May Making Money Go Frugally Further

[Wolfcub]

New thread

I'm with you too. I let the dc choose what to wear though sometimes I have a friend who's life is completely ruled by her 8 year old and it's ridiculous.

I think I've found a villa for our holiday next year! Have gone for a cheaper one than originally looking at but it's still great. Mil and fil said they'd love to come with us so it'll be even cheaper. Looking at £1000 for dh, the dc and I for flights and villa hire for 10 days. Then car hire and food on top of that probably the same again.

Admittedly I totally get that if you’ve got a child with additional needs or may be more difficult to just say “this is happening” but that aside I’m a bit believer in personal space and time. A bit of me time never did anyone any harm.

Em I think that's probably right that addition needs in the child make a big difference. For example I would be extremely surprised if Christmas said that she could just lay down the law willy nilly with her son and expect him to take it on the chin.

In my situation, I definitely cannot just lay down the law with ds, and I think that my considerate attitude to my ds's feelings is partly driven by having grown up with undiagnose SN myself. I try hard to listen to what he says because I really strongly understand that his needs may be different from those of other people.

That’s a very good point Sunny and one I do appreciate, I am lucky that I don’t have additional needs to consider. I also have a somewhat Victorian (according to h) approach to parenting in the sense of dinner is as it comes etc so I am quite black and white in that respect. I appreciate that different circumstances call for different parenting. That said a mum’s well-being is important so if you can see a way to make that time for yourself then that would be great. Can you share drop of at scouts with another parent so you could sing every other week for example?

Thanks Wolf.

I think that with my ds (and me) that "no" means "No Mum, I can't communicate effectively enough with anyone else to be able to cope in your absence for that length of time, and as frequently as that."

I understand that that is what he means and I will find a way to make sure my needs are met without railroading his. In fairness, I'm totally knackered from the late night and have achieved nothing today as a consequence, so just going to the four concerts a year may quite enough for me.

£15 petrol.
30p food bags
40p wooden spoon.

Hi everyone, may I join?
I need to improve on money management; I'm on unpaid maternity leave right now, which in theory is fine as we have savings to cover the drop in income, but I'm a little shocked at how quickly we are going through the savings. I think I thought that our outgoings would magically reduce when our income fell and that hasn't actually happened! Therefore I need to get a better handle on things for the next couple of months.

Obviously sunny I’m the absolute parenting expert here....given that ds is 8 months old and the rest of you have bigger littlies! Remind me of my “no means no” and “what I say goes” in a couple of years when he’s a headstrong toddler...... hahaha! knows this will come back to bite me in the ass at some point

Spends £1.40(?!) on a can of san pellogrino lemonata. Delicious. But holy duck balls that’s expensive. I was so shocked I just paid up....

Dentist done. Have the next 6 sets of aligners. Dentist looked at ds’ teef while we were there. Ds loves showing them off. Dentist gave him a toothbrush to play with and showed him how to brush. Ds thought it was hilarious. Had my bottom left teeth “shaved” today to allow them to move. I hate that bit. Not painful just vibratey. Wierd.

At work now. Arguing about selling a boat. Apparently according to the lawyers we don’t have to wait for addresses to be updated so details are correct even though the directors are signing and giving warranties that details are correct....

lacomtessede of course you're very welcome to join in

I will be purchasing toilet roll later - rock and roll spends here!

And I'll do grocery shopping for delivery on Wed eve because the €15 off code finishes then, and it hadn't come through when I was ordering my groceries for delivery on Friday. I seem to get a code every week I do an online shop and missed out last week because previous weeks shopping was done in Aldi.

You know, I do lay down the law to DS quite a lot! I am quite old fashioned actually, in terms of expecting decent behaviour. I think with SN the battles can be different /unexpected though. So for example:

I insist that ds washes his hands after the loo. Not a big deal to most people but he hates the feeling. It aggravates him more than most people because of his SN. But some things just need to be done. So ‘no handwashing, no dinner*, no treats’ . There was a lot of upset for a while but I powered through the pain barrier and now he does it.

