Parents refused the vaccine and now have covid

[ofallthedays]

Even worse, they looked after my dd today as we are moving house and this has now meant we can’t see DPs parents tomorrow, on his birthday, for the first time in 6 months.
I am devastated. Worried for them (and me as I am pregnant). But most of all bloody angry and I don’t know if iabu to feel this way. But I can’t help being annoyed they didn’t have the vaccine. They have turned it down twice both from work and the GP.
I don’t even know what to say to PILs at the moment as I am embarrassed at the way my parents have handled the whole pandemic..and it has now cost PILs seeing their grandchild
Not a question really, just wanted to vent. Maybe it’s my fault for letting them look after her? But didn’t feel I could blackmail them to make them have the vaccine. It’s so shit.
Any ideas to help me salvage DPs birthday much appreciated. I don’t even have a cake as MIL was bringing that.

Why did you not just ask them why they won't have it? Are you unable to communicate with your parents? It's selfish pigs (and yes, that is what people who play Russian Roulette with innocent people's lives are!) like your parents that spread this virus and cause immune-compromised people like children with cancer to get ill/die. Not only that, but they knowingly put you, their PREGNANT DAUGHTER, and your UNBORN CHILD at risk. And they've got you, feeling sorry for them! Wtf. They should be feeling sorry for the worry and risk and strain you are going through, and their GC going without now. It should be the other way around. If there is any reason to go NC - this is it! Furious wouldn't even cover it. It is pigs like this that has caused the UK deaths to be in the couple of hundred thousands. They would not be allowed anywhere near me or my children again. At least until they had the vaccine and apologised for being such selfish arseholes!

It is their choice!!!

@loulouljh

It is their choice!!!

Stupidity is such a bad choice, though.

Well said Cokie3

God that IS AWFUL

I put money on it that they are also the people who work in schools moaning and whinging about children being back in school although the scientists have found no noticeable increase in cases.

[quote SamsonTheBunny]@ancientgran fair enough and I’m guessing from your user name that you see this from older parents perspective, but the rules have been very clear throughout. It’s for OP to qualify the extent to which this was “judgemental” but quite frankly given that adult children are the ones who have very much accepted being most greatly affected population in terms of by job losses, job changes, home schooling and economic impact in order to largely protect older populations, they’re well within their rights to question when older parents are breaking the rules. In our case our PILs were breaking them throughout “in a safe way” which directly resulted in seven family members catching Covid and one dying.[/quote]
My point was what does she mean by strictly following the rules. In my book you either follow the rules or you don't, people who talk about strictly following the rules often mean going a bit further than the rules.

Despite my ancientness I work, have done for the last 52 years, I also had GS living with me throughout lockdown so did the homeschooling bit as well as being carer to my disabled husband so I don't think anyone has a right to judge my decisions as long as I am within the law.

My adult children think I shouldn't go to the supermarket if I run out of something, I have had shopping delivered weekly for the last year but occasionally, half a dozen times maybe, run out of something and went to a shop. That is following the rules but as far as they are concerned not "strictly following the rules." They have also tried to persuade (guilt trip?) me into switching to an online pharmacy. I value my local pharmacy, it is important to many people older or more vulnerable than I am so I support it. Again it is within the rules but is it "strictly" within the rules?

@Cokie3

Why did you not just ask them why they won't have it? Are you unable to communicate with your parents? It's selfish pigs (and yes, that is what people who play Russian Roulette with innocent people's lives are!) like your parents that spread this virus and cause immune-compromised people like children with cancer to get ill/die. Not only that, but they knowingly put you, their PREGNANT DAUGHTER, and your UNBORN CHILD at risk. And they've got you, feeling sorry for them! Wtf. They should be feeling sorry for the worry and risk and strain you are going through, and their GC going without now. It should be the other way around. If there is any reason to go NC - this is it! Furious wouldn't even cover it. It is pigs like this that has caused the UK deaths to be in the couple of hundred thousands. They would not be allowed anywhere near me or my children again. At least until they had the vaccine and apologised for being such selfish arseholes!

Their pregnant daughter put herself, her unborn child and her toddler at risk by getting them to do childcare knowing they hadn't had the vaccine. It is a shock to some parents to discover that grandparents are under no obligation to provide childcare and they could always look after their own children.

