and think about what's being posted and why.

When the sun is out, money is no issue, you have no time constraints and you have no work deadlines, life is great. The autumn school term starts in a few weeks. Evenings draw in and we can assume these employers will want her to deliver to deadlines. Liz regularly says she hates deadlines. They hinder creativity. Businesses are founded on deadlines, measurable results and returns on investment.

We might be underestimating her. Perhaps the new, happy Liz likes deadlines snd being told want to do. If not, bad mouthing on social big firms with legal teams might not end well. This said, to employ her they must have checked her out. A google search reveals a lot.

Let’s just say, in 2014, her dress was not unzipped by her husband, but the husband of another woman she knew. This was not the last husband that was not hers, let’s say, unzipped her dress. She presents as a victim, always. How she does this, varies depending on her current agenda. Less than 6 months ago she was claiming g poverty and asking women she was professing to be helping for cash donations. These women are victims of domestic abuse. This thread is the latest of many. You perhaps go t get the context. All commenters have been taken in/scammed by her in some way. Bought her books, followed her social media (followers = money), are neighbours/parents at her children’s schools past or present. He 3 older children were abandoned by her as teenagers. People like me had to take up the slack. She’s only recently stopped blocking the father of the youngest from seeing her. She is a one woman’s vipers nest.

Liz Fraser is publicly offensive and has caused financial harm to people. Since she all of this on social media, those of us reading her posts aghast most days (I have muted her because I find it all enraging, but dip in daily to see what she's declaring to the world she's up to), find it helpful to share our outrage with people we otherwise wouldn't meet. I'm sure if you haven't followed her for several years it seems baffling, but trust me, we are sensible people who are simply agog!
I have a theory that only a few hundred people ever see LF's posts- she has a tiny following and will have alienated many. She's a fascinating case study in what people are willing to put of themselves online. Commenting on her content here within reasonable boundaries, seems fair to me.

Basically bragging that the man she was having an affair with unzipped her on sight. It clearly wasn’t a meeting of minds that founded that particular affair. I doubt the affair with M was either! S”x and alcohol. Never a great foundation for a long snd heslthy union.

I think this is for the benefit of the affair prior to Mike. The unmentionable one, unmentionable for so many reasons!

The other things that make us want to call her out are as follows:

Pretends to give a shit about 'helping' other women by setting up ridiculous vanity projects that never get off the ground but do get money from those least able to afford it;
Blocking or belittling anyone who asks about these vanity projects;
As above, claiming poverty when living in one and owning another, mortgage free house;
Thinking it's perfectly fine to go off with married men and then claim victimhood about it, having left utter chaos and misery in her wake;

I can't think of any more, but then I only knew her a while.

"@Raffington55
I know. He dumped her, after all. Why allude to the dress coming off. Maybe this is for the benefit of Mike's ex wife, and it's Liz being cruel and nasty. Though I happen to know personally that Mike's lovely ex wife never reads Liz's Twitter or Instagram. She's got better things to do. She couldn't give a shit about Liz Fraser."

I think this is for the benefit of the affair prior to Mike. The unmentionable one, unmentionable for so many reasons!

@CambridgeBuns I thought she was seeing Mike in 2014? That said, she could have had them both on the go.

@AnotherWrinkle Nope. Wrong again. The comments on here are honest feedback in line with the MN guidelines. Did you actually read the opening post?

See extract below:

"MN are obviously well within their rights to delete threads if they demonstrably fail to comply with their guidelines, nevertheless I feel strongly that MN posters are given a platform to critique this book, and also any other public ventures by this author."

What is it about the setting out of the stall for this thread that you are having difficulty understanding? I can’t see how it could be any clearer.

In any case, if the apparently ‘hurty words’ make you uncomfortable you are well within your rights to do exactly as you say and hide the thread. Those of us who are more robust and who welcome debate and challenge will stay for the discourse.

I'm baffled as to why she doesn't just say,'I'm so lucky. I have the time and funds to go to a few European cities this summer. What a privileged place to be in'.

No, it's WORKING and TRAVEL WRITING. I guess we can't find out that all the donations from actual struggling SOLO parents were just a grift, and she has more disposable funds than most of us ever will

Liz was "SO warmly greeted back" to a hotel in Germany she went to 13 years ago'. Err. OK.

Aaaand…the reviews keep coming….
This is the latest. Oddly enough many readers are taking issue with the veracity of Coming Clean.

I hope that poor child’s father takes her somewhere fun this summer. How many city tours and luxury hotel tours can a 6 year old possibly endure?

