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Creative writing

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Original poster

Would you read a novel that started off like this?

237 replies

DameIfYouDo · 13/02/2019 18:39

The pain was excruciating but the humiliation was worse. My brother had told on me. I guess it took the heat off him if he could focus it on me.

I sat sobbing quietly at the table when Dad arrived home from work. I hadn't been allowed to move from the table since the beating. I knew better than to tell him why I was crying as she was hovering; listening - all powerful, totally in control. I guess he knew why I was crying.

I knew I wouldn't be allowed to sit on his knee that day, so I choked down my dinner. I don't recall what dinner was. It might have been nice.

The following day I woke up and was driven to school by my mother. Every stride up to the school gates was painful and a reminder that I was different.

I had been doing handstands the previous day with a short pleated skirt. In front of the boys. That was the mortal sin. I had done it in front of the boys. Showing off my knickers apparently. I was 8. I still remember what the items of clothing were but not what that dinner had been. I hid those clothes in my wardrobe and they were never worn again. In my innocence I thought they were at fault. They were now the reason for the beating; my clothes.

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 14/02/2019 07:35

Why do you insist on being told that you can't write?

Original poster
DameIfYouDo · 14/02/2019 07:42

Because nobody has explicitly said that I can, and if I was reading something someone put up for criticism, I'd be polite too, particularly if they were shite.

OP posts:
Original poster
DameIfYouDo · 14/02/2019 07:45

It's like going on The Voice and nobody turns. Or Xfactor, thinking you can sing and discover you're the comedy act.

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 14/02/2019 08:10

So you want someone to explicitly say “you’re a great writer”?

The problem is it’s so subjective.

And (I mean this kindly) it is the WRONG industry to seek validation or platitudes in. It’s brutal.

FWIW I think it has potential.

Original poster
DameIfYouDo · 14/02/2019 08:21

No, I actually don't want someone to tell me that I'm a great writer, just that my writing is readable if that's even a word! I've been told by almost everyone who knows me that I should write. This is a first draft. I hadn't anticipated the character being so dark, but that's what came out. I know nothing about writing and I suppose I'm attempting to finally shut them up by saying, fuck off, I can't write hun.

OP posts:
Original poster
DameIfYouDo · 14/02/2019 08:24

Their basis for recommending me becoming a writer? My FB statuses. Yup. I decided to write cos of FB lol.

I just wish someone would say 'it's shite', so that I could abandon the idea.

OP posts:
Parthenope · 14/02/2019 08:51

Because nobody has explicitly said that I can, and if I was reading something someone put up for criticism, I'd be polite too, particularly if they were shite.

Dame, in the nicest possible way, if you want to write something lengthy like a novel, you just need to get on and do it, whether or not anyone else believes in the project or not. Most first novels are written in snatches of time around jobs/studies/responsibilities, entirely without (positive or other) feedback, and often get sent to many agents, when complete, without a response. It's a lonely slog, and honestly, only you can decide if your desire to write makes it worth it.

Believe in your work, and read like mad in the genre you think your novel belongs to. What people say on here about an opening few paragraphs or about your FB statuses is irrelevant. It's a marathon, not a sprint. If you need regular feedback, but don't leave the house, people here may be able to recommend online critique groups, but the best thing you could do at the moment is to read as much as possible. Good luck with it.

XmasPostmanBos · 14/02/2019 08:53

It's a very short piece of writing about a subject a lot of people find uncomfortable to read so you can't really judge your potential as a writer based on that.

I think writing is a bit like any art or music in that you can be very good and talented but not necessarily commercially successful but that doesn't mean it's not worth creating something you want to create. So I would look at starting out as a serious amateur which is easier than ever these days with lots of online places to share your work and get feedback. Then you could start self publishing your work as an ebook and if that goes well look at submitting your work to a publisher. In the meantime you will have had the chance to learn more about writing and what publishers are looking for.

Original poster
DameIfYouDo · 14/02/2019 10:03

Can one of you just tell me it's shit. Then I can at least go to my grave saying that I tried.

OP posts:
shpoot · 14/02/2019 10:29

This is such a strange thread! Nobody is going to say it's shit cause what is shit to one person is good to another.

