How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

Look up the rebel finance school, they are brilliant for finances. Their debt strategy would be make a list of all your debts, highest interest at the top of the list, pay off that 1st and work your way down the list. so you’re just concentrating on attacking one debt at a time with the highest interest rate& set everything else to minimum payments, and work down your list. I guess you have a list of all your direct debits /outgoings doublecheck these because if there’s any random subscriptions that you don’t need get rid of them, just go no-frills.

I’m definitely going to try!

I’m not sure how I can break down what I’m buying, mince (switched to pork as cheaper),
chicken breasts (I buy the big packs and split), if I do a roast always chicken legs never a joint, sausages and rarely any other meats.
Most products are supermarket own, and I try and buy anything that’s on offer.
I stock up on usual crisps / snacks for lunchboxes etc.. to normally last a couple of weeks.
Fruit … apples, bananas, satsumas / oranges, berries - avocados when on offer as kids really like them.
breakfast - cereals / toast - occasionally get croissants / pain aux chocolate as a treat
lunches - always sandwiches / salads / leftovers
toiletries I buy what’s on offer and switch if not and needed.
cleaning products whatever is on offer / supermarket own
No alcohol as we rarely drink and only ever really have squash / water occasionally fizzy drinks if an occasion
I’m obviously still going wrong somewhere!

Op, plenty of people on here forget that childcare is an absolute fortune and not everyone has family available to help out. Folk so quick to jump to get a better job/longer hours- are you actually aware that childminder/ nursery can cost £40-£50 a day per child or more, after school care £15/20 and don’t even get me started on holiday provision!

That sounds really tough OP. Everything is expensive now and you have three kids so it will be amplified! We find it difficult to get a weekly shop for much under £100 and we are just a family of three.
There are probably lots of tools/spreadsheets online for working out a budget.
You need to write down absolutely all your outgoings and then see if there is anything you can cut back on/change. Thats what it comes down to really. Some things that have helped us in the past have been

• are you on the best deals for broadband, TV, gas and elec etc? It can pay to shop around.
• tv subscriptions- we realised we didn’t need a full sky package, and a firestick, and Netflix, and Disney plus etc. Make sure you are actually using what you have and ditch any you don’t need anymore. We switched to a MUCH cheaper broadband package with a different provider and it’s just as good. I’m not kidding, saved us £30 a month.
• check different petrol stations to see what they are all charging and potentially save a small amount on petrol.
• go through your phone and check for hidden/forgotten subscriptions.

These things may only make a small contribution but worth a try. There might be things on your outgoing list that are obvious candidates for being cut, a daily expensive coffee habit, for example.
Sadly maybe also be necessary to cut a club or two. I’m afraid swimming lessons was one of the first things to go for us, but we taught DD ourselves after that. I suppose it was easier because they weren’t very good and DD didn’t like them much.

Regarding debt when we had Credit Card Debt we looked at the most expensive and just paid the minimum on the others and as much as we could on the one with the highest interest. Food wise definitely Aldi/Lidl …I don’t see any advantage in using chicken legs rather than a whole chicken, a medium one should do at least two meals possibly with enough to use as a basis for soup left over. Check out what’s on offer before you go and see if you can do some swaps, buy toiletries and cleaning stuff when on offer and try and build up a small stock . Eggs are filling a relatively cheap. If you can do things like buying larger mince (£7.50 for 5% fat) and stretch it out with red lentils so you make enough for two meals , freeze one . I haven’t bought fabric conditioner for years, white vinegar is lots cheaper ( and doesn’t smell) I buy a 5 litre container from Amazon, lasts 8/9 months . Nancy Birtwhistle has good and economical recipes for cleaners in her books or online . I think with three children at present you are probably right to stick to your job, childcare is expensive. Does your job entitle you to any discounts ? Could you earn a bit more by childminding in the holidays ? ( This will depend on the age of your children and rules and regs but could be worth investigating ) Good Luck - lots of us have been there and survived ! I’ll echo others that recommend Money Saving Expert - lots of tips there esp the forum.

