How do you feel a year on?

[User133847]

A year ago today our office closed due to Covid - and I think it was the last night the pubs were allowed open - so we're about to pass the 12 month mark since lockdown.

How are you actually feeling at the moment? Dejected, demoralised, depressed etc, or more excited that there's a clear roadmap out of lockdown and a successful vaccination roll out? Or just a constant mix of both?

@HesterShaw1

Full of rage every single day.

Not at the virus but at the stupidity, judgmentalness, lack of critical thought, government by twitter, curtain twitching, unquestioning acceptance of "authority", high handed policing, and meanness it has brought to the fore.

Yes. Sick to fucking death of the ignorant, mindless antivax and conspiracy-theorist labels slapped on anyone who does ask questions.

I feel a mixture of things. I feel relief and grateful that I have survived so far and not caught covid and my family and friends have been OK mostly.
I feel OK about my own life as I didn't do much pre covid so I don't miss alot of the things that are closed such as pubs /restaurants etc.
But I feel incredible guilt and sadness for my kids (age 7 and 10) who have missed so much already. We are missing out on making memories with our kids and this time can't be got back. And I feel guilt for having kids in the first place and putting them in this situation.

Oh and I also feel anger that so called celebrities seem to have been unaffected throughout and have been able to travel, holiday, continue to make money, have parties and socialise because they are "special" in some way. It makes my blood boil.

Irritated with the whole thing really. Which is not a useful answer. It's nobody's fault (unless you count certain statements and decisions early on)
I just want it to stop.

Socially acceptable answer: grateful that my family have so far survived unscathed. Some of us are vaccinated. Most of us have kept our jobs. Relieved that bubbles are legal in certain circumstances.

^meaning my family. Only too aware that many have not been so fortunate, so for them.

Very, very angry.

Which I’m actually quite pleased about, as looking at others around me the alternative seems to be numbness and resignation to the joyless half-life we have now. I’m glad I can still have the emotional reserves to feel strongly about things and strive for change.

Fed up, tired and demotivated. Irritated that the 45+ vaccine group is going to have wait another month at least. Worries that new variants will be brewed up which are less effected by vaccines. Bored to blazes and lonely. Am working in a sector where the government hasn't acted and the unfairnesses are massive and make me feel angry. A family member lost a spouse and couldn't visit or be with them at the end last spring and it haunts me how sad that was. However am glad that winter is over as the short dark days almost finished me off!

Beyond lonely

Can't stop crying.

That's just today.

Maybe being angry was better? I don't know.

@AcornAutumn

Beyond lonely

Can't stop crying.

That's just today.

Maybe being angry was better? I don't know.

I think feeling lonely is a really hard emotion so sorry to hear that

I think I need the weather to change

I’m optimistic then really so fed up in turns

The only thing that has kicked some emotion is some external work stuff which has good but also intense

Relieved I was able to work from home. (Admin wasn't allowed to do it before this).
Fed up with my messy house and doing everything (lone parent).

I have two sets of feelings:

About myself/family/situation - quite steady at the moment, apart from worrying about the below the surface issues in schools

About the country - fucking livid at the needless deaths, economic destrction and corruption and also despondent we still have the same disgraceful PM

Pissed off with it all! Hopefully we are now coming out the other side, but who knows?

Angry, depressed, tired and fat.

Bit bored
But as long as my children happy and healthy (they are) then I will never ever ever feel hopeless, depressed, what’s the point.

Overall - pretty content actually

Until January I was fine. I don't work and at the start of lockdown I started getting my state pension so more money coming in. It's been great having DH at home as he worked long hours and we have got lots done in the house and garden. Honestly never felt bored.

Then in January my dad was taken into hospital. Turned out that there was no need for him to go in but, then for a couple of reasons (cock ups by the hospital mainly), he ended up being in 5 nights.

