Am I going to die :(

[Iwannabelikeyouohh]

My husband has just had a positive LFT.

I’m absolutely petrified. I’m extremely obese with a BMI of 40.

I am fully vaccinated but I have had two different vaccines. 1 AZ and 1 Pfizer.

I feel physically sick with worry. 😓

Have you done the PCR test?

@makelovenotpetrol

I disagree entirely. Living in a constant state of flight or fight, complete disproportionate to the reality of a situation, is no good for anyone.

OP you need to read this poster & understand this. You are at risk of long term health issues from severe anxiety. I'm not saying this to scare you but to get you to realise you really need to start taking steps to get a strong grip on your anxiety.

Stress produces a fight-or-flight response in people, leading toincreased blood sugar levels and the release of chemicals such as cortisol and adrenaline. This leads to more rapid heartbeat, muscular tension and cramps, headaches, and other symptoms.

The secondary effects from this can include interrupted sleeping patterns, loss of appetite —none of which does your overall health any good. It is, therefore, not only a question of the direct pressure anxiety exerts on your body, but also the changes in lifestyle it causes.

Whether directly or indirectly, anxiety is linked to an impaired immune system, cardiovascular diseases, and digestive problems. Over the long term, any of these can reduce a person's lifespan.

How are you and your family doing today OP?
💐

@Budapestdreams

DH is coughing a little more today, not a continuous cough, he said he just had a tickle at the back of his throat.

DS has no symptoms.

MIL is on day 8 today, she has COPD and is CEV.
I’ve been so worried about her. She said her chest has been tight but she’s managing okay.

BIL, SIL and nephew are all feeling unwell but are okay.

I had another PCR yesterday but I’m still waiting on the results. They seem to be taking ages.

I have a session with my psychologist tonight.

I’m really struggling with anxiety.

I can’t distance from my son but I’m so scared when I’m around him. I haven’t shown that and I’m acting normally around him, but I’m really frightened.

PCR has come back. I’m still negative

I posted before sharing some stuff that my friend with health anxiety found useful. In case it's of use, just resharing for you OP.

I think this is a great opportunity for you to take control of your anxiety so it doesn't rule your life.

And to reduce the factors that are in your control - for example I don't know (obviously) the reasons you are obese but I do know that it causes you additional health anxiety. Maybe you can try to channel that anxiety into a plan of action to get your BMI down through some fun exercise, new recipes etc.

You might not be able to start anything right away e.g. group classes, but you could try some free online workouts to see if any are fun for you and then look for similar classes in your area for when you're able to socialise again.

I remember a friend of mine with health anxiety (caused by the trauma of a serious case of sepsis) saying it made her world feel so small that it was full to the brim with thoughts of her health, worst case scenarios etc.

Rather than trying to push her thoughts about health out of her world, she made her world bigger so there was room for other thoughts if that makes sense?

She added new layers to her life - a hobby, some classes, seeing friends more often etc and found that as her world was bigger, the health anxiety took a much smaller proportion of her headspace. You could do all of that, bit by bit, once things are back to normal when it comes to social restrictions.

I don't know if that helps at all but something worth considering maybe?

Getting healthier can only be a positive thing and sometimes a health scare that triggers trauma and worry can also be a trigger for a positive change in your health.

My daughter is overweight OP and both her husband and her son had covid and she didn't. Recently - so delta, highly transmissable. Like you, she didn't distance from her son once he had it.
So you could well still avoid getting it.
I hope you don't get it. But if you do you are highly likely to make a full recovery, really. Being vaccinated makes a massive difference.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I posted before sharing some stuff that my friend with health anxiety found useful. In case it's of use, just resharing for you OP.

I think this is a great opportunity for you to take control of your anxiety so it doesn't rule your life.

And to reduce the factors that are in your control - for example I don't know (obviously) the reasons you are obese but I do know that it causes you additional health anxiety. Maybe you can try to channel that anxiety into a plan of action to get your BMI down through some fun exercise, new recipes etc.

You might not be able to start anything right away e.g. group classes, but you could try some free online workouts to see if any are fun for you and then look for similar classes in your area for when you're able to socialise again.

I remember a friend of mine with health anxiety (caused by the trauma of a serious case of sepsis) saying it made her world feel so small that it was full to the brim with thoughts of her health, worst case scenarios etc.

Rather than trying to push her thoughts about health out of her world, she made her world bigger so there was room for other thoughts if that makes sense?

She added new layers to her life - a hobby, some classes, seeing friends more often etc and found that as her world was bigger, the health anxiety took a much smaller proportion of her headspace. You could do all of that, bit by bit, once things are back to normal when it comes to social restrictions.

