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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
BambinaJAS · 19/12/2021 04:02

Thank you for proving Godwin's law once again.

merryxmasmelodies · 19/12/2021 04:20

YANBU

lemmein · 19/12/2021 04:57

@BambinaJAS

Thank you for proving Godwin's law once again.
Oh behave being so disingenuous. If it's so wrong wondering why people are so compliant and obedient to the point of wanting to inflict punishments on those they have 'othered' then someone better get to work removing all mentions of Milgram and Zimbardo from the psychology books. I'm not comparing the restrictions to nazi germany, I'm comparing peoples reactions to the restrictions - but you knew that.

Today I've read lots of little gems from those so concerned about 'saving lives' - mainly about letting the unvaccinated die HmmThe frog must be boiling by now, surely?!

pompomsgalore · 19/12/2021 05:34

@twilightermummy

When people are being their most unreasonable, self, they never seem to put the vote on. It really boils my piss.
Is it an option when you write a post on the app? I've never posted any other way.
Dishhh · 19/12/2021 07:20

@lemmein

You are very welcome to report my post. Please don't feel the need to advise me on how to post in future though, genuinely not needed. Thanks!

I didn't report your post, but if I do see - frankly idiotic, grotesque - posts in the future from you in the same vein, I likely will. There's really no need for it.

DontWantTheRivalry · 19/12/2021 08:44

I’ve now learnt my sister went out last night in one of her nearby big cities and I’ve seen the photos….the bars were heaving, everyone all over each other, dancing singing etc etc.

Again, I get that it’s her decision to make but I think I’m just going to have to pull out of Christmas Day.

If either I, my children or my husband pick it up then it means 10 days off work for me, and my ward is already on its knees due to staff absence (with infants paying the price for reduced nursing care) and so I really don’t want to risk adding to that problem.

Yes I know I could catch Covid anywhere (as people keep pointing out) but the chance will be mightily reduced hopefully if I’m not knowingly socialising with people who have put them in environments that will have increased their chances of picking up the virus.

Plus, I know we are all vaccinated in the family, but they all work and go to school with other vaccinated people, whereas I spend four days a week with poorly, unvaccinated babies.

I morally can’t put those babies at risk by me potentially asymptomatically spreading it to them.

I don’t want to risk spreading it to my colleagues either and making an already dire staffing situation even worse.

It’s so crap.

OP posts:
JosiahJosiahKate · 19/12/2021 08:54

I absolutely understand your point of view OP . I would feel exactly the same.

Cheerbear24 · 19/12/2021 09:03

@DontWantTheRivalry I think that’s the sensible choice OP. Also you are considering the needs of the babies you work with, you should be congratulated nor berated for that!
I’ve just pulled out of a family party today after I found out yesterday that a family member who was also coming had attended a party last week is now feeling ill. They won’t have a PCR as they say their LTF was negative.
I’m so disappointed but I see it as preserving my own Xmas day. I know that I can’t dictate their behaviour what action but I can change my own in response.

VikingOnTheFridge · 19/12/2021 09:15

If you wouldn't feel comfortable going, you've probably made the most sensible decision.

ginexplorer · 19/12/2021 09:23

And this is what all of this has done to people - you actually think you have a right to police whether your mum goes to a concert?

All these people in our midst who have been secretly harboring the desire to control what other people do have been handed the gift of a lifetime - they can let it all come out with some legitimacy

This couldn’t have been said better

BeepBoopBop · 19/12/2021 09:40

YANBU. To risk a longed for family Christmas, for a local concert is crazy. She could go to any amount of parties after the 25th. Shopping is a necessity, travelling to work is a necessity, for some the gym. But a bloody concert with 300 randoms? I'm sorry OP. I have a mum the same. Very bad angina, diabetic, quadruple heart bypass 7 years ago. She told me last week she would rather die prematurely and leave her family and grandchildren without her, than give up bacon sandwiches and cakes. Confused

DaisyNGO · 19/12/2021 09:46

@BeepBoopBop

YANBU. To risk a longed for family Christmas, for a local concert is crazy. She could go to any amount of parties after the 25th. Shopping is a necessity, travelling to work is a necessity, for some the gym. But a bloody concert with 300 randoms? I'm sorry OP. I have a mum the same. Very bad angina, diabetic, quadruple heart bypass 7 years ago. She told me last week she would rather die prematurely and leave her family and grandchildren without her, than give up bacon sandwiches and cakes. Confused
I'd much rather die prematurely too! For me, it's the cheese and sugar.

Also curious to know what premature is these days.

OP if you don't want to go, don't go. But I'm glad your sister had a good time.

Maybe xmas isn't as a big a deal to them as you thought. I hope you enjoy yours, whatever arrangements you make.

