How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

But how are you paying it?

Can you get a bank loan to spread the debt or reduce the interest rate?

Tell us more.

If you have a Home School Support Worker/Welfare Officer in your child’s primary school it may be worth having a conversation with them about support.

In a previous role we would often support families who were struggling but not on the PP list. Schools often have access to food vouchers that can be used in most supermarkets. It may give you a chance to save the shopping money for one week/month to get ahead with your debt payments and save on the interest. The school can often help with the cost of trips. There are also free holiday clubs.

I would also second the idea of reducing paid clubs, I only realised how much I was paying when completing a tax return as cubs/scouts etc can be claimed against tax as a charity donation.

Are you entitled to any benefit payments?

Must admit i couldn't afford to shop at Tesco all the time, where i live it seems to be the most expensive supermarket.

I do the bulk of my shopping at Aldi/Lidl.

I also go to Asda later at night when they reduce fresh produce like chicken, sausages, meat etc. I buy as much as i can from there. I go home and try to cook as much of it as i can so its done and then freeze it, that way i only need to heat it up when its eaten.

Unfortunately Op wants budgeting advice but doesnt want to change her lifestyle .
There is no magic wand and it really does boil down to looking after the pennies.
I think the buying of small items but discounting the costs is a big problem, its not always holidays and handbags.

The bottom line is
If you cant afford basics like a new mattress and are still getting into debt then you need to either cut back or earn more .

To be fair a mattress isn't a cheap basic essential. Many would struggle to buy that.

Surely if you’re already in debt, quite substantially, and it’s been growing you just don’t buy a new mattress on credit though?
You obviously just do without a new one.
They’re 2 adults with 3 older kid, it’s not like circumstances really dictate a mattress is a need like it would be if you’re baby grows out of their cot or something.

Op could afford the mattress -her DC do 6 clubs plus Netflix and Disney .

Dont spend on things you dont need and put a mattress, yes its a basic essential to have something to sleep on, on credit.

Op has had plenty of advice here, if she cut back by £20 a month on clubs and £10 ish by cancelling one of the two TV subs she could save £30 in a monzo pot.
That would give her £360 plus interest.
It would literally take 15 minutes to sort that out.

Thats a mattress and another unexpected bill

Again it is all in looking after the pennies
In the past this is how women managed their budgets
Everything was divided into tins
Rent/ mortgage, utilities , food, smaller amounts to build up for clothes, shoes etc

Maybe not but it isn't a cheap thing to buy. If it is affecting your back then you might have no choice but to buy one. However the club etc and after school clubs for children old enough to walk home is a waste

No one said it was a cheap thing to buy but there isnt some imaginary free mattress supplier out there.
Why do people think they might not need, as adults, to buy these things ?

Its always the same
Oh no Im skint and my cooker, mattress, car broke !

Yet they are buying things they dont really need.
Unpopular opinion but its the reality of Ops situation

Op could afford the mattress -her DC do 6 clubs plus Netflix and Disney

She can't afford a mattress as she's in debt and very likely overspent that month to pay for the mattress.

I think its pretty obvious I meant if she cut down the clubs and subscriptions

Well the OP hasn't given any details about the amount of debt, household income, what they're spending on what or how short they are each month.

It could be that their money problems could be solved by cutting back a bit on non essentials to build up an emergency fund to pay for things like new mattresses (which don't need to be that expensive, IKEA have several perfectly decent ones for around £300).

Or it could be they're still getting into debt each month and need a formal solution, or anything in between. But without sight of a sustainable budget, no-one can say.

We do know they are overall continuing to get into further debt though. Not necessarily monthly, but overall annually it’s being added to.

Sorry if im repeating anyone, haven't got time to read all the replies.