I don't know if that helps at all but something worth considering maybe?

Getting healthier can only be a positive thing and sometimes a health scare that triggers trauma and worry can also be a trigger for a positive change in your health.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Thank you.

I’ve never been obese before.

BMI was around 26/27 prior to DS being born.

He was born a few weeks before lockdown.
I suffered terribly with PND and post natal anxiety.

Lockdowns made me feel so isolated. I was a first time mum during a pandemic and had no one for support.

I didn’t drink or smoke but I did eat for comfort and my BMI got to 43. I’ve since lost and I’m at 40 but I know I have a long way to go.

I was on Mat leave during lockdown, it wasn’t a normal mat leave, I was Isolated and had the responsibility of a new baby, all whilst dealing with the panic of keeping us all safe from Covid.

Those first few months were awful, id only just met my son and I was literally terrified that Covid was going to take me away from him, or him me.

I remember feeling like it was the end of the world and the only outcome of it was death.

That fear has never left me and I still fear I will die from Covid.

I went back to work in March this year, my son nursery.
We’ve been to a few toddler classes which my son absolutely loves, but i struggle.
When I am there all I can think about is Covid.
I can’t relax and enjoy the group or talk to other mums because I don’t want to go near anyone in fear of catching Covid.

It’s hell. I’m trapped in such a horrible scary place.

Therapy helps me face the fear but in reality therapy can never take away the risk of Covid and that’s what I struggle to cope with. 😓

I’ve never worried like this about illnesses.
But this illness shook my world right at a time when I was most vulnerable, just when I’d had a baby. The fear, the panic, the worry, it won’t ever go because it’s so deep down, it’s like a trauma.

I don’t think I can ever get past those scenes and feelings from March 2020 😓

@heldinadream

My daughter is overweight OP and both her husband and her son had covid and she didn't. Recently - so delta, highly transmissable. Like you, she didn't distance from her son once he had it. So you could well still avoid getting it. I hope you don't get it. But if you do you are highly likely to make a full recovery, really. Being vaccinated makes a massive difference.

@heldinadream

I’m not overweight, My BMI is 40. I’m obese.

Oh OP you sound stuck in that anxiety inducing time of March 2020 and are unable to move from it - and your weight gain which you have never had before has added to this.

From what you say though it is anxiety about your dying/being seriously ill correct rather than anyone else?

Maybe this is what you need though to unstick yourself - it must be very unnerving to see so many people move on and you not

@Quartz2208

From what you say though it is anxiety about your dying/being seriously ill correct rather than anyone else?

Yes. I haven’t even felt very worried about my MIL and she’s CEV.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve felt worried, but I haven’t thought she would die.

I just feel like when I get it, I’m going to get it badly.
I feel like bad things happen to me.
I’m so overweight, I have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis (not medicated) and I just think I will suffer badly.

Maybe this is what you need though to unstick yourself - it must be very unnerving to see so many people move on and you not

It is. For instance DH is living normally now.
I find that so hard.

I don’t even like talking to people at work because all I can think of is Covid.

All I can see is those coffins lined up in Italy and people on ventilators.

All I can see is those coffins lined up in Italy and people on ventilators.

That’s not happening in Italy now. They’ve vaccinated something like 70% of their population.

Hi OP I’m a nurse. I had a 5 year old and 1 year old
During lockdown. I had to go off sick as my anxiety (which I was having cbt for prior to the pandemic) went through the roof. I remember thinking everyone of us was going to die. I remember waking most nights coughing and choking because I’d dreamed I was on a ventilator. I went back to work after the first lockdown and got my vaccination ASAP. You’ve done the same. Vaccinations have MASSIVELY reduced death rates. Everyone is at risk of course because the virus is somewhat unpredictable however we know a lot more about it now. And you’re very very unlikely to become seriously unwell let alone die regardless of what you’ve said about your bmi. Your anxiety is the problem, not covid. Trust me I know. I’m the same. Currently 36 weeks pregnant too and I’ve had a few moments of pure PANIC where I imagine dying.
Please ask for more intensive cbt if you think you need it. Antidepressant/anti anxiety tablets made a huge difference for me too. I can’t take them at the moment but when I have my baby I’ll go back on them. You’re doing your best during a pandemic. I know it’s hard. But you’ve done the right thing having your vaccine. For what it’s worth my husband had covid a few days after I’d had my vaccine and I didn’t catch it (only one dose)

I hope you’re able to get over this anxiety somehow.
Just to give you an idea of what’s happening with me. I’ve got a PCR test booked for this evening as I’ve got a cough, headache and sore throat. I’m not surprised as I’ve been out and about - work, soft play and restaurants plus I have a child in nursery and one in school. I’m clinically vulnerable due to diabetes. I straddle the overweight / obese BMI categories. So whilst I’m lighter than you our risk levels are very similar. I’m barely giving a thought to the test more to the logistics of how to juggle things if it’s positive. I just think I’m double vaccinated so whilst I may be ill I don’t think I’ll be that ill.
This is a completely different reaction I’m having compared to a cancer scare a few years ago.

