Would you read a novel that started off like this?

[DameIfYouDo]

The pain was excruciating but the humiliation was worse. My brother had told on me. I guess it took the heat off him if he could focus it on me.

I sat sobbing quietly at the table when Dad arrived home from work. I hadn't been allowed to move from the table since the beating. I knew better than to tell him why I was crying as she was hovering; listening - all powerful, totally in control. I guess he knew why I was crying.

I knew I wouldn't be allowed to sit on his knee that day, so I choked down my dinner. I don't recall what dinner was. It might have been nice.

The following day I woke up and was driven to school by my mother. Every stride up to the school gates was painful and a reminder that I was different.

I had been doing handstands the previous day with a short pleated skirt. In front of the boys. That was the mortal sin. I had done it in front of the boys. Showing off my knickers apparently. I was 8. I still remember what the items of clothing were but not what that dinner had been. I hid those clothes in my wardrobe and they were never worn again. In my innocence I thought they were at fault. They were now the reason for the beating; my clothes.

Well I could, but it would be a very boring book!

Elllicam, thank you very much. I've given up on the idea! So you'll never get to find out how she turned out!

I wouldn't start off in the past like this, I'd set the start of the novel at a point in the adults life, an inciting incident of some sort. Use flachbacks sparingly

Also if it's your first novel my advice would be to not over analyse it too much at this stage or get stuck on editing the first chapter repeatedly!

You want to draft your story, get it all down on paper and see how it shapes up. Don't worry about chronological order or grammar or edit notes etc

Once the first draft is done then you can get to work with editing

Show not tell is really good to keep in your head

Also advise books such as

On writing by Stephen king
Self editing for fiction writers

Yes, the main character is an assassin. She is cold and heartless. Her childhood explains why, but she may have become one anyway, even if she had a loving childhood. It is hard to like her until you get to know her past, which is why I was thinking of it as an opening chapter.

I'm really sorry but it all sounds like a pretty crap book.

The writing style seems quite disjointed. It needs to flow more, maybe just being short sentences concurrent with the violence endured?

Absolutely not. I see and read enough misery in my job.

No, it’s a bit lacking I suppose. There isn’t anything literary about it. It could be someone recounting memory. Maybe try to work on developing the setting a bit more/being more discriptive because this gives almost nothing.

with the reveal that the character is an assassin with a violent, unloved childhood... it does run the risk of being derivative of Villanelle/Killing Eve - I would imagine that female assassin pitches have increased...
Are you wedded to that outcome for her?

with the reveal that the character is an assassin with a violent, unloved childhood... it does run the risk of being derivative of Villanelle/Killing Eve - I would imagine that female assassin pitches have increased...

'Girl With the Dragon Tattoo' except Stieg Larsson actually knew how to write.

The main character is an assassin

So you open with her in the middle of a tense, skillful job. Or setting it up, or being offered the job. Anything with a bit of interesting action.
If you want to write, I think you've given up much too easily. And you seem strangely reluctant to take any online classes. Have you read any books or magazines on writing? I think it's quite rare for anyone to have such an interesting 'voice' that they don't learn about their craft, and are successful after just diving in.

Honestly? No. Too stilted for me and not my cup of tea. I think you've a long way to go but as you say, you're a beginner. No beginner is going to be lauded as a great writer imo.

But if you like it, carry on.

Wasn't Harry Potter rejected by loads of publishing houses before getting picked up?

I get it I get it!!

FFS

For reference, it's something I appear to be good at. Writing that is! I have no training, and I write from the heart really. Thank you all for the feedback, I will write to get stress out but not for anyone else in future. Thank you for the feedback.

And don't worry, in case you think I'm inflicting my writing on the writing world lol. I won't ever write again.

It's fine, it was shit, fuck it, it's fine. 20 of you don't have to tell me.

Hey, just because a bunch of us here have either said that sort of story isn't one we'd want to read or have been critical of the idea/ style/ whatever, that is no reason to give up on writing. Every successful author gets knock backs and criticism. Acclaimed bestsellers are almost always roasted by someone. If writing is what you want to do, write. Get better. Develop. Take on constructive criticism, accept that nothing is going to be universally well received, and keep going.

Don't think I have the balls for it lol.
At least I can cross it off my list as something I tried.

Blah, have just read back. I don't know the book Killing Eve. I am not wedded to the theme of her being a killer. She will certainly be unusual. Why am I even having this conversation! No book being written lol. Thanks for all your help.

Most people are proficient at writing once they master the basics, that's not unusual; using language to tell a story is something else entirely. You can be a writer and not be a storyteller, but to be a successful author of fiction you must be a storyteller. You don't seem to want to take any real feedback or working on the skill of storycraft beyond 'I'm good at writing' so it's probably not for you.

You are contradicting yourself in your posts OP, it's coming across (to me) that you do really really want to write this novel but you're terrified that once you do no-one will like it and they'll laugh at you and tell you it's shit.
So what? Write it. All of it. Then go back and re-do bits, decide where your original posting bit goes. Write it and then you've written a novel, whether people like it or not you've done it. Tick that off your list, don't tick 'tried to write a novel' off on the basis of an opening few paragraphs. Then if you like, move on to the next one and write that. I would imagine that if any of the great writers of the most popular books came on here with their first draft openers they'd have had constructive criticisms which is just what you had. Finish it, bounce ideas on here maybe but finish it and THEN see what people think of the opening page. You're clearly a competent writer with the will and the means to write so get on with it!

Use spellcheck.