What kind of debt do you have? Loans? Credit cards? Car finance?
Are you paying hefty amounts of interest?
Do you have a decent credit rating?
Debt can often feel u mananagable when its all over the place so it would.be worth looking at options to consolidate.
Interest free credit cards are great. Use the card to transfer balances from high interest cards or do a money transfer to your bank and use that to pay things off.
Then set a monthly direct debit thats manageable, do not use the card for anything else (cut it up if you have to).
Alternatively a single.loan to.pay off several debts could be an option. If you have a mortgage and a good amount of equity then you could.even consider adding to that to clear the debt, obviously over the longer term adding to a mortgage can mean paying much more interest but without the debt payments you could I crease your mortgage payment a little which will help bring that down a bit x

Have you thought about an Individual Voluntary Arrangement. I had to do that when my ex husband got credit cards out in my name. we agreed on an amount to pay every month and all the debtors got a small amount of that. Did that for 5 years and the debt was then written off.

Search free and local things online for your children to do .
Cut the extra curricular activities down ( not cut them out )
Make sure you’re going through sites such as TopCashback for any online purchases.
Join supermarket loyalty schemes .
Make sure you’re getting any additional benefits you may be entitled to ?
Do you have and do you need 2 cars ?
Could you manage with one car ?
I used to spend too much when I was out with my 3 and they were thirsty / hungry .
Buying each one an individual snack and drink really added up so I started getting them to agree on a multipack of ice lollies or drinks / snacks .

1st thing is what you are doing - acknowledging you have a debt problem. 2nd as everyone will tell is to list every penny going out vs going in.
3rd seek debt specialist help at CAB, mumsnet ain't the place.
4th put together an action plan
5th celebrate every small win.

I know we’d be ok and could actually enjoy life again rather than struggle.

This is the flaw in your thinking.
You need to change your whole mindset, so that you learn to enjoy life with the money you have, instead of feeling like it is all such a struggle and you can't enjoy life until "later".

It starts with recognising that you are poorer than you like to believe. Accept you are a poor family, not a middle-class family going through some temporary difficulties. Accept that offensive word "poor".

Start to think like a poor person.
So some things are just "not for you." Things that other people take for granted as normal, things that were normal when you were growing up or earlier in your adult life, are now NOT your 'normal'. Give up status markers.

Some people think a take-away every month is 'normal'. Some people think that buying new shoes always, never ever from a charity shop, is 'normal'. Some people think that family days out to zoos or other attractions a couple of times a year is 'normal'. Some people think that shopping at Next or M&S instead of Primark is 'normal'. Some people think that buying fresh fruit every week is 'normal'. Some people think that £50 on a child's birthday present is 'normal'.

But if you can't afford those things, then they can't be your 'normal' going forward. And that is okay.

I have two DC (15 & 12), they have one out of school activity each (if they want it - currently DD's is a free to attend school club), £500 on food a month, £5 each DC pocket money a week, only one streaming service, everyone's phone contract is £6pm (phones bought outright). We don't have debt or housing costs though, and use surplus money to have meals out and entertaining.

I know it’s normal to go to kids club nowadays - we didn’t go to any as kids because our family couldn’t afford it. But I do think people have different views of what is ‘essential’ as another poster just said

What an absolute crock. You don't have a career because you've chosen not to have one. My friend was a single parent with three children and the only family support she had was from her mother, and she went to university and became a professional in the public sector, bought a house and set such a good example that all of her children have now gone to university too. You have family support, you have the option for childcare (you will likely be entitled to financial childcare assistance), and the only thing preventing it is you. I didn't have any strong qualifications but I worked two jobs when needed and then worked my way up; in the summer holidays all my wages went on childcare but between the holidays I made a reasonable amount and could contribute to the household bills. If your husband gives up one of his jobs, you could take another as I assume he’ll be around to provide childcare?

@iamnotalemon I think it depends, I was born in 92' and did brownies/guides, my sister did guitar and my brother did rugby and scouts, we all did swimming lessons too, up to a point.
Some clubs will be more expensive than others of course but I don't think a bunch of activities is generally a new thing.

My parents were teachers for financial context.

Oh yeah definitely depends. I’m older than you and my family probably had less money. But if you are in debt and struggling to buy essentials, I think it’s an area that could be trimmed back.

@iamnotalemon 100% agree, they are a nice to have. I would encourage OP to speak to the club leaders if she really feels they are important as many clubs have hardship programs, I know scouting/guiding do - especially if she feels they are a need.

If you are a TA can you progress a higher level ta or do childminding school run to your school or holiday clubs? Take in ironing? Even a little extra will help a month