How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

That's £200 for three kids per month or £2400 per year. The problem is that even cheap things add up. Activities often get invoiced in quarterly or termly chunks, so having a £600 or £800 invoice arrive will make many people go into debt.

Hi there,
I notice you have really taken the time to read all the comments and respond and in between the helpful tips some really unfair comments. Sorry to hear you've had so much stick about having 3 kids, I mean come on that's hardly a huge family is it and after all how is it helpful to mention this as the problem - I don't think it is btw.

I've worked as a TA before becoming a teacher so I wouldn't describe it as relaxing at all, at times you're like the verbal punching bag for some of the worst behaved kids.

Though the clubs do seem very middle-class high earners type of thing to be able to enjoy - you say they have been paid for already but it might be time to think of cancelling on or two when it comes to renewal.

Make a list of the all the things you will be cancelling in the next year and set reminders on your phone to do so e.g tesco home delivery.

I agree with PP that its time to reframe your mindset and think like a student or perhaps the offensive term 'poor person' so you don't feel like you are missing out.

Pre motherhood I was on a 50k+ salary and so was my partner, we both had a mortgage to pay but interest rates were low and we enjoyed our disposable income and then came COL and then the motherhood penalty, I returned part time, mortgage rates went up, husband changed jobs, and income reduced and then due to various reasons including health I quit my stressful job as a teacher oh and now I'm pregnant too. So we're on one main income and we feel the pinch but I am making it work and learning to budget. Thankfully I do have savings so I appreciate that my situations doesn't compare. Here's some of the things I have done

1. Occasional supply work / if I wasn't qualified as a teacher I would consider picking up local cleaning jobs.
2. Became an online tutor and have 3 students, hoping to get a 4th. As a TA you have experience in working with SEN children / understanding of the curriculum and could fit this in on weekends/ weeknights esp if your partner is dropping the second job.
3. Use my spreadsheet for budgeting - and update it 2-3 times a month so I can see where things might exceed projected costs
4. my spreadsheet includes projected and actual and I have done it for the rest of the year so I anticipate big costs like renewing car insurance, MOT and put 5-10 pounds per month away for this.
5. Try to avoid tesco and go aldi/lidl instead.
6. Bulk buys - consider the Asian cash and carry type shops eg a 10kg bag of rice is much cheaper than buying 1kg 10x from tesco (unless there's a special offer) and often better quality too
7. Invest in a few good spices (again get them from asian/carribean shops) so you can make 2-3 ingredient dishes taste much better.
8. Food Pantry/Community Food shops - this has really helped, its not a food bank as you do pay to shop but the items are near expiry so you get a lot more for your money. Some items are donated and therefore free.
9. Make use of the local library/charity shops - books/puzzles to borrow or buy cheap. Just paused netflix and previously got rid of prime and I haven't even noticed their absence.
10. I didn't have any kind of party for my son when he turned 2, I do still feel a bit sad about that. I don't mind skipping a party but I do wish I could have done something nice to celebrate the day with him, I did bake a chocolate cake for him and get him a gift from vinted but that was it. Other family members did give him some gifts.

When you say you always keep up date with payments on debt but it never makes a dent - is it on a credit card? That's how they work. They tell you a payment every month, but it is not enough to reduce the debt. You must take a serious look at how much you can manage to pay to get rid of this debt.

this

not sure why op won’t tell us income and bill cost and debt amount

bit hard to help to economise without true facts

They don’t even need to be £300. I paid £70 for DD’s king size mattress on Amazon warehouse and she and her DH swear it’s the comfiest bed they’ve ever slept in.

I don’t think being tens of thousands in debt of your own making entitles you to “hardship” programs.

The OP is not on the poverty line. Her household has three incomes. Taking a subsidised place from a child from an actual poor family would be immoral (and I’m sure the OP wouldn’t even ask as she’s well aware of that).

Honestly some of these posts, talk about kicking someone further down when they’re already struggling and miserable.

