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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 17/12/2021 23:27

We had to avoid visiting my DF if we had a cold when he had cancer, so yes we would have changed Christmas plans if one of us had a cold.

Sarahschild · 18/12/2021 02:28

You either have faith in the vaccine you put in your body or not.
If you dont then why did you have it?

CorsicaDreaming · 18/12/2021 02:52

@DontWantTheRivalry

Well, the concert was 10 clear days before your family Christmas so she will know by then if she has been infected and just won't be able to be there. she isn't risking anyone else's health except your father's. Her choice to make, surely?

Absolutely, I’m not disputing that.

I’m just shocked that she went because she is the one who will be the most devastated if she can’t be part of our Christmas celebrations. That’s genuinely why I’m so surprised because I know how sad she will feel if she does catch it and has to miss out.

I get where you are coming from @DontWantTheRivalry

There are ranges of risk and 300 packed together in a poorly ventilated venue without masks + Omicron exponentially rising does seem fairly high risk to me.

It just feels so tiring when the things that should be fun and light hearted in life seem to need full health and safety assessments

My mum said to me the other day "well I just want to do a normal Christmas Day and if I die because of it then so be it".

I was pretty shocked she was seeing it like that. How has it come to this? Sad

CorsicaDreaming · 18/12/2021 03:01

@HyacynthBucket

I am with you on this OP. Your DM was being ridiculously unthinking and naive, as shown by her obviously not having thought of the possible consequences. He attitude is one of complete denial - "It won't happen to me", but with the present new variant, it almost certainly will happen in enclosed unventilated spaces with hundreds of people. She just didn't think it through sensibly, so I would be cross too, as it could affect Christmas for so many of you. However, although you keep expressing concern for her disappointment if they cannot host Christmas after all, I feel that you are also annoyed because she has jeopardised Xmas plans for everyone, including you, but you are not saying so.
Isn't it reasonable to be annoyed if other peoples unthinking actions also impact negatively for the OP?

Everyone is so individualistic and never think / care about their impact on others.

If we all thought more collectively and less individualistically we perhaps wouldn't be (quite so far) up sh!t creek without a paddle as we are currently.

Lokdok · 18/12/2021 03:15

You’re right, she is risking Christmas and will probably have caught it. I caught it from going to Tesco and it’s just everywhere now. The R rate is over 4, so it’s likely she will get a positive. But she’s acting within the law, she has every right to take her own risks, and you could pick it up yourself in a shop like I did so you won’t know where it came from anyway.

CorsicaDreaming · 18/12/2021 03:33

@DontWantTheRivalry

Will everyone who is going be testing beforehand?

My sister suggested this as a mitigating option but my mum said she didn’t want people doing that as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s (i.e surprise positive results for people who feel absolutely fine) to potentially ruin the day.

Me and my husband will still do one though and I imagine other family members will do too. It’s just the decent thing to do isn’t it.

Sounds like your mum has a fairly risky and cavalier attitude to Covid as a whole.

If it was me I'd be beginning to question if I wanted to be risking being at the family Christmas myself - and if I did go clearing all plans for the next ten days and making sure I had enough food in to isolate, just in case!

Some people still just don't seem to get it at all...

OfMinceAndMen · 18/12/2021 03:35

I'd be really happy if my mum was confident enough to go to a concert tbh! All of this hand-wringing and judgement over people living their lives is so horrible to see.

CorsicaDreaming · 18/12/2021 03:44

@lemmein

"If...if...if - most reports are saying omicron is more on par with a cold, would you cancel Xmas for a cold?"

This is 100% incorrect after research reported today. It's just as bad as Delta.

BlackCatz · 18/12/2021 03:47

and will probably have caught it

You cannot say that for certain lmao.

TheAverageForumUser · 18/12/2021 05:35

@DontWantTheRivalry

I feel that you are also annoyed because she has jeopardised Xmas plans for everyone, including you, but you are not saying so.

I’m not annoyed, just disappointed.