You can definitely get all of that in Lidl/aldi. I go to Tesco for a specific brand if I need. You should try it that way round.

Hello!
Mama of 5 with a massive debt too! At one point I had to work 60 hours a week on paper just to cover the normal bills and the debt. Few things I’ve found that helped us!

I increased my hours at work (from 25 to 40 plus although I go back down to 30 in the school holidays)

I do a yearly spreadsheet, it means any big things such as birthdays, Christmas, car things are thought of in advance. At the minute we’re okay, but in July we have birthdays and car things to think about so go into a minus, it’s meant I can start putting money away now rather than closer to the time

I use Monzo pots religiously. We have one for bills, one for regular things that come out of our own accounts and savings accounts for birthdays, school holidays and Christmas

I have a car pot. Each week our petrol money goes in and anything left stays in and helps us cover the mot month or unexpected bills. Some weeks it’s only a couple of pounds but it all helps

Food shop we currently have a £100 budget. I do my whole list as if I was shopping at Tesco and get it up to £100. I then shop at Aldi (normally saving at least £10 a week) and get stuff off my shop. I also shop at company shop and Costco for cheaper/bulk buying but I’m lucky that they are 15 minutes drive from me. Anything left in the food pot at the end of the week gets split for a bit of fun money or savings for when we’re struggling because of big events or paying a bit extra off debts. It’s also covered those dreaded top up shops! I also have a blue light card and use it for a gift card at Tesco for the shop. It doesn’t save alot but when there’s not much left at the end of the week it’s something

We got a national trust membership (£15 a month) and use it every weekend but the kids love it as a day out and it only costs us petrol and a picnic which is included in our food/car spends already.

Anything extra in our wages gets split 70/30. The 70 goes towards the debt to bring it down and the 30 goes towards the minuses on the spreadsheet

We had to get a loan recently to replace the boiler and took out a bit more because the interest rate was so low. So it’s paid off some of the higher rate debt. Between that and clearing some cards off ourselves we’ve somehow dropped it down by £500 a month for our outgoings.

It’s honestly been really hard. This year I’m going to try and get us a bit of an emergency fund so if we get ill or anything unexpected comes up we’re not getting more debt out to cover this

Yes, thank you. Exactly this!
childcare is extortionate and so much more unaffordable if you’re not in a high paid job.
as I stated my other half is working two jobs pretty much 24/7 so he’s not really about to always have the kids if I was to get a full time job although I would literally be earning the extra for childcare.
just wish there were more options for term time jobs as most mums just end up as TA’s as it’s the only option.

Swap to own brand tesco toiletrries.

@SapphireOpal please can you share a meal plan? My food bill is huge but I have kids with opposite food sensory issues and some allergies to accomadate.

Chicken legs are so cheap and with three kids they all like a leg! There is often some leftover for lunch’s or one / two meals for the following evening. Thanks some useful tips!

I’ve actually just asked a friend who also has 3 kids about her weekly shop and hers is £200 a week! Makes me feel a little better but then I don’t think she’s in debt like me! She is also a TA too!

So this week starting from today …
weds - pasta bake with bacon sweetcorn / jack pot with cheese ham for son who doesn’t like pasta
Thursday - pizza / soup
Friday - burgers (requested by kids as other half at races - Xmas gift) already have rolls in freezer
Saturday - chicken / prawn paella
Sunday - roast
Monday - jack pots with cheese, beans and sausages and probably a salad
tueaday - Chinese chicken curry (already have sauce and ice in cupboards)

£150 a week for supermarket shops plus top ups is LOADS

I would ask ChatGPT to make you a shopping list and cap your budget at £100 - we are a family of 4 with younger children but I would pass out at £100 food shop.

Completely cut out the top up shop if you run out of something - unless it is life death or toilet paper just cope till shopping day. We shop at Aldi and eat seasonal fruit and veg never really spend more than £65 and that would include household and toiletries too.

That would immediately save you around £200 a month, that you can slam into the debt to clear it.

It is crap and it feels unfair because other generations got to live differently, but if you tighten your belts over a year just from cutting back on food shopping you could pay off nearly £2500 and there will be other ways for you to cut back or increase your income too.

