So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

[DontWantTheRivalry]

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

There's a big difference between the risk of going shopping, and the risk being in an unventilated space with 300 people and everyone singing. It's bizarre that 21 months into this, some people still don't understand the different risk in different situations. For goodness sake, schools couldn't even let kids sing for a long time, because of the risk of the kind of exhalation that singing produces. A lot of posters here seem to think it's either total normality and being in confined spaces with loads of mates and having a good time, or basically shielding. There's a lot of relatively safe behaviour in between. And it's what a lot of us are doing in a bid to be able to enjoy Christmas with our families without being completely housebound in the interim.

I completely agree.

I get that it was my mum’s risk to take, but the environment she was in is far more likely to be one where Covid spreads as opposed to her going to the corner shop while wearing a mask.

She seems to think that as she’s vaccinated and had her App on it means she can’t get the virus.

@cookie4640 I agree 100% with your post and I'm sorry for the loss of your friend

@DontWantTheRivalry

I spoke to my mum earlier and said that unless LFTs are done I’m not sure I would feel comfortable going.

The idea of sitting in an enclosed space with 12 other people, including my mum who had put herself in such a risky environment, and then going into work to look after sick newborns….

I don’t know, it just doesn’t sit right with me

@DontWantTheRivalry good for you telling her that, i would also make sure you tell the others of your reason too for not going as you can guarentee the others wont get the full truth

Well that moved on...

from

"I'm disappointed my mother made her own choices that seem to undermine what she wants"

to

"My job is so important that I mustn't socialise with anyone who took risks I don't approve of."

A hermit life sure is looking better than ever. Or at least not telling anyone what we really get up to.

This is happening a lot. People seem to have a mental block sometimes. A friend’s son may be going to a concert this week potentially spoiling Christmas Day for everyone. I’d be upset too.

Tell her to get a PCR if you're that worried.
All you need to know is if anybody (by virtue of testing within reasonable time limits) has the virus on Christmas Day. Whether they went to a thousand person concert or hid at the the effect is the same it should show up on the tests. Even more likely if it's the former as they'll have a higher viral load.

Everyone should be making plan B in case hosts get Covid.

My job is so important that I mustn't socialise with anyone who took risks I don't approve of."

My job is important to me and of course I care about keeping my patients safe - I’d be a pretty shit nurse if that wasn’t the case.

And yes, I am annoyed I’ve been put in this position (worrying about my patients) because of what my mum did, but that doesn’t detract from the fact I’m shocked she went to the concert considering how adamant she is about hosting Christmas Day.

I’d feel better if she’d take LFTs but she won’t.

I get that life has to carry on, but my job does give me another perspective to look at things from.

As sad as I would be if my mum couldn’t join us for Christmas, I would prefer that to her asymptomatically spreading it to others.

Everyone should be making plan B in case hosts get Covid.

I am Plan B, which is fine, it will just be a little bit marred if my parents can’t be with us.

@EmmasMum12

Honestly..... my take on this is that your Mum is not as bothered about hosting Christmas as you think she is. She prioritised another event over Christmas imo.

She’s likely like my father. Extremely bothered about hosting Christmas and equally bothered that he enjoy all his other days.

He also can’t comprehend why I might not want to go to dinner as he’s mixing with as many people as possible.

YANBU

People forget how bluntly their kids talk to them and how most people talk to their mothers. People are frequently tactless with their own families and horrified if anyone is anything less than angelic with their own.

I've cancelled all my pre Christmas meet ups and other than the odd trip to the shop are lying low in the hopes that we can have a family Christmas this year, that's our priority after last year. Several of my friends are doing the same. I certainly can see why you'd be surprised that she'd be doing that. 4 friends of mine have caught covid (not from each other), there are Christmas plans going down the pan all over. If we had to isolate we'd have food and presents and would be blissfully happy providing we're well enough, but I'd be devastated at ruining my mum's and MILs plans.

I suspect you were shocked that she didn't make a connection between her night out and a potential impact on Christmas. It's hard to readjust to the changing rates, sometimes it takes us a while to change our inner risk scale. I don't think you were trying to be controlling or deliberately upsetting.

I think you talk about your mum as if she is in her 80's rather than 59. I would also suggest you sound a bit like a truculant child who is disappointed that your mum might be unable to host Christmas - spoil your Christmas. Growing but need to happen.

@puppeteer

Maybe so.

But it’s naive to think the virus would otherwise look in awe at our careful behaviour and reward us by ducking off up its own arse.

I swear this is the most ridiculous, pathetic comment I've ever seen on MN.

And that's saying something.