I have already told my sister that me and my husband will be happy to host Christmas if our parents can’t, so that’s all sorted, but I will just be really disappointed if my parents can’t be with us, as will they be.

Since you were expecting to be hosted by your parents you won’t have enough food in for the whole family. So you’ll have to go shopping in the week before Christmas. And you think 300 people in a concert hall is bad - wait till you see Tescos next week.
DontWantTheRivalry · 18/12/2021 06:20

You either have faith in the vaccine you put in your body or not. If you dont then why did you have it?

Because I’m a nurse and I had to.

I spoke to my dad last night as my mum was out and he said he understood why I had been shocked but said I had made my mum feel bad when I told her she was mad to have taken the risk. However, he also agrees with me and I think they’ve had an argument over it. He’s just really worried that if she catches it and gives it to him then he’s going to miss out on Christmas with us all. He’s feeling a bit a disappointed by it all because we’ve all been looking forward to Christmas so much.

But, she made the choice and if it turns out to be the wrong one then so be it.

Me and DH both didn’t go to our work Christmas Parties so as to not potentially jeopardise Christmas day (yes I know it was our choice to do that) so the fact my mum wasn’t prepared to do similar kind of feels a bit shit.

My dad ha said he will talk to her again about LFT’s but he said that he’s doubtful she’ll take one near Christmas because like she told me, she doesn’t want anything to risk Christmas day.

OP posts:
BritWifeInUSA · 18/12/2021 06:34

[quote livinthedream1995]@lemmein

THANK YOU. I’ve been saying this for months, For at least the last 5 or so years it’s the same headlines every single winter. Probably longer than 5 years but I’m being conservative. No beds, patients waiting in corridors, A&E’s closing and hospitals/ICU’s are overwhelmed, waiting lists go up. Every. Single. Year. Whilst covid hasn’t helped, the NHS has been in dire straits for a VERY long time and it cannot just be pinned on covid.[/quote]
It’s been the same for at least 10 years. But the lockdown-lovers like to pretend that only COVID is a threat to the NHS when it has been underfunded and mismanaged for years.

So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.
Lifeispassingby · 18/12/2021 07:42

@BritWifeInUSA indeed the NHS has been on its knees for decades, so why do people believe it can cope with this extra pressure of covid?

Muchmorethan · 18/12/2021 07:51

@DontWantTheRivalry

You either have faith in the vaccine you put in your body or not. If you dont then why did you have it?

Because I’m a nurse and I had to.

I spoke to my dad last night as my mum was out and he said he understood why I had been shocked but said I had made my mum feel bad when I told her she was mad to have taken the risk. However, he also agrees with me and I think they’ve had an argument over it. He’s just really worried that if she catches it and gives it to him then he’s going to miss out on Christmas with us all. He’s feeling a bit a disappointed by it all because we’ve all been looking forward to Christmas so much.

But, she made the choice and if it turns out to be the wrong one then so be it.

Me and DH both didn’t go to our work Christmas Parties so as to not potentially jeopardise Christmas day (yes I know it was our choice to do that) so the fact my mum wasn’t prepared to do similar kind of feels a bit shit.

My dad ha said he will talk to her again about LFT’s but he said that he’s doubtful she’ll take one near Christmas because like she told me, she doesn’t want anything to risk Christmas day.

I do think she's being unfair about the LFT.

It's her choice to go out but knowinglynot doing an LFT so she doesn't miss out if positive is putting her family at risk

LittleBabyCheeses · 18/12/2021 07:52

[quote Lifeispassingby]@BritWifeInUSA indeed the NHS has been on its knees for decades, so why do people believe it can cope with this extra pressure of covid?[/quote]
Many don’t feel they should be guilted into giving up their lives to protect something which has been systematically destroyed by those in charge for years and which is unfit for purpose. And which is supposed to be protecting us, not the other way round.
If we stay at home every winter to ‘protect’ it, what incentive will the government have to ensure that it is adequately funded and resourced?
And before you say it, yes I would be happy to pay more taxes to fund it. At the moment I pay for private health insurance for a family of 5 because we’ve been let down time and time again by the NHS. I would happily divert that money into the public purse if it meant that we would have a service that was fit for purpose.

gogohm · 18/12/2021 07:55

You are overreacting. Life goes on.

