Barely affording to live and Christmas is making me ill

[Zombieof3]

Good evening all,

this is me just venting but if anyone has anything helpful to offer, I would be more than grateful to hear it. PLEASE NOTE: that I am not after any offers of money etc, and anything of the kind would be respectfully refused. I just don’t want to be alone with how I’m feeling

me and my partner work, I work forty hours whilst my partner does about 25 hours which actually works out financially better than when we were both working due to childcare costs for three kids. I’m actually so low at the moment, every month it’s such a struggle, the minute we have money it’s gone and I’m not even covering half of my priority bills. I’ve got a ridiculous amount of debt which I was previously paying off but since cost of living, I’m barely able to put food on the table. I’m working with stepchange but it’s quite a difficult process as I’m not even sure who half of the debt is with and they need everything to be a 100% accurate which involves me needing to ring around but I’m in work 9-5 and everywhere shuts after this. My two girls are desperately needing a new bed as their bunk bed is falling apart and I’m going to have to take it apart for their safety. Christmas is around the corner and I don’t know how to explain to my 13, 9 and 8 year old that I doubt there will be anything major to open. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I’m working my arse off for absolutely nothing, it’s killing me and I feel like such a waste of space. What’s the point in slogging in all day for nothing. We’ve never been abroad, we don’t live lavishly, I’ve cancelled all subscriptions. We do and have nothing. I’m just sad that I’m struggling to provide even the bare minimum.

She literally said nothing 'major' not nothing at all so I offered budget tips for making a little stretch further.

I see your post offered loads of helpful advice though, easy to shit on others try to help while saying nowt worthwhile yourself.

On the money from debt you are paying back each month...
are you on a debt management plan? Or just paying off credit cards with high interest etc each month.

Step change is worth looking at for debt management.

Turn2us also worth looking at.
Beyond the tool on the website which helps check you are claiming everything you are entitled to if you contsct them directly they can also help you trusts / bursary applications for specific things. Eg cost associated with your childs hobby... if they are talented musican costs associated with that etc.

For christmas - keep the gifts consise. Vinted is good for raising a few £££ and also for picking up bargains. Review carefully and be selective.

Good luck!!!

Hi there - didn’t want to read and run, especially as you say you live in south wales? If you are anywhere near Newport I would like to suggest faith church for a place to be. It is incredibly supportive and they have a youth worker who may be able to support the emotional needs of your children. FWIW - you are not failing, your words alone here demonstrate a person who is working incredibly hard in a world which by design is making it harder for regular people to just live.

I’m sorry to hear you are struggling, the cost of everything is so high and it’s so hard to get debt down in these circumstances. Just some ideas:
Could your partner work on the weekend? Any clothes etc you could sell on Vinted? Check out free cycle
also Facebook local community groups where people offer things they no longer need for free, usually in good condition.
Facebook market place also has things for low cost and sometimes free
local churches may offer some help
christnas dinner, usually veg is really cheap running up to the day so a chicken is likely the main cost
could you or your partner take the kids to the park for a few hours so one of you can sit down and work out the debts, how much and where
Debt is so stressful and overwhelming. Maybe pick one thing to look into each day. You will get there.
Best wishes.

Could your partner advertise to walk dogs? People often want them walking g between 10am -2pm to break up their day if they are home alone. Even charging £5 per dog per 30 minutes walk he could earn £20 per hour. He can walk 2 dogs at once.

Could you look on Facebook marketplace for things that are free then sell them on eBay or vinted? Your DH could do this during daytime. It might make a bit of money for Xmas.

I'm sure they have,but gave Stepchange checked a DRO wouldn't be suitable? Are you renting?

Can I just add that a company can’t pursue you for a debt that is more than seven years old if there has been no contact between you in that time. Other companies will allow you to reduce payments. As long as you are paying something they should get off your back.

