Not on the same page with my friends over “broke” and feel so ashamed

[Stupidlifechoices]

I am a single mum to 2 dc’s-one is 20 and one is 6. I have £1350 in total coming in a month and cannot pick up any more hours due to childcare (her father doesn’t really see her and school don’t run an after school club, and is too rural for childminders). I am claiming everything I am entitled to. I get £7.50 a month in child support.

Outgoings are:

Rent - £700
Phones - £120 (me and my daughter-they were both £35 each when I took the contracts out as we both needed handsets but they keep putting the tariffs up and we have 7 months remaining on 36 month contracts).
Broadband and phone line - £45
TV license - £28.25
Car insurance and AA - £120
Fuel £150
Gas and Electric £180
Council Tax £75

So just in bills I am already in arrears each month. There is nothing left for clothes or food, let alone days out and extras.

My eldest has started paying her own phone bill as of last month, as she has got a part time job around uni, but that only buys us another £60.

My other broke friends manage to dress well, look nice and go away for holidays and days out. Two of them have been on three holidays this summer-one to Tunisia, Jersey and then on a Disney cruise. Another did Disneyland and two weeks in the Cotswolds, followed by a week in Cornwall. One of them openly admits her parents pay for her children’s nursery fees, and the in laws bought their house for them so they wouldn’t have the stress of a mortgage. I feel like I am living in some shameful underbelly of poverty.

I feel like such an incredible failure, both to my children and to me. We are in the cheapest house I could find, I have nothing to sell on Vinted or eBay as we have been this broke for years. My daughter was very ill when she was born until she was 4 and so I stopped working, but was too young to qualify for DLA as the things I needed to do for her were appropriate for her age. She is now at school so I am doing a degree and am currently on a first, but it is part time so I won’t graduate for another 2 years.

I know we could move house to somewhere less rural, meaning that I could put her in after school club, but the rent would increase, as would childcare costs, and I don’t physically have the money to move house.

I make my own bread, yoghurt, pasta, pasta sauces, shampoo, deodorant, soap, washing powder, washing up liquid, surface cleaners and body wash to save money, and we eat very simply-pasta, fruit, porridge, toast and soup are the main go-to’s, but I feel like it barely touches the sides. I just hate myself for doing this to my family.

You are talking about the friends and the other poster thought you were talking about the OP....

I'd also be on the bones of my arse if I was only working one hour a week.

Your gas and electric is a lot for two of you. It's more than we pay for four people and an electric vehicle. Car insurance is huge too. Have you sat down and gone through your bills to see where you can cut back? With just two in the house, you should be able to knock a good chunk off the gas and electricity bill. What kind of car are you running for that much insurance? We pay £30-odd a month for ours and both are less than two years old.

Obviously the phone costs are bonkers and not quite clear how it's ended up so much? But hopefully when contract ends you'll be sorted.

Cleaners are in huge demand around here, surely you could work a bit more? You might have to study in the evenings. I doubt you're saving much on some of that making from scratch stuff tbh. You'd be better off using that time to study and use more hours in day for paid work.

The issue is that you have to get yourself to and from school at certain times. With traffic and parking, especially if the closest school you have to drive, you have to leave at least 50 minutes early to set off and find a parking space close to the school or set off later and spend 50 minutes, travelling, parking then walking to the school and back again to the car with slow moving children

Also apart from the few hours they are in school you have to be present 100% of the time. You can’t just go to the shops or do a few hours work. When dc come home everything revolves around them

OP, keep going with your degree - it's your way up and out of poverty. Things feel hard now, but this won't be forever. Have you spoken to student finances at University? They often have access to other loans and grants you might be able to access, or as a previous poster suggested, it may actually pay for you to study full time if you can.

Well done for thinking of the future and not just now, and what a great example you are providing for your children. I hope you do feel proud of yourself, keep going.

I’m also surprised at your car insurance and breakdown cover, that’s 1400 a year insurance, I drive a large Mercedes 4x4 and pay about 400 which includes break down cover. I don’t understand why you’re paying so much. Are you basically uninsurable, and that’s why it’s so high?

also why is your fuel so high, you dont really work and I assume your kid goes to school locally. ?

