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Original poster

I am CEV dp won’t have vaccine

105 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 24/06/2021 20:52

I have posted before about this a while ago.
I have a medical condition and because of my meds it makes me CEV. Had both vaccines but apparently it will give me 0-8% coverage.
Been with dp for 13 years, 3 kids.
He will not have vaccine. Doesn’t believe it will give any cover to me. Thinks Covid is very real but doesn’t trust the figures etc.
I am really struggling with him not having it to protect me! I get it’s a new vaccine and the worries, but ultimately if it was him with the health condition no matter how I felt about it I would be there getting it to protect him in anyway.
I asked tonight (not discussed for months) if he was having it, he said no. If it meant we couldn’t go on holiday in the future etc he will!!! WTAF. I am so pissed off.
I just see him as a selfish knob. Sorry but I do. I really do.
Am I wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 27/06/2021 20:30

@SleepyMathematician thank you so much for putting the letter on, really kind of you x. I will pick a moment and show him it, hopefully it might make him think....

He honestly believes that what the government and press are saying are over exaggerated, the vaccine isn’t safe and he doesn’t trust what is in it and not prepared to put it in his body.

I totally understand his worries, but honestly like I have told him, if it was the other way around even with those worries I would have done it in a shot to protect him. He thinks I am selfish and out of order for asking why he isn’t to prepared to have it, I don’t love him by questioning it!!

OP posts:
Aspiringmatriarch · 27/06/2021 20:32

He's being incredibly manipulative and still not addressing the fact that he would somehow overcome his objections in order to go on holiday, but won't to help keep you alive. Angry

Theredjellybean · 27/06/2021 20:42

He is a selfish knob.

I have vaccinated young teens this week, they had cev adults at home and as soon as Pfizer was licensed for over 12's they were told to book in..
The young lad cried with relief as he was so worried he might give covid to his cev parent.
Honestly..your dh is just plain twatty and selfish and I just could not stay with anyone so thick

MRex · 27/06/2021 20:51

I'm sorry your DP doesn't seem to care enough about you compared with a holiday. That would feel unforgivable to me. I do think that the conspiracy theory explosion (covid isn't real / isn't bad / vaccines are 5G / whatever) has its roots in an increase in psychological issues caused by the strange circumstances. It can strangely be easier for some to believe in a conspiracy than that deadly viruses can arise. Obviously it won't help to just suggest your DP has gone a bit mad, but in handling how and why he feels as he does, it could be useful to consider. I'm not sure how "it's fine for a holiday but not for you nor the kids" fits with that though, I'd really need to get this sorted out if it was my relationship, my trust would be in ribbons.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/06/2021 22:47

"He honestly believes that what the government and press are saying are over exaggerated, the vaccine isn’t safe and he doesn’t trust what is in it and not prepared to put it in his body."

But he doesn't believe all that - if he did, he wouldn't be willing to be vaccinated to get on a foreign holiday.

he's a git.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 27/06/2021 22:56

@Workinghardeveryday

I agree with all the comments about him having to go on holiday. It’s disgusting really. It’s just a huge kick in the teeth when I do everything for him, literally every. I run the house 99% of the housework and kids, bills, cars everything and a very stressful job. Yet he can’t have a vaccine because he can’t see how it would stop me catching Covid!!!!
All this and he doesn't think your health is more important than having a holiday? Fuck that, he is a selfish knob. I couldn't get past that. Why do anything for him anymore? What does he do for you?
Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 28/06/2021 09:33

I do think he is extremely selfish although he honestly believes he is the opposite!
It’s hard talking to him tbh, it’s difficult to not get frustrated so I hide it very well.
You know that saying ‘You cannot reason with an unreasonable person....’. I do see him as thick too, I feel bad for saying that but I do. Then I think to myself, why does he think he is so special to not bother to keep me safe? Is he more important than me?
So many things going through my mind over things that he has said and done in the last year. If I were to tell all I know most would say LTB. In reality I would be left on my own with 3 kids. Family don’t live close, hardly hear from friends anymore because I can’t socialise, so it would be just me and the dog on our own once the kids were in bed. The thought of actually splitting up terrifies me.

OP posts:
CallMeNutribullet · 28/06/2021 09:47

You do everything for him, he stonewalls you when you say something he doesn't like, he doesn't care about your health and he's an idiot.

Why are you with him?

VeryLongBeeeeep · 28/06/2021 09:55

I really feel for you OP. My DH is CEV and although I had some reservations about the vaccine, especially as our local vaccination hub was predominantly using AZ and there is a history of blood clots and embolisms in my family, I weighed those up against the risks of the virus to my DH (and myself) and have had both vaccinations. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he caught Covid and there was more I could have done to protect him.

