UC. Can someone explain something to me please?

[mrsnec]

Hi all, not sure if I've put this in the right place but I need help with something.

How does it work with benefits if you and your partner are separated and you want to co-parent. If you are both entitled to UC can you not split it?

We are being led to believe that there has to be one primary carer who gets everything and the other parent is treated as a single person with no dependants and gets the minimum.

Just need to settle an argument.

Lets be honest he is claiming the childrens money and using it for himself to live on and not have to find work that pays enough to support him.
The UC will pay towards his rent and he knows it.
I would tell him you are going to be claiming for both children.
Claim the Child benefits and put them on your claim, you should put your childrens lifes first.

He just got rejected from a well paid job he really wanted. Another 2 positions came up and he got rejected for those too and told he couldn't apply to that company for another 6 months. He got upset with me because I wasn't supportive enough and he needed a shoulder to cry on.

I said I was struggling with rejection too and I just couldn't give him what he wants right now. He said it's different because this was his 'golden ticket job' not the stupid little ones I'm applying for.

Point is he's very fragile at the moment and the children are currently on holiday with his parents.

Children are expected to share a bedroom, regardless of sex. In some areas it's until age 10 but in plenty of areas it's until 16-18. He absolutely will not get a 3 bedroom house anywhere.

Why do you only have copies of your children's documents? Why is he letting the originals?

Basically he has set him up with every single bit of original documentation and every benefit regarding his children, while you 'just' have the actual children.

I'm sorry, but something quite sinister is going on here, in my opinion.

Letting= keeping

I don't have the original passports because the children are abroad with his parents.

I asked for original BC's and he said you can have them if you want and then he questioned why I needed them and reminded me what would happen if I did apply for child benefit.

He said it's irrelevant the children are here because he'd happily have them with him and he does so much for us I won't be able to cope without him.

Oh OP you are so vulnerable . You've left yourself open to a fraud claim from UC, and potentially homeless - he's set himself up as the main carer. It won't be long before he's after the house you live in for no rent. Bet it's bigger than his room in the B and B. You could be homeless with no kids and no UC.

As a matter of urgency you must put in a claim for the CB and start from there. And stop telling him anything. You don't have to prove what UC are telling you to him. It's nothing to do with him.

You can get copies of the birth certs for a couple of quid btw.

I am the low earner so we agreed I'd claim it. If we were both low earners we'd split it.

I do wonder about those who don't get on though, which must be a lot.. and the dwp just suggests one parent claim and give half to the other..

I won't ever be homeless. The house I live in is owned outright by a trust. My parents bought it with thier inheritance. It's held in trust to my DC. H and I were going through divorce proceedings at the time. We were advised to buy this house that way so he doesn't have a claim on it.

Will take me a while to get BC copies. The kids weren't born in the UK.

Who are the trustees? Why aren't you bricking it about being part of a UC fraud?

My parents are the trustees. I'm not bricking it yet because he hasn't received CB yet and my work coach knows what's going on

This clearly isn't true as by your own admission he was abroad for a YEAR and I assume you coped just fine?

No we used to live abroad together. This time last year he filed for divorce out of the blue and served me papers for full custody of the children. He evicted me from my own home. I came back to the UK on my own to set myself up. Initially he promised to bring the kids over but it took 7 months. I was without the kids for 7 months.

It turned out he was sailing very close to the wind legally with the divorce. Then apologised, showered me with gifts and said he'd drop proceedings and bring the DC to me here if I withdrew too. I agreed because I would have done anything to get the DC back and would rather divorce under UK law anyway but because I'd spent so much on legal fees and because he was showing remorse I thought I'd give him another chance but I find myself exactly where I was.

This time last year he filed for divorce out of the blue and served me papers for full custody of the children. He evicted me from my own home. I came back to the UK on my own to set myself up. Initially he promised to bring the kids over but it took 7 months. I was without the kids for 7 months.

And you've let his parents take the kids abroad without you? Seriously, what are you thinking? This man and his family are NOT to be trusted. He has set everything up to give himself more ammunition to have full custody.
All this remorse and showering you with stuff is to make you let youur guard down.