DontWantTheRivalry · 19/12/2021 09:53

Maybe xmas isn't as a big a deal to them as you thought.

It is, but I suppose they don’t have to think about risk and implications like I do.

They don’t have to worry about the impact catching Covid would have on their work, my sister’s children are vaccinated (mine aren’t) and I also have an underlying condition which may potentially (but not definitely) be triggered if I’m unwell with Covid to the point where I’m not allowed to nurse Covid patients at work.

I suppose it is our own individual circumstances that determine whether something is risky or not.

I’m going to phone my mum later and talk it through with her. My guess is that she’s going to be really, really passed off with me. I foresee the sulks and the silent treatment coming my way.

OP posts:
TheLadyGrayson · 19/12/2021 10:02

It’s the head in the sand, denial approach that’s the problem for me. If she was willing to test on the day, it wouldn’t be a problem, but I’ve seen so many times on here the ‘oh it’s nothing, just a cold and I feel fine’ turning to the ‘oh sorry I’ve just exposed you all to Covid’ that makes me think it is irresponsible. Would she test if she happened to get pinged through the app?

DontWantTheRivalry · 19/12/2021 10:06

Would she test if she happened to get pinged through the app?

I doubt it. I do think she’d do the right thing and isolate though.

Are you required to do a PCR if you’re pinged via the App? I thought it was just isolation unless you develop symptoms?

OP posts:
DaisyNGO · 19/12/2021 10:07

I wouldn't attend if someone had a cold but I'm CEV. I guess my family take that more seriously than if I was in contactvwith little babies.

It is very poor that they wouldn't test with symptoms. I admit freely, I'm judging them for that.

Wizzbangfizz · 19/12/2021 10:18

I personally think future historians will marvel at the complete and utter overreaction and manipulation of figures to mass scare a population into complying to restrictions which have had/will have a far more detrimental effect on more people than this disease will ever kill.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 19/12/2021 10:19

Seems a lot of people have missed the main point of your post.
Your DM was upset to miss Christmas last year yet has acted in a way that could potentially cancel this year's Christmas which she has been looking forward to.

It's one thing if she went to the concert with the acceptance that if she caught it, she'd miss Christmas, but it seems she's hell bent on hosting Christmas even if she catches it and isn't too ill.
By not wanting people to take tests it seems it's more so she doesn't have to disclose hers.
I would stay away too OP, especially with working with new borns.
Good luck with the chat.

VikingOnTheFridge · 19/12/2021 10:22

@DontWantTheRivalry

Would she test if she happened to get pinged through the app?

I doubt it. I do think she’d do the right thing and isolate though.

Are you required to do a PCR if you’re pinged via the App? I thought it was just isolation unless you develop symptoms?

No. You aren't required to do anything at all if pinged by the app, which is just as well considering how shit it is.
bloodyhoodedeyes · 19/12/2021 10:29

You need to apologise.

PainterMummy · 19/12/2021 10:40

I get you op. There’s going out and doing things then there is going out to rather more risky activities. We went to London yesterday for an event that we checked the venue precautions in advance - large room, few people spaced well apart, well ventilated, covid vaccine pass, lateral flow before hand etc. but when trying to come home, tube was packed. As soon as we saw back log of people we turned around, left tube station and walked. No way were we going into a packed place, no ventilation in such close proximity with so many people.

lljkk · 19/12/2021 11:09

Drip Drip Drip

DontWantTheRivalry · 19/12/2021 11:31

Drip Drip Drip

Why the need for this?

Do you think if I’d said about my young children, my job and health in my first post everyone would have replied differently and been absolutely fine with me questioning, policing and judging my mum? Does my job and my health suddenly stop me from being a controlling and entitled bitch and all the other things I’ve been called?

I doubt it.

The thread was about my mum doing something that I would consider reckless so close to Christmas Day when for the last few months all she’s gushed about is hosting a big traditional family Christmas.

It was never about me thinking she was putting me specifically at risk.

As a previous poster, I have no control over what other family members do, they make their own choices based on their own circumstances. As I will now have to do.

As it turns out, I’ve spoken to my mum and as predicted she’s quite angry with me for considering not going over on Christmas Day and she can’t believe I would ruin something that everyone is looking forward to.

Sometimes it feels like you can’t win whatever you do.

OP posts:
lemmein · 19/12/2021 11:40

[quote Dishhh]@lemmein

You are very welcome to report my post. Please don't feel the need to advise me on how to post in future though, genuinely not needed. Thanks!

I didn't report your post, but if I do see - frankly idiotic, grotesque - posts in the future from you in the same vein, I likely will. There's really no need for it.[/quote]
Sorry I seem to have stumbled on Dishhhnet by accident Hmm DFOD!

Mojoj · 19/12/2021 11:47

Maybe you should take a leaf out of your mum's book and get on with the business of living.

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