I'm afraid your DP sounds like a prize wanker for more than just refusing to have the vaccine.

DixonD · 28/06/2021 09:56

I don’t think that letter will change his mind. He knows; you’ve told him. He just doesn’t want it.

My DH didn’t want the vaccine either, but because it was AZ he would receive. He did change his mind and do it in the end, but only after seeing that I was okay after mine! I had Pfizer though, but he did it in the end and thankfully has been fine.

I don’t know what the answer is. Maybe he will listen to a medical professional? Or maybe it will just take time. He doesn’t sound great though, but it’s not easy to make drastic changes when you’ve made a life with someone.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 28/06/2021 20:28

I have told him to go. I have explained all, all mentioned on here and how I cannot for the life of me understand how he could possibly love me and not even offer to have it. He isn’t happy obviously but in a right strop.
Life is going to be very difficult for a while, just hope I have the strength to get through it!

OP posts:
giletrouge · 28/06/2021 21:03

OP I really feel for you. This is so sad. I hope you're ok. Flowers

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 28/06/2021 21:09

Thank you @giletrouge. One minute I feel absolutely determined I am doing the right thing, the next so hurt I could scream, and already very lonely.
He has gone to spend the night in the summer house, he said he is tired and got a long day tomorrow wants to relax. Must be nice!
I just still can’t get my head around how he would end everything rather than have it!!

OP posts:
giletrouge · 28/06/2021 21:14

I think some people are really delusional about the vaccine. I can only imagine your DH has got so caught up in whatever he thinks that he cannot see what he's doing.
I'm glad you're standing up to him over this. Maybe - just maybe - it'll get through to him how serious this is. Probably not, but giving in to him and letting him get away with it would NOT be a good idea. You are being very strong.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 28/06/2021 21:19

@giletrouge thank you, it’s really hard though!! And so annoying he would throw away everything for a conspiracy.
Thank you for being so kind x

OP posts:
giletrouge · 28/06/2021 21:23

Oh bless you OP. I hope he comes to his senses.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 28/06/2021 21:34

Me too!
I have had to take the kids out of school again, loads of cases here and at school. You would think that would make him realise! He honestly thinks it’s all over exaggerated and I have been brain washed by the vaccine!!!

OP posts:
SleepyMathematician · 30/06/2021 07:58

Oh I’m so sorry to read this. I just cannot understand his mentality at all. The trouble is there’s so much crap out there on the internet and people get drawn in. You only have to go on any vaccine thread on here to read it.

I’m sure you’ll emerge from this stronger as it sounds as though the vaccine isn’t the only issue. I think it’s the underlying selfishness that would be the dealbreaker.

tenlittlecygnets · 30/06/2021 08:08

This is one small thing in your entire relationship, looks like. His lack of respect for you, the silent treatment, his lack of any help around the house or pulling his weight with childcare? That would have made me lose my shit with him years ago.

What's the point of him, op? Lazy, selfish tin-hat anti-vaxxer. Doesn't sound very bright or very nice.

tenlittlecygnets · 30/06/2021 08:09

Millions and millions of people around the world have had the vaccine with no ill effects. Funny what he chooses to believe...

aiwblam · 30/06/2021 08:13

He sounds pretty thick. If he isn’t vaccinated, his chances of catching Covid and bringing it back to you, his CEV partner, are increased. Inside a household is one of the main locations of Covid transmission.

XiCi · 30/06/2021 11:30

I am glad you have told him to go OP. I know you are scared but he sounds like an absolute weight around your neck. It might be a blessing that this has happened and you have seen him for what he is. Good luck.

AliceLivesHere · 30/06/2021 13:12

Basically he doesn't really give a shite about you does he!

AliceLivesHere · 30/06/2021 13:13

Having read your updates no only does he not care about you he is thick to boot. Get rid @Workinghardeveryday who needs that in your life

Faranth · 30/06/2021 14:13

You've done the right thing OP. Flowers

He's shown you exactly how important you are to him, you mean less than a holiday. He's a complete arse.

If he had a well reasoned argument about why he didn't want it - like blood clots or side effects or something - then I can see how you could be in an 'agree to disagree' situation. You'd obviously still have to risk assess for yourself, but I can see how you could come to terms with it. But bonkers conspiracy theories would make me lose all respect for him, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone I would think was, frankly, completely thick.

But it's not even that. He doesn't believe there's microchips or 5g or whatever. Because if he did actually believe that he wouldn't have it at all, never mind for something as superficial as a holiday!

So all you're left with is he's a selfish twunt. And why would you want to be with a selfish twunt? You're better than that!