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Original poster

Parents refused the vaccine and now have covid

325 replies

ofallthedays · 05/04/2021 22:04

Even worse, they looked after my dd today as we are moving house and this has now meant we can’t see DPs parents tomorrow, on his birthday, for the first time in 6 months.
I am devastated. Worried for them (and me as I am pregnant). But most of all bloody angry and I don’t know if iabu to feel this way. But I can’t help being annoyed they didn’t have the vaccine. They have turned it down twice both from work and the GP.
I don’t even know what to say to PILs at the moment as I am embarrassed at the way my parents have handled the whole pandemic..and it has now cost PILs seeing their grandchild Sad
Not a question really, just wanted to vent. Maybe it’s my fault for letting them look after her? But didn’t feel I could blackmail them to make them have the vaccine. It’s so shit.
Any ideas to help me salvage DPs birthday much appreciated. I don’t even have a cake as MIL was bringing that.

OP posts:
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Wellbythebloodyhell · 06/04/2021 11:44

@WiseUpJanetWeiss also more children are being tested to detect asymptomatic cases so it's not unusual for more cases now to be picked up than before

Brefugee · 06/04/2021 12:27

I’d be furious. You should stop using them for childcare, and prioritise your PIL’s to visit etc if they’re vaccinated and your (stupid) parents aren’t

FFS. MN is a crazy place to be sometimes.

They kindly offered to babysit a toddler during their time off from what has been an incredibly stressful year and their "punishment" is to not be allowed to babysit? In their shoes I'd be cracking open the wine.

It is their choice to be vaccinated or not. Presumably it has not come as a massive surprise to OP where they work, and she still chose to ask them to do her a favour.

The entitlementssss - it burnsss us.

puffinkoala · 06/04/2021 12:30

If they are in their 50s they would have only just had it anyway wouldn't they - so (a) the vaccine would not have taken effect yet and (b) they'll have only had one dose. My DH is just over two weeks post having his first dose and he is 58.

I think they might have caught covid anyway. But I can see why you'd be annoyed if they'd been offered the vaccine, turned it down, and then expect you to take care of them, especially knowing you are pregnant!

HappyGoPlucky · 06/04/2021 12:54

I really can't understand anyone not getting the vaccine but it's personal choice I guess - though I reserve the right to think everyone who refuses to get it is a stupid, selfish moron. Grin

That said, they were doing you a favour with childcare so that was a risk you took and, sadly, it hasn't worked out for you. It was always a possibility.

I'm a teacher and I was really careful in the days leading up to the holidays because I desperately didn't want to have to self-isolate.

In future you might want to ask them to do a test as a courtesy the night before they're offering childcare, to safeguard your family.

Not unreasonable to be frustrated and disappointed but they were doing you a favour so you can't really blame them. I'd be philosophical about it if I were you and let it go.

Rukaya · 06/04/2021 12:57

(NO! It REDUCES the chance of you getting covid and REDUCES the chance of you passing it on, it DOES NOT STOP it in its entirety

And what do you think that means on an individual level, ffs? It means that it will prevent the majority from getting it, and passing it on. Nobody said otherwise. The comment was refuting the nonsense idea that it doesn't stop transmission at all.

pam290358 · 06/04/2021 13:05

@ancientgran. Oneyeopen had her figures right - 18.1 million people vaccinated with the AZ vaccine in the UK as of 24 March. 30 people had had blood clots, of which 7 died. In the last few days the MHRA was looking at restricting the AZ vaccine to the over 60s. You have to weigh the risks with the benefits - the older you are, the higher the risks of Covid and the less risk associated with the vaccine - therefore vaccination is preferable. With the lower age groups the risk associated with Covid are less, therefore the risks to benefits equation is a bit more complicated. MHRA are saying that the data on the risk being related to whether you’re male or female are very weak and need more investigation.

Abraxan · 06/04/2021 13:37

@NoBetterthanSheShouldBe

I’d like to think that if my parent got a deadly virus I’d be more worried about their health than the need for me to self-isolate for a few days.
It's perfectly possible to be concerned about the parents health, whilst also being cross they didn't take a simple precaution when offered to them.

Having been ill with covid, needing hospital treatment and still having ongoing complications 6 months on, I can't understand why anyone wants to take the risk.

Anyone who has done any proper reading re the covid vaccination knows it had faced proper testing protocols. The side effects are minimal and inline with many other vaccinations.

Abraxan · 06/04/2021 13:39

@Remmy123

A vaccine doesn't stop you getting it so You wouid still be in the same situation if they had the vaccine?
It reduced the chances of them getting it and has been shown time and time again to reduce the chances of transmission. It also has been shown many times that if someone is still unlucky enough to catch it after vaccination they are far less likely to be seriously ill.

It's incredibly important that if people are going to post them they at least keep up to date with the findings.

ElderMillennial · 06/04/2021 13:41

It is annoying but if you knew they hadn't had the vaccine then you knew there was a risk.

Presumably they didn't knowingly have her with covid?

