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Cost of living

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Original poster

UC. Can someone explain something to me please?

91 replies

mrsnec · 09/08/2022 22:16

Hi all, not sure if I've put this in the right place but I need help with something.

How does it work with benefits if you and your partner are separated and you want to co-parent. If you are both entitled to UC can you not split it?

We are being led to believe that there has to be one primary carer who gets everything and the other parent is treated as a single person with no dependants and gets the minimum.

Just need to settle an argument.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrsnec · 10/08/2022 14:55

Strictly speaking I suppose they could ask me to pay him maintenance once I'm either working or making enough money from my business but nobody has mentioned that to me so far. Good point though.

OP posts:

Orangeisthe · 10/08/2022 15:19

But you need to tell the truth because CMS would ask how many nights the kids stay with each parent. In reality you OP are the resident parent so your drawing the short fall all round.

Original poster

mrsnec · 10/08/2022 15:23

@Orangeisthe I have only been asked this question by the jobcentre work coach so far and I was absolutely honest with them.

OP posts:

titchy · 10/08/2022 16:04

It doesn't make sense that the non resident parent would like to cliam UC and benefits for the kids.... for what reason?

Because he can now present himself as homeless and needing to house two small children - that will put him as priority for social housing. And OP will be required to work full time and to hand over 25% of her salary to him for maintenance.

And that's assuming he brings them back to this country. Which he may well not do. And may be legally required to do because he is now the resident parent.

He could possibly also argue that the trustees are not looking at the interests of the children by not charging rent, and evict OP to put tenants in. Maybe he can also legally dispose of the trustees?

titchy · 10/08/2022 16:05

may NOT be legally required to bring them back

ReformedWaywardTeen · 10/08/2022 16:19

The other issue is that even having the children listed as being with him doesn't necessarily mean he will be housed by a local authority

Where I am, we had a situation where our landlord had to sell due to financial issues meaning we got told to leave. Despite never owing money, and it not being our fault, the council did not care. They offered us a b&b over an hour away, expected us to still send them to school and told us basically find a new private rent as they were offering nothing. And that was with a child with disabilities.

There simply isn't housing and they will tell him to find a private landlord.

Original poster

mrsnec · 10/08/2022 16:23

He isn't with the DC. He too has fallen out with his parents. Their relationship is strained because they didn't want him to come back to the UK. But I still don't trust his parents so I still contacted that organisation in case they don't bring them back.

He's in the B&B and he's working part time. He assured me he'd have decent accommodation by the time the DC came back. It hasn't happened. He's blaming me for it.

He took a very small PT job just so he wouldn't have to go to the jobcentre any more. He's turned down all the overtime they've offered. After he didn't get his dream job, he's stopped applying for anything else. He's sticking with the PT job he hates for now.

He's not doing enough hours though so I'm not sure why nobody is pushing him to do more.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrsnec · 10/08/2022 16:24

Also I do pay rent and I do have a proper tenancy agreement

OP posts:

Original poster

mrsnec · 10/08/2022 16:33

I have found out we do have a housing shortage in this town. They were even looking at rushing through the renovation of an old municipal building to help. That's how bad it is.

There are private landlords but they keep turning him away.

I came here because my parents live nearby. But lots of people moved down here after lockdown or bought second homes. We're basically the last civilisation before you hit Cornwall and have excellent transport links.

OP posts:

saraclara · 10/08/2022 16:38

Okay. Apart from consulting with that organisation, don't do anything at all that could make him twitchy or realise that you're on to him. Not until your kids are home. If he or his parents think that you're talking over these claims, that could lead to them not bringing them back.

Notconfident · 10/08/2022 17:10

mrsnec · 10/08/2022 00:35

No I don't claim the CB or that element of UC at the moment. I only have copies of the DC's birth certificates and passports.

Right you can order your own copies of BC's. CB can be claimed even if they live at a different address but child element cannot. My DC doesn't have a passport so that is a different matter altogether and mine is registered with GP near Dad's.

In all honesty I'd let DSF take it out of your hands and report him. What he's doing is illegal as they are registered as living with you and this is benefit fraud.

My DC isn't registered as living with me because I was the one who moved and we decided to keep everything as it was for stability as ex and DC still live in the original family home and my ex claimed child element when he had to apply for UC.

Original poster

mrsnec · 10/08/2022 18:26

This is exactly what I'm thinking. I just Don't want to antagonise. I spoke to the kids today on a video call. His parents were watching. And after 10 minutes told me my time was up. When I asked if I could chat again on Sunday it was like I was asking for the earth. He wouldn't commit to a time.

DH is hardly talking to me and moaning about how skint he is.

I think I'm going to go and stay with my parents for a few days

OP posts:

BishFish · 10/08/2022 22:28

It seems that he plans to get rehoused with the DC and then for you to see them EOW and to pay him maintenance. Is that what you want ? Would that be best for the DC?

It has to be his plan, as he is now down as their primary carer for CB and also seem like he is the main carer (if he was arguing to have the most contact time in court) because he is the one doing the school runs while you work.

Busymum2024 · 30/07/2024 17:14

Did you get your children back?

Tumbleweed101 · 04/08/2024 14:05

The primary carer of the children should always be the one to claim for them. It protects your pension if you can only work part time hours. It means you get support for them in your UC to provide their food and other needs and cover expenses such as bills which are always higher with children.

The housing team will not give your ex a house as he isn't the primary carer they may offer a bedsit for him as a single man. Even with 50:50 residency council housing isn't allocated that way.

You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position by going along with this plan. I understand your reasons but your main concern should be for you and your children and their day to day needs.

Lumiluna · 01/01/2025 22:20

Really worrying reading through this thread. I really hope the OP got the strength she needed to secure her children and untangle herself from such an awful sounding human xxxx sending so much hope & love your way OP

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