Thank you to those who have taken the time to give constructive and valuable advice, especially those who have been in a similar situation and can resonate with how helpless you can feel. Reading some of your advice on how you have managed to sort things out and coming out the other side is reassuring and gives me hope.

I have read through each and every comment (good and bad) and haven’t just sat back making excuses and being defensive, I have been taking many notes on everyone’s tips, many I already do but some I may not have thought of to make changes going forward.
I have searched up the recommendations on where to go to seek further help with various debt advisors, read a lot on money saving expert. Myself and DH have made some time next week to sit down and go through all of our finances and make a solid plan going forward.

We have realised our spending has to change and acknowledged our debt, What’s done is done, the money has been spent and the mattress everyone kept mentioning has been bought, that’s in the past. We can’t suddenly change everything over night but we do need to make changes going forward and that is very clear.
Everyone’s comments on saving has really made me realise how wrong we have been doing things and my mindset needs to change going forward, I see this now.
I am truly thankful for everyone’s advice and trying to be more positive going forward.
Thank you 🤗

No, we have never and would never take anything we weren’t entitled to.
This is our mess and we need to fix it.

To really make a serious dent in this, you need to look at every category of spending and find savings and boost your income. It needs to be a joint effort with you DH not something just you do and you have to be in it together.

You need to be prepared to make serious changes and not say ‘we can’t do that’ or ‘we have to spend X on that’ but find solutions. This will include spending less on the kids - because you can’t afford to spend what you currently are. You can’t afford what you do in food, so meals probably have to become less interesting and based on cheaper ingredients. None of this is easy or fun. No one wants to do it, but those who escape debt and give themselves a better future find a way.

You need to find ways to reduce the debt. A debt advisor could work with you on this and could make offers for you to reduce what you owe. Huge amounts can be saved by accepting fee charity debt advice. But lots won’t go for it but insist on being independent and managing it themselves and are too proud to seek help. But those who seek help find their situation can change more than they imagined.

Def no buying on installment plans - like the mattress. Sorry, but if you have to out up with old and worn things for a few years, that’s what you have to do.

Often the little luxuries that make life more fun feel like necessities and you all get used to them. They are hard to let go, esp when some are for the kids, but you have to let them go as you can’t afford them.

Remember it’s not just about sustaining your debt and stopping it growing, you need to bring it down.

Ultimately boosting your income is needed. You can find all the reasons in the world why you can’t work more …but people serious about it will find a way. It could be your DH working more. He might be tired from working hard already, but if you’re serious there are no excuses, only action.

It’s tough advice Op, but the key is action moving forward. Nothing is off the table in terms of options. Don’t think to yourself ‘we aren’t a family who does that’ or ‘we aren’t a family who goes without that’ or ‘we can’t live like that’ or feel defeatist about it all. There is a way forward but it requires a lot of hard work, usually enlisting the help of debt advice (don’t say ‘we don’t share our personal info with others or need help from others - we can do it iurselves’

Key thing - talk to your DH.

Martin Lewis always recommends looking into moving debt to a 0% credit card, paying off the highest interest debt first, and always trying to pay off more than the minimum payment.

The OP literally said she has consolidated the debt into one payment. At least read her posts if nothing else.

@TDSR26 a couple of final ways I maximise my money saving, which actually I see as almost a second job.

Petrol - depending on where you buy it can save you 100s, even potentially £1000s per year. 1st know your prices and use an app to check the going rates, like Petrol Prices. You can buy near home and / or work. 2nd, if you have any Essos with good pricing then get a FREE Esso Card via BLC to get a minimum of 3p off per litre, more for diesel. You also get nectar points in Esso. If not Esso then max your loyalty points wherever is cheaper. I save £££ every time I fill up, even in a small car.

Everyday spending. Know your prices & upcoming offers, eg. usually washing up liquid is cheapest in Morr, but at the moment Tesco are doing 25% off all cleaning and laundry >5 items so stock up now. Otherwise when Morr have their saving / extra points challenges, I utilise this and buy stuff that's either cheaper or the same price there to gain. Likewise, nectar currently have an Easter challenge for extra points. On TOP of this, your BLC gives you money-off all the shopping etc giftcards so I always keep them on my phone.