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

I hope you’re feeling better soon.

I just always seem to find things to worry about.

I know I’ve had two vaccines but I keep convincing myself that because I’ve had two different ones, I’m not as well protected as anyone else.

I know people on here have said I am, and I’ve read articles about the efficiency of mixed vaccines. But I keep thinking my body is broken, or bad, so won’t have reacted to the vaccines properly. 😔

OP you have become a victim of all the fear-mongering. The reality is that this disease was only never especially dangerous , except to much older people, and those with serious co-morbidities (like neuro-developmental/ degenerative diseases).

At your age, even being obese, your risk of dying was minuscule (estimated 0.1%) even BEFORE the roll out of vaccinations. I think you need to do some work on rationalising this.

Also ps the evidence says that mixing vaccines is even more effective than two doses of the same vaccine.

*was never especially dangerous.

Hi op,
I've just seen your thread. Please try not worry, if you haven't caught it yet, likelihood is you won't. My cousin had it, my auntie stayed negative. An unvaccinated friend and her four children had it, her vaccinated husband negative. The vaccine really does help. Even if you catch it, you'll have a good amount of protection from the vaccination.

I'm glad to hear your latest PCR was negative, that's really good news.

OP, I was thinking that you describe post natal anxiety really well and was not surprised when you said you suffer from it and PND.

If someone hasn't had Post natal anxiety it's very hard for them to understand. We can tell you all day long that the risks are low, we can reassure you that you've been vaccinated so will almost certainly be fine. However, that won't change the fact that you have anxiety.

I think it's normal to have some anxiety when you have a baby, over millions of years it has prompted us to keep our babies safe, to worry about them, think about them and do everything we can to protect them. This includes worrying about ourselves as their main care giver. Some people aren't particularly afraid of dying until they have children and it becomes so much more important that they live.

I bet you love your son more than you ever thought possible, you would do anything for him and don't want him to ever suffer. You take him out places despite your anxiety so I know you are putting his needs above your own fears.

Looking after our children and trying to protect them is normal. However, in some people for some reason, the anxiety levels get set too high.

I believe that in your case, your natural maternal protective feelings have been set at too high a level, which means they become crippling anxiety instead.

I'm glad you have a therapist and want you to know that you are doing everything right. The anxiety will ease naturally over time as your child/children grow up but may never fully leave you. There are lots of other mums in the same position, do you know any or of any support groups you could access?

I hope you are gradually able to come out the other side of this and start enjoying life again soon. 💐

Do you take any medication to help your anxiety? If you don't it might be worth going to see your GP about this as they could benefit you massively.

All I can see is those coffins lined up in Italy and people on ventilators.

You watched that sky news program at the very start of all this didn't you ? I watched for 5 minutes then turned it off, my anxiety went through the roof. I chose to not follow anything (within reason) after that point.

For instance DH is living normally now.I find that so hard

But you’re going to work, using childcare, visiting restaurants and had booked a holiday. It’s not just your DH who is living normally.

Im glad you're negative @Iwannabelikeyouohh

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

For instance DH is living normally now.I find that so hard

But you’re going to work, using childcare, visiting restaurants and had booked a holiday. It’s not just your DH who is living normally.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I had to go back to work. Financially.
I’m not doing it for fun.

I’ve eaten out a handful of times and it’s only recently I’m feeling happier to sit indoors.
When I do I’m always on edge about how close we are to other people.

Our holiday was a caravan by the coast.
It wasn’t shared facilities, and all felt pretty low risk being outdoors.

Sorry to jump and not add much but I was reading the thread and wanted to say @Budapestdreams what a lovely reply you sent. I was starting to loose hope with MN after finding most of my threads end up in me talking to a handful of rude and unsympathetic people, but your reply was so lovely and kind and thoughtful! Good for you!
So hope you're ok OP. Worry is like torture. I can't imagine how testing all of this must have been for you. Sending lots of love xxx