You are so out of order it's unbelievable. My mum has to spend Xmas in a care home due to a fall and if she had this chance I would be so happy for her to go out and enjoy herself. Stop being so bloody selfish.

Omg let her live her life! Unless you're all isolating 10 days prior then there's no room to judge,

OP I can hardly believe most of this on here. Future historians and psychologists may look at this thread with interest and marvel at how so many were in complete denial of the present risks, because they had already had a lot of restrictions and wanted to believe it was all over really, and that going into Tesco is just as risky as a concert with no ventilation and no masks, but singing! The number of people saying you are BU and your DM should be able to live her life unrestricted and still blithely host Christmas for 12, including 3 elderly vulnerable people and yourself who nurses sick babies, all without taking a test in case it shows the wrong result - unbelievable. All heads in the sand believing what they want to believe rather than facing reality. Your mother is being a stupid, careless, unthinking, selfish tit. I really worry for the three vulnerable guests who may not even know that she has played dice with their health, and for you and your patients. I hope it works out well. Don't take unnecessary risks just for the sake of family pressure or whatever.

[quote Lifethroughlenses]@CoffeeMuggins actually 93% at two weeks after the booster. Presumably it wears off with time so much will depend on when she had it. But you are still much more likely than not to be protected. Yes it’s a risk. But the build up to Christmas is as, if not more, important than the day itself to me. So after two years I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice everything for a day that might have been locked down anyway. I can understand why the OP is irritated but I can also understand why her Mum went to the concert.[/quote]
That 93% is not from Omicron

You are taking the values from the Delta variant.

For the Omicron variant, that 93% has gone down to c80% (estimated).

Everyone, that means mum and all the guests need to take a home test before you all meet together. It's easy, then it's much safer for you all x

Your mother is being a stupid, careless, unthinking, selfish tit

Honestly, how deranged can people possibly get?

lemmein
Honestly wouldn't give a shit about this. I presume you're all vaccinated? By the sounds of it most of us are going to get Omicron at some point, and for most it will be mild cold symptoms (or no symptoms at all). Why the hysteria? Baffling.


Why the inability to read the OP? That's truly baffling. How on earth did you get from a pissed off OP to hysteria? That's quite the leap.

@lesenfantsdelesperance the OP said she was 'gobsmacked' 'shocked' 'disappointed' 'exasperated' because her triple vaxxed mum went to a concert. My use of the word hysteria is quite appropriate

I think you will find that "lack of scientific education" correlates very highly with poor society-wide behavior in a Pandemic.

Doesn't need to be studied because this has already been studied.

One of the things I do for a living is look at Pandemic risk, and when you develop Pandemic management plans you look at things exactly like this.

One caveat though:

Messaging matters immensely. It is very important to be transparent, but also not dither when you have to do A, B, and C.

Pretty much everybody agrees that Boris has been a failure at this, which is one of the drivers of the current problems.

We 100% should be going into a partial lockdown based on the current numbers and expert advice.

But once again Boris is dithering and communicating poorly. This then leads to confusion, which then snowballs into sub-optimal outcomes.

@lemmein

I've often wondered just how the nazis got people to turn on their peers - I don't wonder about that anymore.

Can you reply to a post without stooping this low, please? FYI, this is an instant banning if reported to MNHQ - so perhaps keep these thoughts to yourself?

@Dishhh

*@lemmein*

I've often wondered just how the nazis got people to turn on their peers - I don't wonder about that anymore.

Can you reply to a post without stooping this low, please? FYI, this is an instant banning if reported to MNHQ - so perhaps keep these thoughts to yourself?

You are very welcome to report my post. Please don't feel the need to advise me on how to post in future though, genuinely not needed. Thanks!

See the feeling of disappointment I absolutely understand. Rightly or wrongly it can be incredibly frustrating when people take risks you know you will have an impact on them.

That said, actually no not everyone allows themselves to react to their instant emotions. Honestly I have very little patience for the brigade that merrily proclaims they said something unpleasant or judgy because they didn't know what to say or they were taken off guard. In all honesty most adults grow up enough to be able to at least neutrally react.

So there's the rub. You want to fell superior. In all honesty if it wa sanythinhg else you would have calmly discussed it or shut the hell up.

I am massively careful and pro pretty much any behaviour that will end this pandemic. I not someone who plays fast and loose with their contact but this really smacks as needing to feel outraged or smug about something.

Frankly your response back that up. Why ? Honestly why are enough looking for a fight or a wrongdoer? Honestly you have made it patently clear that it's not worry for your DM. Not really . So why? What is this doing for you ?

Take a lateral flow to her. Test. End of discussion.