How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

Just wanting to work term time only is a luxury, and the price you’re paying is being up to your eyeballs in debt. Given your oldest is 13, perhaps you should rethink that. You say you can’t remortgage because you’ll still be paying it at 70 - again, rethink. If you feel so strongly about being available all the time for the kids, this is the price you may have to pay. You can’t have it all - debt free, mortgage paid before retirement, minimum wage job and very part time hours. You have to choose what of those you give up. Maybe it’s being debt free for now?

Another thing that stuck out - you replaced your oven and mattress with new ones in credit. You could have bought second hand. Even free if you scoured Freebay, Freecycle etc. We had second hand camp beds for years when I was a kid cos DM couldn’t afford anything else.

Ok I’ll rephrase “I will do it next week”.
Just a matter of speech trying to keep up with all the posts and typing quickly.
I’m taking all constructive advice on board.
At the end of the food shop week I’m going through all cupboards and freezer to meal plan for next week and that should really help.

Also absolutely fascinating to see that people with such a large monthly income are budgeting, and putting £2000 away for savings/emergency.

No not on uc credit as partner is working two jobs.
It’s not the fact that I want to be there with the kids all the time I am working term time because I have too. I simply cannot afford childcare or holiday clubs they are extortionate.
Another job to get out of where I am now - so probably another school ideally an admin role.
I think I will need to look into something on the side, maybe at the weekends.

Thank you for some great suggestions.
I’ve missed out sides we have with some of the dishes so for instance the burgers will be with fries and corn on cobs, sorry didn’t account for everything but I clearly need to look into where else the money is going without really thinking about it.

It really is the debt that has crippled us and to be honest it all spiralled from lockdown, many different factors but I won’t go into and won’t disclose how much but it is a lot.
But the simple fact is it’s there and effecting day to day living and our family.
Your right we really do need to treat it aggressively and make it too priority to at least make a dent in this year.

I’ve always budgeted, it’s just how I am. That doesn’t stop (well for me it doesn’t) saving is important to me too. If we didn’t budget i would feel out of control…and probably be broke.

And who do you propose would do these minimum wage jobs, then? TAs are essential these days when there are so many children with SEND in mainstream schools. And you'd be surprised at how much TAs actually have to do. It's not just listening to children read, doing playground duty and putting up displays. We can't do without them.

There aren't many adults without young children who would choose a TA's job BECAUSE it is only part time. Why work 8.30-3.30 when you could do a full day and be paid for it? Why work term time only and only get paid for 38 weeks a year when you could be paid for a full year? Why deprive yourself of any choice about when you can take time off? Why pay through the nose for your own holidays and be surrounded by crowds when you could pay half that for a quieter experience?

So if the adults without young children don't want such a restrictive low-paid job, and you don't think adults with young children to support should be in such a low-paid job either, just who should be taking these jobs? 17 and 18 year olds still living at home?

Thank you, lots of useful tips.
£2 for school dinners! Ours are £2.60. Youngest hates them so only has packed lunch, middle one has two a week and rest packed lunch and eldest goes to school canteen twice a week but has a budget to stick to and she’s really good and rest packed lunch.
I’ll look into the monthly Tesco saver as I currently pay £6.99 a month but don’t think I get the same benefits. The club card points are great for building up over the year, saved loads of money on food over Xmas using them.
Thanks again

Are you eligible for any UC top ups?

This is probably old fashioned but being an Avon lady would be a start - with friends, family, possibly colleagues it’s easy enough to fit in and if you only got the family toiletries and possibly a few gifty things to put by, it would be something ….a bit less to spend at the supermarket so that’s a saving -It sells itself really - sometimes they have deals where you can get started very easily, otherwise it’s just a few brochures iirc ( it’s a very long time since I’ve done it )

For the 100th time I am not working term time for the luxury of it I am doing it to be there for the kids as simply cannot afford childcare or holiday clubs and my partner is working two full time jobs. We don’t have family support.
I will not be able to get a high paid job to cover childcare so will be no better off, I am working as a TA as it works around the family like many other millions of mums out there!
yes my eldest is 13 but I’m not going to leave all three kids on there own all day if that’s what you’re implying!!
And exactly who wants to be paying a mortgage at 70?! When our mortgage is actually the one thing we’re doing well and getting it down as much as we can each month.
Secondhand mattress?! Yuck!
Thanks for your judgey post!