*obviously I would feed him in the end but he usually eats with his hands so a bit of brinksmanship was called for

Also:

• wearing a helmet when scooting
• eating at the table
• iPads once in a blue moon, generally no tablet. TV is fine (not while eating) but he’s not very interested
• saying please and thank you. Incredibly hard to embed here because DS doesn’t see the point of social constructs so that was a very hard battle.
• bedtime when told
• dentist (still WIP)

Etc.

Some of these don’t seem like big deals but they are important to me. And to managing in life, I think. He’s a creature of habit so if I get the habit right it stays with him. BUT. And it’s a big BUT: I don’t force him on things that I think provoke anxiety and are not really important. So things like trying new food (I go for a tactic of trying often, no reaction from me, definitely no forcing); doing school reading (he reads a lot to himself but refuses to read out loud to me, I don’t want to put him off reading...) ; I didn’t force him to sit on the toilet when he initially resisted, etc. Anything where there is the potential to make the situation worse if I make an issue of it! I also don’t put him in situations I know are stressful for him. So noisy parties, crowded places, loose animals (he’s curious but terrified) . I see my job simply as inculcating him with the best possible habits for life, while minimising the anxiety that life causes him. Not always possible to eliminate, but I understand well enough what he finds hard now.

Also I NEVER lie to him for my convenience. I took him to a new cake shop on Saturday which was near his preschool. All the way there he was anxious because he thought we were going to preschool, but eventually we got to the tea shop and he had a huge bit of chocolate cake. I have never ever said we are going somewhere ‘nice’ to get him somewhere he wouldn’t like! It’s so important to me that he trusts me.

I am sure I will be harder on dd though and I hope she understands, in time, why I expect different things of her. Like using cutlery

Cleaner was fine, Nanny was fine, but got wires crossed so she thought she was finishing at 3. So I called the sitter agency and now have YET ANOTHER person wrangling dd. Who has been brilliant and taken it all in her stride. DS is hiding upstairs.

Just 2 hours till DH gets home and counting!

Yayyyy my first NSD for as long as I can remember!!!!

I've remembered the trick is: (1) buying loads of milk ahead of time and (2) not going anywhere near the shops/cafes, especially with DC....

You're doing a great job of everything seacow!

Havent read the full thread but can i jump in here and try and survive on as little money as possible for the next while?

I dont have children but i have me and my cat, Im disabled and fully bedbound at the moment, the full care package in my area is short swift visits (had to call the girls back this afternoon as they forgot to give me something to eat), we only had 15 mins for that call, i have a top package for my area which amounts to 1h 15m per day but mine is double handed so counted as 2h and 30m. In 4 calls they are 7am (20 mins), 11am (15 mins), 3pm (15 mins) and 7pm (20 mins)

I am on benefits and am just out of hospital, my ESA form was pushed to one side while i was in as i couldnt do anything with it, i was dysfunctional from the neck down so couldnt work on it. My deadline for getting it back is tomorrow but when i rang to say it would be late the person i spoke to didnt want my "excuses" so my next payment isnt going to happen. (i would be mega surprised if it does)

So right now im now down to relying on carers who havent time to pass me something from the kitchen / forget about getting me something to eat or drink until i call them back / the house is a tip as living room has everything from hospital sitting in it and where bags have been opened and stuff used from where the ambulance men who took me home put them / i darent even think what the kitchen is like.

Friends had cleaned and tidied while i was away but its destroyed now as i had to take the pillow off my bed when one of their husbands called in to collect the esa forms which he was taking to a place that fills them in for me, i had to throw the pillow over the soaked, period incontinence pad lying on the floor.

I had advertised locally for a cleaner a couple of times over past 6 months with no response but im about to do it again and pay him / her out of savings as i need help as im not able to do this and i dont want my friends picking up the slack all the time.