Thank you all for your kind messages, advice and support. I wasn’t sure what type of response I would get, it’s just so exhausting trying to deal with it all. I’m going to try and book a day off work or something to try and sort it out, just difficult because my work calendar is full in three weeks in advance. Thank you for all the signposting, I will check those out. I really am super greatful for all the responses as I’ve honestly been so low that I’ve been getting urges to just end everything as it’s all on top of me. I’m going to speak to my partner tomorrow and try and arrange something even if it’s more hours or anything. It’s so embarrassing going from being able to manage my finances to being absolutely financially ruined each and every month with bills always on the rise, it can all feel so overwhelming and hopeless but the kindness you all have shown me has made me feel 100x better. One ‘skint’ Christmas won’t ruin them all, it’s just that time of year where I’ll be seeing everyone else having the best time and I’m struggling to give my kids that.

There is no shame whatsoever in saying this is where I am and Im struggling

There is help out there, and the sooner you find it and tap into it, the sooner you will be able to get out of what at the moment seems to be a mess

Its not

For so many of us lower paid workers, the ones that were cherished during covid , life is getting smaller and its hard to now say we need help because we have always got by, times are hard, accept the help out there

I yellow sticker shop, use olio and toogoodtoogo to keep ourselves afloat I also charity shop for clothes and shoes, use coupons, , vouchers and discount codes as well as Quidco etc . Penny in my pocket is worth more then a quid in theirs

I think you need to speak to someone to get advice on the debts.

an individual voluntary arrangement or a debt arrangement order is not the end of the world. neither is bankruptcy. I used to deal with people in this position and the most important thing is breathing space and moving forward. Look for the help.

If you look at my main post I did indeed make what may be helpful suggestions, as have others.

Or try the Nextdoor app if it covers Wales. People are giving away free stuff all the time.

Hi op have you been on the turn to us website to see if there are any grants you could be entitled too ?

OP please speak to the school and cash for kids charity. They can all help you with gifts and potentially food vouchers etc. Go online and ask anonymously about how to get new beds for the kids. Many people are generous and will try help you.

Not sure where you are in south Wales but there is the toy box project in caerphilly you can book a slot and get toys, games, puzzles, books etc completely free. Not sure what they've got for older children but it's definitely worth a look. They are on Facebook. I do find people sell things like bunkbeds very cheap on marketplace. There are some charity shops in Cardiff that do furniture too x

If you're in Cardiff there's a fantastic charity called Boomerang who would help with furniture. Where I am, we have a community group who sells fruit, veg, and some other stuff at different price points depending on your situation.

Sorry, I'm not very sure on help outside Cardiff but if you do happen to be living here, let me know and I can help with other local places/support.

Do any parents you know need a child dropped off or picked up before/after school? You / dh could help them out for a small daily sum in cash?

look at the tenner a day thread on here.

I do online surveys. It doesn’t pay much but it adds up to £50 over the course of 8-12 months so it’s a nice surprise when it’s due.

Oh I forgot, the play for pay apps can be quite good for earning a bit of extra cash. I used Tyr rewards, Just Play, and Free Cash. You're not going to get rich off them but with a bit of effort you can make £20-£30 a month (just don't do the offers where you have to buy things!)

Bunkbeds: look at places like Facebook marketplace, Freegle and also charity shops that sell furniture.

To help with the cost of living is there a food pantry in your area? they allow you to do a weekly shop for around £5 once you become a member.

In term of Christmas often local churches and charity give away toys and similar.

It's so hard. It wont be like this forever. This is the worst point. Do you own your home? If not, would going bankrupt be better?

Have you thought about getting a child benefit loan from your local credit union? That is what I have done. They take £6 per week to pay it back, and the rest goes into savings which I can take out weekly

Have you posted on Moneysaving expert forums, there’s loads of people there that can give you advice and help.

Sorting priority debts has to be your first step. Prioritise getting all the info together for StepChange as things will get easier once they’re involved.

Stay off social media OP …..a lot of what people post is bollocks anyway….can grandparents help out with presents for kids if they know you’re struggling….I can’t imagine not giving my GC the world if I thought my Kids were down on their luck (but maybe GPS not in a position to help so sorry if that’s not a good suggestion) ….we have local charities like The Lions who provide white goods and other large items to struggling families…,we have a uniform bank that provided free school uniforms….we have a community ity pantry ( you pay a fiver when you visit each week and get around 20 quids worth of food)….we have baby baskets that provide 2nd hand kids clothes up to 10 years…..im thinking if we have all this then maybe you do as well( I’m NW)