G5000 · 06/04/2021 13:42

NO! It REDUCES the chance of you getting covid and REDUCES the chance of you passing it on, it DOES NOT STOP it in its entirety

So in your opinion, if something is not 100% for 100% of people, it doesn't do anything and no point bothering? Parachutes DO NOT STOP all the people who jump out of planes dying, but I sure as hell prefer to have one when jumping..

Original poster
ofallthedays · 06/04/2021 13:48

Thanks all I am reading
To answer some questions, no they didn’t know they had it, took a LF the night before which was negative. Dropped dd off when they started with symptoms and went for a PCR. Both positive results this morning. I’m still can’t help thinking this could have been avoided. Annoyed at them and yes myself.
Just goes to show though you can think you’re taking precautions and it will catch you out!
Fingers crossed we all stay well.

OP posts:
nestlestealswater · 06/04/2021 13:53

I'm very surprised that on Mumsnet people are advocating for forced and coerced medical procedures. Do we no longer have the right to bodily autonomy?

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/04/2021 13:55

@nestlestealswater

I'm very surprised that on Mumsnet people are advocating for forced and coerced medical procedures. Do we no longer have the right to bodily autonomy?
Biscuit
Original poster
ofallthedays · 06/04/2021 13:56

And DP isn’t seeing PILs. Not risking it.
Thank you so much for your tips @Dowser and @Scottishskifun

OP posts:
Rukaya · 06/04/2021 14:02

I'm very surprised that on Mumsnet people are advocating for forced and coerced medical procedures. Do we no longer have the right to bodily autonomy?

You have the right to keep you vaccine refusing body well away from those of us who don't want you around, yes.
Can you point out where anyone is advocating for forced medical procedures? (Hint, you can't. Its not there)

nestlestealswater · 06/04/2021 14:02

@GreyhoundG1rl what else would you call it?

CatsHairEverywhere2 · 06/04/2021 14:05

@Rukaya but you don’t have the right to ensure vaccine refusing people stay away from you

Rukaya · 06/04/2021 14:08

@Rukaya but you don’t have the right to ensure vaccine refusing people stay away from you

I do as much as I can control it. People who I know to have refused the vaccine I don't have to have anywhere near me. What makes you think I do?

nestlestealswater · 06/04/2021 14:09

@Lalliella

It's not their responsibility to have the vaccine to reduce your nuclear family's risks though.

Yes it is. In fact it’s everyone’s responsibility to reduce everyone else’s risk. Because we live in a society. If you refuse the vaccine you shouldn’t be allowed to leave your house or mix with anyone imo until this is over. Otherwise you are risking killing people. Unfortunately many people are selfish.

@Rukaya how about this one? Or
nestlestealswater · 06/04/2021 14:10

Posted too soon.

Or @Cokie3 saying If there is any reason to go NC - this is it! Furious wouldn't even cover it. It is pigs like this that has caused the UK deaths to be in the couple of hundred thousands. They would not be allowed anywhere near me or my children again. At least until they had the vaccine and apologised for being such selfish arseholes!

There are plenty more.

CatsHairEverywhere2 · 06/04/2021 14:15

@Ruyaka you’ve no say over who your colleagues are, who you pass in the street or meet in the shop. You might keep the people you know to be unvaccinated away from you but legally, any unvaccinated person off the street could walk up to you and strike up a conversation. You’ve no rights to anyone’s medical history, you cannot avoid every unvaccinated person in the world and your belligerent attitude about it will do nothing but damage your mental health in the long term. By all means, disagree whether or not someone should get it but your snark isn’t needed.

saraclara · 06/04/2021 14:19

@nestlestealswater

Posted too soon.

Or @Cokie3 saying If there is any reason to go NC - this is it! Furious wouldn't even cover it. It is pigs like this that has caused the UK deaths to be in the couple of hundred thousands. They would not be allowed anywhere near me or my children again. At least until they had the vaccine and apologised for being such selfish arseholes!

There are plenty more.

The two quotes you've just used are not asking for a procedure to be forced on anyone. I think they're both unreasonable to a degree, but no-one has said that bodily autonomy should be compromised by vaccinating people by force.
Rukaya · 06/04/2021 14:27

@Ruyaka you’ve no say over who your colleagues are, who you pass in the street or meet in the shop. You might keep the people you know to be unvaccinated away from you but legally, any unvaccinated person off the street could walk up to you and strike up a conversation

They can only strike up a conversation if I allow them to, otherwise no. I don't care about people in the street or a shop, and you are wrong about my colleagues, who are obliged to be vaccinated or can't work where we do.
So yes, I absolutely can stay away, in any meaningful sense, from people who I know to have refused the vaccine.

pam290358 · 06/04/2021 14:29

Of course you can’t force people to be vaccinated, but I don’t see any reason why life should not be made a little more difficult for those people selfish enough to rely on others to keep them safe. For example foreign holidays should be off the menu - for two reasons: One, you may spread Covid to other innocents abroad and Two, if you can’t be trusted to vaccinate to protect yourself and others, you definitely can’t be trusted to take precautions to avoid spreading Covid when you come home.

nestlestealswater · 06/04/2021 14:29

@saraclara I said forced and coerced, and I think the line between the two is quite fine. I would say that the first one falls into the forced category. People have also been using the word "blackmail" too.