@ancientgran the OP has confused me - she sends daughter to nursery, presumably being cared for by unvaccinated staff!

Their pregnant daughter put herself, her unborn child and her toddler at risk by getting them to do childcare knowing they hadn't had the vaccine. It is a shock to some parents to discover that grandparents are under no obligation to provide childcare and they could always look after their own children.

I agree with this. You can only control your own choices.

The grandparents here work in a school, that's a high transmission risk environment so the chance was always there that they may pick up the virus - or any other illnesses going round. OP still chose to use them as childcare so that both she and her husband could pack up their house together - no judgement on that, I would do the same. But it wasn't an emergency where there was no other option.

The grandparents are free to make choices based on their own health - I am surprised they didn't have the vaccine due to the risk to their own lives being in their late 50s, but it's up to them. They make their choices and OP makes hers.

Knowing the GPs work in a high-risk environment AND hadn't had the vaccine, and appreciating that they had important plans with the in-laws this week for her DP's birthday, childcare from these people wasn't a good idea.

ancientgran

Quite.

I also don’t think calling non vaxers “pigs” is going to help anyone. The largest non take up group is black ethnic minorities.

@ancientgran that’s a lot to have managed, I hope you’re ok. Personally I say “strictly following rules” is exactly that, what we are and aren’t allowed to do. However the stay at home message is also pretty clear, whilst not being a “rule”. So yes there is ambiguity in how that’s interpreted and I can understand why adult children feel like they want to protect older parents by ensuring they do “stay at home”. In our case, actual rules were broken (too many people socialising indoors but just with “one or two people”... but for some reason it’s ok as it’s “family”) which resulted directly in the death of a close family member who was older but had no underlying conditions and would otherwise probably have had another ten happy years or more. I read OPs message as probably being the same, actual rules being broken, rather than strictly adhering to the message as well as the law. I can see how you see things differently.

I think the point of this thread though is very much that the more people have the vaccine, the less we will all have to worry about that any longer.

@Thewinterofdiscontent very true. It also doesn't really add any credibility to an argument if you have to be abusive.

@Clutterbugsmum

I put money on it that they are also the people who work in schools moaning and whinging about children being back in school although the scientists have found no noticeable increase in cases.

I find this very offensive. From this thread, most posts seem to acknowledge that schools are risky places to work at the moment, as there are posts asking why the OP left her children with people who worked in a school and an expectation that school staff kept testing in the holidays to keep the rest of you ‘safe’. I would have grabbed a vaccine as early as possible (same time as NHS staff) as I could see through the lies based on what I saw and heard from my own experience. So would have other teachers I know. On the other hand, we were repeatedly told schools were safe, that Covid doesn’t dare cross the school boundaries and children don’t spread Covid. Perhaps the OPs parents believed the propaganda and didn’t feel at risk? Maybe after twelve months of working in these conditions they have become desensitised to the danger? That’s the problem with propaganda.

@Clutterbugsmum, you really can’t have it both ways. Teachers who were ‘moaning’ (or highlighting serious concerns in my opinion) are unlikely to have refused the vaccine. All we wanted was to feel safer doing our job.

I hope the OP and her family get through this with minimal impact.

@Bibidy I think op used her parents based on them having not been in school for 10 days. It maybe they got the virus elsewhere.
I'm astounded that teachers would refuse the vaccine. My dsis couldn't wait to get her vaccine.

As for AZ risk, op has a 1 to 2 in 1000 risk of a blood clot in pregnancy. 31 people out of 18 million have had a blood clot after AZ vaccine.

[quote SamsonTheBunny]@ancientgran that’s a lot to have managed, I hope you’re ok. Personally I say “strictly following rules” is exactly that, what we are and aren’t allowed to do. However the stay at home message is also pretty clear, whilst not being a “rule”. So yes there is ambiguity in how that’s interpreted and I can understand why adult children feel like they want to protect older parents by ensuring they do “stay at home”. In our case, actual rules were broken (too many people socialising indoors but just with “one or two people”... but for some reason it’s ok as it’s “family”) which resulted directly in the death of a close family member who was older but had no underlying conditions and would otherwise probably have had another ten happy years or more. I read OPs message as probably being the same, actual rules being broken, rather than strictly adhering to the message as well as the law. I can see how you see things differently.

