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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
OliveTree75 · 18/12/2021 13:13

@Lokdok

You’re right, she is risking Christmas and will probably have caught it. I caught it from going to Tesco and it’s just everywhere now. The R rate is over 4, so it’s likely she will get a positive. But she’s acting within the law, she has every right to take her own risks, and you could pick it up yourself in a shop like I did so you won’t know where it came from anyway.
How is it likely she will test positive?
LovePoppy · 18/12/2021 13:28

@DontWantTheRivalry

You either have faith in the vaccine you put in your body or not. If you dont then why did you have it?

Because I’m a nurse and I had to.

I spoke to my dad last night as my mum was out and he said he understood why I had been shocked but said I had made my mum feel bad when I told her she was mad to have taken the risk. However, he also agrees with me and I think they’ve had an argument over it. He’s just really worried that if she catches it and gives it to him then he’s going to miss out on Christmas with us all. He’s feeling a bit a disappointed by it all because we’ve all been looking forward to Christmas so much.

But, she made the choice and if it turns out to be the wrong one then so be it.

Me and DH both didn’t go to our work Christmas Parties so as to not potentially jeopardise Christmas day (yes I know it was our choice to do that) so the fact my mum wasn’t prepared to do similar kind of feels a bit shit.

My dad ha said he will talk to her again about LFT’s but he said that he’s doubtful she’ll take one near Christmas because like she told me, she doesn’t want anything to risk Christmas day.

Does she think if you don’t test them you don’t have covid??

What a dangerous attitude

willithappen · 18/12/2021 14:03

You are being completely unreasonable! She shouldn't have to put her life on pause and not enjoy a concert because it's close to Christmas. She's a grown woman and knows which risks she's okay with taking and I actually think you are being quite selfish by expecting her to not do anything so that you can have the Christmas you want

If worst came to worst I'm sure you would all be able to plan something

JuergenSchwarzwald · 18/12/2021 14:10

[quote toomuchlaundry]@lemmein would you invite people to your house if you knowingly had norovirus or flu?[/quote]
I wouldn't because I'd be in bed with both (or with my head down the toilet).

toomuchlaundry · 18/12/2021 15:09

@JurgensCakeBabyJesus way about if someone else in the household had norovirus, so you felt fine, would you invite other people round?

lemmein · 18/12/2021 16:28

[quote toomuchlaundry]@JurgensCakeBabyJesus way about if someone else in the household had norovirus, so you felt fine, would you invite other people round?[/quote]
Yes! Assuming all the people in this scenario are adults who are more than capable of making their own choices, why on earth wouldn't you?

DontWantTheRivalry · 18/12/2021 17:01

I actually think you are being quite selfish by expecting her to not do anything so that you can have the Christmas you want

It’s not just what I want, it’s what she very much wants too. Hence why I was shocked she went to the concert.

OP posts:
BambinaJAS · 18/12/2021 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Whu020 · 18/12/2021 17:37

For gods sake she's normal she's not being scared of this bullshit you ought to be thankful shes like that!

takenforgrantednana · 18/12/2021 17:38

@DontWantTheRivalry

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

yes you are perfectly correct to say something to her about her neglect, she was being totally stupid. dont listen to the others saying you cant stay at home blah blah blah, well apart from going to work and the minimum of shopping and even then being very very careful why on earth would you risk anything so close to christmas.

personally we rent having the big family meal, we already talked about things about 6 weeks back and decided that we would all be doing our own thing, like last year, and sure as hell, things have got worse since then, so im glad we decided back then, im even at the stage of doing the present wrapping and tomorrow putting everything in the car and deivering stuff early, at least then the kids will get their presents on time should anything happen, and who knows just what may happen? it could be down to boris and his lot changing the rules or it could be that either of us come down with the virus, but at least we re all prepared for it all come what may.

its those that who are 100% determined that are making matters worse for everyone, they seem to believe they are invincible, and come out with the most rediculous reasons going when pulled up about something. if i was you i would be rethinking about where i was spending christmas as you seem to have several family members who dont think your health is worth the extra effort

saraclara · 18/12/2021 17:39

Your mother sounds like the typical stubborn late stage in life individual

Typical? WTAF?

Fuck of with your ageism

wentworthinmate · 18/12/2021 17:56

@DontWantTheRivalry

You either have faith in the vaccine you put in your body or not. If you dont then why did you have it?

Because I’m a nurse and I had to.

