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Original poster

My mother and her husband refuse to test

150 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:04

I am supposed to be spending tomorrow with my mum and her husband. They are difficult at the best of times and I'm not looking forward to it.

I work with extremely vulnerable people but have a few days off.

I have asked that we all test for COVID before meeting up but she is refusing to do one and is very defensive about it. It's her choice, I get it, but a test that takes a few seconds to do could prevent any one of us getting very poorly. She is CV but doesn't really care TBH.

OP posts:
PotatoOfTheNight · 24/12/2021 16:07

Hasn't she just given you a cast iron reason not to have to go and spend time with them?

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:07

Oh and she's the sort of person who wouldn't tell me if one of them was positive, she'd just have me over so it'd be how it was planned.

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 24/12/2021 16:07

Personally I'd say I couldn't go then, since you work with vulnerable people and can't risk bringing it into them but Happy Christmas anyway.

KittenCatcher · 24/12/2021 16:08

You dont have to go if you feel you and your clients will be out at risk. It sounds like its not something you would really enjoy anyway and this could be a good reason not to go. They have chosen not to take a lft, you can choose not to go.

RuggerHug · 24/12/2021 16:09

Oh if she wouldn't even tell you if it was positive I'd say my job is worth more to me than 1 dinner.

MintJulia · 24/12/2021 16:10

I wouldn't go under those circumstances. I don't understand that level of selfish.

Bunnycat101 · 24/12/2021 16:11

I seriously don’t get grown ups who are resistant to doing a LF. I’ve been getting my 5yo to do them all week and she has been extremely wary in the past as found previous tests quite traumatic. She’s done so well to get over her fear because she wants to help keep everyone safe. There’s no excuse for the vast majority of adults to be difficult about it.

EbonanzaScrooge · 24/12/2021 16:13

Don’t go then. I get it’s Christmas and there’s constant huge pressure on everyone to ‘spend it with family’ but let’s be honest sometimes that makes it fucking shit for the rest of us.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:13

@PotatoOfTheNight She'd be absolutely incandescent with rage if I said I wasn't going.

I work with some very ill people. Passing COVID on to them could kill them. I'm very hurt at my mothers reaction right now.

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 24/12/2021 16:14

If they would lie about the test then there’s no point in you asking them to take a test so the conclusion is they aren’t allowed to come.

Tbh, if they are that deceitful, I reckon they would go out of their way to get someone else to take one so it’s negative, and then show up at your house with theirs to “prove” they were negative.

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/12/2021 16:14

Do you want to go? I you don't, don't - it's pretty appalling to refuse to test as you work with vulnerable people (and would she even tell you if she was positive?)

If you do want to go, can you insist on distance and open windows?

PurpleDaisies · 24/12/2021 16:14

I just wouldn’t go,

SmallElephant · 24/12/2021 16:16

My MIL and FIL have refused to test as well. I don't really understand it.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:18

I told her she should be proud of me for caring about the people I work with who are dying and some have very little, but she's just told me not to push my ideals on to her.

OP posts:
blueluce85 · 24/12/2021 16:20

Let her be incandescent with rage. It is Personal choice but you work with ghe vulnerable so your personal choice is to not go.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:22

She was ill with cancer last year so this is putting me off telling her to stick her Christmas up her arse. The cancer has gone now. She has form for being a selfish prick as does her husband.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 24/12/2021 16:22

YANBU to be upset. Your DM and her DH are being incredibly selfish. You sound lovely, OP and clearly care deeply about the vulnerable people you work with. They are lucky to have you. You will probably get a lot of people saying "don't go", but I know it's not that easy when it's your own DM, however unreasonable she's being. Whatever you decide to do I hope you manage to have a good Christmas.

PotatoOfTheNight · 24/12/2021 16:22

Someone being very angry vs risk of vulnerable person dying.

Not a hugely difficult one is it? Although I do appreciate this isn't my mum we're talking about.

lastqueenofscotland · 24/12/2021 16:24

Honestly I wouldn’t go.

KittenCatcher · 24/12/2021 16:24

Just tell them you are working if you dont want to say its because of their refusal to so a test. You say she is well now but selfish.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:25

She's basically said as she was ill with cancer last year she won't be feeling guilty about anyone else including the people I work with.

FML. Yes, she's always been this selfish.

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:26

I hate the pressure that Christmas brings. I fucking hate it!

OP posts:
iheartredsquirrels · 24/12/2021 16:27

so what if your dm gets angry ? it's her own fault they both both sound very selfish and entitled. let her have her tantrums, she'll get over it as children always do.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 24/12/2021 16:30

She's always got her own way and I've always just let her get on with it for an easy life but I'd say for the last decade I've stood up to her and she hates that!

OP posts:
LJAKS · 24/12/2021 16:32

Don't go is the obvious solution?
She's making that choice not you.
If you choose to go knowing what you know, well...