I think the point of this thread though is very much that the more people have the vaccine, the less we will all have to worry about that any longer.[/quote]
I'm fine thanks. My mother said I was born a "doer" and I have been all my life. I can do 90% of my job from home so working through the pandemic hasn't been much of an issue and I've had meetings in a garden and at a picnic table in a park. I do get irritated at the assumption that I am always available for childcare but I suppose I should have stricter boundaries for that.

It is sad that you lost a family member but clearly they were breaking the rules, which may or may not be the same as "not strictly" following the rules.

I believe in vaccines, had the gift of the "new" polio vaccine when I was young and polio was a killer, I've always followed the regime for vaccinations for my children and I'm looking forward to my 2nd jab in two weeks but I do believe we all, including the OP, have personal responsibility. When my GS moved in (for various reasons) he was told quite clearly what the rules were and if he broke them he was going back to mum whatever he and mum thought about it. She was actually more challenging than him, wanting him to go home for visits e.g. Sunday family dinner, and not at all happy when told that was fine but he wasn't coming back if that happened. I wouldn't have blamed her or him if I'd let him come back and he infected us.

God there is so much bullshit on here. No wonder our country is in such a fucking mess.

scientists have found no noticeable increase in cases [among school children].

Look at what happened to the distribution of cases after schools opened up.

[quote Oneeyeopen]@Bibidy I think op used her parents based on them having not been in school for 10 days. It maybe they got the virus elsewhere.
I'm astounded that teachers would refuse the vaccine. My dsis couldn't wait to get her vaccine.

As for AZ risk, op has a 1 to 2 in 1000 risk of a blood clot in pregnancy. 31 people out of 18 million have had a blood clot after AZ vaccine.[/quote]
The group they are concerned about are younger people, particularly women and no where near 18 million of them have had the AZ vaccine. The younger people I know who have had the vaccine tend to work in healthcare and have had Pfizer. Don't know if that is true nationally.

@ancientgran can't remember where I read 18 million tbh. Blood clots in pregnancy are much higher however. It does seem to be women of child bearing age that are at risk for these things.
Clots from the pill, clots in pregnancy and now from a vaccine!

I'm 60's, in France and can't even book a vaccine until 16th of this month.

Why would anyone take a vaccine not tested efficiently, does not prevent you from getting Covid or stop you passing it on

Because is has been tested efficiently, it DOES prevent you from getting Covid, and it DOES stop you from passing it on.

Now stop spreading stupid lies you buffoon.

This would annoy me intensely.
I had my first ever argument with my mum when she kept delaying having her first vaccine.

But you knew all this. You already knew they hadn't. You could have talked to them about this before but you chose not to.

You had the choice to not let your dd go there. You chose to. You had the choice. I think you are angry at yourself.

i believe more people have had az than pfizer now

yes its up to them but theyre putting themselves and lots of others at risk by refusing it

They must have had a damn good reason not to take up the offer of a vaccine. It’s their choice but it has landed them & you in this shitshow that you now find yourselves in. But, their choice. They need to own it.

Sorry you’re going through this.

@Rukaya

Why would anyone take a vaccine not tested efficiently, does not prevent you from getting Covid or stop you passing it on

Because is has been tested efficiently, it DOES prevent you from getting Covid, and it DOES stop you from passing it on.

Now stop spreading stupid lies you buffoon.

NO! It REDUCES the chance of you getting covid and REDUCES the chance of you passing it on, it DOES NOT STOP it in its entirety

@SamsonTheBunny

God there is so much bullshit on here. No wonder our country is in such a fucking mess.

scientists have found no noticeable increase in cases [among school children].

Look at what happened to the distribution of cases after schools opened up.

Hmm... that graph shows the proportion of infections in certain age groups, not actual numbers. Given that during the time period the older age groups have been vaccinated you would reasonably expect the proportion of older people testing positive to reduce and therefore the proportion of younger people testing positive to increase. We’d need a graph of numbers to be sure of your conclusion.