Parents refused the vaccine and now have covid

[ofallthedays]

Even worse, they looked after my dd today as we are moving house and this has now meant we can’t see DPs parents tomorrow, on his birthday, for the first time in 6 months.
I am devastated. Worried for them (and me as I am pregnant). But most of all bloody angry and I don’t know if iabu to feel this way. But I can’t help being annoyed they didn’t have the vaccine. They have turned it down twice both from work and the GP.
I don’t even know what to say to PILs at the moment as I am embarrassed at the way my parents have handled the whole pandemic..and it has now cost PILs seeing their grandchild
Not a question really, just wanted to vent. Maybe it’s my fault for letting them look after her? But didn’t feel I could blackmail them to make them have the vaccine. It’s so shit.
Any ideas to help me salvage DPs birthday much appreciated. I don’t even have a cake as MIL was bringing that.

@Sansaplans having one dose of the vaccine protects you to 70/90% (depending on which vaccine) against getting the virus AT ALL. And if you're unlucky enough to get it, the T cells produced make it more difficult for you to pass it on, as well as preventing serious illness and death.

OP's parents getting the vaccine would have made this whole situation much less likely.

It beggars belief that so many people take the fact that none of the vaccines protect 100% of people from catching the virus to mean that they don't prevent ANYONE from catching it. The lack of knowledge is terrifying. This virus has been with us for over a year, and still people haven't educated themselves about it, or about the vaccines.

[quote saraclara]@Sansaplans having one dose of the vaccine protects you to 70/90% (depending on which vaccine) against getting the virus AT ALL. And if you're unlucky enough to get it, the T cells produced make it more difficult for you to pass it on, as well as preventing serious illness and death.

OP's parents getting the vaccine would have made this whole situation much less likely.

It beggars belief that so many people take the fact that none of the vaccines protect 100% of people from catching the virus to mean that they don't prevent ANYONE from catching it. The lack of knowledge is terrifying. This virus has been with us for over a year, and still people haven't educated themselves about it, or about the vaccines.[/quote]
What terrifies me more is those who seem in favour of forcing people to have vaccinations, I think thats actually scary. I have had both doses and was over the moon to have them, didn't cross my mind for a second to not, but I also believe free will is bloody important. What would have made the situation even less likely is if OP, knowing they haven't had the vaccine and the 'risk' attached to that hadn't handed her child over to them for the day. I feel the effects of all of this on how people treat one another and wish to have control over them is worse than the financial impact.

@nestlestealswater. If we had closed our borders sooner we may not have been in such a mess for the last twelve months - it should have been no one in and no one out. Same with vaccinations - if you haven’t had it, you don’t get into the country and you don’t get out to spread it anywhere else. I don’t understand some of the arguments on here - a lot are not based on any sound science. This is a pandemic, people are dead ffs and anything that can be done to reduce the number of people suffering or dying is fine by me. What about the future ? No one knows how long the vaccine immunity lasts. What if we need yearly boosters similar to the flu vaccine. If enough people refuse the vaccine we’ll never get out of this mess, so if making it compulsory or imposing sanctions offends you, what would you suggest ?

@Frustratedbeyondbelief a lack of understanding or comprehension in one area does not equate to a lack of brain power. There will be many intelligent people that have struggled to understand the science behind Covid but that doesn’t mean they’re unintelligent or lack any brain power. How clever of you to be able to understand it.

@pam290358 not all movement between countries is holidays. What about people who are travelling for work? Whose family is in a different country? Repatriating? People who are moving to another country? People travelling for medical treatment? Are you going to tell EU citizens displaced by Brexit that they can't leave? Are you going to tell British citizens coming home that they can't enter?

You say that anything that can be done to reduce the number of people suffering or dying is fine by me but what about the huge numbers of people who are suffering and dying because of the coronavirus measures? Coronavirus isn't the only thing that matters.

I'm not an anti-vaxxer at all, but I don't understand why people suddenly seem to blindly trust our corrupt government and these terrible drug companies to have out best interests at heart, when time and time again they've shown that they don't.

[quote ofallthedays]@XiCi because I am not tolerating their selfish attitude anymore for the sake of myself and my family. This has really compounded the anger I have had for months. If you think that’s cheeky of me then fine.
Also hate the term ‘free childcare’ as if money had any relevance to this. It didn’t.[/quote]
You and your family would have been totally removed from their decision if you had looked after your own child. Fine to worry for them, fine to think they have had it. Absolutely absolving yourself from your own decision by blaming them is totally unfair. You and your husband chose to leave you little one with people who were not vaccinated. I assume they didn't come and kidnap her.

You made a decision, you risk assessed and decided to do it, that is fine sometimes decisions turn out to be something we regret but don't blame other people. Be a grown up and take responsibility for your own decisions.

@Rukaya

(NO! It REDUCES the chance of you getting covid and REDUCES the chance of you passing it on, it DOES NOT STOP it in its entirety

And what do you think that means on an individual level, ffs? It means that it will prevent the majority from getting it, and passing it on. Nobody said otherwise. The comment was refuting the nonsense idea that it doesn't stop transmission at all.

But your comment insinuated it stopped it completely, which it doesn't so thats also a nonsense idea 🤷‍♀️

@G5000

NO! It REDUCES the chance of you getting covid and REDUCES the chance of you passing it on, it DOES NOT STOP it in its entirety

So in your opinion, if something is not 100% for 100% of people, it doesn't do anything and no point bothering? Parachutes DO NOT STOP all the people who jump out of planes dying, but I sure as hell prefer to have one when jumping..

