I can’t get out of bed

[fireflylanegirls]

I feel like my life is over. I literally couldn’t get out of bed this morning, the way I feel is just too bad.

I spent over a year worrying about Covid, not just worrying, obsessing.
Panic attacks, sleepless nights, I couldn’t focus on my family life, couldn’t concentrate because of the worry.

I was finally vaccinated and although initially I didn’t feel any better, within a few weeks i started to feel so much happier.

Then the shit news comes about the clots from the vaccine.

I feel absolutely numb. I’ve spent the last 24hours just crying. I wish I’d never had the vaccine now.
It’s been 4 weeks and I’m such a nervous wreck.

My husband has had to drop our son at my mother in laws today because I’m in no fit state to look after him.

I’ve called my GP and have been told to increase my Sertraline to 100mg.

I absolutely hate living with this fear.

I knew this vaccine was too good to be true 😩

Your posts are not annoying, they are concerning, as you can’t seem to grasp you’re really ill, you’re too ill to be able to rationalise any more. But you keep posting all this stuff and everyone can see how ill you are, and peoooe are trying to help you but you won’t engage in any of that, you just stay in yout spiral as you can’t get out of it, just focused on Covid, or the vaccine or dying.

It's been 4 weeks. You won't have a vaccine related blood clot after 4 weeks

Op you need to talk to someone in rl about this. Someone who cares about you will not judge you for this- you are ill. Can you go downstairs now and show your husband what you have posted?.Tell him that you need his help. He will want to help you.
I had post natal anxiety-mine was focused on ds's health. At its worst I started refusing to take him out of the house because I honestly believed that it would kill him. That a car would come on the pavement and hit his pram, that a branch would fall off a tree and kill him, that he would overheat in his pram and die. Sounds unlikely to you? These things happening are more likely than you having a blood clot right now. You don't believe me though, because anxiety doesn't work like that. You need professional help and more than your Gp is giving you. Please tell your husband and please ask him to call someone and get help for you.

I’ve been through absolutely obsessive anxiety about something similar, I was utterly convinced I would be the one to come down with something despite the tiny tiny risk, everything I was doing to “protect” myself seemed completely rational and justifiable, and I couldn’t understand why others didn’t feel the same or couldn’t understand me.

Now a few years I can see how I was feeling and acting was totally irrational and I was very ill (mentally). I took antidepressants which really helped but also there was a turning point where I forced myself to stop obsessing, stop googling, allowed myself a few minutes to think about and then forced myself to move forwards. It was bloody tough but I’d got better. If I’d kept thinking about it and obsessing I wouldn’t have done, but I wanted a happier life.

I don’t know if this helps, but the first step is accepting that the way you’re thinking right now is irrational and to be determined to get better. It feels so wrong to do this but I promise you it’s worth it, otherwise you’re wasting so many months and years of your life trapped in this obsessiveness and you will lose the relationships of those close to you, including your children (or really suffer at least as it will be having a significant impact on them too)

@Bluntness100

Your posts are not annoying, they are concerning, as you can’t seem to grasp you’re really ill, you’re too ill to be able to rationalise any more. But you keep posting all this stuff and everyone can see how ill you are, and peoooe are trying to help you but you won’t engage in any of that, you just stay in yout spiral as you can’t get out of it, just focused on Covid, or the vaccine or dying.

I agree in the kindest possible way

You're definitely not annoying and if you were any of us could choose not to read/ reply.

But they're very very concerning posts because they are absolutely cries for help.

Once a week therapy and some ADs from your GP isn't enough. You really need to call the crisis team. They're there 24/7 OP

When I had mine really bad it started about lightning it makes me laugh now but at the time I was convinced I would be hit by lightning. I wouldn't leave the house if it was boiling hot and humid as I was scared it would start, if it was cloudy and overcast, if it had suddenly started raining and then stopped, I even left my baby down the road once and ran back to my house obviously her dad was with me otherwise I wouldn't of done it I like to think, but I was petrified and it wasn't normal.
I had CBT therapy and it worked tremendously.

Then after a really intense stressful period it flared up again this time it was reading about the suicides from love Island the paper kept saying it was anxiety that killed them, I had anxiety what if that happened to me? What if I got like that? What if what if, I couldn't go out, I could barely eat, I couldn't look after my kids I felt petrified to even get out of bed as I was so convinced it would happen, I went back to CBT and found that website and read all through the obsessive thoughts analogue and realised it's just a thought, what if instead I won the lottery? What if instead tomorrow was the best day of my life? What if I woke up one day and my anxiety had gone? Why does it have to only be negative stuff that could happen?.

