How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

Fresh produce is a killer on grocery bills. Frozen butternut squash, corn, peas, spinach, brocoli and peppers all cook up well in curries or sauces. Frozen onions or mushrooms are vile on the other hand.

I bulk up pasta mince sauces with beans to make them last longer & add fibre.

Tomato passata is cheaper then pasta sauce and tastes similar.

I add what we have left in the press at the end of the week to chatgpt and ask for meal ideas.

Exactly this. Thanks you.

Thats honestly the root of your problem though, you justify your spending to yourself even though you can’t afford it.

It shouldn’t make you feel better because your friend spends more on her food shop, they still doesn’t make your finances better.

I honestly don’t need a complete stranger having a go at me!
I’m not justifying anything and have simply asked for advice.
I was making a comparison on a family of 5 - that is all!
If you don’t have anything nice to say then goodbye!

Just for interest my weekly meal plan this week is

mon- burgers with wedges
tues- homemade pizzas with salad
weds- salmon with veg and boiled potatoes (fishfingers for ds because he doesn’t like salmon)
thurs-chicken curry with rice/naan
fri- take away
sat- spaghetti bolognaise with homemade garlic bread.
sun-pork chops with potatoes /veg

my bill is anywhere from 90-120

I love salmon but rarely buy it as for 5 of us it’s so expensive.
thanks for dinner inspo.

what do you cook each week? What types of meals for you and dp and the children? You said they don't all eat the same, so what types of meals do you regularly make and eat each evening?

I used to budget with a n inch of my life, every thing was written down in a book and food at the beginning of the month was beans on toast, roast diner without meat, corn beef hash - so that come the end of the month we hadn't run out of money or food

If you can shave 25% of your food bill it would really go a long way

I used to make my own bread every single night in the bread machine, make my own pitta and flat breads as flour is far cheaper than bread. I make batch cooking, so we can eat different meals and have something on the table in 10 minutes flat home made out of the freezer and into the microwave and it could be 2 different meals as its all portioned in 2 or 1 portions

I always take the earning on payday and make every penny work for itself, every bill has a separate account and it gets put in the account on payday

grocery shopping has its own account and when its gone its gone - so if its £500 for the month, thats it and it must last.

I do use a lot of meal plans that I make myself and it all gets weighed and portioned up and then rice is make and frozen or mash potato, even pizza are made and frozen ready to throw in the oven. I shop at Aldi, lidl and Sainsbury - but things I know I need in Sainsbury that I can't get in lidl I buy in bulk.

I shop for the month but shopping for 2 weeks worth of food might be easier for you and stops you spending as much, return trips always cost more. Milk freezes and so does bread, rice, potato - which if you have 3 hungry growing children the rice potato and bread will fill them up

I'm sorry to bang on, but that's exactly the issue with the way you're budgeting. 'Some months are ok...'

What you need to do it look over the last year to see your true costs. People get wound up about Christmas coming, but if you know you spend x amount at Christmas, then if you save x/12 each month, you have it ready in November/December. Similarly birthdays - add up all the birthday expenses and divide by 12. That's how much you need to put aside every month, whether there's a birthday or not. MOT costs, servicing costs, Council Tax....

If you know the year 6s have a residential that costs £600 and your child is in year 3, you can put £20 per month towards it now, then it will serve two purposes - it's sitting there ready, but also, if your boiler breaks, you've already got money saved that you can divert to fixing it, then start again.

They’re only the little cold water prawns and already have chorizo in the freezer.
like I said fizzy is only for occasions and a bottle of squash goes a long way!
but thanks for the tips, some good ones in there I hadn’t thought of.