I was referring to a comment from a PP that stated that a vaccine stops transmission completely, which it doesn't, of course it helps but its not a 100% guarantee it stops it in its tracks completely

@SamsonTheBunny

It's not their responsibility to have the vaccine to reduce your nuclear family's risks though

Yes it is.

No. It's the op's responsibility to reduce the risks to her family. Would they have been at reduced risk using a childcare provider or nursery? Probably not. Hwiever, if she was so concerned she could have stopped work, worked flexibly, piggy backed with oh to manage THEIR childcare issues. Because that's what they are. Their issue that they resolved by having free childcare and now berating their parents choices, but not berating the thousands of pounds they have saved them!

So your statement was that 'vaccine does not stop you from getting covid' and the other poster replies that yes it does. The poster did not say 100%, completely or anything like that. But your statement can indeed be read as 'has no effect whatsoever'.

Science says: Vaccines against COVID-19 are about 90 percent effective at blocking coronavirus infections, real-world studies of health care workers, firefighters, police, teachers and other essential workers suggest.

Even after just one dose of the mRNA vaccines made by Pfizer and Moderna, the vaccines reduced the chance of getting infected with SARS-CoV-2, researchers report March 29 in Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. “We clearly showed in our study that if you were at least 14 days out from your first shot, you had 80 percent protection” from infection.

80-90% reduced chance of getting covid is pretty significant in my book.

DM’s response was “vaccine doesn’t stop you getting COVID l, just stops you from going to hospital”

Wll that is surely a good enough reason to have it then - less of a burden on the NHS surely

I wonder if your mum was one of those clapping every Thursday for 10 weeks about how great the NHS is - if so what a hypocrite she is for being willing to add to their burden going to hospital because she is worse with Covid than she needed to be

Yanbu op, I’d be angry too.

Did they have a PCR and then not tell you they'd had one and go ahead and look after your child when you're pregnant? If so that's some grade A selfishness - I'd be distancing myself for quite a long time. I really hope you're all ok and that your pregnancy goes smoothly.

You are definitely NBU.

Honestly I know this is deliberately inflammatory but I'd be sending them links about young third trimester deaths to give them a moment to think

I hope you managed to do something for your DP birthday. It sounds like a difficult situation all around. Your parents may have refused the vaccine, but they also didn't go out and purposely infect themselves with Covid either. They might need some support in the coming weeks. Getting angry is a massive waste of energy.

Do they teach in the same classroom? They must have caught from exact same place at same time? Or have they been indoor socialising? It's areally difficult to catch covid in the fresh air

@YukoandHiro yes because that will really help op to search out such stories. The chances of that happening are prob not far off the blood clot or whatever risk put them off the vaccine in the first place.

@ancientgran probably a number of nursery nurses unvaccinated also. What should op do then?

They would not be allowed anywhere near me or my children again. At least until they had the vaccine and apologised for being such selfish arseholes!
Unless of course the OP needs unplanned childcare, in which case maybe her parents will be the ones to refuse due to the OP being an asshole.

[quote Tryingtryingandtrying]@ancientgran probably a number of nursery nurses unvaccinated also. What should op do then?[/quote]
Risk assess, make a decision, accept nothing is 100%, accept responsibility. Parents do it all day every day.

They are teachers / work in a school so presumably aware their risk of exposure was higher - and they have a daughter who is pregnant - surely there is both a moral and public duty to have a vaccine if offered it.

No one is forcing people to have vaccines but their personal situation is one where you would think they would do the right thing.

@Waterfallgirl
I am a teacher who would have loved to have been vaccinated before we went back to school. I was told many times by posters on Mumsnet that I was work shy and cowardly and that I probably hated children and should rethink my career choice as schools were SAFE and children don’t pass ANY virus around. I knew this was incorrect as I experienced the reality but I still had to go in and put my life at risk. I don’t think the general public can now decide that teaching is actually high risk and that teachers should be forced to have the vaccine to save everyone else. I want it but the OPs parents don’t - maybe they have hidden illnesses they haven’t disclosed which makes it more dangerous for them? They should have the same right to choose (even if it is a bad decision) as everyone else in society. If everyone is made to have the vaccine, then fine.

@BustopherPonsonbyJones I actually agree with you - I dont think they should be mandated and have the right to chose. (And I also think schools and school staff have been treated appallingly through all this actually. )
I was really thinking that as the OPs parents they would have considered the risk to her ( their daughter) and the unborn grandchild. Govt guidance and College of midwives advice on the risks after 28 weeks have been consistent over the pandemic around the increased risk of premature births.

There you go....

[quote Waterfallgirl]@BustopherPonsonbyJones I actually agree with you - I dont think they should be mandated and have the right to chose. (And I also think schools and school staff have been treated appallingly through all this actually. )
I was really thinking that as the OPs parents they would have considered the risk to her ( their daughter) and the unborn grandchild. Govt guidance and College of midwives advice on the risks after 28 weeks have been consistent over the pandemic around the increased risk of premature births.[/quote]
The OP chose to go to them though, not the other way round. Therefore knowing the risks and did them anyway. That’s not the parents fault. If they had if said no to the childcare no doubt that would have been wrong too.