He had a covid test which was negative 3 days before he was sent home but, unbeknown to us, he did have covid when he came home. He died 4 days after coming home. Two days later mum fell ill. We thought she had a chest infection as she showed the symptoms of one. None of us knew losing your voice was a symptom of covid. On Dr's advice we took mum for a test and the next day found out she did have covid.

Me and DH tried to nurse mum at home but she went downhill and had to be admitted to hospital. Six days later she died.

One of my sisters and both brothers in law had caught it and my sister was pretty ill with it. Somehow me and DH didn't catch it.

I am now depressed but also angry. Angry that me and my sisters spent last year trying to ensure my parents were safe. My parents never went anywhere last year. My sister did their shopping and left it on their doorstep. Me and DH live 150 miles from them so where we would normally visit once a month we visited twice in a year. They spent Christmas alone and now I wish we had all just gone and had one last Christmas all together.

Mum kept saying that even though we would not all be together for Christmas as soon as it was all over we would have our Christmas. Now we never will.

I had already put on weight now I am eating for England and doing no exercise whatsoever and I really don't care any more. I honestly feel things are never ever going back to how they were and am just happy that we have no children and that we are in our 60's so have at least had a pretty good life and will not have to suffer all the restrictions etc for that long

Lynsey

Bored with it all.

Disappointed most of my peers won't be vaccinated for quite a while having got hopes up, but pleased lots of people have been. Just worried this will also create a two tier society of those who have had it and those who haven't.

Grateful to be healthy and very mentally stable. Hopeful we will be able stick the the roadmap.

Very sad loved ones who have died could not have the send off they deserved (not Covid deaths).

Meh and flat cover it.

When our older relatives got first vaccine massively relieved weeks since then flatter and flatter.

We've had nothing terrible happen even with our Y11 child think it a case of what will be will be now and in our wider family with health and jobs all are back on even keel.

We have stopped making future plans now - as it just seems longer and longer till anything open back up.

I feel tired and miserable and apathetic. I swung between anxiety and depression. I feel like I don’t like who I am or what I do or what I say.
I’m a shadow of who I was this time last year.
I can’t get happy or excited about anything.

So many emotions all at once every day- devastated for all those who have lost loved ones, angry at how our government handled it (locking down too late, the whole Christmas fiasco), worried about the South Africa variant which our current vaccines aren’t as effective on. At the same time I’m grateful that my family are so far ok and for how well our vaccine programme is going.

I caught sight of my face in the mirror yesterday and was shocked at how much I’ve aged in the last 12 months. Can’t stop eating so have put on weight despite still walking and exercising. I have a permanent scowl. Just feel like a shell of my former self and have lost all hope for the future. I’m nearly 40 and feel grateful for the experiences I’ve had pre Covid, and that the first half of my life was good.

Every day feels like it drags on massively..but the year has flown by... really weird

Bored and tired. But as pp have said my mood is much better when the sun is shining so I’m hoping for some nice weather soon.

A little blue today.

It was the official unveiling of the town's monument to all those lost to the Covid pandemic.

Usually I'm a little more hopeful and optimistic (despite the vaccine shambles), but today is sad.

[quote IrishMamaMia]@Averyslover my experience has been very similar to this all in all.[/quote]
With respect, please don't tell me to "loosen up".

We must not make the mistake of thinking this life is normal, and getting used to it. It's not normal and we mustn't forget that. It's not normal and proportionate for old ladies to be fined for drinking a cup of tea in their gardens with their friends. It's not normal to report that. It's not proportionate for police officers to wrestle women to the ground who have gathered to remember a murdered victim with the justification they are "keeping us safe from the virus". It's not normal for healthy people to have barely left the house for a year. It's not right that some babies and toddlers don't know any faces other than their immediate household's. It's not ok that loads of children have had their mental and educational development disregarded. I haven't seen my sister and nephews and niece since last summer - they're my only family. How is this type of thing ok with people?

No I'm not going to "loosen up" especially seeing as, as you say, this is "rolling on".