That's why we all read different things. But you are ignoring everyone's advice about the word "apparently". It needs removing I think.

And I don't think anyone patronised you! Maybe one too many whiskeys?

BookwormMe2 · 14/02/2019 11:08

I'm really confused as to what you want us to say. You posted your work for a critique, that's what you've received. People liked what you wrote, but everyone agreed you need to work at it to improve.

You're not a great writer now, no, but you have the basis to be one eventually if you put the effort in. If you want to give up without even trying, it won't be because of what anyone's written on this thread.

HollowTalk · 14/02/2019 11:41

The thing is that you need a very, very thick skin to be a writer. Think of your favourite writer and look on Amazon at the one and two star reviews for them.

You need to write for yourself and you need to write the story you would like to read. Nobody's first attempts are good but often there's something there that you can run with. Most writers I know grit their teeth when they're writing their first draft - they know it's crap but they can't edit an empty page. Editing is where the real work is.

HollowTalk · 14/02/2019 11:44

Just looking at the start again:

The pain was excruciating but the humiliation was worse. My brother had told on me. I guess it took the heat off him if he could focus it on me.

That should be a complete scene. You are telling us what happened, when we want to see it happening. Have a look online at "Show, don't tell" - if you just told people what had happened you'd never fill up a book and you'd lose the audience's interest.

AppleKatie · 14/02/2019 11:47

Writing is a process. The first draft of almost everything is shit! Writing is a craft that takes time to nurture. If you want to be a writer you have to draft, draft, draft and then edit some more.

HollowTalk · 14/02/2019 11:47

Then I can at least go to my grave saying that I tried

I've had two books published. Before that I wrote three novels which were rejected by agents. Every single writer I know is in a similar position. You can't say you've tried until you've written multiple books, finished them, edited them, sent them out to agents, got the rejections, started again, etc. It's really hard work and it can be demoralising - if you don't love writing then it's not for you. And if you give up easily, it's not for you.

Original poster
DameIfYouDo · 14/02/2019 12:23

Ye, not for me I think!

OP posts:
Angeladelight · 14/02/2019 12:27

I agree, you need to start at the present or perhaps even at the end of the story you’re trying to tell, in order for the abuse to be powerful. As a reader we want to understand the fharacter we have now, and the reasonings for their behaviours.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 14/02/2019 13:02

Wait a second so you're writing because people told you to, not because you want to/have a passion for it/you enjoy it?

Then yeah...pack it. What's the point really if you're looking for excuses to give it up?

Original poster
DameIfYouDo · 14/02/2019 13:06

Packed in and one of those things I can tick off my list!

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 14/02/2019 13:14

I hate books of this subject and refuse to read them. Looking at it coldly, I'd suggest you cut 90% out.
If this is something that actually happened to you, I would seek help.

ScreamingValenta · 14/02/2019 16:45

Sorry to hear you've packed it in Sad. I hope your muse comes calling again soon. There's nothing more relaxing than writing for pleasure. Perhaps you just haven't found the right story yet.

Nomdejeur · 14/02/2019 16:48

If I was going for that kind of book, I would carry on reading. I’m more of a thriller kind but many books start similar to how yours did and it does make me want to read on to know more.

IamTheMeg · 14/02/2019 17:01

If YOU think your writing is shit, that's good, you will improve it.you're definitely a writer.

If someone else tells you you're shit and you believe them, you might not make it.
Write YOUR story, them get help to make it more readable.

If someone tells you you need to improve and you react or even (God forbid)quit, you won't make it. Really really, it's not for you.

Original poster
DameIfYouDo · 14/02/2019 17:28

@Nomdejeur The book (that will never be written haha) is a thriller! It's just a basis to explain how she became that way. Believably.

I enjoy writing sometimes. I would hate to have it as a full time job because I don't think I could write like that. I write when I'm angry incidentally, rather than when I'm relaxed. I could never sit down and write 9 - 5. That's a bizarre concept.

OP posts:
Elllicam · 14/02/2019 17:31

I think it sounds really interesting and reads well. I would read it.