I can’t get out of bed

[fireflylanegirls]

I feel like my life is over. I literally couldn’t get out of bed this morning, the way I feel is just too bad.

I spent over a year worrying about Covid, not just worrying, obsessing.
Panic attacks, sleepless nights, I couldn’t focus on my family life, couldn’t concentrate because of the worry.

I was finally vaccinated and although initially I didn’t feel any better, within a few weeks i started to feel so much happier.

Then the shit news comes about the clots from the vaccine.

I feel absolutely numb. I’ve spent the last 24hours just crying. I wish I’d never had the vaccine now.
It’s been 4 weeks and I’m such a nervous wreck.

My husband has had to drop our son at my mother in laws today because I’m in no fit state to look after him.

I’ve called my GP and have been told to increase my Sertraline to 100mg.

I absolutely hate living with this fear.

I knew this vaccine was too good to be true 😩

@fireflylanegirls

I’m logging out now.

You’ve all been so so helpful, I don’t want to drive you all crazier than I already have.

Will update next week after my GP appointment.
(If the blood clot hasn’t taken me by then)

Good plan. Take care. I’m pleased you still have your sense of humour xx

Sorry for my abrupt reply OP, having a bad day. Anxiety is a real bastard and I hope it gets better soon.

Op, I hope things start to get better for you. Please just try to hold onto the idea that there are loads of us on this thread who are telling you that we have felt the exact same way as you (possibly about a different topic) but absolutely convinced that we were right and everyone else was wrong, that we are the only one correctly assessing the risk... and now we can see sense. We felt that it was real just as much as you do right now and we can now see that our thoughts were irrational. The strength of your feelings isn’t any indication of how correct or rational your thoughts are. Most people think they are right, all the time. You always think that your own thoughts/opinions/takes on situations are the right ones. But it’s actually impossible for every person to be objectively right about everything since we all have conflicting opinions, so people who are adamant that their very strongly held beliefs are correct are wrong at times. When you don’t die of a blood clot, you need to start really accepting that you so strongly believed something which was completely false and that your feelings don’t always reflect reality.

Regarding the private therapist, I looked around at a few different ones and paid nothing like £60 an hour. One of the therapists I spoke to also offered a sliding scale based on income, so keep looking. I also think your sertraline dose seems low. Can you ever speak to other gps at your practice? Some are much better than others with mental health. When I first suffered mental health problems I started on 100mg and was on 200mg within a week. It seems strange to me that you are having such a difficult time right now and only receiving a fairly low dose of medication.

I had the AZ vaccine because my blood clots more than other people's - I had my jab before the reports of blood clots possibly linked to jabs. You honestly need to move on. I worked out I had passed the window of where a blood clot is expected - and so have you. I think you might also find it helpful to ask the doctor to refer you for counselling if you have not already. I have had it on the NHS and they are amazing.

@ittakes2

I had the AZ vaccine because my blood clots more than other people's - I had my jab before the reports of blood clots possibly linked to jabs. You honestly need to move on. I worked out I had passed the window of where a blood clot is expected - and so have you. I think you might also find it helpful to ask the doctor to refer you for counselling if you have not already. I have had it on the NHS and they are amazing.

@ittakes2

What is the period? I posted about this a few days ago.

I can’t seem to find anything official, other than a few news articles which quote that the majority of cases were in women under 60 and occurred within two weeks.

However the NHS official advice is to investigate symptoms that occur 1-4 weeks after vaccination.

@onthetracks Go with what the NHS says. Consider yourself safe after four weeks.

OP - the CBT techniques you have described being given in your Step 2 CBT (which is not CBT with a CBT therapist, it is guided self help with a psychological wellbeing practitioner) are for general anxiety.

You need to get put onto Step 3 CBT (high intensity) with a CBT therapist or trainee CBT therapist. Trainee is fine because they are closely supervised. NHS IAPT services are very short staffed so they start most people off on the guided self help and hope they get better with that but the PWPs are rarely trained in health anxiety
Here are some things for you to read/listen to -
theocdstories.com/podcast/dr-sally-winston-compulsive-checking-and-reassurance-seeking/
theocdstories.com/podcast/dr-josh-spitalnick-health-anxiety/
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Health-Anxiety

I’ve never read any of your posts before but I really think you need to call the crisis team and get the wheels in motion for some serious help there’s a lot more then Cbt and sertraline you will be taken seriously ime as you are mother to a young baby. You are in a mental health crisis please get some help for yourself but also for your son and husband as I can only imagine how hard it is to see you like this.