I spoke to my dad last night as my mum was out and he said he understood why I had been shocked but said I had made my mum feel bad when I told her she was mad to have taken the risk. However, he also agrees with me and I think they’ve had an argument over it. He’s just really worried that if she catches it and gives it to him then he’s going to miss out on Christmas with us all. He’s feeling a bit a disappointed by it all because we’ve all been looking forward to Christmas so much.

But, she made the choice and if it turns out to be the wrong one then so be it.

Me and DH both didn’t go to our work Christmas Parties so as to not potentially jeopardise Christmas day (yes I know it was our choice to do that) so the fact my mum wasn’t prepared to do similar kind of feels a bit shit.

My dad ha said he will talk to her again about LFT’s but he said that he’s doubtful she’ll take one near Christmas because like she told me, she doesn’t want anything to risk Christmas day.

She won't do an LFT??? Even though she mixed with 300 people? Just in case she tests positive and has to cancel Christmas Day? Madness. She really doesn't get it does she? I applaud you for pointing out the error of her ways tbh.
threatmatrix · 18/12/2021 17:58

I think you need to chill, your mum is an adult and can do whatever she wants.

Madjakelmum · 18/12/2021 18:01

OP your a bitch!! Fgs we have been in lock down for so long and you mum goes out and enjoys herself
One night. You awful to have called her out on it !!

Notmrsfitz · 18/12/2021 18:02

I think you are being unreasonable although I think I understand why.

I don’t have parents but I would like to think that after the last almost 2 years that had my mum, gone to a concert double vaccinated that she would have had a lovely time at least ‘a bit of normality’ and I wouldn’t be berating her for it.

Angiemumof5 · 18/12/2021 18:10

Wasn’t the whole point of having the vaccine so that we could get back to normal 🤔 pretty bloody pointless if we’re all gonna get a bollocking for trying to enjoy ourselves.

Theflying19 · 18/12/2021 18:11

I'd have felt the same, and would ha e expressed it. Why should you pretend it was a sensible decision? As CW said, prioritise what's most important to you...
10 clear days isn't enough. You need 10 +1 from the day you test positive! Not date of exposure...

ittakes2 · 18/12/2021 18:12

book her a private PCR test 5 days after she went to the event (ie day 6)

toomuchlaundry · 18/12/2021 18:13

@Angiemumof5 unfortunately Omicron came along. Just been announced Netherlands are going into tight lockdown from Sunday

Parkmama · 18/12/2021 18:14

I understand why you feel the way you do and I have felt similar over the last couple of years, but I think you're being unreasonable. I'm not sure how old your DM is, but I had a bit of a wake up call when my DM pointed out to me that at her age she wasn't prepared to waste anymore of it than she already has (during unvaccinated lockdowns) and it really did make me think. It's really tricky but we do need to learn to live with this and locking ourselves away constantly only delays the inevitable. I do see why Christmas is special to your family but like another poster said, anyone attending could pick up covid in any setting. It's hard

BlackCatz · 18/12/2021 18:22

@ittakes2

book her a private PCR test 5 days after she went to the event (ie day 6)
What, and force her to go?
Isaidnomorecrisps · 18/12/2021 18:23

Seems like wilful blindness on her part. Friend went to a wedding last weekend and 100 people from it are now positive. So it was a silly thing to do especially as host, but it’s her problem not yours I think is the upshot. Although I get your reaction.

And for the posters saying she needs a life, most people I know are now wfh where possible / minimising events to follow the Whitty save it for Xmas approach - she’s chosen her friends over family here.

Morgysmum · 18/12/2021 18:23

I don't blame you, it is a shock, that she thinks, the the app stops you getting covid.
It clearly shocked you, that she thought been with 300 people is safe.
I know I sound paranoid, but I don't like big groups of people, even pre covid, I avoid big crowds.
Myself and my partner are both key works, in retail. We have both just had our booster jabs, we are travelling to see his mum and dad for Christmas, we are going to do a lateral flow test before travelling, just so that we can tell his parents we are OK, as his. Dad, has kidney and heart failure, so don't want to infect him, we are going as, we don't know how many Christmases he has left. We are taking what precautions we can. Hopefully fingers crossed, she doesn't get it.

Angiemumof5 · 18/12/2021 18:25

Yes and we’ve had delta too, and there will be another strain and then another, this lady’s mum is fully vaccinated and still getting grief for letting her hair down. We need to get on with it now.

LovelyIssues · 18/12/2021 18:26

I think yabu! Your Mum is an adult who like all of us have missed out on so much! Sounds like she had a fab time and you're trying to dampen it