I must admit my first thought was could you get a better paid job? But you’ve explained you don’t want to do that on another post. I still think that’s your best bet assuming you have some qualifications because even a basic corporate job will pay you quite a bit more than a TA job with more progression opportunity (better future earnings) and hopefully let you work from home some days which will save on childcare. (Also candidly I’d be deeply irritated as your husband if you have better earning capacity than this and aren’t using it while I have to work 7 days a week…)

Assuming you don’t want to/can’t work/earn more, it means writing down everything you spend and eliminating everything that isn’t essential. It’s porridge/non-branded cereal for breakfast and batch-cooked dinners including mince bulked out with beans or lentils and fresh veg and as others have mentioned jacket potatoes and beans once a week. A chicken will do a couple of meals, even for three.
No ready meals, no takeaways, no (or few) packet snacks, make your own cakes and biscuits using margarine, holiday is a few days away somewhere in the UK not on the south coast - caravan or camping?
Hopefully you don’t lease a car? That’s essentially throwing your money away every month.
Charity shops, second-hand uniform sale and hand-me-downs for the kids. No branded goods. Fewer clubs.

We actually moved away from the south-east and cut our mortgage considerably which made us a lot more flexible, could moving to a cheaper area be an option?

Sorry, I appreciate some of this might not be very welcome, but you also need to be saving into pensions or you will be in a stressful situation in later life as well… I just don’t think it works these days for one person to be working a minimum wage job if you have any option not to…

This is exactly how I budget, even down to the amounts like personal spending! Makes so much sense pooling income IMO

It is yes i suppose, Lidl in Ireland does 3 fo €9 on selected meats each week so this week I got 2 packs of 2 salmon darnes, 2 packs of mini chicken fillets and 2 packs of 3pork chops for €18 and then the mince was 7ish and the burgers maybe 3/4€. I don’t know does the uk do a similar deal?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/bhuna_murgh_masala_90385

see I would make something like this

use chicken thighs from Sainsbury - which have been £5.50 for 2kg, skin and bine them myself and make 4kg worth of this curry - I got 10 portions from 2kg so its easy for 20 portions from 4kg and thats roughly £15 for 20 meals

then put in bags in the freezer

then make flat breads which cost 7p each https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/quick_flatbreads_43123 again these freeze, so I make 20

https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/cottage_pie_67314. id do the same with this meal, make 4 times as much then freeze in portions, add in a bag of frozen vegetables to the grocery shop and its another 15/16 meals

pork dishes as pork is much cheaper than beef and similar price to chicken, I make a simple char Sui pork and its with the rice, I use a bag of frozen pepper as they are 99p rather than 60p a pepper, Id double up or make 4 x the quantity and so on

I choice 7 meals for the week

the beauty is I don't need to cook for another month, I just pull it out of the freezer

yes the first week is a lot of cooking every night and a lot of prep, but once its done thats it

@TDSR26 As others have said you need to track spend daily, not monthly. And where you don't spend in a day put it to one said for something else. Lots of current accounts do "pockets" these days which allow you to portion your money up into different pots for different activities. There are also apps that will take round-ups off card spend which accumulate over time and you can help build up a little stash of cash for emergencies, debt payments or treats. Plum is one, another might called Emma, and your bank may have an account that offers this as well - either way definitely look into those as it builds up cash over time without you even having to think about it.

Do you have a monthly budget for activities and associated costs? Is this evenly spread across all three kids? If not, you need to set one up and divide evenly. You also need to practice the art of saying to your kids that they can't always do everything they want as money is a bit tight now. Kids are surprisingly resilient and after the initial shock will understand. It is also an extremely important life lesson so view it as a long term investment in their future (ie teaching them to budget and / or prioritise). All your children are old enough to understand something about money management.

In terms of small treats, now is the time to also consider pocket money. Rather than you directly paying for it they can learn to "budget" for small treats each week out of their pocket money - whether that is sweets, a comic or whatever. It also gives you a way of saying "no sorry we can't afford it, I gave you pocket money you need to pay for it". Or when the pocket money runs out, encouraging them to prioritise the next week / month when they get their pocket money. Never give them pocket money in advance and encourage them to save for things they really want. And cut back on clubs and look for cheaper alternatives throughout the week. At least one of your kids must be old enough for school clubs, so encourage these where you can. And as others have said guides, scouts etc often offer hardship support.

