How do people budget?

[TDSR26]

I’ll admit myself and my other half are both not great with money and have plunged into so much debt we’re drowning!
He’s currently working two jobs pretty much 7 days a week, I’m a TA so my earnings aren’t great but I do everything at home and I need to be there for the kids.
We try and budget each month but our money just seems to disappear and we’re often just cutting it fine by the end of the month or spent slightly over what we’ve earned.
We have three kids so everything is so expensive as a family of 5, they all do quite a few clubs outside of school so that does take up a chunk but they enjoy them and it’s good for socialising (some school friendships haven’t always been great). There always seems to be something they need / outgrown / for school, it just seems never ending!
I sell and buy so much on Vinted and I can’t even start on the food shop as that’s just ridiculous these days!
Neither of us socialise much with friends or go out together as we simply cannot afford too.
We hardly ever go out as a family to eat unless it’s an occasion i.e birthdays etc.
Day’s out are saved for school holidays, we haven’t been on holiday in two years and that was paid for by the in-laws as a gift.
We moved house four years ago and it’s so outdated and we’ve not had any spare money to do anything, not even the kids rooms!
It just feels like an endless cycle of just trying to get by and we’ve got to the point we’re both so miserable and stressed out!
How do people do it?! Any advice welcome 🤗

I find the type of bank account helps me keep track of money too. App based ones like Starling, Revolut and Monzo allow you to put money into pots and pay bills from those pots. It’s much easier to be on top of what needs to be set aside for the electric direct debit or car tax etc.

Thanks for your message,
we just need to find a way out and clear this debt. Without this debt I know we’d be ok.
We need to really look into where we’re spending unnecessarily.

Do you track continuously throughout the month or do you add everything up at the end? I need to check all the time and note down how much is left otherwise I would just overspend and not realise.

Your kids are a little heavy on the clubs. I think have one each would be absolutely fair. You have three of them so you can take them out and do stuff that is free but still enriching instead. It all adds up.

If you're struggling with debt due to interest you might need a formal solution otherwise a lot of the money you pay gets swallowed up by interest and you can pay thousands for years without really getting anywhere.

Also if you can't afford your repayments after your normal bills and reasonable modest but adequate food and leisure spending that's another sign that the debt is a major problem that a drastic solution may be required eg downsizing your home or an IVA. However no-one can fully advise without a full picture of your circumstances.

Have you been to moneysavingexpert.com? The website is great and also the have a ‘debt free wannabe’ forum which I found invaluable when I was in debt.

If you can’t reduce your outgoings any further, can you increase your income? Anything else you can do around your TA job?

I had two jobs when I was in debt. Not saying I enjoyed it but it helped me get out of debt a lot quicker and I felt more proactive.

Thank you, we have recently got rid of all credit cards and cleared them with a loan so just one payment for debt, but it’s a lot.
plus we have a few other monthly payments going out where we’ve had to replace things but unable to pay off straight away in full.
i.e new oven, mattress,
it just seems never ending but we are trying!

as others have said you need to start by making a list of your current income and outgoings and then assess if you're paying for anything that's non-essential or can be reduced e.g. subscription services, gas/elec, insurance, wifi, phones etc that you could get cheaper. cancel anything you don't use or isn't essential.
You really need to meal plan and stick to it. Get the kids involved so they can't moan about not liking what's for dinner. I wouldn't cook more than one meal unless it's an easy swap e.g. some have sausages and some have fish fingers, or you have specific dietary requirements.
Do your food shop online then you're less likely to pick up things you don't really need on the way round the store.
Ditch the big brands.
Use frozen fruit, veg and even meat/fish so you can portion control how much you use and don't waste fresh stuff that goes off before it gets eaten.
Watch that cringeworthy batch cooking show on C4 for reducing food bill tips!

You’ve said it, you have a career so clearly a well paid job. I don’t have a career and never have done therefore I will never have a high paid job.
yes we chose to have 3 children but we could have never imagined the cost of living to get to the point it is now, that’s what has crippled us and yes like many around us.
but that is our family and I’m asking for advice on budgeting not a debate on who’s got a better job!

I’m sure there’s tweaks you can make here and there with your spending, but from what you describe you have the typical outgoings a family of five have, with homeowner parents who have the usual house maintenance costs to cover - it’s that debt that’s the central issue which is eating away at your incomes.