Sorry that's long to read but until my partner pointed out how crazy I seemed over this stuff I thought It was normal and I was just a worrier, I was ill with anxiety and constantly stuck in a spiral like you.

There's a saying that the theme of anxiety you fear is irrelevant because if a song was stuck in your head you wouldn't care, but because the thought seems scary you think oh what if it's true?.
It isn't it's just anxiety and because you fear it and have placed importance on it, your brain thinks it's important so you don't let it go. If you sit with the anxiety and don't react you'll forget about it.

I can remember when I first heard about Covid and was reading the threads on here and I went into meltdown. I took my partners discount card ran to Sainsbury's did a £250 food shop and stocked up on so many things including 8 bottles of dettol etc, then when he used to come in from work id spray his clothes with can dettol and his phone and make him shower. Bless him he didn't moan once but I swiftly went back again for more therapy 🤦🏽‍♀️.

@bumblenbean

OP I have anxiety, a lot of it currently focused on covid, and I understand how debilitating and all consuming it is. I’m by no means unsympathetic to how you’re feeling.

BUT

Not only is reassurance pointless in the face of a beast that cannot be reasoned with (I.e. anxiety) it is actually counter productive. Constantly seeking reassurance whether online or from friends and family FEEDS your anxiety. It is literally what keeps it in place - you never learn to sit with or tolerate the anxiety. You get reassured by well meaning posters and might feel better momentarily but it won’t be long before your brain says ‘yes but what if....? What if I’m the exception? What if they got it wrong? What if they missed something?’ And so on, ad nauseum... hence why you feel compelled to start another thread.

I know this is not easy- I speak from bitter experience and I still find myself seeking reassurance every now and then. But when I do, I catch myself and remind myself that I can sit with the thoughts and the fear, I can wait it out- sometimes I say to myself ‘oh yes the covid fear again - thanks brain’. Or ‘yes, I might [die/get really ill/whatever]. I accept that this is a possibility and I choose to carry on. Right now, I am here, I am ok’.

Acknowledge the thoughts, accept there are things you cannot control, but don’t engage with them further.

No amount of reassurance can ever work because NOTHING is 100% safe or certain and if there is an iota of minuscule risk, anxiety will home in and that. That’s what it does. It thrives on uncertainty and lack of control. The only solution is to accept that there are things you can’t control and that you cannot obtain absolute certainty about anything.

With the crisis you’ve reached it doesn’t sound like reassurance is even giving you temporary relief as you’re too consumed by it. I would call your GP back and explain you’re at crisis point to the extent you feel unable to get out of bed. There are other medications and other types of therapy, as well as practical tips they might be able to give.

ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) could be really helpful for you - when you’re feeling a bit calmer have a look and see what you think.

Good luck- it really is awful but you can get better (I’m still a work in progress)

This is really well written and thought out and I hope OP actually reads this and takes it on board

Op you’ve had some great advice here.

I hope you can see that your reaction is not normal. You need psychological help.

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin

Op you’ve had some great advice here.

I hope you can see that your reaction is not normal. You need psychological help.

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin

This is what really frightens me.

I truly believe my reaction is normal.

I’m at risk from being vaccinated.

I’ve had a bit of a dull headache on and off today, shoulders feel really tense.

I feel like I actually have a blood clot and should get medical help.

Genuinely I believe this.

OP, I witnessed a road accident last week. A female cyclist was badly hurt. Several TUI planes took off recently with the weight calculated wrong - by a ton. Do you obsess about traffic accidents or flights? No. There are risks in living. You don't have a blood clot (no surprise because the chance of it happening are tiny). You don't have covid. But you do have severe mental health issues - anxiety and I think you mentioned OCD before?
This is what you need to tackle. Don't even think about clots or anything else.

You are more likely to develop a clot by staying in bed as inactivity causes clots.

OP, If I said you had a 4 in 1 million chance of winning £100,000. Would you be excited? Positive you'd be a winner? Start planning how you'll spend the money? No, I don't think you would.

OP, I think you might have a form of OCD. I have OCD (now controlled with medication) and I recognise how you’re feeling and the fact you can’t be consoled or reassured. Give the sertraline some time to work. You may have to increase your dose further. I hope you start to feel better soon though.

