Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

I am CEV dp won’t have vaccine

105 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 24/06/2021 20:52

I have posted before about this a while ago.
I have a medical condition and because of my meds it makes me CEV. Had both vaccines but apparently it will give me 0-8% coverage.
Been with dp for 13 years, 3 kids.
He will not have vaccine. Doesn’t believe it will give any cover to me. Thinks Covid is very real but doesn’t trust the figures etc.
I am really struggling with him not having it to protect me! I get it’s a new vaccine and the worries, but ultimately if it was him with the health condition no matter how I felt about it I would be there getting it to protect him in anyway.
I asked tonight (not discussed for months) if he was having it, he said no. If it meant we couldn’t go on holiday in the future etc he will!!! WTAF. I am so pissed off.
I just see him as a selfish knob. Sorry but I do. I really do.
Am I wrong?

OP posts:
JustKeep · 26/06/2021 07:12

I would leave him for that.

He is not so concerned about the vaccine side effects or risks that he would turn it down if that meant missing a holiday.

He rates your health and your life as less important than 2 weeks in Spain.

Seriously think about that. He does not value you at all. I couldn’t live like that.

nether · 26/06/2021 07:12

@IAmDaveTheSerialShagger

I am ECV and refuse to have the untested vaccine, I had the Pneumonia Vaccination and had Pneumonia 14 times now and half my lung removed, so no they do not always work or reduce the risk.
CEV were excluded from the trials, so it wouldn't have been available to you whilst it was still being tested
StuffinThePuffin · 26/06/2021 07:34

It seems as if you've slowly slipped into a situation where you are bottom of the priority list. I wonder if he's stupid, or is it just that he's so used to not considering your needs that he didn't even think about how his decision would affect you?

I'm also really concerned about this;

By the way, not once have actually said I want him too, just tried to talk to him to talk about his hesitation and the reasons why, not pressuring or anything, he just gets angry, that’s why I don’t bring it up!

Why are you pussyfooting around him like this over something that is so crucial to your health? Are you afraid of voicing your needs and concerns? I have been in an abusive relationship and red flags are waving here...

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 26/06/2021 07:47

Can you tell us a bit more about why you do 99% of housework/kids? Do you both work full time?

WhatMattersMost · 26/06/2021 07:51

This isn't really about the vaccine though, is it? There's no vaccine that deals with being an asshole, unfortunately - and it appears that he's had that condition for a long time.

wildseas · 26/06/2021 07:56

Have a really really good think about why you would wash the clothes and cook the dinner of someone who is willing to have a vaccine for his own holiday and not for your health.
Then stop doing it. All of it. Everything that is just for him. Stop.

Aspiringmatriarch · 26/06/2021 08:05

Well, he sounds incredibly selfish. He's openly telling you he'd have the vaccine to go on holiday but not to protect you from potentially dying a horrible death. Regardless of what he thinks about effectiveness etc, he'd have it for a holiday but not to set your mind at rest? I'm not sure selfish really covers it tbh, it's such open contempt for you it beggars belief Sad.

At least from your posts it sounds as if you're running the show both financially and practically. You don't need this absolute pillock for anything. Wouldn't it be nice not to have to pussyfoot around him and his silent treatment?

DinosaurDiana · 26/06/2021 08:08

You’ve got three kids who haven’t had the vaccine either, so yes he’s a twat for not considering you, but I’d be more concerned about the kids TBH.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/06/2021 12:33

@Workinghardeveryday

I agree with all the comments about him having to go on holiday. It’s disgusting really. It’s just a huge kick in the teeth when I do everything for him, literally every. I run the house 99% of the housework and kids, bills, cars everything and a very stressful job. Yet he can’t have a vaccine because he can’t see how it would stop me catching Covid!!!!
Why are you doing 99%? Really, why?

It's time for you to start handing stuff over to him to do, and if he kicks off about it, point out that he needs to be in a position to run a household should you get sick.

But, really, long term - why are you with this man who treats you as his housekeeper/skivvy and cares so little for your health?

3cats2kids · 26/06/2021 17:18

He needs to find somewhere else to live where he won’t be putting you at risk.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 27/06/2021 13:23

Thank you for all your messages.

We talked last night, well I tried to and he just got angry again, he tries not to loose his temper snd he didn’t but was clearly annoyed I brought it up and ruined Saturday night.
He just repeats he doesn’t want to put the vaccine in his body when it’s not properly tested. I am extremely selfish for wanting him to. I explained to him not once have I asked him to get it, I am just trying to understand why he wouldn’t want to to keep me safe, and that if it was the other way around I would be first in line.
I asked if he would have it for the kids if it was dangerous for them, he said probably not but not sure!!!!!!!
It’s different to pretend everything is ‘okay’, he is acting like normal, I just look at him and he feels like an intruder!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 27/06/2021 13:25

@SleepyMathematician please could you possibly pm me that letter? I just got a phone call from the surgery, no letter!
Thanks ☺️

OP posts:
SleepyMathematician · 27/06/2021 14:20

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@SleepyMathematician please could you possibly pm me that letter? I just got a phone call from the surgery, no letter!
Thanks ☺️[/quote]
I’m trying but I can’t see how to upload a file via PM. I guess I could put it on here if I blank out all the details but there are a lot of details! Can you look on your PM and see if you can see a way?