Finally food wise I think you are doing ok and others have given good advice on cheap ways of getting nutrious food into the kids. I would advise using lentils and other pulses to bulk out meals with cheap and healthy protein. Avoid chips unless homemade. And stop cooking more than one meal each evening. Don't like pasta - tough. Don't put the oven on or microwave for one jacket potato. Batch cook and freeze, slow cooker or air fryers are also cheap methods of cooking too. Tinned food is often cheaper too.

Good luck!

I mean some months are ok as in we just about stay in budget and haven’t gone over but we have nothing spare to save.
That’s exactly what we need to start doing is having some savings pots for various outgoings over the year but we have nothing left at the end of the month.

It’s not that I can’t do another job it’s the childcare that’s the issue, I need term time.
No lease on cars thankfully!
a day or two in a caravan would be a dream but we can’t even afford that!
Some useful tips though, thank you.

I don’t remember seeing offers like that in my local Lidl I don’t think but will check next time.

You need to try put it into the pot at the start of the month. All of our savings are taken out on payday. No questions no excuses. Then all other money is put into the joint account for bills, car costs are put into the “car fund” and personal goes into our personal accounts. I watch everything coming out of the joint account daily. I just know now as I’ve been doing it so long really want is needed for things etc

Sorry OP, but this reply right here shows exactly where the issue is. I’m going to be harsh but you need to understand that you just don’t have the money to ‘try’. You need to say, ‘next week I am spending £100 not £150’. Then you fill your basket up until you hit £100 and then you start removing things if you haven’t yet got something you need until it totals £100 or less. If you have to do without something that week then you do without and you’ll all live and then maybe you get that something the next week and do without a different thing. You have no choice, you have no money, in fact you have a very large amount of minus money. Going forward you need to do without some of the things you have been used to having otherwise not only will it not change but it’s going to get much, much worse as the debt and the interest piles up ever higher.

I’m not sure why you won’t write down your income and outgoings /bills

people can’t help unless know the facts

assuming you are on uc if on a low part time wage so thy will pay 85% childcare

everyone wants to be there to pick up kids from school etc but working part time hours just isn't feasible for your family at the moment

you said you are looking for another job - is this more hours ?

can you do an evening job whether bar work - stacking shelves - McDonald’s - waitressing - care home etc

You might already but try frozen prawns, still not cheap but much cheaper than fresh. Frozen berries are much cheaper, don’t go off and are great for stirring into porridge, yogurt and for smoothies. Instead of flavoured yoghurts I use a tub of Greek yoghurt and either stir in frozen fruit and a bit of honey or if I have fruit on the turn I make a compote type thing (fruit cooked down with a splash of water and sugar).

I make a big pot of chill or bolognese with 750g of mince padded out with tinned lentils. Freeze into meal sized portions and use with pasta/baked potato. A treat meal in our house is nachos made with own brand tortilla chips, chilli and grated cheese melted under the grill.

Bake a few potatoes at once and freeze so if you’re making pasta, you have a potato to pull out into the air fryer or microwave. Cheaper to do a few things in the oven while it’s on.

Im not typical mumsnet in that a 2kg chicken will give us one roast dinner and left overs for a fried rice/pasta/salad for 4 of us. It certainly won’t do 3 decent meals. I find chicken thighs go further because everyone in my house prefers dark meat to chicken breast and they’re cheaper than a good chicken.

The idea of baking break, cakes, flap jack is all well and good but baking ingredients aren’t cheap and it can be time consuming and wasteful if things aren’t eaten. I do bake cookies because they’re quick to make, they’re 10 minutes in the oven and easy to jazz up with chocolate chips, raisins etc and always eaten.

You don’t seem to get much from your £170/week in that your meals are pretty standard, so have an honest look at your recipes, I know things just creep into my trolley if I don’t watch it.

You aren’t living extravagantly and as I said this morning you have the usual outgoings a family of five have with two parents who don’t have landlords to pay for new boilers etc. My point is that your issue is much less to do with not doing food top-ups etc and much more to do with that debt. You don’t have anything to save each month because you are servicing debt that many people with similar outgoings aren’t (probably a three figure sum, maybe four). You both didn’t live within your means, which is why you’re in this stressful situation. Like a PP said, it may be helpful if you think of the debt as a cancer that is damaging you and treat it aggressively with everything you both have. Have you thought about care work? It’s a job you could walk into and there’s flexible shifts.