Our dinners are subsidised at the primary it’s a church school so we pay £2 per meal and the church top it up with 60-70p (can’t remember how much exactly!) so it makes it a bit cheaper but the meals are cooked onsite and they’re lovely quality and so I do utilise them! Obviously until year 3 is totally free.

I think the club card is definately worth a look my friend told me about club card plus it’s so worth it we save a fortune and do the same with the points for Christmas.

Another thing I do is I have a Tesco gift card in my purse and I aim for £180-200 per big shop and If it’s cheaper that time I put the difference on the gift card for if we have an expensive month like over summer when we seem to get thru a lot more food!!! X

I always budget. We have a good income now but it wasn’t always the case - careful budgeting got us out of debt, helped us build savings and keep on top of things. We now can save a good amount each month but I know if we didn’t budget our income before we spend it we’d lose track and end up wasting a lot of money on “stuff”. We use YNAB to keep on top of it and have increased our savings significantly without a noticeable reduction in lifestyle.

The only way to effectively manage your money is to properly budget, and the only way to financial security is managing your money.

Thank you!
Being a TA is tough with a lot of expectations for very low pay. It’s certainly changed a lot over the years and how I’d love to be just sitting around sharpening pencils and reading! Far from it!
Yes the hours are great but it’s simply because it works around the kids which is why I do it.
Seems a lot of people don’t seem to understand that!

Have you actually costed it though?
Any full time salary should be able to cover the cost of wrap around for 2 children and still have a decent amount left.
They’re in school for 80% of the so it’s not like you need full time childcare. You might find you and your DH can alternate a few morning/ afternoons reducing the wrap around further.

It really sounds like you’re brushing things off without any of it being based on numbers.

Have a look at frozen corn on the cob, I can buy two fresh for about £1.30 but frozen is about £1.80 for 8 mini so a significant saving for a larger quantity. It’s easy to go round the supermarket picking up your usual shopping (if you look at your favourites on your club card you’ll see variations of the same thing popping up).

I spent a very boring evening looking at my last 4 deliveries, seeing what I bought repeatedly, looking at what didn’t get used, ended up in food waste or was over buying and redid my shopping list. I then looked to see if there were things I could buy in a different way, things I could make just as easily (eg fruit and yoghurt instead of fruit yoghurts) and where I could use frozen or tinned rather than fresh. I also looked at what I could use in more than 1 meal, so mince for chilli served with baked potatoes, then as nachos and in enchiladas across 3 weeks.

I then did a meal plan including snacks/treats. I managed to knock 30% off my food bill just being more careful about what I was buying. It’s not easy, but it is manageable without eating lentils and rice 5 days a week.

And where do the kids go during holidays? I worked part time until both my kids were in high school because I simply couldn’t juggle full time work, reliable after school childcare and school holidays. Affording childcare is one thing, finding safe, reliable childcare that covers holidays is quite another.

Breakfast club £5.50 each child x by 2 children x by 5 days x by 4 weeks - £220
after school club £7 per half hour x by 2 children x by how many half hours x by 4 weeks - ?
Holiday clubs around here vary anywhere between £35 - £50 a day and normally only 9-3, always extra for earlier start / later finish.

my partner starts at 6 every morning and works till late, and so dependant on what hours I would be working would be hard to say exactly what childcare I’d need if I did get another job but as you can see that is a huge chunk of money wasted on childcare.
I hope that helps?

Yes always but frozen corn on the cobs although the amount in there has become less over the years!!
Good idea to look back over food shops, I’ll definitely do that.
thank you

I am with them during the holidays?!

I used to love it when my Mum got the Avon book, that’s brought back lots of memories. I don’t even know if it’s still available now or not?!

Sorry ignore that response, miss read your answer. Thanks for the support

@Jellycatspyjamas

Were you in crippling debt with a DH who worked 7 days a week and he’s telling you he needs to quit his second job because he can’t sustain it anymore, but you can barely cover your basic outgoings as it is?