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Original poster

So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
SundaysinKernow · 17/12/2021 15:53

I think lots of people are being rather harsh to you OP! You are saying she’d be upset not you and so you are surprised she took the risk. Yes going to an unventilated concert with 300 strangers singing is far more risky than day to day activities. It’s done now and all you can do is encourage everyone to do lft’s. The response re not doing test as don’t want to ruin Christmas is totally out of order as it’s about everyone else too.!

cassgate · 17/12/2021 16:10

OP, I am hosting Xmas this year, as I always did pre covid. I am going to my works Xmas party tonight. Admittedly, we have hired a private venue and we have been working together all week so no different to being at work. DH and DS are going to a premier league football match on Sunday, along with my FIL and SIL who are coming to ours on Xmas day. DD is going to an 18th birthday party tomorrow. Life goes on. We have all had the jabs including boosters that we are eligible for and most of us have had COVID as well. As far as I am concerned I have done all I can to protect myself and that’s all I can do so I will life my life now as I see fit. I would be highly offended if I were your mum.

20viona · 17/12/2021 16:13

She can't stay locked up until Xmas. Ridiculous.

toomuchlaundry · 17/12/2021 16:56

@lemmein would you invite people to your house if you knowingly had norovirus or flu?

LovePoppy · 17/12/2021 16:58

@Figgygal

I'd think she was nuts too if she values Christmas that much
I’m betting that @DontWantTheRivalry will be the one expected to comfort her mother if she does miss Christmas. She’ll be the one getting the guilt trip for hosting without them
lemmein · 17/12/2021 17:03

[quote toomuchlaundry]@lemmein would you invite people to your house if you knowingly had norovirus or flu?[/quote]
No, because I'd be unwell Hmm

Rainallnight · 17/12/2021 17:04

YANBU. I’m with you.

LovePoppy · 17/12/2021 17:06

@pinkmink

If you are all triple vaccinated, what’s stopping you from doing Christmas anyway - covid or not?

What is the point of the vaccine if it doesn’t let you live your life? The vaccine protects you so you don’t have to worry as much about getting it - and if you do, it should be mild. To my mind, worrying about severe illness after three vaccines is just as mad as refusing a vaccine because you’re worried about very unlikely severe side effects.

I am very pro vaccine and queued in the cold this week to get my booster. My family will be doing Christmas either way.

You’ll be having Christmas even with positive family members?!
Muchmorethan · 17/12/2021 17:19

@DontWantTheRivalry

I don’t know how many times I can say it, maybe I need to put it in capital letters or something, but I know it was her choice to go and of course she can make her own risk assessments, of course I’m not angry that she went or anything like that, I know I can’t ‘police’ her actions and nor would I.

All I said was that I’m just shocked she went because I know how much Christmas Day means to her.

I will ring her though and apologise if I came across as judgemental.

Yes you did.

Your opinion is exactly that..... yours.

diddl · 17/12/2021 17:23

@DontWantTheRivalry

Will everyone who is going be testing beforehand?

My sister suggested this as a mitigating option but my mum said she didn’t want people doing that as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s (i.e surprise positive results for people who feel absolutely fine) to potentially ruin the day.

Me and my husband will still do one though and I imagine other family members will do too. It’s just the decent thing to do isn’t it.

Well obviously it's up to people to test if they want.

If your Mum won't be testing though & you think that she has put herself at risk-why would you still go?

puppeteer · 17/12/2021 17:23

Honestly, we have to look at it through a lens of “what is sensible”, and for most people and families, the sensible thing is to mix as normal.

It only makes sense to forego the opportunity to live life to the full now if you think you’ll get it back in spades afterwards. But show me anyone who is really under that illusion.

Best case we’re all lucky. Worst case, we’re not. But in any of the bad cases, your mum not having gone to a concert would not make a jot of difference — we’d still all be fucked.

So you are being unreasonable because it’s you that hasn’t really thought things through.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 17/12/2021 17:59

My sister suggested this as a mitigating option but my mum said she didn’t want people doing that as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s (i.e surprise positive results for people who feel absolutely fine) to potentially ruin the day

Ouch - not sure I would even want my mother Round with that attitude

covidhater · 17/12/2021 18:06

Your poor mum she has not done anything the past few years I agree with your sister

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 18:12

If your Mum won't be testing though & you think that she has put herself at risk-why would you still go?

This would be my worst case scenario Sad

OP posts:
puppeteer · 17/12/2021 18:32

my mum said she didn’t want people doing [tests] as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s [...] to potentially ruin the day

This is only unreasonable because we're all hypersensitive to Covid.

If you told someone who'd skipped the past two years that you needed them to test before coming, they'd ask what it was testing for. And you'd explain that it was something that causes something a bit worse that a sore throat in some, perhaps even a bad cold. They'd tell you that you were mad!

Ouch - not sure I would even want my mother Round with that attitude

Yep. Right. Makes total sense to prioritise the health of all those non-family members you may meet after Christmas over the well-being and happiness of your mum!

Egghead68 · 17/12/2021 19:09

And you'd explain that it was something that causes something a bit worse that a sore throat in some, perhaps even a bad cold. They'd tell you that you were mad

But if you explained that it had killed 150K plus people and can also cause chronic illness they wouldn’t…

LovePoppy · 17/12/2021 20:10

@DontWantTheRivalry

Will everyone who is going be testing beforehand?

My sister suggested this as a mitigating option but my mum said she didn’t want people doing that as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s (i.e surprise positive results for people who feel absolutely fine) to potentially ruin the day.

Me and my husband will still do one though and I imagine other family members will do too. It’s just the decent thing to do isn’t it.

So she wants to be a spreader event?

With

LovePoppy · 17/12/2021 20:13

Yep. Right. Makes total sense to prioritise the health of all those non-family members you may meet after Christmas over the well-being and happiness of your mum!

What about their own health? That of children?

Why not care about non family?

You’re trying to paint OP as unreasonable and cold, but you’re making yourself sound worse

puppeteer · 17/12/2021 21:35

You’re trying to paint OP as unreasonable and cold

It wasn't OP that posted the thing I was responding to in the bit you quoted, was it?

I don't think OP's cold. Just acting the same way that many people are right now.

CustardCreamm · 17/12/2021 21:58

Yeah you were rude. What's the point in vaccines if everyone is still going to hide away - this is not living. Your poor mum.

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 22:35

[quote toomuchlaundry]@lemmein would you invite people to your house if you knowingly had norovirus or flu?[/quote]
No, because if I had norovirus or flu I’d be too unwell to host.

toomuchlaundry · 17/12/2021 22:56

@LittleBabyCheesesand if you were in the 48 hour period after you had last been sick but were still contagious with norovirus

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 23:02

[quote toomuchlaundry]@LittleBabyCheesesand if you were in the 48 hour period after you had last been sick but were still contagious with norovirus[/quote]
Again, no. Because when I had norovirus, in the 48 hours post my last d&v episode I was still too weak and unwell to host.

toomuchlaundry · 17/12/2021 23:14

@LittleBabyCheeses but if you weren’t feeling ill would you invite people round, or if other members of your family weren’t feeling too poorly but were in that 48 hour period

lemmein · 17/12/2021 23:22

[quote toomuchlaundry]@LittleBabyCheeses but if you weren’t feeling ill would you invite people round, or if other members of your family weren’t feeling too poorly but were in that 48 hour period[/quote]
If...if...if - most reports are saying omicron is more on par with a cold, would you cancel Xmas for a cold?

For the record, as long as I'm able to I will be hosting Xmas - regardless of any infection status. I would also welcome any family member, regardless of their status too. The only thing that would change that is if I was too ill.