Im not typical mumsnet in that a 2kg chicken will give us one roast dinner and left overs for a fried rice/pasta/salad for 4 of us. It certainly won’t do 3 decent meals.

but swap the chicken for 2kg of chicken thighs and you can get 10 portions of curry or casserole. The 2kg chicken has a carcass but the 2kg of chicken thighs has one tiny bone in each. It’s a far more economical cut of meat.

It's hard for everyone now I think.I would try not to compare though .Lots of people have cars on credit/lease and have high CC bills. Buy on Ebay for my favourite Monsoon frocks. and only eat out Bday and special occasions .3 DC is expensive though, and you cant cut back too much as you say the social side is important .What sort of meals do you have.Mince goes a long way with some oats or soya /veg added .Ice Creams can be had at home .Chocolate on weekends .Roast Sunday and cold Monday .I think the COL is scary really .You have chosen to be there for your DC ,and a TA job is more for love !Can you see if there are some Dinner lady jobs?( to tie in with TA ,at lunchtimes) Maybe some work for a friend cleaning /babysitting /dog walking .

Hi @TDSR26

I feel your pain, we have 3 kids and have some debt too we’re trying to clear and it’s just hard work 😓 so absolutely get this, And I also take on board what you’re saying about childcare as with 3 kids it’s a lot plus in the holidays its just an insane amount! As a side note I think TA’s do a great job and are massively underpaid!

we’re the same there’s always something one of the kids needs, or there’s a school trip or an activity to pay for, subs for something or a party invite (and then a gift and if my partner is working maybe paying for the other younger one to say, go into the soft play!)

Things that help us are:-

joining the community grocery - paid £5 for the year but we can get some discounted groceries to pad out the food shop

we buy some “too good to go” boxes - again to pad out the main shop - Aldi & Morrisons ones are good

the main shop we do in Tesco as they have everything and price match to Aldi, and we have club card plus but that gives us 10% off 2 shops a month and is £7.99 a month but I do 2 big shops a month and then top up with extra bits but the main shops we spend about £200 and save £20 x 2 shops so £40 less the £7.99 (£32.01 saved) plus the club card offers. This also gives a permanent discount to the f&f clothing so handy for stuff for the kids.

menu planning & batch cooking and we have meat free Monday at home (I do jackets with beans as it’s cheap and everyone loves it!!)
and then I do a lot of planning and padding out mince with grated carrots (great in the slow cooker as they dissolve and the kids can’t tell!) we also have pasta a couple of times a week as it’s a cheap tea and again, everyone likes it. If I do a roast on a Sunday I’ll do a chicken with sausages and then it feeds everyone and I make enough to do twice and then use the scraps of chicken to make a pasta bake for the freezer for another night and a sausage hotpot/cowboy stew for another sonic I’ve got my oven going for all this or air fryer I’m making afew meals to plan and also hopefully save time and money.

we both take pack ups to work as it’s cheaper than buying stuff - kids have hot school meals everyday for the youngest (1 free currently year 2, and 1 we pay £2 a day for) - the eldest likes a mix of pack up some days if he has a lunchtime club for example he doesn’t want to Que in the school canteen.

Like you, we do a lot of buying and selling on vinted!!! I find this really helps shift stuff and makes more money.

We save for Christmas with park hampers and get high street vouchers to pay for the Christmas gifts, and if I see little bits I get them in the sales.

Our School PTA have a great uniform “swop shop” which is a massive help especially with the branded sweatshirts/ polo shirts which can be expensive.

I try to have a rule on weekends that If we do a paid activity/ day out one day, the next day we then go to the park or have a day at home so not 2 expensive days out.

i find it helps every month to write down our wages as these can vary a bit, and then our outgoings which are set and then see what is left.

it can feel really isolating when everyone round you seems to be having these posh holidays and doing loads of stuff but from my experience, a lot of them are living on credit!