Parents refused the vaccine and now have covid

[ofallthedays]

Even worse, they looked after my dd today as we are moving house and this has now meant we can’t see DPs parents tomorrow, on his birthday, for the first time in 6 months.
I am devastated. Worried for them (and me as I am pregnant). But most of all bloody angry and I don’t know if iabu to feel this way. But I can’t help being annoyed they didn’t have the vaccine. They have turned it down twice both from work and the GP.
I don’t even know what to say to PILs at the moment as I am embarrassed at the way my parents have handled the whole pandemic..and it has now cost PILs seeing their grandchild
Not a question really, just wanted to vent. Maybe it’s my fault for letting them look after her? But didn’t feel I could blackmail them to make them have the vaccine. It’s so shit.
Any ideas to help me salvage DPs birthday much appreciated. I don’t even have a cake as MIL was bringing that.

[quote Blessex]@FlattestWhite agree on the frustration. I just can’t get my head around why people would take the lottery risk of catching this horrible virus rather than have the jab.[/quote]
Why would anyone take a vaccine not tested efficiently, does not prevent you from getting Covid or stop you passing it on?

Only on Mumsnet do you see the hysteria from posters slamming those who chose not too have it, because in reality millions have turned it down because we can assess our own risk.

@SakuraEdenSwan1 it may not stop you getting it but it stops you dying, getting seriously ill or going to hospital with it. It also reduces transmission dramatically. Let’s hope OP parents do not end up in this position now.

@Bumpinthenight

From: dfemedia.blog.gov.uk/2021/03/09/back-to-school-week-everything-you-need-to-know/ 'Teaching and non-teaching staff should take twice-weekly... ' The OP has already stated they took a test last night so it is unfortunate that they have tested positive today. They have done the right thing (other than getting vaccinated ) so this was unavoidable really. Even with the vaccine, they could have caught covid and isolation would need to happen. A vaccine would lessen the effects so if they are badly affected OP gets to say 'told you so'

My point was that if they hadn't been testing (which they have) what else have they been doing to put themselves at risk.

OP, it looks like this was an unfortunately timed incident. I'm sorry your plans have been scuppered.

Not compulsory, good luck trying to enforce medical procedures on people against their will.

They would have become infected either way, if they were vaccinated it might have gone undetected...

No they wouldn’t, their chances of catching the virus would be greatly reduced. As would the likelihood of them passing it on, reducing the current worry. Why people insist on perpetuating these untruths about the vaccine is beyond me and hugely frustrating.

They work in a school and have refused the vaccine! Plus over 50. Jees they are idiots!

Are they now going to get the vaccine seeing as they have put you and your family through this? If not I would be laying it on the line!

I’m all for getting the vaccine but if an adult chooses not to have it that is entirely up to them. Not up to their daughter and certainly not anyone posting here. If they have Covid they knew the risks. The OP has explained she knew all the circumstances, calculated the risk and let her DD go, it’s not all the parents fault here. We have freedom of choice, I may not agree or understand why people do not want the vaccine but we have absolutely no right to take away people’s freedoms.

@DonnaDonna01

I’m all for getting the vaccine but if an adult chooses not to have it that is entirely up to them. Not up to their daughter and certainly not anyone posting here. If they have Covid they knew the risks. The OP has explained she knew all the circumstances, calculated the risk and let her DD go, it’s not all the parents fault here. We have freedom of choice, I may not agree or understand why people do not want the vaccine but we have absolutely no right to take away people’s freedoms.

I agree with this. I happily had my vaccine without a second of doubt, but we live in a free country and people are free to have autonomy over their own bodies. To suggest that shouldn't be the case is actually quite scary.

OP as you have said, you knew the risk and decided it was worthwhile, use someone else for free childcare next time if you aren't happy with them.

What has happened to us all that we need to blame other people all the time? We are in a pandemic, all this "they should do this/that/the other" is wrong. People can make up their own minds.

I'm a teacher, I had the vaccination, do I judge those who choose not to? No. Their choice. I did twice weekly LF tests at during term time, but have stopped them over the Easter holiday, because I want to, simple as that. I will do one Sunday night before returning to school. Is is right or wrong? I don't care, I have decided, as an adult, that it what I'm doing. I've seen no one outside the immediate household, so have weighed up the risks and made a decision. It's what we do. OP's parents didn't have the vaccine - their decision, their right, their choice.

OP, the concern here is that your parents have Covid, so focus on supporting them and fingers crossed they cope without being too poorly. Sorry about your DH's birthday, but it's not the end of the world, really is it? An adult's birthday celebrations can easily be postponed for a few weeks.

A little tolerance and acceptance that we are all different, and less jumping on people for doing what they as adults have the right to decide, would help us all I think.

it is annoying and frustrating but if you knew they are vaccine refusers why didn't you ask them to take a few tests on the days running up to them looking after your DD just to be sure?

I hope they're ok and don't have it too badly.

People who refuse the vaccine are just leaching onto the benefits achieved by those who take it. It prevents serious illness in almost 100% of cases. It will stop our healthcare services from being overloaded, freeing up capacity for them to deal with other illnesses. It does reduce transmission more than not having it. It will save lives.

By all means refuse the vaccine, but accept the consequences. You’ll be a social pariah because every person who has the vaccine contributes in a small way to its success - defined by getting the world moving again and saving lives (both from Covid and non-covid cases). Every person who refuses is effectively opting out of those benefits.

This is just one example of where their behaviour has endangered not just themselves but others around them, not least because they made you feel like you couldn’t refuse their visit. OP, if it were me I’d be telling them they couldn’t come. Refusing the vaccine is one thing, refusing the vaccine and not taking the rules seriously deserves no sympathy whatsoever.