YOU need to claim both UC and CB and as soon as their GPs bring the kids back (and I pray that they do) you get their passports and put them in a very safe place.

I signed a permission letter under duress. He wouldn't let me have booking confirmation of the children's flight home unless I could prove I wasn't going to claim anything. I backed down but told him I want passports when they get back and that this isn't happening again. Contact at the moment has been sporadic and unacceptable but I'm just trying to avoid a big showdown.

They all think I'm unreasonable. When I questioned him last night he flounced and said I was just being work shy and thinking about myself and the money and that he would take the kids to be with him so I didn't have the hassle.

You are not in a relationship with him anymore. You don’t need to know all this information about his life and finances and he doesn’t need to know about yours.

Reduce your contact to what it actually needs to be, which is pick up and drop off arrangements are only very important info that needs to be shared about DC (make sure school have his number and email for newsletters and events too, not your job to update him)

Get your DC back on your child benefit claim. If you are entitled to maintenance then claim through CMA. Don’t engage in anything else. This man still has so much control over you and you seem to feel the need to explain yourself to him/get his permission and approval.

What you do is non of his business and it doesn’t matter what he thinks of you.

Why did you even contemplate giving him permission? He's proved it's a risk by his actions last time. No court would have given him permission. When are they supposed to be back?

This is very sad.
I think you may well lose access to your children so I would start planning so that hopefully that doesn't happen.

Contact www.reunite.org/prevention-of-abduction/ to see if they can offer advice on what you can currently do to protect yourself.

You need to find the courage to fight for your children and your right to be recognised as their primary carer. There is a lot of good advice here. Start planning your first steps

My parents are divorced. They divorced when I was a teenager. During this whole thing my DM keeps telling me I need to be reasonable and accommodating. I didn't want the kids to not have a relationship with both sets of grandparents. That's why I have agreed to everything and I feel some guilt that he walked away from his business.

I see a lot of him because he doesn't have room for them or anything to entertain them with. Also B&B isn't a normal B&B. The DC don't really like it there. It's not exactly child friendly. All thier toys are in storage. I bought them new ones when they moved back. The routine has been that he does the school runs while I work, spends time with the DC after school at my house then puts the kids to bed and goes back to the B&B weekends are a mixture.

He said how did I see our future and I said if we couldn't work things out why can't we do the 50 50 thing and he says that's me wanting to have my cake and eat it and that won't work for him.

They're due back in 10 days.

Contact www.reunite.org/prevention-of-abduction/ to see if they can offer advice on what you can currently do to protect yourself

Please do that @mrsnec . I have a really bad feeling about this.

I think I would go further and say you need to speak to the police.

They will have specialist officers to deal with coercive control and financial abuse. I would not have let him take the children out the country but you need to log it that it's under duress that you agreed.

Honestly, this is so hard but he sounds vile, controlling abusive. He is demanding this and that and making you feel like you owe him because he can't find a job, he plunged you all in to this when he threw you out abroad and only came here because he was breaking the law with the divorce and removal of your rights to your children.

Please, put your children and you first, you owe him nothing.

I have put my concern on record but I'd like to keep things low key at the moment. I didn't sleep well last night, awful tension headache this morning I don't want to cause myself unnecessary stress.

To be honest, they reintroduced some covid measures in the country where the kids are. With that, the chaos at Heathrow, BA flight cancellations and rail strikes I actually was quite hopeful the trip wouldn't go ahead anyway!

BA are showing 4 flights on the day they're due back. I'm pleased about that.

I know rents are extremely high in some parts of the Country but £1000 for a B&B room are you sure OP?

There's so much going on with your posts it's hard to keep up. It doesn't make sense that the non resident parent would like to cliam UC and benefits for the kids.... for what reason? Presumably the non resident parent is expected to work full time AND pay child maintainance!

@Happyandyou yes I'm sure that's what he's paying because I recommended it to him for a few nights when he first came over! It's not a place the council would use for emergency accommodation. It's a 35 quid a night off the Internet type accommodation.

Also like I've said he wants the authorities to think the DC are with him so he gets housed. He just will not listen to anyone who tells him otherwise. I believe he's being influenced by toxic friends and somebody is giving him false hope.