Pootle40 · 18/12/2021 08:13

This reply has been deleted

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Cheerbear24 · 18/12/2021 08:29

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle

My sister suggested this as a mitigating option but my mum said she didn’t want people doing that as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s (i.e surprise positive results for people who feel absolutely fine) to potentially ruin the day

Ouch - not sure I would even want my mother Round with that attitude

I was with her until this point Confused This part is the worry, it’s just just head in the sand.
VikingOnTheFridge · 18/12/2021 08:40

Yeah, just as OP had no business interrogating her mother about her social activities, by the same principle DM doesn't get a say in whether other people choose to do LFTs or not.

DontWantTheRivalry · 18/12/2021 08:40

I was with her until this point confused. This part is the worry, it’s just just head in the sand.*

I agree.

She’s absolutely adamant, and has been for months, that our family Christmas will go ahead this year that I’m concerned she’s willing to put us at risk in order for it to happen.

My job is working with newborn babies and I’m not sure I’m prepared to risk them for the sake of Christmas dinner. My mum knows I’m wary regarding Covid due to my patients which is partly why I feel so disappointed by what she did. But as others have said, it was her risk to take and if she gets Covid as a result then she made that choice.

I think I have no option but to hope she stays ok. Christmas Day will be a 10 days post the concert so I suppose if she’s ok at that point then we’ll have no reason to be worried.

OP posts:
LittleBabyCheeses · 18/12/2021 08:43

I think I have no option but to hope she stays ok. Christmas Day will be a 10 days post the concert so I suppose if she’s ok at that point then we’ll have no reason to be worried

Why, has she isolated since the concert?

DontWantTheRivalry · 18/12/2021 08:53

Why, has she isolated since the concert?

She will be - she otherwise doesn’t really go anywhere. She is retired and does her shopping online. My mum goes and sees her older sister a few times a week (who is CEV and really does keep herself to herself) but otherwise my mom generally keeps herself to herself unless she has plans with her fiends.

She doesn’t have any plans between now and Christmas though.

OP posts:
LittleBirdBlu · 18/12/2021 08:53

@DontWantTheRivalry

I was with her until this point confused. This part is the worry, it’s just just head in the sand.*

I agree.

She’s absolutely adamant, and has been for months, that our family Christmas will go ahead this year that I’m concerned she’s willing to put us at risk in order for it to happen.

My job is working with newborn babies and I’m not sure I’m prepared to risk them for the sake of Christmas dinner. My mum knows I’m wary regarding Covid due to my patients which is partly why I feel so disappointed by what she did. But as others have said, it was her risk to take and if she gets Covid as a result then she made that choice.

I think I have no option but to hope she stays ok. Christmas Day will be a 10 days post the concert so I suppose if she’s ok at that point then we’ll have no reason to be worried.

But you have already said she's not going to do LFTs so how will you know she's ok and it's safe for all of you to attend?? Not everyone who has the virus displays symptoms...
puppeteer · 18/12/2021 08:55

The point of the 10 days isolation is to stop spread.

It’s nothing to do with the outcome for the individual.

You don’t need to worry any more then you would for a cold, flu or sore throat doing the rounds.

Unless, of course, you’re actually worried about simply about catching it, meaning you yourself should isolate. In that case, you probably should anyway be living like a hermit because you could catch it from a wide range of other places too.

fluffi · 18/12/2021 09:01

I’m with you OP. I’d be disappointed.

I don’t understand why anyone who is super keen on their Christmas plans with people outside of their household hasn’t been staying at home as far as possible (depending on job and child education requirements obviously with kids in school it’s impossible) since last weekend anyway. Especially with omicron is now a huge risk!

And to not test if have been out with other people is just crazy in my book.