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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
Cissyandflora · 17/12/2021 14:12

@Peakedtoosoon

Maybe she doesn't love doing all the work as much as she lets you think she does Grin
Ha ha
Scrooge89 · 17/12/2021 14:18

Who are you? Chief Inspector of the Covid Family Police? I’d give her a break. She knows the score. She gets it then well her fault. Don’t think you have the right to tell her off the way you have.

diddl · 17/12/2021 14:21

It does seem odd that she has taken a risk for something she purports to love doing so much.

Maybe she thinks that the chances of her getting it are low so it was a risk worth taking?

Will everyone who is going be testing beforehand?

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 14:26

Will everyone who is going be testing beforehand?

My sister suggested this as a mitigating option but my mum said she didn’t want people doing that as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s (i.e surprise positive results for people who feel absolutely fine) to potentially ruin the day.

Me and my husband will still do one though and I imagine other family members will do too. It’s just the decent thing to do isn’t it.

OP posts:
dotparker · 17/12/2021 14:28

You do sound selfish. Your mum has a right to enjoy life and choose what she sees as important. Christmas is only one event and you can have get togethers at any time

middleager · 17/12/2021 14:29

Calm down.
Also, you refer to those over 70. You make them sound ancient and infirm.

While technically most at risk, my mother is 75, going to pubs, clubs, online dating. She's most likely to give it to us!
My FIL is mid 80s and socialising.

Are those three over 70s house bound and shielding or are they out and about ?

lemmein · 17/12/2021 14:29

The consequences affect the rest of the family though don't they.

Only if you allow it to. Even if I tested positive I would still host Xmas (assuming I was well enough to) - up to others if they decided to take up the invite (they would!)

U8976532 · 17/12/2021 14:32

You're being a complete dick OP, get a grip.

ufucoffee · 17/12/2021 14:32

Ffs OP get a grip. Just because your mum is enjoying her life does not mean she'll get Covid and even if she does she's isn't 'risking Christmas'. It'll still happen, you might have to do it differently that's all. One of the people I was with the other night has got Covid but I haven't got it.

DappyApple · 17/12/2021 14:33

If she’s willing to take a risk then I agree she’s a grown adult and can make that decision for herself. You can’t police what others do. And I do think Yabu to have said anything.

Yes there’s a chance she will have caught Covid, but also every chance she hasn’t.
But you are just as likely to catch it in the supermarket, on public transport or going for a coffee.

We can’t keep hiding away for ever.

Tonkerbea · 17/12/2021 14:33

@DontWantTheRivalry

Will everyone who is going be testing beforehand?

My sister suggested this as a mitigating option but my mum said she didn’t want people doing that as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s (i.e surprise positive results for people who feel absolutely fine) to potentially ruin the day.

Me and my husband will still do one though and I imagine other family members will do too. It’s just the decent thing to do isn’t it.

Up until this post I could see it from both POVs, but to not even do LFTs before is just foolhardy. I see why you feel disappointed OP, but you can't change people's actions, just how you respond to it. Hope you have a lovely, Covid free Christmas.
lemmein · 17/12/2021 14:35

It's interesting to see the replies to your concerns though OP. I'm pretty sure if you'd posted this 6 months ago people would have been lining up to call your mum selfish - the hysteria on here was breathtaking.

I'm glad the tide is turning.

Apologise to your mum and have a lovely Christmas together. None of us know when it will be our last one - don't ruin it because of 'what-ifs'

The government certainly didn't let covid get in the way of their Xmas last year when we were all unvaccinated 🤷🏻‍♀️

ImJustAsking · 17/12/2021 14:35

I think she hasn’t prioritised Christmas Day over the concert. Slightly worrying people think they are immune, bad messaging. Just like all the signalling people saying I don’t know where I’ve got my cold from. When they work in an office, commute, have kids in 3 different schools etc as they’ve been “good”.
I agree with you she will be disappointed if she catches it. Hope you all have back up plans anyway.

Maryann1975 · 17/12/2021 14:35

You could catch COVID from going to the supermarket. Unless you are all completely isolating, no one going to the shops, to work or school or meeting anyone, I can’t see the problem.

We have decided to keep going as normal. We can’t afford not to work for the 10 days leading up to Christmas, the dc deserve to have a bit of fun in school and it’s fun to socialise with people at the weekend. If one of us catches COVID at least we’ve lived. Life is so dull being cooped up all the time. We’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime!

middleager · 17/12/2021 14:36

Oh, and if she has caught Covid, maybe you can offer to host Christmas and all it involves.

ddl1 · 17/12/2021 14:42

While I would personally avoid big indoor crowds at the moment, your mother wasn't doing anything illegal, and if she's had her booster, is unlikely to become dangerously ill even if she does catch it.

So it's really up to her. Maybe hearing the band was more important to her than Christmas!

To be honest, you sound a bit like a parent complaining about a reckless teenager!

CheltenhamLady · 17/12/2021 14:43

YABU. Your mother is a person too, and you should definitely apologise (unless you and your family are isolating and undertaking no activities outside the home)

ddl1 · 17/12/2021 14:44

My sister suggested this as a mitigating option but my mum said she didn’t want people doing that as she didn’t want unexpected positive LFT’s (i.e surprise positive results for people who feel absolutely fine) to potentially ruin the day.

But I do think she's being U on this!

DecayedStrumpet · 17/12/2021 14:44

I'm a bit worried by the 'oh you're just as likely to catch it at the supermarket' crowd.

With all the public health messaging, is there really still a large contingent that hasn't understood about the importance of ventilation, social distancing, masks and of course singing?

That's quite remarkable... and quite depressing.

Buzzinwithbez · 17/12/2021 14:45

If your mam needs to quarantine, you can have my parents. I might be about to ruin Christmas as I'm going to a similar sized concert tomorrow, so they might find themselves as a bit of a loose end on Christmas Day.
They're quite good conversationalists, but watch them if you play any games. They're very competitive!

Greenbather · 17/12/2021 14:45

Perhaps it is time for you or your sister to host your parents for a change.

Newduvet · 17/12/2021 14:46

Stop being a gobshite!

saraclara · 17/12/2021 14:47

@middleager

Oh, and if she has caught Covid, maybe you can offer to host Christmas and all it involves.
She already has.
Notonthestairs · 17/12/2021 14:58

Well if she won't test I guess you may never know whether she caught it!

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 17/12/2021 15:34

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk

Oh really? There is no "gentle" way to tell someone that they are "mad" to take a risk. Dismissive words and patronising tone.

For me "gentle" would sound like "So glad you had a good time but wasn't that risky with this new omicron going round? Oh well, do a lateral flow in a few days time just to be on the safe side and it will probably be fine". Not "I think you are mad" FFS.

That’s genuinely why I’m so surprised because I know how sad she will feel if she does catch it and has to miss out.

Your mother can love family Christmas and still make her own decision, rightly or wrongly, to go to another event that also matters to her first. Is "mother prioritises fun with friends" what surprised you so much?

If I was your mother I'd be deeply offended. She didn't ask for your opinion and in any case it was too late for her to actually do anything about it.

I will just feel sad for her if she has to miss out on Christmas.

There was no need for you to say what you did to her and no benefit to anyone from you saying it. Certainly no comfort to her.

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