To be honest we tend to do it at the end of the month so does make sense to keep track daily / weekly. Will do that going forward.
I know it’s mainly my middle child with the clubs as he’s so sporty and outgoing, but may need to reassess. Thanks

I’ll take a look at money saving expert, thank you.
I’m currently trying to find a new job as not very happy in my current one but needs to work around family.
thank you

Yes always shop online and the occasional top up for Bread / milk but often start and probably get things I don’t need!
as for different meals I mean I’m swap pasta for a jacket or fish fingers for sausages not cook multiple separated meals - always said I’d never do that!
hard when one kid hates pasta!!
thanks for all your tips.

I’m currently on a much tighter budget after my ex left suddenly in the summer. A few things that help me.

I went through my budget and removed everything I didn’t need, sim only mobile phone, just cheap Netflix for tv. Made sure best deal for internet, energy etc.

I have a separate pot that I put money into each month, one for Xmas and birthday and one for additional house expenses. Helps as some months are more expensive than others etc.

I take money out of my main account as soon as it comes in, so I never have much ‘available’ money so think before every purchase. All bills come out of one account and I have a second account for ‘fun’

I shop online and keep my spend roughly the same, meal plan, make sure food waste is very low. I banned myself from B and M
cos I know I will waste money.

I regularly have no spend days and low spend weeks, usually at the start of the month as it feels different to limping through to pay day!!

If you are a TA could you do some evening babysitting?

If you can choose to pay for so many extra curricular which the difference between that and wrap around though?
Is the debt still building? It doesn’t sound like it was one big thing but rather living beyond your means?
It looks like you really need to be strict with what you spend.

You need to sit down one evening and go through every single item on your bank statement over the past 3 months and categorise it. That’s the only way you will see where your wiggle room is.

If want post your income and outgoings here? It’s all anonymous so nobody will know and you might get some useful tips and advice when we see the figures typed up in front.

It’s been done before by many people. Mumsnet can be a kind of helpful place.

Not really, but think I may have to take something extra on. Although I’m currently looking for a new job.

If you spend mostly on card, you could download all the transactions from 2025 into a spreadsheet to analyse your spending for a whole year.

The fact that you've already taken out a consolidation loan and then run up further debt is a big danger signal that you're spending more than what's coming in and will continue to struggle unless you can balance your budget by increasing your income and reducing your expenditure.

When setting a budget, don't forget annual and irregular expenses like Christmas, car servicing, insurance and emergency fund eg if the washing machine breaks.

These need to be accounted for in your budget and are mostly higher priority than activities and days out.

the other thing I do is that I always plan one less meal a week than I think I need, that way if plans change the food doesn't go to waste and inevitably there's always something to make a meal out of on the last night aka "fridge bottom friday" or "raid the freezer friday"!

Plus you could always have a cheap non perishable back up like omelette, baked potatoes or beans on toast if the bottom of the fridge looks bare.

Ironically this person viewing being there for children as an unnecessary luxury whilst prioritising being a high earner is the opposite of getting it right.

Get receipts for every transaction. Right down to a packet of crisps etc.

I did this and it was very sobering.

Go through your spending every day. A fiver here and there soon mounts up.

I think this post will bring out a lot of nastiness as people view 3 kids as a luxury these days.

Just to say I have a higher income & only 2 DC, but in a higher COL area. We can only afford 1 club per child. We have a family pass for the local pool, and use that as a second family hobby. It works out cheaper for us so could be something to look in too.

is there any option to train “on the job” to be a teacher? Assuming you enjoy the TA role? I know it’s a hard job and probably extremely hard with young children but if you were supply for example, it could work and at least the salary is better.

I have 3 children and it’s so expensive! If you are looking to change roles, I would recommend looking for WFH or hybrid which helps with costs. We only run 1 car which can be a pain with 3 and activities but otherwise the costs increase. I don’t feel bad saying no to the children when they ask for things (as they constantly do!).

Maybe your son could just have a few friends over for a play date instead of a party and you could offer to take them to the sweet shop? Fake football kits aren’t horrendous either - fly soccer is a website we use. And giving useful presents such as boots or kit or clothes rather than just general toys. Depends on ages if course.

Yes I do this every week, last night for instance - no plan! Omelettes and chips for everyone and I made do with a tin of soup. I’m trying so hard with food!
my son is on residential next week and he’s a big eater so hoping I can cut back a bit next week on food!
thanks