I want them to just be my friends, not coming over and having a convo with me while they tackle a mountain of washing up or sort from piles on the floor what needs washing / drying / putting away.

I shop online, however i get the delivery person to put chilled stuff in the fridge and the rest is in bags, they keep asking me where everything is and i dont know, i cant get to it and they know that, Sorry my frustration is all coming out.

Today i was given a yogurt for my lunch as they couldnt find anything else, - the fridge is full!!! Ive got a multi pack of crisps for my tea, i know i have loads of food which i have as my back up for times if i was low on money, this time has come. Im going to have to blow a gasket to get them to actually sort out proper meals as they do it for a while and then dont have time.

The sw who is on my case is off on sick leave and is expected back in june so will be asking her to have many words in their shelllikes

Sorry for my rant every one - it feels a bit better

Any tips to save money in all this situation

I have cat food so cat will be fine, just need to get some litter as she is a fussy puss what she will put her butt in

I have drinks for me (non alcoholic), i have stock supplies of toilet roll, kitchen roll, washing tablets, fabric conditioner, might need some fairy but not a lot of bits so i will be stringing as long as possible between shopping orders

Nsd today.

Welcome laComtessede and smurfy this is a great thread for picking up saving tips but also for lots of friendly banter.

Smurfy that sounds very difficult. I am shocked that you are being given a yogurt for lunch and crisps for tea - that is really not on. How long are you likely to be bedbound for?

Hey smurfy you are very welcome here, what we do do is chatter, a lot, all day, so there's always someone about if you need it. Your situation sounds very hard to deal with. Are you on a recuperating slope, or getting used to being bed bound? (We're also very nosy, or rather I am) Hopefully things will get better.

Can you possibly get your friends in to rejig your room a bit, maybe bring the fridge through, and easy to eat things close to your bed, so your shopping unpacks round you as it were?

Welcome lacomt too, it's so easy to spend money when you have a new baby, mostly on stuff you never thought you would ever need. For me, meal planning was a bit of a breakthrough, instead of mooching round a supermarket wondering what to do for tea.

So, today. Worked through until 2pm, then boxed up the second baby seat. Note: always keep the original boxes to super odd shsped things that you might want to sell later. Hideous. Used more tape than cardboard. Dropped off at the post office.

£6 posting ebay things (covered), £4.20 this morning, nurofen and refuced bread. And £25, 20 was fuel, milk, chocolate and a 1.5l bottle of water, which I topped up the dc's water bottles with, rather than buying us 3. If I had my brain on, I could have taken cold water from home (it's not like we haven't got eleventy billion sports bottles left over). Must try harder.

Tea was creamy pasta: turkey, spinach, peas, stock, onion, a few cranberries and philly. Tasty, eaten without complaint.

Christmas I'm pretty much the same interestingly. Things like handwashing are essentials, but I'm happy to bail out of an activity if it is too loud, and we are negotiable on hairwashing.

One thing I feel so desperately sad about it the loss of trust that we had over the babyhood operations. I'm hoping that will be restored now that we can talk about what is happening in medical situations, rather than just surprising him with whatever.

Smurfy Welcome. Is that a safeguarding issue? Yoghurt and crisps for a vulnerable adult?.

Hi newbies. Comtesse I am about to go on maternity leave and only get SMP so dreading the financial side, eek.

Smurfy So sorry to hear the situation you are in. If your SW is off you can call and speak to the Duty Social Worker, you don't need to wait for your own SW to return before you raise your concerns. Is that something you could do, or a friend could do for you? You don't need to wait until June to discuss this, it's appalling and action should be taken. Tbh if things don't start improving soon and if it is affecting your health - which I can't see how it wouldn't be - I would be considering threatening the local authority with legal proceedings and I don't say that lightly. Citizens Advice Bureaux offer form-filling services, is that where your friend has taken your ESA form? There is also a great charity called Fightback - they are based in Bury but they can do the forms remotely for you - I think you have to pay like £30 or something but it's worth it if you can afford it, they have really high success rates and really know what they're doing. Might be worth giving them a call or e-mail about your current situation because they do offer some free advice and guidance and will be used to helping people in similar situations to yourself. They have personally helped me so I can vouch for them. Also could you research local cleaning agencies and get a cleaner through them maybe? Do you have any local universities to advertise the cleaning job with, a few hours of cleaning would really suit some students?