Meal planning etc - at the mo Tesco has Pork Shoulder for £2.50 a kilo. Use for Sunday roast. Then have pork baps & hm wedges or chips the next day with cheap sides. The next day have pork fried rice with eggs & veg (use value rice). Pan Haggarty is another cheap & amazingly tasty dish - potatoes, carrots, onions & (cooking) bacon.

As I said before, I know where / when my best local reductions are, shop accordingly and stock my freezer - 50% off minimum, but usually cheaper. So I will always have say onion bhajis in there (serve with the pork fried rice), or save up fish & prawn portions till I have enough for a fish pie. Quality bread at 20 to 50p.

Finally, seasonal buys. So, stock up on the very cheap veg at Xmas & Easter. After Xmas I got 400g bags of nuts in Sains for £1. Reduced Hot Cross Buns after Easter, great for breakfast, snacks etc. Pick up meal deal reductions after valentines. Basically any time there's a special occasion, I see the time after as an opportunity for reductions! And of course, all these come with loyalty points AND further reduced thanks to paying with your discounted giftcards. Remember to maximise your clubcard points to at least double the value by exchanging for restaurant vouchers etc.

Really pleased that you posted on here and will hopefully gain from the collective knowledge. p.s. if you have a dishwasher, break your tablets in half!

And reduce waste! Eat and use (almost) everything. I see food wasted as literally throwing money away. So for mash, dont peel potatoes, honestly tastes better and is better for you. And if you do peel, make potato skins! Use cauliflower leaves and broccoli stems (in with usual veg or in stirfrys or grated in salads and hm coleslaw or in soups). Take a look at the fab Thrifty Lesley website for brilliant frugal cooking ideas.

Oh, and back to post-special occasion shopping.... I got £5 stilton wedges for £1 and large cheese truckles for 1p!! in Sains post xmas!

Energy costs, think about how you can use less, when you have your heating on, baths, showers etc, lights on. Also water use, washing up, toilet flushing, showers vs baths, running taps whilst teeth cleaning.

Also, what we do when we need something costly that we don'tnecessarilyhave the money for (eg mattress) , is to double down even more and pretty much live out of the freezer and cupboards for a month or two - it really helps focus the mind.

Cashback sites for as much as possible too, esp insurances.

@herbetta I agree with what you say about doubling down. We've had an eye on our bank account and it's tighter than usual this month thanks to a couple of unexpected bills (car needed a new tyre after hitting a pothole and DD needed deposit for a school trip that was just announced). So we are tightening our belts from now until payday. Last night's dinner was a packet of spaghetti and tin of sweetcorn out of the cupboard with a bit of parmesan and olive oil as that's what we have in. Tonight's will be raiding the freezer for the yellow sticker items I've stashed in there..... probably mince and wraps as I can make something with them.

OP, that debt needs to go so if it meant living on beans on toast for a while, that's what I would do.

I'm about half way through this thread so apologies if this has been said already. We have 3 DC (2 teens, 1 almost teen) and have done all the usual, checking we have the best deals, switching to bar soap from shower gel etc but the thing that made the most difference was changing what our aim was and moving it longer term. My DC, like most, enjoyed after school clubs and eating crisps and berries but when they are 25 will they remember the weekly strawberries or that fact that we couldn't afford for them to go on a school trip?

I see a lot in the op messages about what she is doing for the dc- low paid job she doesn't enjoy, spending on clubs, food they like and I totally get it and think she sounds like a very caring parent but actually if she sat back and thought 'are any of my DC going to do this professionally?' the answer is probably no, so they are just a bit of fun, so cut one per child and that money can go towards big adventures they will remember more- a school trip, a family holiday, help with their first rent deposit.

Strawberries are nice, but so is a slice of melon, or grapes, or the best choice, apples, satsumas and bananas. We have a vegetarian diet which including all pet stuff (rodents, so seeds and sawdust) and toiletries and one take away per month costs and average £125 per week.

