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Original poster

My mother and her husband refuse to test

150 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:04

I am supposed to be spending tomorrow with my mum and her husband. They are difficult at the best of times and I'm not looking forward to it.

I work with extremely vulnerable people but have a few days off.

I have asked that we all test for COVID before meeting up but she is refusing to do one and is very defensive about it. It's her choice, I get it, but a test that takes a few seconds to do could prevent any one of us getting very poorly. She is CV but doesn't really care TBH.

OP posts:
Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 24/12/2021 16:34

So her incandescent rage trumps your feelings, the lives of the people you work with?
People always live in fear of people raging... Don't fear it, let the rage.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:35

I know that after she's had cancer, the whole other family when they hear I didn't go will think i'm awful.

OP posts:
Wonnle · 24/12/2021 16:36

I'd personally let them both get on with it and stay at home .

violetbunny · 24/12/2021 16:38

You must know this isn't normal or healthy, OP.
Let her be incandescent with rage. If she's truly that bothered then she will just do the test.

Meanwhile, in the long term it sounds like you should distance yourself from her. If you haven't read this book, it's a good place to start:

www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Legacy-Reclaiming/dp/0553814826

KittenCatcher · 24/12/2021 16:39

Well let the rest of the family go then and take the risk , its nothing to do with them.

Lindy2 · 24/12/2021 16:40

Don't go. If someone won't do a 30 second nose swab to show consideration to others health then they're not worth spending time with.

3scape · 24/12/2021 16:43

Don't go. She's just as pushing ideals (of don't give a fuck about anyone else is a popular 'ethic'). When she moans you just counter with her petty whine back at her. What a piece of work.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:44

None of the other family are going. They're all doing their own things. Just me.

Why someone would refuse to take a quick test is seriously beyond me. When I asked if either of them had had any symptoms she acted like I'd just flung shit in her face.

When I told her I'd supported people who were very poorly and who had very little the past few days she told me not to drag her into it. I am definitely not her daughter. I love the job I do and care so much about the people I work with.

OP posts:
KittenCatcher · 24/12/2021 16:47

If no one else is going then they really cannot moan about you not going, maybe there is a reason they are all doing their own thing.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:48

What's stopping me from cancelling is she's been excited about it seeing as last Christmas she had the cancer.

The reaction from the rest of the family (her sister and brother) of me, her only daughter not going after her cancer last year and I didn't see her because of the Covid risk and her low immune system.

OP posts:
NutellaEllaElla · 24/12/2021 16:49

None of the other family are going. They're all doing their own things. Just me.

Wonder why that is?

You can decide not to go you know op. You might be her child but you're not a child. She can tantrum all she likes, treat her like a child, she'll wear herself out eventually. It sounds like you're still in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). I encourage you to draw your own boundaries.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:49

Her sisters and brothers always do their own thing. They have their own families and in-laws to host.

OP posts:
SlashBeef · 24/12/2021 16:51

I'm afraid I just wouldn't go. If the people you work with are as vulnerable as you say I'd feel awful about socialising closely with people that won't even test for peace of mind.

BringMeTea · 24/12/2021 16:52

I would not go.

mumda · 24/12/2021 16:52

If you're looking for a reason to not see them, tell them you're positive.

Covid: The excuse that keeps giving. :-D

Tana433 · 24/12/2021 16:53

At the risk of being slated, i am with your mum here. I wont be taking any test in order for someone to be around me at christmas. If i was ill, i wouldnt go anywhere obviously but otherwise it is a fairly over the top thing to do sticking a swab up my nose. You dont have to go there do you? If you dont agree with her just do your own thing but at the end of the day it is her house and her decision.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:55

@mumda Ha ha ha ha Grin. It has crossed my mind!

OP posts:
PizzaCrust · 24/12/2021 16:57

If you work with very vulnerable people and she won’t test, then you can’t go.

It’s that simple.

mumberry84 · 24/12/2021 16:57

@Tana433

At the risk of being slated, i am with your mum here. I wont be taking any test in order for someone to be around me at christmas. If i was ill, i wouldnt go anywhere obviously but otherwise it is a fairly over the top thing to do sticking a swab up my nose. You dont have to go there do you? If you dont agree with her just do your own thing but at the end of the day it is her house and her decision.
But you must be aware that covid spreads very easily amongst those without symptoms? Completely genuine question; Why would you refuse to test when it might show you have covid but don't have symptoms?
Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:58

If I did test positive it would be easy to isolate and work from home but her selfishness has astounded me.

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 24/12/2021 17:01

If they say anything just say about your work and 'you know DM isn't back to full strength yet, it'd make me a right selfish arse hole to risk giving her anything, riiiiiiiight?'

itsgettingwierd · 24/12/2021 17:03

[quote RainbowBriteUk]@PotatoOfTheNight She'd be absolutely incandescent with rage if I said I wasn't going.

I work with some very ill people. Passing COVID on to them could kill them. I'm very hurt at my mothers reaction right now.[/quote]
She can be as angry as she likes. She'll get over it.

A very vulnerable person may not get over covid.

You have to make the decision that's best for you.

Fwiw my mum is on chemo. Me and dc LFT this evening. I rang mum to say we are negative but we will test again tomorrow if she wants us to.

ChubbyMorticia · 24/12/2021 17:03

@RainbowBriteUk, you have an obligation to the vulnerable people you work with not to go.

Your mother's temper tantrums may be a thing to behold, but they're not worth someone's life.

And here's the other thing: just because your mother is putting on a tanty, it doesn't mean you have to be the audience. You can hang up the phone. Ignore it the way you would with a toddler.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 17:05

She'll take massive offence too, something along the lines of I didn't spend Christmas with her last year and i'm spoiling this year when she's trying to make it nice.

OP posts:
Tana433 · 24/12/2021 17:06

@mumberry84 Because, honestly, constantly testing for an illness when you have zero symptoms used to be called hypochondria but now seems completely normal. Not for me, i firmly believe that if you really have covid you would know about it. Im sorry but i just dont believe people are swanning around symptomless spreading willy nilly. A virus makes you feel in and then of course you shouldnt be mixing with others. The past two years has lead us into some sort of mass hysteria and im not playing. If you dont agree, i really dont care frankly. Im entitled to my opinion as are you, we dont need to all agree.

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