Girlie I did a benefits checker thing awhile ago and it said I would be entitled to Child Benefit, and some Child Tax Credits. I think it said we wouldn't be entitled to Housing Benefit but I'm unsure and will probably apply anyway at the time. The thing is I can't apply for that until my SMP actually starts (not until the week of my due date, and these next few weeks are annual leave), and obviously can't apply for the other two until baby is actually here when things will be manic and I've heard the Child Tax Credits application is ridiculously complicated and will necessitate sending copies of all mine and DH's payslips for the last financial year, right? And because we've both been in and out of different jobs and then I will be going on SMP etc our situation will have been a lot different in the last financial year to this one, we'll have had more money coming in then, but it's based on the last financial year isn't it? So I'm scared about how little I might actually be entitled to. Actually I need to kick DH up the bum to make him enquire with his uni as to whether he may be eligible for some money from the hardship fund because if so the deadline for applications is in about a month and it would make sense to do it sooner before the baby arrives.

Welcome lacontessede and smurfy. Lots of helpful chitchat here. I really hope you get some better help soon smurfy as your situation sounds very tough. Surely helping people to eat should be a priority for helping people recooperate.

Well done seacow on getting through all your logistics for the day

I’ve got my form completed for posting to do a one day college course in September, got my boss to agree to swopping my work days and sorted the extra day of childcare needed. September is going to be very busy in termtime! But hopefully the qualification will help with getting a better job in September 2019.

£3.05 in Tesco

I’ve been sent some 20% off codes for M&S for the bank holiday weekend if anyone needs one

Welcome to our newbies.

Sunny, just talk about your hobby in a really positive way to DS and explain how happy it makes you feel, so that is why you need to continue with it. Keep talking and being positive, and if you can, spend some quality time together before you need to go and then tell him about when you get back (which might be the next morning).

Spends: £35 for 5 weeks of Pilates and £4.40 bus fares back home.

Welcome newbies. The person who has offered to buy my event tickets has not shown up. I am quite annoyed

Welcome new folk 💐

I’m still lurking here. Life is batshit crazy busy. Lots more ‘proper’ learning stuff (SO happy about this!) heaps of things going on with the Caglets’ activities (DD got medals in gym and ballroom last week 😍 and taekwondo grading this week on top of all the usual), plus various trips and parties. Home Ed should really be called “Barely At Home Ed” 😂

I am knackered though, and Cagletini is particularly high maintenance at the moment as I have nowhere to put her safely 🤔 as she is moving about and pulling herself up on everything. We only have a booster seat type high chair so she can’t be left in that. I really need to sort out a bigger sling/carrier but my friend with all the expertise (and samples to try) is having a tough time so don’t want to ask.

Re laying down the law I agree it’s slightly different with SN involved but also, it can be even more important to have boundaries. It brings predictability and there is safety in knowing the adults who love them are in charge.

I’m not earning much myself ATM, really struggling with confidence TBH. I did have a cool idea though. At least I think it’s cool. DH’s sports club is still popular, but I was thinking about some kind of adult and child fitness class for the home ed mums. Sort of fun low impact aerobics type thing. We would possibly need hall hire though so we’d have an outlay to consider.

Hi smurfy and lacomt welcome! We’re a super chatty bunch here.

cag lovely to “see” you xxx sorry things are still tough but glad you’re busy!! Xx

We’ve just had evening tea/supper with the vicar. Eep. He came to ours and we had pikelets with butter and jam and tea. Pikelets are a like a kiwi drop scone for those of you who don’t know. Dh is insistent that they’re a kiwi only thing. And the recipe is different to drop scones. But they’re not.