@Hm2020

I’ve never read any of your posts before but I really think you need to call the crisis team and get the wheels in motion for some serious help there’s a lot more then Cbt and sertraline you will be taken seriously ime as you are mother to a young baby. You are in a mental health crisis please get some help for yourself but also for your son and husband as I can only imagine how hard it is to see you like this.

OP has called the crisis team, they told her they were unable to help her.

Sorry yes I realise I hadn’t actually finished the thread.

OP, I know you’ve been taking a break from the forum, which seemed like a really good idea.

But just in case you do come back, I wanted to say that I hope you were able to find some moments of peace over the weekend, and enjoy some time with your son. Still thinking of you and hoping the medication begins to take effect soon. 💐

Just wanted to update.

I’ve seen the Dr today. I also saw the nurse practitioner who specialises in mental health.

We discussed absolutely everything, right back to the birth of my son, which triggered a lot of anxiety and trauma.

I told them how I’m feeling, I wrote it down.
I told them how last week I was unable to get out of bed because of the anxiety.
Explained how I was ready to quit my job and my intense fear of Covid.

They were so lovely to me.

I’ve been given stage 3 CBT and I start next Thursday!!
I’m staying on the Sertraline and I’m seeing the Dr every 3 weeks for a review.

The Dr told me that it’s important for me to work on my risks assessment and tolerating uncertainty.

For instance if I’m told there is 1% risk of something bad happening, I focus on that and I can’t tolerate that uncertainty of no knowing if it will happen to me or not.
I don’t focus on the fact that there’s a 99% chance it won’t happen.

I’ve also been referred to a Pilates class which will include some mindfulness (didn’t even know this was a thing) the mental health nurse said it’s really beneficial.

I spoke to them about the possibility of being sectioned (a few pp has suggested I be sectioned) and if I’m honest I really feel ridiculous for even asking this now.

They both looked at me like I was actually crazy for suggesting this to them.

So apparently I do not need to be sectioned, nor will they section me.

I haven’t had a bad day like last week.
Today is the first time I’ve come on here and it’s actually really helped me not reading about Covid.

I’ve done my three days at work, today I took my son for his first shoe fitting at Clark’s (yes, I went into a shop!!!)
We went for some lunch after and met my mum.
We sat in the sun, ate lunch and It was lovely and so normal.

I had a few moments of Covid anxiety whilst we were out, but I just tried to quickly brush it off.

I know I have a long recovery ahead.

Appreciate all of the support on here.

Well done Op.

@Motnight

Well done Op.

Thank you.

Definitely was not easy opening up to the Dr, but I can’t keep going on the way I have!!

Amazing @fireflylanegirls what a lovely update 🥰

You did so incredibly well dealing with all this, I’m wishing you the very best and I know you can get through it. Sending hugs

@TheSilence

🥰🤗

Well done, OP, you will get there - small steps. CBT can really help to reframe the way you look at things. You will still have blips, but you're now arming yourself with tools to fight anxiety when it tries to spoil your day. Good luck

I could have been you 20 years ago. Except with me, it wasn’t blood clots, it was crashing my car into a wall, or dropping my child over the banisters, or accidentally putting bleach in their food and poisoning them. I didn’t want to do any of those things, I had no intention of doing any of them, but I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t accidentally do them. And once I had got it into my head that I might, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Have you ever read up about OCD? It’s not just about washing your hands or flicking light switches, but can also just be experienced as being unable to stop obsessive thoughts. And is slightly different from generalised anxiety.

It can get better. Citalopram worked for me, and if you’ve been on an SSRI for longer than 6 months and aren’t feeling an effect it might be worth switching to another one. The drugs should give you enough time and headspace to learn the CBT type tools to allow you to manage your thoughts without drugs. I still very occasionally get relics of my ocd thoughts popping into my head, but am pretty good at recognising them and being kind enough to the slightly screwed up bit of me to stop her from spiralling into complete control of my head.

It’s so scary being where you are, but I promise you can get better, I did.

Well done OP, do glad you are feeling more positive 💐

This is a great update to read. Glad to hear you've reached out and are getting more support.

This is one of the best updates I've read on Mumsnet, well done op

Well done op! It is amazing how much you have achieved in a week.

What a brilliant update

I’m soo glad to hear it op there’s no shame in asking for help and there’s so much help out there

The risk of a blood clot is higher than one in a million.

If you were going to have a blood clot it would have happened by now.

You are wasting your time getting stressed out about nothing. We are coming out of lockdown. Don't be that person who continues to keep themselves locked down.

Research the frequency of blood clots and see for yourself how rare they are.