Finding Normality harder than I thought :(

[Dandy008]

I’m struggling with “normality” more than I thought I would.

I went back to work 8 months ago (before being vaccinated) and felt fine about it.
All distanced and Covid procedures in place.

DC started nursery 8 months and I felt fine about that too.

DH does a mixture of working form home and in the office.

I’ve eaten out, taken DC to soft play and weekly baby music classes.

All of which have been done with Covid restrictions in place.

I felt safer and happier then.

I was actually really excited about restrictions being lifted on the 19th, but since it’s actually happened I’m struggling with it.

I’ve eaten out twice and hated how busy it was, a local we went to previously has now added more tables and there’s very little distance between them.

Most places I go to, very little people wear masks.
I know they don’t HAVE to, but I just assumed more people would.

I’ve found myself feeling on edge when I’m out and Covid is always on my mind.

I ended up cancelling a meal with a friend last night, a friend I haven’t seen for 18 month, because I got myself a bit worked up about it.

I don’t know what I’m waiting for of when I expect I will feel better or more relaxed.

Is anyone else finding things as daunting as me?

Aldi, for example, have promoting their least busy times.

When we came out of lockdown (and I came out of shielding) I went to the shopping mall after dropping my son off at school. At 8.30 in the morning, Aldi, M and S and the other stores were very quiet. A really good shopping experience!

Going shopping when it's quiet doesn't harm the stores at all - it benefits them. It is safer for you - and it is safer for the other customers, to have traffic increase at the less busy times and potentially decrease therefore at the busier times.

I don't shop at weekends and I don't go in if the store looks busy or if there are long queues. It's all the same to the shop if I buy goods at other times, I'm sure.

I do shop online and I am pleased if I can support stores like John Lewis and M and S like that. Often it is easier to get the size you want etc online.

I’ve been invited to a baby shower now.
It’s outdoors and it’s afternoon tea.
26 of us all sat at a long table.

It’s my sister in law so I feel like I should go but I don’t know what to do.

Haven’t socialised with that many people for sooo long!

I completely get what you mean. I'm avoiding almost indoor places at the moment (no museums etc) but my kids are v happy on the playground so that's fine. We did a little bit of public transport today which was about as busy as I'd be comfortable with, and only about 30% were masked (TFL so we're still supposed to be wearing masks).

I'm being a lot more vigilant with making sure I have grocery deliveries organised. I have things I want to get from IKEA but it was stressful going in there even with restrictions so I'm not bothering for now!

Many people are finding normality difficult because in reality it is not normality. It will take some people longer than others and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Confidence will come in time, don't be hard on yourself.

@Dandy008

I’ve been invited to a baby shower now. It’s outdoors and it’s afternoon tea. 26 of us all sat at a long table.

It’s my sister in law so I feel like I should go but I don’t know what to do.

Haven’t socialised with that many people for sooo long!

What do you think will happen ? If this is the sort of thing you would have otherwise enjoyed then personally I think rip off the plaster and go. Face the fear and do it anyway.

@Pootle40

It’s not really about what I think will happen (I mean I could get Covid…)

It’s just the whole sitting next to people, no distance, talking face to face… you know, the things we’ve been told not to do for 18 months.😬

[quote Dandy008]@Pootle40

It’s not really about what I think will happen (I mean I could get Covid…)

It’s just the whole sitting next to people, no distance, talking face to face… you know, the things we’ve been told not to do for 18 months.😬[/quote]
Fair enough but if you enjoyed the company of family and friends etc before then there must be a worry subconsciously in your brain...more than just re-socialising again I would suggest.

I'm getting very pissed off at people who suggest that being anxious about being in crowded areas amongst people without masks is abnormal.

I'm on immunosupressants. I've been told I need to keep up social distancing. Im otherwise fit and well at present. I'm trying to live a normal life. But this weekend I had to abandon a much wanted and planned for shopping trip as people would not keep their distance.

It was utterly impossible for me stand still long enough to look at anything at all. Very few were wearing masks, my ffp2 mask clearly wasn't enough of a 'please give me space' signal.

Life has necessarily been very quiet and apart for me for 18 months. It's natural that it will be difficult to reintegrate, especially when I can't do so fully.

