Am I going to die :(

[Iwannabelikeyouohh]

My husband has just had a positive LFT.

I’m absolutely petrified. I’m extremely obese with a BMI of 40.

I am fully vaccinated but I have had two different vaccines. 1 AZ and 1 Pfizer.

I feel physically sick with worry. 😓

@pinkpirlie I absolutely agree with this poster!
Also just acknowledge the exposure to the virus you have already had and so far your body has been protecting you well, that must count for something. Take each day at a time, don't think of next Wednesday, think of today and tomorrow ♥️

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

But none of them are obese like I am.

My sister in laws is very overweight, she’s probably a few stone lighter than me.
She’s unvaccinated and she’s feeling better now.

I wish that made me feel a bit better but it doesn’t because she’s 6 years younger than me and also doesn’t have psoriasis or inflammatory arthritis.[/quote]
You surely realise that your MIL is in a far worse situation than you with this? Your FIL too. Yes, you're obese but young, female and double vaccinated.

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

You surely realise that your MIL is in a far worse situation than you with this? Your FIL too.

Are they though? Even with me having psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis (unmedicated)

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@JesusIsAnyNameFree

You surely realise that your MIL is in a far worse situation than you with this? Your FIL too.

Are they though? Even with me having psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis (unmedicated)[/quote]
Yes because MIL is CEV.

You said yourself that your consultant confirmed those things do not add extra risk:

I have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. My consultant said the condition itself wasn’t a risk factor, just the medication, which I aren’t on any.

You are losing sight again of the facts, which I appreciate is due to your anxiety, but it might help to remember stuff like that that medical professionals have told you.

You believe he was telling the truth, yes? So those conditions don't put you at extra risk.

I have skimmed the thread but I have read all/ most of the OPs posts.

What strikes me the most is the language you use OP.

You are absolutely so certain that you will never get over your anxiety.

You are absolutely so certain that you will be hospitalised/ die if you catch Covid.

You are absolutely so certain that your vaccine has failed.

I am fairly certain that if you were to catch Covid, and survive you will convince yourself that it will get you next time or the time after that or the time after that.

The thing is it doesn’t have to be this way, you can overcome your fear. However, this requires you to be proactive, to have faith, to really want to get better.

However, at the moment, all you can see is your fear and anxiety and this is stopping you from recovering because you cannot allow yourself to believe anything other than you are heading for a negative outcome.

You won’t entertain the possibility that you will be ok.

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@JesusIsAnyNameFree

You surely realise that your MIL is in a far worse situation than you with this? Your FIL too.

Are they though? Even with me having psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis (unmedicated)[/quote]
Yes - of course they are! Honestly op, it's getting genuinely concerning how centred you are on possibly getting Covid, when your husband, baby and CEV mil actually do have it.

Your consultant explicitly told you, your conditions aren't a risk factor, only if you're taking medication for them - which you aren't. You have said this yourself - so you know you aren't more at risk than an elderly woman with COPD.
Come on op.

And OP while this is difficult for you and again I appreciate your health anxiety is real, your husbands parents are both ill and at least one of them is CEV so I think it's important to be conscious of that when discussing this with him / them. I know you obviously do care about them but you seem determined to sort of prove you're the most at risk as it reinforces your thoughts but it simply isn't true.

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@JesusIsAnyNameFree

You surely realise that your MIL is in a far worse situation than you with this? Your FIL too.

Are they though? Even with me having psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis (unmedicated)[/quote]
Psoriasis adds 2 years to your covid age. 2.

I don't know about your psoriatic arthritis, are you even sure you have it seeing as you're untreated? That's a mistake.

She is CEV, you are CV. She is at far greater risk than you. A man around 70(?) would also be at greater risk.

Here's the thing. It's in your house now. Short of staying out of your husband and sons way and cleaning everything religiously, there isn't much you can do. It'll either get you or not, but regardless of if it does your risk of death is incredibly low. 35 was it, White(?), Bmi of 40 with rheumatoid arthritis (pretty sure that's worse as psoriatic isn't even there as a choice, nor is psoriasis = 1 in 66667. Do you see that number? 1 in 66.667. And I don't think it even takes into account the fact you're double vaccinated as I didn't get to put that in.

Many of us are worried about this virus, but most of us would throw our hands up in your current situation and say fuck it, let's see how this plays out.

OP - It's really clear to most of us that your fear isn't about getting Covid - it's a more general and wide reaching health anxiety.

You need help for this.

You are spiralling and panicking about something that almost certainly is a non-issue - to the point where you are almost selfishly more concerned with what might happen to you than what IS happening to those around you. Sorry to be blunt but health anxiety does make people self absorbed. I speak from experience of living with someone who struggled for years until they got help.

You won't listen to anyone on here reassuring you because your brain simply triggers an 'challenge' to anything logical it hears. Cognitive therapy would really help you. Even hypnotherapy. This is way more than a worry about catching covid.

@lynntheyresexpeople

Your consultant explicitly told you, your conditions aren't a risk factor, only if you're taking medication for them - which you aren't. You have said this yourself - so you know you aren't more at risk than an elderly woman with COPD. Come on op.