I hope they don’t become seriously unwell, but if they do then they have only themselves to blame.

The vaccine has been tested properly, millions of people have had it ffs! How much more bloody testing do you need?

OP the medical care for people that are seriously ill with covid has improved dramatically. Ensure they get early intervention if they are going down hill. Send an oximeter to their house next day delivery, and ask them to check the levels a few times a day to be on the safe side.

I don't blame you for being worried, but you are pregnant. So just look after yourself, and focus on remaining calm.

It was their choice, I don't happen to agree with it, but their choice and they will deal with the consequences - and next time they might think twice before refusing a vaccine designed to save lives. I hope they are okay.

@SamsonTheBunny

People who refuse the vaccine are just leaching onto the benefits achieved by those who take it. It prevents serious illness in almost 100% of cases. It will stop our healthcare services from being overloaded, freeing up capacity for them to deal with other illnesses. It does reduce transmission more than not having it. It will save lives.

By all means refuse the vaccine, but accept the consequences. You’ll be a social pariah because every person who has the vaccine contributes in a small way to its success - defined by getting the world moving again and saving lives (both from Covid and non-covid cases). Every person who refuses is effectively opting out of those benefits.

This is just one example of where their behaviour has endangered not just themselves but others around them, not least because they made you feel like you couldn’t refuse their visit. OP, if it were me I’d be telling them they couldn’t come. Refusing the vaccine is one thing, refusing the vaccine and not taking the rules seriously deserves no sympathy whatsoever.

I hope they don’t become seriously unwell, but if they do then they have only themselves to blame.

They didn't visit, OP needed them to look after DD- they could have said no, sure, but then we'd probably see a different thread on AIBU about parents wanted to choose what they did with their own bodies and aren't happy to have my DD, are they being ridiculous

Why would anyone take a vaccine not tested efficiently, does not prevent you from getting Covid or stop you passing it on?

True, I wouldn't take that kind of vaccine either. Luckily all this does not apply to the available Covid vaccines.

We told PILs that of course their body their choice if they don't want to get vaccinated. But as there have been cases in DCs class and we don't want to burden them with the knowledge that they were responsible for getting PILs sick (and likely dead) - we are not taking the DC there until PILs are vaccinated, or the pandemic is over.

They are getting vaccinated this week.

didn’t feel I could blackmail them to make them have the vaccine

In your particular situation - they work in a high risk environment; you have a young and vulnerable child; you yourself are vulnerable and pregnant - it would not have been "backmail". It would have been protecting yourself and your family.

If they had still refused to be vaccinated, and then complained that they weren't seeing your toddler, THEY would have been the blackmailing ones. Now your in-laws (who I assume have done all they can to protect themselves, including vaccination) aren't able to see their grandchild because of your parents' selfishness? I wouldn't let your DC go to them now until they KNOW and can PROVE that they are non-infectious.

And I wouldn't use them for childcare again, especially with the new baby. They have shown that they place their own preferences ver others' safety.

They are very selfish.

@reformedcharacter. LFT”s are OK for those with symptoms - the issue is with them missing asymptomatic cases.

@SophieB100 I'm a teacher, I had the vaccination, do I judge those who choose not to? No. Their choice

Easy to say when it doesn’t affect you Sophie. What good are “tolerance and acceptance” when health services can’t cope with a new wave among unvaccinated people when the world opens up again, pushing back further cancer treatments abs operations. Or when restrictions are not lifted or worse, reimposed, on us all because people chose not to be part of the solution? None.

*And I wouldn't use them for childcare again, especially with the new baby. They have shown that they place their own preferences ver others' safety.

They are very selfish*

Spot on.

@Fruitsaladjelly

They decided the vaccine wasn’t for them and that is their choice. They would have become infected either way, if they were vaccinated it might have gone undetected so really it’s just the inconvenience to you that’s the issue.

Then you have absolutely no understanding of vaccinations. !

Would you advise the same choice for smallpox, whooping cough, measles, TB ?

Fucking liberal bollox. What about MY CHOICE to live in a country where my right to life is respected by its citizens doing all in their power to reduce the risk. ?

Vaccination does that.

I’d like to think that if my parent got a deadly virus I’d be more worried about their health than the need for me to self-isolate for a few days.

People are being quite harsh to the GPs here. They didn’t have vaccine, OP knew and so took the risk. Can see how the timing is upsetting but whilst I advocate the vaccine, they’re within their rights to refuse a vaccine, they won’t be the first and won’t be the last.

If there isn't a legal obligation for him to isolate (which there may not be as I think you said the contact was all outside) then your DH probably can see his dp for his birthday with very minimal risk.

If any of you were infected by your DP it will take 5-8 days for the virus to multiply in your bodies sufficiently to either be infectious yourselves or for the infection to be detectable by a test. What I don't know is whether you/he will have to isolate anyway. It might be that only your DC had sufficient contact to qualify for strict isolation and that you and DH will only need to isolate if DC subsequently tests positive, which wouldn't happen for a few days.

Your parents should still be encouraged to have the vaccine. The protection against future infection due to having the actual virus is much weaker and of shorter duration than the protection from the vaccine which has been constructed to create the strongest possible immune system response. I also saw an article that showed that having the vaccine when already infected with covid makes a huge difference to how quickly the illness is conquered but I xont suppose that would be allowed to go and get their vaccinations until they have recovered anyway if they aren't ill enough to need hospital treatment.

A vaccine doesn't stop you getting it so
You wouid still be in the same situation if they had the vaccine?

@Remmy123

A vaccine doesn't stop you getting it so You wouid still be in the same situation if they had the vaccine?

That is an utter bollox statement !