@OhYouBadBadKitten I hear you. Dh is immunosupressed due to meds too. We went away for the weekend before freedom day and had an amazing time. It was so good to get out in a safe environment.
Subsequently we have been on day trips and we found places like amusement arcades to be problematic. This was before freedom day but there was no sd or mask wearing among a sizeable proportion of visitors.
Don't get me wrong I am not anxious at all about it and I am not cowering away but equally I don't want DH or me for that matter to get COVID so we will take some sensible precautions.

All the things you want to do can easily be replaced with home-based alternatives - think of a takeaway instead of eating out or a Zoom call instead of a social event.

Oh wow why didn't I think of that! /sarcasm

It was pretty obvious in April 2020 that Zoom is a poor imitation of actual social contact.

@BlusteryLake

It's perfectly OK to come out of restrictions at your own pace OP - different people have different concerns. It's also OK to make permanent changes to your lifestyle as a result of experiences you have preferred during lockdown. The thing to remember about the quieter public places, though, is that those levels are not sustainable long term for most businesses and services, but have been kept going by furlough and government support. If they don't get busier, you won't be able to enjoy them at all because they will go bust.

Yes, that's been why we've been eating out a lot! I will avoid rammed indoor places unless it's a place that needs it for atmosphere (gig etc), forever.

Lots of places are doing quite well atm on the fresh air, doors open etc front. I like it, I hope they keep doing it while the weather is 'ok'.

OP I think your baby shower sounds a nice starter activity to be honest. Outside- tick. People who know you- tick. You could say you're finding it a bit nervewracking/weird and I and people would understand.

@User0ne "For the inevitable posters who will ask when we'll feel comfortable; it'll be when the number of hospitalisations, deaths and long Covid cases are at a low level and falling"

Not sure what you count as low and falling...but the reality is we are going to be living with ongoing infections and deaths just as we do for flu. This is because of large numbers who have refused or can't be bothered to be vaccinated, those vaccinated that still get infected as their anti bodies didn't respond to the vaccine and then all the school kids that for some reason the JVCI thinks it is unethical to offer vaccinations to...not sure why some being put out of school in isolation on 5 occasions isn't unethical when there is an alternative!

@Dandy008 as others have said re mental health, it sounds like you have developed anxiety as there is virtually no risk to a young fit woman. We are going to be living with this as normal now so adapting is vital

I think you’re right to be cautious. I know so many people who have had Covid right now including myself and 2 kids. People might say oh it’s just like the flu but there’s so many suffering long Covid. I know society has to continue but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being cautious right now. I’d be especially careful as I know after reading posts on here and AIBU that people are ignoring pings and going on holiday, hiding symptoms etc. Numbers will be rising for sure soon

I feel bad for people who have been able to wfh throughout this (I’m not saying this is everyone on this thread). I feel like having been in a classroom since last June when I qualified and not having wfh at all has basically forced me to be ok with pretty much anything. I would go to a club tonight if it wasn’t for the fact that I see my parents regularly and am relatively careful for their sake!

If I had basically had the opportunity to keep safe and stay home etc I probably would find it harder now and I think it’s understandable that people in this situation are cautious. Personally after having 30 children in close proximity to me for the past year I’m laid back about it all. Social distancing no longer comes naturally.

@Sunflowergirl1

as others have said re mental health, it sounds like you have developed anxiety as there is virtually no risk to a young fit woman. We are going to be living with this as normal now so adapting is vital

Hmm perhaps to an extent you’re right.

I have done lots of things with restrictions on place. Restaurants, soft play, cinema, toddler classes.

It’s only now restrictions have ended that I feel more anxious about doing things.

I have a BMI of 35 - which I’m working on and currently losing weight (was 29 during pregnancy when in 2019 😬) so that does make me feel more at risk.

A baby shower outdoors feels far less risky than indoors at a cinema, restaurant or soft play.

I can't really cope with it either. I know it was terrible for business and not sustainable long term but it was just so nice everywhere being less busy. Soft play was SO much better for my son when it was restricted numbers because he gets very sensitive and struggles with loads of noise - same with train travel.

I'm not worried about catching covid BTW, I just don't like busy places and never have. So the covid-restricted world was pretty nice for me. I know it was hell for lots of people, before I get jumped on.