Can you try to acknowledge this to yourself OP? There's a real confirmation bias in your posts where you are cherry picking anything that goes against your anxious belief (I will get it and I will die) and ignoring the vastly greater number of posts explaining why that is an unlikely outcome. A highly unlikely outcome.

You are even disregarding factual statements you yourself made. Your consultant told you those conditions don't increase the risk. So you either believe that he lied, that he isn't a reliable source OR you are simply filtering out his comment from your thinking because it doesn't fit with your anxious belief - that you will get it and die.

Can you see that?

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

I don't know about your psoriatic arthritis, are you even sure you have it seeing as you're untreated? That's a mistake

Yes. Of course I am sure.

I’ve had MRI’s, CT’s and X-rays.
I wasn’t medicated as I was offered methotrexate which I didn’t want to take as I wanted to start a family.

I have now been offered Cimzia as it is safe for breastfeeding and any other potential pregnancies.

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@JesusIsAnyNameFree

I don't know about your psoriatic arthritis, are you even sure you have it seeing as you're untreated? That's a mistake

Yes. Of course I am sure.

I’ve had MRI’s, CT’s and X-rays.
I wasn’t medicated as I was offered methotrexate which I didn’t want to take as I wanted to start a family.

I have now been offered Cimzia as it is safe for breastfeeding and any other potential pregnancies.[/quote]
Given your health anxiety, I wasn't sure you had it confirmed or just something you thought you had.

Will you comment on the rest of what I posted?

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

.* It'll either get you or not, but regardless of if it does your risk of death is incredibly low. 35 was it, White(?), Bmi of 40 with rheumatoid arthritis (pretty sure that's worse as psoriatic isn't even there as a choice, nor is psoriasis = 1 in 66667. Do you see that number? 1 in 66.667.*

I don’t trust the calculators. I used the Qcovid one and it says my risk of death is 1 in 100,000
Yours is much different to me.

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@JesusIsAnyNameFree

.* It'll either get you or not, but regardless of if it does your risk of death is incredibly low. 35 was it, White(?), Bmi of 40 with rheumatoid arthritis (pretty sure that's worse as psoriatic isn't even there as a choice, nor is psoriasis = 1 in 66667. Do you see that number? 1 in 66.667.*

I don’t trust the calculators. I used the Qcovid one and it says my risk of death is 1 in 100,000
Yours is much different to me.[/quote]
That's the one I used but added rheumatoid arthritis which is worse to show you how incredibly low your risk is, even if you had something considered a greater risk.

Your DH first started having symptoms before then. So the time in which you would be likely to develop symptoms if you had caught it as well is reduced accordingly. After all, you were all exposed to the virus from his mother at the same time and his symptoms started within a very short period.

And as I have already said on this thread, you are not the only person who was morbidly obese and with Psoriasis and Psoriatic arthritis - I was older, heavier, unvaccinated, around multiple ill children all day (so a huge viral load) with fuck all access to the NHS at a time when they knew very little about how to treat it and whilst I was unwell, I did not die.

Your anxiety - which is not due to Covid, Covid is what your anxiety is fixing upon because it's around now - had it not been that it would have been pollution or cancer or heart issues or car crashes or planes falling out of the sky or child snatchers - is telling you that you are more at risk than you really are.

And for that, perhaps you could see your GP and look into beta blockers? And still get in touch with Rheumatology as I suggested previously to get checked in case the anxiety is manifesting due to a flare affecting you emotionally?

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

Will you comment on the rest of what I posted?

I just don’t know what to say :(

I’m so afraid. I’m trying my hardest, I really am.

I played in the garden with DS today, we did some baking in the afternoon.
My mind wasn’t there, I was a million miles away worrying.

I want to believe I will be okay, but then the doubt sets in and I start thinking “what if”….
What if I’m not okay. What if I get severely ill or die.

I worked so hard last year during my first round of
CBT, this week feels like all my hard work is unravelling.

I honestly am trying. I know it may seem like I’m
not. But I am.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

And still get in touch with Rheumatology

Already done this. I left a massage with the rheumatology nurses. It’s the only way to contact them.
They usually return messages within 48hrs.

Have you got any mindfulness exercises or meditations so you can focus on the present not abstract worries? Your ds should help ground you if you focus on his needs instead.

My husband has made me go out tonight.
I’ve come to the Costa drive thru and having a coffee in my car. Hopefully being out of the house will help.

I know a couple.
The wife is CEV and the husband fit and healthy.
Both had covid. She had less symptoms than he did. He was really poorly.
Both jabbed.

Just because you have extra medical concerns doesnt equals a death sentence.
You've been jabbed. There is not alot else you can do.

That's good. Tomorrow will he watch ds while you take a short walk?

Well done for trying OP, it's all any of us can every do. Your DH sounds lovely too, hopefully getting out the house will help a bit.

You sound like a very thoughtful person OP, and a very kind one. Could you take your mind off Covid by helping people on some of the other threads on MN?

I know there is no easy fix, but we're all behind you, cheering you on.