Breakfast: porridge, toast, Sunday pancakes

Lunch: sandwich, cucumber & carrot sticks, yogurt, fruit, homemade flapjack/cake. Or leftovers, at the weekend it usually whatever I can pull together on Saturday

Dinner: something with rice, something with pasta, jacket potato, soup, something with 2 veg (like a pie), stew, roast. I also keep portions of soup in the freezer so if someone doesn't want what's on offer they can have soup. I'm not making different meals. I have a few super quick meals I can make so we never have nuggets of similar, even when time is tight.

I hope this whole thread has been useful. There's some really good ideas. It's a hard making everything balance, lots of people are finding it tough right now

Hopefully @TDSR26you'll see that budgeting is knowing where every penny goes in advance - as a result of tracking and analysing past spending data. You need to get out of the trap where you say “our money just seems to disappear”

I’m concerned that you say in one of your posts “our debt keeps building”

This is the time for hard decisions. What’s hard will be different for your family than others.

One of the previous posts talked about being tax effective with your earnings and checking out benefits. That would be a great place to start, it’s not just fiddling around the edges it could lead to hundreds of pounds of difference.

Many of these suggestions are fiddling around the edges looking for savings and that’s really important too, will play its part in debt reduction but you need something big to happen. You’ve already consolidated once, but your debt is still building - that’s an incredibly stressful, difficult and worrying place to be. I’m stressed out for you, especially as you’ve been quite dismissive of many helpful suggestions.

My DH is at risk of losing his job, nothing might happen for months but we’ve already decided to be more careful than normal with our spending and we won’t be having a holiday this year (actually third year in a row with no holiday). Hard choices.

Something significant is going to have to change for you to make any difference to your debt.

What have I been dismissive about? I’ve taken loads on board and a lot of advice has really made me think and see things differently. I’ve read all posts and replied to as much a so possibly can!

I’ve just seem to be have been attacked a lot for the size of my family when that’s not the issue so of course I’m going to be abit on the defensive?!

Having worked in debt advice I want to agree with other posters who have urged you to go a debt advice organisation. They will give you some good advice but will also get in touch with your creditors and ask them to freeze the interest for a period, which will make quite a difference to your budget. I see a poster has suggested a debt consolidation loan - these sound good but aren't always a good idea as you could end up paying more in interest overall. And the companies are often not as on board with freezing interest as the usual househould companies. And avoid debt arrangement schemes unless advised professionally, as they can be very expensive. So, do nothing before you contact a free debt advice organisation, such as Cits Advice, StepChange or Christians against Poverty. Good luck!

I don't think people are attacking the size of your family - it's a normal family size. They are pointing out quite rightly that a TA Job and you being intent on sticking in a low paid job is compounding the issue- and that if you decide to have a larger family you need to make sacrifices such as full time jobs

Have you considered TA in an SEN sch. You usually get and additional SEN allowance on top of salary.

SEN schools ate great to work in too

Have you looked at supermarket jobs lots of different hours of contracts plus usually staff discount would help with cost of shopping.
Even having a decent income you may be entitled to uc support for childcare try running some rough figures through online calculator to get an idea

I just wanted to post this link for Money Saving Experts budgeting advice and tools (including a spreadsheet) https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Good luck @TDSR26 you are definitely not in the minority for finding things tough.

@TDSR26 shh don't tell MN but I have 4 children. I think you are getting a tough time on here for being a TA. It's a tough job and I could not have made it through my years of teaching without some amazing hard working TAs.

Some of the TAs I've worked with have subbed their money by cake decorating. flowers, ironing, babysitting, bar work. Shocking pay for a vital job.

The cost of living is shocking.

I'm absolutely not suggesting cutting back the kids' clubs - in my opinion, Scouts is the best thing my children ever did. It had such a positive effect on them that 2 of my now adult children are scout leaders. I know not everyone paid subs at scouts for financial reasons and our group certainly had a contingency fund. Sport too is not a luxury. Or shouldn't be.

I don't have any useful advice I'm afraid. Life is just so shockingly expensive these days.