Op I am struggling too. I am double jabbed and have had covid. I had it extremely mildly, and in fact probably wouldn't even have registered my symptoms had my husband not just tested positive. He was pretty poorly for a good few weeks but not in need of hospitalisation.

Ironically, I think having it so mildly has made my anxiety worse. I am not worried about becoming sick myself,. I am nervous that we would miss a symptom and spread it to others. This is making me hyper aware of every little sniffle. It doesn't help that there is an awareness that delta symptoms can begin mildly and without the big three, but testing is still not recommended for cold symptoms etc. I know you can still get a test and have done, when I have had a sore throat etc but it causes huge tension at home as my husband does not like cancelling plans and thinks I am overreacting.
I agree that I probably am, but find it hard to stop worrying about making others sick.

I am still avoiding indoor mixing where possible (work in a school though so can't avoid that) and .dismayed by the lack of mask wearing. It has made me quite upset that so many people are unwilling to continue with a relatively simple measure to protect others.

I quite fancy moving to a remote Scottish island away from crowds and people - not missed things as much as some people have. It's also very nerve wracking heading into autumn/winter with young children (one of whom catches coughs and colds constantly) and trying to navigate the new (lack of) rules around family isolation without feeling we are being irresponsible.

Roll on next summer when hopefully things will be looking better. I am telling myself this will end eventually, as all pandemics do. I know covid is always going to be around but am very much looking forward to it fading into the background.

That's funny, I'm finding signs of 'normality' easier than I thought: hoorah, masks off!! People in crowds? Bring it on. Public Transport? Can't wait Back in the Office? Goody! etc.

Most of my life isn't normal, though, still feels very prescribed & imposed on daily in many ways. I'm recurringly confused by the "it's all back to normal!" crowd. You lot live in a different universe from me.

I'm definitely trying to get back to some sort of normality. DH and I have been back to our old gym swimming. I've been to London, shopping and drinks with the girls outside. New job starting this week, with local council, need to LFT and be masked up. Life is a weird merger of being careful and trying to be more normal we've even made plans for crimbo. In August! Not sure I'm optimistic or dillusional. 🤷‍♀️

I think peoples individual experiences over the last couple years will make a difference too. If you've known people get seriously ill/die you will have a different perspective on the risk to someone who hasn't known anyone get it or get it mildly. Also those who worked throughout and those who got to stay home will have a different idea of risk too.

Personally, I am fine with things going back to normal but I haven't known anyone seriously ill from covid. I have ditched the mask most of the time because I work in a job that doesn't allow social distancing so it seems a bit irrelevant for me in terms of how safe I feel. I have worn it when it seems busy or when we had a covid case at work - just to be sure - but since I have to take LFT a couple times a week I can assume I'm safe if I am negative. I have been vaccinated too.

I'm not unhappy with limited numbers in places like museums as I think it makes the experience more enjoyable than when it is too busy.

You do you think it’s heartless or is it the truth? Sometimes the truth hurts. We have to live with it. On the plus side didn’t flu disappear didn’t it for the winter.

@OliveTree75

I am fairly relaxed about it all but where I live in the NE most people still wearing masks. We went to chester zoo yesterday and even I felt uncomfortable. Maybe about 10% of people wearing masks in indoor areas, cafes and shops etc. People were cramming right next to you to see animals in inside areas and it is the first time I have felt a bit panicky. Having said that I wouldn't have liked it pre covid tbh.

Yep! We visited Chester zoo the other week and I felt the same. Ridiculously busy and felt unsafe. Too busy for most of the animals to come out, too...

@StylishMummy

Reading this thread makes me even more concerned for people's mental health and critical thinking skills. Covid is going to be like the flu, in that we never have 0 Covid or 0 flu. Most people are now double vaccinated and masks have little to no impact on spread. The reactions on this thread probably mean you should put down the sensationalist newspapers and seek help for anxiety.

Actually, other countries have mandated N95 masks in indoor crowded places and their numbers have plummeted. N95s do stop spread. If our government made sensible decisions instead of pandering to the hard-of-thinking majority in the country we wouldn’t be facing schools going back soon and going into winter with sky high cases.