I'm sure her 5yo is perfectly happy travelling around, as long as her mother is HAPPY. And as ever, Liz claims to be HAPPY. The happiest she's ever been. And to be fair, she does seem happier now. Definitely happier than she was six weeks ago when she was suicidal.

She's ever so HAPPY, like really HAPPY. Because when you're REALLY HAPPY, you don't just BE HAPPY, you tell everyone ALL THE TIME how HAPPY you are.
Don't you?

Well, what's that saying -- 'empty vessels make the most noise'!

But she was only suicidal for a few moments. Aren’t we all?!

Trust me, my parents never took us to “child friendly” places. They didn’t like the “sorts of people”who went to them. To me and my brothers these looked like fun people. The parents of our friends. Our parents were judgemental of so many other things and people. We couldn’t watch Eurovision Song Contest, Blankety Blank or Grange Hill ffs. It was all news programmes and the arts.

My brothers and I look back and can come up with just a couple of happy childhood holiday (or in fact any) memories and there were at least three of us. Are feelings at adults towards our parents are at best, indifferent. They still judge and make uninvited comments.

What really makes us laugh/cry though is that we’ve all been far more successful, professionally and socially (as in friendships). We raise our kids differently to each other. We have no learned experiences to go by, but we meet up fairly regularly and still go on a “common group family holiday” to somewhere hot with a pool once a year and now the kids go drinking while we go to bed.

They will have great memories to look back on. They already talk about their great memories. All to do with having fun. Maybe Scout has heaps of fun that’s not posted, but to me, her holidays very much resemble mine, the only real fun coming from me and my brothers trying to get away with being naughty without “them” catching us. It was fine at the time. Looking back, less so.

My parents (reasonably well-off middle class) didn't believe in holidays at all 🙄 I went on three during my whole childhood years (0-18) and those we did go on were educational. Days out were usually me (only child) and my mum going on the train - she gave up her car when I started school as she was convinced she'd have an accident and kill me! - to London to exhibitions/places of interest, whilst my friends got to go camping/butlins/amusement arcades etc.

They also got rid of their TV after I was born (1967) because they felt it was a bad influence, not replacing it till I was about ten.

One of my earliest - and fondest - memories was being taken to the Tutankhamen exhibition at the British museum in 1972...so glad they did this as I absolutely loved it even at that young age.

DS and his partner take 5 year old DGD on 'city' holidays - so far Lisbon, Stockholm, Seville - and to art exhibitions, NT houses/gardens etc, but still do lots of fun stuff with her in the holidays as well as going camping at least once a year.

I don't actually have a problem with the places Liz takes Scout - just the fact she does seem to focus on ME ME ME whilst there!

We lived in London. Museums and art galleries were not in short supply. What was, was variety, fun and not focused on education. Education happens wherever you are. Even a water park!

The United Kingdom is wonderful. It has a wealth of history, stunning architecture and scenery. Why doesn’t Liz take her on the train to some of these?

To be fair, Ms Fraser can holiday where she wishes. I’m sure the child will enjoy herself wherever she is, especially if she’s got lots of attention from a loving parent. Most 5-year-olds would be just as happy at home, having days out to the zoo etc, but if Liz wants to whizz all around Europe with child in tow, taking hundreds of selfies each and every day, that’s up to her.

She’s kidding herself if she thinks it is all part of a great new career, though. It won’t amount to much more than some SM self-promotion and maybe(!) one or two published articles. She might blag her way on to BBC Radio Headington or something, but even the TV/Radio/National Newspaper interviews never seem to lead to anything much.

At the risk of being boring:

Headcase – sunk without ever achieving anything;
The Middle Years – second half reads like it was cut and pasted from tweets and diary entries (whilst author in a rage);
Coming Clean – exploitative, not completely true and allegedly subject to legal wranglings;
26 billion steps challenge – lasted barely a week;
Writing Retreats – been talked about for 5 years. Never going to happen;
Novel Writing - ?
Tutoring - ?
The Venice Diaries - ?
NCDV - ?
Wedgie Press/Submissions guidelines/podcasts etc – Death should have been notified sometime in May 2023. Certainly the organisation should have been reported missing to the police within a couple of days of the launch party.

Etc.

Only a fool would think the Travel writing/consultancy will come to anything meaningful in the way of being able to financially support a family of two in one of the most expensive cities in the UK. The pretend new career might be OK as a smokescreen for the many holidays this particular non-working NEARLY 50-year-old of ‘private means’ takes, but other than that it’s just another in a long line of fantasy careers from somebody who has never shown an ability to stay the course nor put in the hours.

Indeed! She definitely seems to be focused on proving she's better at parenting than Mike and taking Scout to these locations is evidence of that 🙄