Buy a whole large chicken.
day one- roast breast / leg
day two - cold meats breast leg
day three make a pie chicken with veg
use the carcass to make a stock and turn into a hearty soup by adding veg and lentils and serve with bread.
if children not keen on veg just whizz everything so not obvious.
Make one night a chunky/ hearty soup night using veg and bread. Easy bread would be soda bread.
can you swap crisps for homemade snacks- cheese straws etc
homemade hummus with veg. Just some ideas.

If that's your meal plan you must surely be spending loads on snacks/drinks etc? Things like branded cereal that you're getting through boxes and boxes of a week? That kind of thing was our downfall too and we've cut it by things like snacking less (we actually now eat more at mealtimes to fill us up), drinking less expensive coffee, having porridge or toast for breakfast instead of expensive cereals, and home baking instead of buying cakes or little packs of treats for lunch boxes. Those are all relatively frugal meals, nothing that should be costing £££, although I probably would cut the sausages from the jacket potato meal if I wanted to save money and just do more potatoes per person.

If you've an online Tesco account where you do your main shop could you copy and paste what you ordered into here?

Also - the fruit, are you buying boxes and boxes of berries each week? This time of year those are eye wateringly expensive. We get frozen berries that we stir into porridge and then very occasionally a punnet of strawberries but that's a once a month or so treat at this time of year when they're 4 quid a go!

I was wondering when the Mumsnet chicken was going to make an appearance. They've got 3 preteen kids - I'm not sure that practically, one chicken is going to do 3 days of meals!

I would have thought pre teens would not eat that much and I would make sure I served plenty of veg but even so if you managed two plus a heart soup that one chicken for three meals would be less than £2 per meal.

We don’t drink and only really buy squash and sometimes apple juice and fizzy drinks only for occasions.
no branded cereals only supermarket own, my kids have got used to these and actually don’t like branded. Always have porridge in.
coffee I buy own brand unless Nescafé is on offer; never buy other brands. Other half drinks coffee I drink tea.
im not sure I can copy and paste, I’ll have a look.

It’s not about what other people spend though, you can spend any amount of money depending on what you buy. I could walk into a supermarket now and easily fill a trolly and it come out to £250/£300.

The point is you specifically cannot afford it.

You aren’t just in debt, you haven’t addressed your spending problems and are generally still adding to your debt constantly.

It’s pointless to ask a man on the street what they spend on something, the only thing that matters is your bank account.

No not really normally one punnet of blueberries and sometimes strawberries - mostly for the kids but sometimes I stick them in porridge. Maybe I could get frozen for porridge.
thanks for the idea

Yes I completely get it’s an “us” problem which we’re trying to control it was purely for comparison and was just stating that.
like I said it made me feel a little better but I know I still need to make plenty of changes.

All these money saving tips are helpful and you will dave a bit but at the end.of the day the cost of living is ridiculous. It doesnt affect wealthy people. Its the nomal families on normal income who struggle when cost of food /childcare etc rises, yet salaries have not risen at the same rate. I was like that for many years OP. Hang in there

If I’m honest one whole chicken would go in one sitting with very little leftover, possibly only for a sandwich or two.

In my opinion based on what you've outlined:

Swap more meals from meat to vegan and bulk out with veg.
Prawns are expensive for what you get - wouldn't buy in your current situation. Swap out for cheaper protein options. Special offer buys etc.
You generally need to buy big to get economies - so the big bag of rice (5/10kg) is expensive up front but lasts much longer, same with tins of oil.
Toiletries - bars of soap, shops branded.
Stick to locally grown in season fruit and veg.
Cereal is expensive, unless it is porridge.
Crisps are a luxury convenience (sorry...) replace with home made flapjacks.
Fizzy drinks are a luxury
Juice is a luxury

I'm saying this as someone who has made these choices in the past BTW- so my suggestion on this self-discipline isn't out of thin air.

Budget is up front for the month ahead and has to be assessed weekly. If youre in deficit then it has to be found from the next week.