I would be very disappointed in your shoes. I know you can’t force another adult to do anything medical etc but in my opinion he should think more of you than this.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 27/06/2021 14:45

@SleepyMathematician don’t worry about it, I would have no idea either how to upload it 🤣. But thanks anyway x.
We sat talking about it, his reasons for not having it are basically he thinks Covid isn’t a big of an issue as the government are making out. Doesn’t trust the vaccine and doesn’t want it in his body. Doesn’t see how it would help me not get it if he were vaccinated as he doesn’t believe it is around the community like they say it is.....

OP posts:
Everydayisawindingroad · 27/06/2021 15:03

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-56566892.amp

Everydayisawindingroad · 27/06/2021 15:06

@Workinghardeveryday not sure if any of the links I’ve posted might be of use

BlueSurfer · 27/06/2021 15:11

I just see him as a selfish knob. Sorry but I do. I really do. Am I wrong?

I do as well. However, the reality is that the vaccines don’t work for you so you aren’t protected and you have three children, who from your post I am assuming are not old enough to even be teenagers yet. They are probably more likely to bring the virus home and even being double vaccinated is not a guarantee of stopping transmission. I’m sorry; this virus is especially awful for many in your situation. I do feel your DP should be doing what he can to protect you, rather than potentially going on holiday, and it would make me really reassess what type of person he is and whether I saw a future together.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 27/06/2021 15:18

@Everydayisawindingroad thank you!! I will see if that helps ☺️

OP posts:
justwanttodanceagain · 27/06/2021 15:46

he tries not to loose his temper and he didn’t but was clearly annoyed I brought it up and ruined Saturday night.

How brilliant of him not to lose his temper and to only make you feel awful for daring to upset with ambience with such a trivial matter as your continued existence.

Seriously - it's time to leave - if this is a genuine reflection of his typical behaviour I suspect you've become quite a timid, self-doubting, anxious person as a direct result of his continual bullying, because that's what the above is.

SleepyMathematician · 27/06/2021 16:16

I’ve scrubbed out enough details that I think I can put the letter on here. It’s obviously area specific because the email address was for our area vaccination centre but the JCVI guidance will stand for you too.

DH had been done already when I got this letter but DD and boyfriend (who lives here) who are uni age both went straight to get theirs to protect me. Of course, everyone over 18 is eligible now so there’d be no need for this letter but the advice still stands.

I really hope this gets through to your DH.

I am CEV dp won’t have vaccine
HalzTangz · 27/06/2021 16:17

@Workinghardeveryday

Anyone?
He won't be able to go on holiday. In the NHS app they have recently added a travel section which you have to show to authorities when asked to (customs, border control, event organisers etc), it's basically a covid passport (something the government went very quiet on, but seems to have quietly launched).

Your NHS app will show the two vaccines,type of vaccine and the date you had them. His will be blank.

Show him the app, tell him, look basically you can't travel or go to events, but more importantly why is going on holiday more important than having the jab to protect me

HalzTangz · 27/06/2021 16:26

@Workinghardeveryday

Thanks, I know but it doesn’t spell out why, he doesn’t get it!!
What needs spelling out, by having the vaccine he reduces the risk to people like yourself from ending up seriously ill or worse, dead. He needs to grow up
SleepyMathematician · 27/06/2021 16:51

The letter above spells it out. First paragraph “adult household contacts of adults with severe immunosuppression should be offered the COVID-19 vaccination. This aims to reduce the risk of infection to you by vaccinating those most likely to transmit to you, as even though you may have received your COVID-19 vaccination, you may have lower protection from the vaccine given that you are immunosuppressed”.

If that doesn’t make him think, I’m not sure how I’d be feeling about him. He’s meant to love you.

To be honest, I was quite tearful when I received the letter becuase it spelt it out almost a bit too clearly! I’d been happily going along in my cheerful bubble thinking because I was vaccinated really early on I’d be fine and dandy now. The bit that said the vaccination might not work well and those around me needed to protect me was a bit of a shock.

thing47 · 27/06/2021 18:13

This would be a relationship killer for me. More than 1 member of my family is CEV for immune reasons, so everyone is double vaccinated, including those who wouldn't otherwise be eligible because of their ages.

The idea that anyone would refuse because of some misguided belief that the vaccines haven't been adequately tested (they have) would be given the shortest of shrifts and would no longer be welcome to live here.