Barely affording to live and Christmas is making me ill

[Zombieof3]

Good evening all,

this is me just venting but if anyone has anything helpful to offer, I would be more than grateful to hear it. PLEASE NOTE: that I am not after any offers of money etc, and anything of the kind would be respectfully refused. I just don’t want to be alone with how I’m feeling

me and my partner work, I work forty hours whilst my partner does about 25 hours which actually works out financially better than when we were both working due to childcare costs for three kids. I’m actually so low at the moment, every month it’s such a struggle, the minute we have money it’s gone and I’m not even covering half of my priority bills. I’ve got a ridiculous amount of debt which I was previously paying off but since cost of living, I’m barely able to put food on the table. I’m working with stepchange but it’s quite a difficult process as I’m not even sure who half of the debt is with and they need everything to be a 100% accurate which involves me needing to ring around but I’m in work 9-5 and everywhere shuts after this. My two girls are desperately needing a new bed as their bunk bed is falling apart and I’m going to have to take it apart for their safety. Christmas is around the corner and I don’t know how to explain to my 13, 9 and 8 year old that I doubt there will be anything major to open. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I’m working my arse off for absolutely nothing, it’s killing me and I feel like such a waste of space. What’s the point in slogging in all day for nothing. We’ve never been abroad, we don’t live lavishly, I’ve cancelled all subscriptions. We do and have nothing. I’m just sad that I’m struggling to provide even the bare minimum.

Are you comfortable to say roughly what area you’re in so we can see if there’s anything local (obviously understand if not so please don’t disclose if you don’t want to)

I’m in South Wales, I can’t find anything myself when I have looked, thank you though xx

What hours does your husband work? Can he get an evening job in hospitality? Bar or restaurant work. Or even shelf stacking in the supermarket. Try ringing up the people you owe money to and get the repayments reduced.

Re the bunkbeds. You need to get on FB. So many are just given away on my local FB pages/ Marketplace is also a good place to look of course. Tbh, even just removing the bed and having mattresses on the floor is a better, safer place to be.

We can only help if you accurately state your income and outgoings. You need to work out where the drain is and plug it OR work out how to fill the gap.

Can you give more information?

What causes the debt op and how much if your income is going to pay it off, and when will it be done?

Try not to base how good a Christmas is on presents and food. My children remember the things we did , like looking around the area at Christmas lights. Taking them to Christmas carol concerts, most churches do several starting with Christingle and ending on Christmas day. As children we went to midnight mass and we felt so grown up.

If you can afford to go into Cardiff you could always go to the Christmas marker without the intention of buying anything.

I’m sorry. It sounds incredibly tough.

I sometimes give to a charity called Acts 435 that operates via churches - they often request things like beds. But I agree about Marketplace - I have given a lot away that way including beds.

It’s difficult if you’re not religious at all but churches were partly a social service back in the day and they still can be. You might well find that a church near you is doing presents to open on Christmas Day for children in the congregation, for example. At best they can mean real people around you with shared solidarity.

Can your partner really not work more than 25 hours? Oldest child won’t have childcare costs, and UC can help with the childcare costs anyway

Can you book half a day of leave to get the debt sorted in terms of admin? This will make this much more bearable and you can move forward.

I think your partner is going to have to get an evening job, cleaning, supermarket, something.

Do you have Salvation Army local? Round here you can self refer and they can provide stuff like bunks beds….even if they 2nd hand

25 hours isn’t cutting it so he going to have to get more hours or find another job.

Have you seen ‘community furniture aid’ not sure if it’s near you may be worth seeing if they can help with beds x

Partner currently works evenings stacking shelves, we previously tried him working full time which racked up massive issues with childcare prices, particularly for my youngest who is SEN and requires an experienced childminder who is able to manage his struggles. Eldest also had to be paid to go into the childminders due to her mental health issues that she can’t be alone at home - childcare situation is very complex and difficult due to these circumstances. universal credit did help, but we were still paying an eye watering amount and don’t feel any better off.

The debt will take years and years to pay off - debt was caused following my partners health issues at the time where he lost an amazing paying job where we were living to our means at that time but obviously following this we missed payments etc, I’m now trying my best to resolve this, it’s just all feeling a bit much.

ill check out marketplace and churches for help, that sounds like it could be a big help, thank you. And thank you for listening to me cry, it’s just so difficult as I feel like I’m killing myself at work and for very little reason.

Hello op, please have a look at the website - cash for kids. They do a scheme where every Christmas people donate gifts for children who need presents (brand new presents)
You have to apply now for the scheme to receive gifts for your kids, they tailor the gifts specifically for the kids who will be receiving them.
The scheme operates in your area (south wales, did I get that right?)
I buy a gift to donate to the scheme every year.
Please have a look at the website, it might give you some breathing space around Christmas.
Also please remember that Christmas is only 1 day. I wish we hadn’t gone so far down the route of consumerism where people feel under enormous financial pressure at an already expensive time of the year (more energy bills etc)
I don’t go mad at Christmas and keep gifts to a minimum. I try to concentrate on simple things like enjoying hot chocolate and watching Xmas films, wander round the Christmas fairs etc.

Also look up non referral food banks. So many often have extra bits around this time of year eg advent calendars and tubs of chocolates and xmas crackers the little things that might make Christmas that bit more special for children

If you have a SEN child apply to the family fund for help

I was going to mention this….I work in children’s safeguarding and we get given loads of cash for kids gifts to give out

Do you get dla for the children ? If not please apply

Also download the Olio App, things (inc food from supermarkets at the end of the day) are often given away there. Plus see if you can find a local conmunity kitchen.

FB marketplace is good too for furniture. You just need to keep looking. Or rather your partner can maybe look if he is not doing as many hours.

Can he do any work while the kids are at school though? Or if not maybe he could try and pick up some surveys during the day, it won’t help much but I do it in the evenings in the run up to Christmas to earn Amazon vouchers, I’m lazy and only ever get about £20-£30 but it might help towards Christmas just a tiny bit. I use Swagbucks.

Are you getting everything you are entitled to uc, dla,

Also check with your schools as I no ours get money to help some families out with Christmas presents

Sorry if this is obvious or not applicable but is there anything you can sell? Things that were purchased with credit that could be sold to reduce debt.

Are there any evening seasonal jobs that could pay for Xmas presents even if not a long term solution?

Family fund aren’t accepting any referrals for children under 18 in wales at the moment.
im in the process of claiming dla, still waiting for their decision. I’ll speak with my partner about working more hours but it’s unlikely as it would be only between 10-2. We did have a look at delivery driving etc and see if that will work