Not on the same page with my friends over “broke” and feel so ashamed

[Stupidlifechoices]

I am a single mum to 2 dc’s-one is 20 and one is 6. I have £1350 in total coming in a month and cannot pick up any more hours due to childcare (her father doesn’t really see her and school don’t run an after school club, and is too rural for childminders). I am claiming everything I am entitled to. I get £7.50 a month in child support.

Outgoings are:

Rent - £700
Phones - £120 (me and my daughter-they were both £35 each when I took the contracts out as we both needed handsets but they keep putting the tariffs up and we have 7 months remaining on 36 month contracts).
Broadband and phone line - £45
TV license - £28.25
Car insurance and AA - £120
Fuel £150
Gas and Electric £180
Council Tax £75

So just in bills I am already in arrears each month. There is nothing left for clothes or food, let alone days out and extras.

My eldest has started paying her own phone bill as of last month, as she has got a part time job around uni, but that only buys us another £60.

My other broke friends manage to dress well, look nice and go away for holidays and days out. Two of them have been on three holidays this summer-one to Tunisia, Jersey and then on a Disney cruise. Another did Disneyland and two weeks in the Cotswolds, followed by a week in Cornwall. One of them openly admits her parents pay for her children’s nursery fees, and the in laws bought their house for them so they wouldn’t have the stress of a mortgage. I feel like I am living in some shameful underbelly of poverty.

I feel like such an incredible failure, both to my children and to me. We are in the cheapest house I could find, I have nothing to sell on Vinted or eBay as we have been this broke for years. My daughter was very ill when she was born until she was 4 and so I stopped working, but was too young to qualify for DLA as the things I needed to do for her were appropriate for her age. She is now at school so I am doing a degree and am currently on a first, but it is part time so I won’t graduate for another 2 years.

I know we could move house to somewhere less rural, meaning that I could put her in after school club, but the rent would increase, as would childcare costs, and I don’t physically have the money to move house.

I make my own bread, yoghurt, pasta, pasta sauces, shampoo, deodorant, soap, washing powder, washing up liquid, surface cleaners and body wash to save money, and we eat very simply-pasta, fruit, porridge, toast and soup are the main go-to’s, but I feel like it barely touches the sides. I just hate myself for doing this to my family.

Phones £120 - ring and cancel, you'll pay a fee but shouldn't be too bad. Then use giffgaff which will be £10-20

Cancel tv license, you can watch other channels that aren't live on the apps or use YouTube etc

That's £130 saved

Broadband etc have you looked if there's cheaper ones? UW is £25 for me.sp potentially another £20 saved.

Council Tax should be less as you're single and on benefits so check that out.

Gas/electric - look for a different provider, in the meantime ring up and say you can't pay, offer £100 a month and if they do cheaper electric on Sunday or in the evenings etc do your laundry, baking, whatever then.

Do you pay water? Can you use the car less?

Autoaid is just as good and far cheaper!

Stop paying tv licence

They make you pay double for the first 6 months for some weird reason.

My parents cleaner drops her grandchildren at school and then comes to their house for about 9.15. Does 2 hours. Then goes somewhere else in the afternoon for another couple of hours and picks up the grandkids at 3pm. I don’t think she does it 5 days a week, but she certainly works more than 1 hour a day around the school run. She’s also never free on a Friday as she cleans a holiday cottage.

Maybe look into a job in a school? We’re in a rural area too with no after school childcare so I can only imagine how difficult it would be to do any work if I didn’t have DH to share the childcare with

I don't think your friends are broke if they're living mortgage-free.

But why would she only have been getting her first licence 6 months ago?

My stepdad got an allotment space last year, I get over spills of stuff that’s grown well. So far it’s been courgettes, cherry tomatoes, apples (both eating and cooking), peppers.

My DM when we were kids had a great apple tree and we’d have Kilner jars of apple stewed. She also grew her own beans, peas and lettuce. And made her own bread. Not sure if that saves money. Plus homemade not bought cakes and potatoes and/or pies, plus dishes where you can have overs for lunch or dinner.

Also wanted to add that your friends aren't broke. I have a friend with no rent or mortgage, hundreds of thousands in the bank and will cry over bread going up 10p but will then spend thousands on absolute crap. Some people just don't have a clue.

See if you can upgrade your phone contract early. Some let you do it 6 months before it expires, and then switch to sim only.

Some companies allow you to downgrade your data plan too, so see if you can do this! I did this at uni when money got tight. You can do this mid-contract

Or keep the data and lose the broadband?

I would drop the TV licence personally, it would be cheaper to have a streaming service and some of those do free trials or reduced pricing so you can move between them and save even more.

What phones do you have, if they're worth something, like an iPhone, you can sell them for a fair amount (just keep the sim cards and buy a £40 smartphone).

Can you do anything online/from home work-wise?

Ask your energy provider about a social tariff as well as water.
Do you have a student loan? There is a parental support grant as well which is awarded with the student loan and might be available even if you can't get the student loan. It is not counted for benefits either.
It is really difficult to find school hour jobs but keep trying

Stop the tv licence and use one mobile phone. Sell the car, use the bus.
Don't make home bread or shampoos, buy them from poundstretcher. Flour, oil, sugar, all that cost a lot of money. A sandwich and salad from a shop will cost less

One of the phones is her daughters!

I am on a diet and eat tiny bit of muesli and some salads later on. Shop bought bread, few salads bits, very very cheap.

you want to start feeling calmer on this account, there are things you can cut even further. Car is a luxury on a very low budget. Might not be what you want to hear, but this is the advice

On what planet are you a failure?!?!? Honest to god look at what you do and the help your friends get!!! Im in awe x

Study in the evening, once DC is in bed? You need more hours right now. Are there any school hours jobs available near you? A basic TA role for example, would give you £1400 a month; then UC to too up. Can't you claim UC to pay a % of your rent?

Your phone bill is way too high. Sim only is the way forward. Why are you paying £28 for a TV license? Your car insurance is high ( mine is £220 for the year with LV, paid monthly).

Lots to consider OP.

Who are you in awe of, who is fhis refering to?

Rural so likely poor transport.
Making bread etc from scratch is cheaper, it's literally flour and water. Where are you buying a sandwich and salad for 45p?!
One phone is her daughters.

You must have only just started paying monthly for your tv licence , hence it being £28 a month . After six months it'll reduce to £14 a month for the future .

I have a sim only phone and together with the broadband they're £32 a month.

Gas and electric for £180 a month is high . Try EDF .

Why are you paying for your daughter's phone if she moved out in July ?

NRTFT but unless your son is studying he needs to work full time and cover his food plus council tax plus fuel. In fact he should be paying for all of his expenses. Mine is 19 and does.

Also, to your gas an electric bill being so high - if you’re using the oven to bake bread and the hob for cooking up all your toiletries, it’s probably a false economy. You could get that bill down significantly.

It also costs electricity and TIME to make the bread

You need to be really careful with phone contracts. They will continue to charge you long after the phone is paid for if they can get away with it. My sim only contract is £6 per month and plusnet broad band and landline plus free evening and weekend calls is £29 per month.
Get in touch with turn2us.org to see if they can advise if there are any benefits you can claim.