You need to work more hours, I worked full time plus did 2 post grads in the evenings while been a single parent to a young child, I am not saying it was easy or saying you need to do that but you need to work more

You're only working 5 hours a week, of course you're broke. The benefits system isn't designed to give you a comfortable income if you're able to work, DC are at school and you're choosing to not work longer hours. You need to work more hours.

£60 a month for a phone! I'd expect it to get up, make my breakfast and clean the toilets for that.
Heck, I sound like my dad whenever we bought an ice cream.

Honestly, I suspect one of the issues (not just with the OP, but in general) is that it's too easy to just say £60 a month doesn't sound unaffordable, when you're just thinking of that. But it's all the expenses that add up, and the sales person doesn't want you to think of that; they want you to think that this is a wonderful deal.
So when in the future you are offered something like that, look at it as proportion of money you have left, rather than on it's own. So if you have £120 left at the end of the month for treats, you're using 50% on the phone. Is it worth it to you?

I think most of us would.

It sounds like your circumstances have recently changed and where it was 2 adults in the home, it is now just 1. It is worth using a benefit checker online to review these changes. Also worth having a look at your phone contract as a lot of them come in 2 parts. The handset contract and then the sim element - you may be able to get a better deal on a sim only deal if the sim element is a separate contact as these usually expire around 12 months whilst the handset contract is longer

@Stupidlifechoices Do your other broke friends have credit cards? That would seem to be the only way that they might afford their lifestyles, which means that they will possibly be in debt for a long time. I know I’d rather be tight, than have a whole load of debt, credit cards, loans etc. best avoided, and home made things, there’s nothing wrong with that, probably better for you and your family than shop bought.

Are you incapable of reading?

'get out AS SOON AS YOU CAN'

OP could next time own the handset out right straight away and pay a lot less with full control. Currently OP has to pay insane rising cost to in 7 MONTHS gain a handset that will be outdated and devalued.

I guarantee if she is paying £120 a month then upon stopping that she would manage to save a whooping £5 to able to buy a secondhand smartphone.

What wonderful advice have you provided that will save the op £112 per month with real world examples?

Their father is failing them not you. You sound like a fucking hero.

Studying is a luxury you can't afford. Studying for a better job is a great long term goal but you're struggling now, you need to work now.

Check if you're entitled to cheaper internet. Some providers have cheaper options for those claiming certain benefits (but check what's included so you know if that's a good deal for you and your usage).

Again, call your mobile provider and explain, they might be able to change your tarriff to something cheaper even though you're still in contract. Once out of contract, immediately move to SIM only keeping your existing phone.

You need more income essentially. More hours cleaning. Is care work an option? Or shop/fast food work? What's your longer term plan? Although you need more income, is volunteering for a small number of hours useful to get your foot in the door somewhere? What qualifications do you have?

I would definitely explore moving if you can though, even if it's a longer term plan. Living in a town/city gives you (and the kids) public transport options, more work and usually more childcare options too. How will your child get to secondary school/college etc. Will you still need to drop them off, this will cut into your available working hours for many more years than packing them off on the bus.

I’d also be skint if I worked one hour a day? So would most people be?

You need to put studying on hold and get a job, simple as that really. I’d love to study but I can’t afford it so I don’t.

Flyer houses around your kid’s school offering cleaning services. You could do morning drop off and then spend several hours a day working nearby, being in the area for afternoon pick up - you’d save money on petrol that way, too.

See if you can get Citizens Advice to look over your phone contracts. It’s unbelievable that the tariff can have almost doubled whilst still in contract. If it actually has then Ofcom rules state that customers can leave mobile contracts early, penalty-free, if the price hike is of “material detriment” / if it’s much greater than the inflation rate, almost doubling would absolutely fall into that.

Do a benefit calculator. You'll probably be entitled to universal credit! You can earn up to a certain amount before they reduce it too

firstly get rid of tv license and just stop watching the BBC. Its a waste of money

I am a single mum to 2 dc’s-one is 20 and one is 6. I have £1350 in total coming in a month and cannot pick up any more hours due to childcare

Why are you only working an hour a day?
Why can you not pick up any extra hours?

You have a car, you could pick up some extra work cleaning ?