OP - I’ve read all the thread and you’ve had some excellent advice here.

If you truly believe - as said in your last post - that you’ve got the symptoms of a blood clot, go to the hospital. They’ll either advise that you have or haven’t. You’ll believe the medical team, yes?

Playing devil's advocate here. Yes, let's say you might have a clot. I don't think you plan on going to the hospital to get it checked. You're at home on a screen. So there's nothing stopping you t doesn't stop you Why contacting a specialist in health anxiety right now. Throw some money at it because frankly your personal life is going down the pan. Have daily sessions starting asap.
Come back to us in a week and tell us if you had a clot (no) or if a therapist agreed you have severe health anxiety.

This is what really frightens me.

I truly believe my reaction is normal.

I’m at risk from being vaccinated.

I’ve had a bit of a dull headache on and off today, shoulders feel really tense.

I feel like I actually have a blood clot and should get medical help.

Genuinely I believe thi

@fireflylanegirls . Yeah so ring the crisis team. This is severe health anxiety.
It's been said several hundred times already, but you're past anything else but the crisis team now. And posting over and over on here 'but this could be real' is not going to change that.

Fluffbutt - I'm pretty sure the OP confirmed she had OCD in a previous thread (pre-pandemic).

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

OP - I’ve read all the thread and you’ve had some excellent advice here.

If you truly believe - as said in your last post - that you’ve got the symptoms of a blood clot, go to the hospital. They’ll either advise that you have or haven’t. You’ll believe the medical team, yes?

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

My husband told me I’m being silly.

My headache isn’t severe, I feel fine, just a dull tension type headache.

He said I would very much know about it if I had w blood clot on my brain.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bold fail in my post, sorry

If you genuinely believe you have a blood clot you should go to A&E

OP, concentrate on the health anxiety bit. Yes, you do need medical help, but for your mental health. Your reaction is not normal, and you aren't able to see that when you are in the midst of such a severe anxiety attack.

Please contact someone in real life to tell them, not random people on a forum. I know it feels like you need to tell people, and you can't tell anyone in real life, but honestly, you can, and they are in the best position to help you with this.

Your anxiety has take on a life of its own, and is going to continue to find things to worry you until you deal with it - not dealing with the things that it makes you worried about, but dealing with the anxiety itself. It's been incredibly clever, convincing you to worry about all sorts of other things, a bit like a distraction technique. It's desperate for you not to get the better of it, as you have been by doing positive things like going to work etc that it used to hold you back from. I think it's normal for anxiety to get worse at a time like that, because you were starting to deal with it. The more you can understand what it is doing to you, the easier it will be for you to deal with it.

Stop seeking reassurance for the specific worries, and starting finding help for the root cause, the anxiety itself. You are doing well, and the anxiety is fighting back - try to see it as a good sign, because it means you can get control over it.

Talk to the mental health team now about increasing medication or therapy or both, and tell them what you are feeling and posting, and accept that they are in a better place to judge whether your reactions are normal or not at the moment. Even if you can't see it yourself, you can trust that they will be able to judge from a more rational place, and eventually, you can come to understand your anxiety too, and know how it affects you, and what its tricks are.

OP I think lots of us are going to have little or huge crises over the next few months. We’ve all been staying strong / brave and now we see the end in sight, we dare to (or accidentally) let our guard down and Bam!
Hugs to you.

The sad thing is about health anxiety, you are worried about losing your life to something that isn't going to happen. You won't develop a clot now, but you arent actually living currently anyway because you are so consumed by the worry. Your child's had to go to their grandparents and you are in bed crying and upset, not up and out a walk with your child enjoying your day. You need to try as hard as it is to put it into perspective. You need to remind and reinforce to yourself that these thoughts aren't rational and that its your anxiety making you feel like this.

So sorry your anxiety is so high right now OP.
You say you're having CBT currently- can you use some of the techniques you've been taught to help you deal with this current anxiety around the vaccine and clots?
Can you do the exploring/exploding anxious thought activity? Start with your anxious thought: The vaccine might cause a clot. And then challenge it: ok, so what if this happens- what then?
Then write down the next thought you have: I will get very poorly from it.
OK- so what then?
My DH will take me to hospital.
What then?
The doctors and nurses will provide me with the care I need. etc.etc.

I have found this task really helpful for recurrent anxious thoughts.
I hope you are feeling better really soon and that your increased sertraline helps too- but remember you need to put the CBT skills into action in real life not just during the CBT session x