How do you feel a year on?

[User133847]

A year ago today our office closed due to Covid - and I think it was the last night the pubs were allowed open - so we're about to pass the 12 month mark since lockdown.

How are you actually feeling at the moment? Dejected, demoralised, depressed etc, or more excited that there's a clear roadmap out of lockdown and a successful vaccination roll out? Or just a constant mix of both?

If we can get to our may holiday without worry or hitch, have a wondeful change of scene.. Children running free on beach etc.. I'll be able to cope with another Awful winter.
We all need little life rafts of things to look forward too.

Weary. Not terrifically optimistic about the next few years. I miss freedom.

Had ups and downs. Have had my first vaccine and looking forward to the spring. Today hasn't been a good day , DD's uni have notified them that there's an increasing chance years abroad will be cancelled for those who got offers and autumn term could still be online. DD said she's sick and tired of it, only reason she's carrying on with substandard support us because she wants her tomorrow will be better I hope.

Furious, because of the lies and mismanagement of the whole thing, the politics, the experimental vaccines and most of all for what this has done to my children's MH and their "education".

Sad, for myself because of life-changing lockdown-induced circumstances that stripped away all the things I'd spent many years building, things which will never return.

Determined, to work on a couple of opportunities that have unexpectedly come up as a result of all this.

Tired, angry, depressed and in utter despair. Completely unrecognisable from who I was this time last year.

@Chillychangchoo

Flat. Lost the spark for life.

This. Me too

Grateful, and a bit weird. I am not the person that I was 'before' at all.

Grateful that my own family (DH and DC's) are just brilliant, we're closer than ever and have survived together.

A bit weird, because I used to be very, very busy & social. I had one large friendship group that's really and quite acrimoniously fallen apart over the last year. My other smaller friendship groups are still in tact. But the fall out, and the fact I've worked from home and my office is now closed meaning I'll never go back means I've become very isolated. Sometimes I don't go out for days on end and that's not who I used to be at all.

I also had a milestone birthday at the start of lockdown. I feel like my life is a play. I've done part 1, this has been the interval and apart from my family, I'm going to have to start again with part 2. It's an interesting, and quite daunting feeling all at the same time.

Resigned and tired.

I’m overworked, overweight and can’t be arsed to exercise. Maybe a bit down but I’m not sure really, I think I’m just fed up.

I’m NHS frontline mental health so it’s been a tough year but not ICU or covid ward tough.

I’m having my second dose of vaccine soon so feel much safer and haven’t had COVID despite working directly with COVID patients on our ward.

Don’t feel that hopeful for the future but am making plans, it is helping my sanity even if they do get cancelled.

I’m optimistic. I’ve not had the vaccine yet - in the healthy 30s group so got a wee bit of a wait still - but I can see potential improvement over the course of this year. I don’t expect normality as we knew it in 2021, but I expect decent progress.
My office has started preparing for the future work environment and it seems that there will be decent flexibility. We cleared out our belongings and assigned desks are now a thing of the past and the office will be for collaborative working. I’ve perfected my home work space so I’m happy to carry on using it.
I’ve got fitter, cycled more, spent quality time with my partner. I’m looking forward to seeing my parents when it’s possible.
It’s been a novel year. Certainly not something I ever thought I’d experience. I’m glad my family has stayed healthy throughout.

Happy and very, very fortunate. I've benefitted from more family time, as have my kids and DH. We've saved money. We've enjoyed fewer social expectations and fewer pulls on our time. DC have enjoyed a more relaxed pace.

We've definitely learnt things this year that will influence how we move forward.

Very worried about Europe

Wondering how this has managed to be both the longest, and shortest, year of my life.

Yes that's it exactly. An endless year that has gone oh so slowly but really quickly too.

I'm fat and discouraged. My house is a mess. And we are getting on one another's nerves. My teen is very depressed because everything she was looking forward to at school has been cancelled. She is taking out all of her upset on me.

Quite numb and a bit on autopilot a lot of the time.

I was looking at the Worldometer numbers this evening. It was a bit scary that I now scroll through the numbers without feeling much emotion at all really. I used to cry now I don't. I'm not sure what is worse.

I am feeling some hope though. With the vaccines I do see a brighter future. Variants scare me but I have hope that we'll not have to go through another winter of hell quite like we have just experienced and actually this summer could be pretty good.

It’s like being on a rollercoaster my current feeling is flat. I actually look back on things I used to worry about and think if I only I could worry about those things now to feel something. It’s feels never ending. Will never take the small things for granted when we get to the other side of this

Resigned to living this dull, tedious, joyless life for many more months and years. Finding plenty to do to fill the time but having nothing to excite me or to look forward to. It’s mentally exhausting.

I feel very lonely as I don't see many people. It's ok when the weather is good as I can be outside but today has been cold, grey and long.

I have no idea when or if I will be offered the vaccine and just feel like it's probably never going to happen.

Shafted.
That school staff and parents in their late 40s who have worked relentlessly can't get the vaccine yet are exposed daily through work and school.

That my year 10 kids face an uncertain future. That no mitigations have been put in place to make schools safe.

Gone through so many emotions

Lockdown 1 panic we dident have will.
Panic over money.
Panic over food supplies as the limit were hard on a large family.
Shopping became huge stressful mission.
Worked supermarket wave 1 and got lots abuse but husbands was furloughed and we did loads to house and garden.
We had extra income. Mortgage break and weather was lovley

We finally met family in August and had couple meals out.

Then sept it just felt stressful with school cases and covid tests.
Husband non essential retail and mostly commission so closing nov and jan his busiest time has hurt us.
We struggling more financially now than we were last year.
We meant be going away just uk hoping that helps.

Lockdown 2 felt daft and pointless.
Xmas felt bit glum not seeing family.
My family Wales so different rules and English not welcome.

Lockdown 3 been hardest the toddler missed contact with little people her toddler dance class been shut more than its open.
Worry my 3 school age kids totally unfit they finding hard being back.
My 11 year old attitude is truly awful.
Homeschooling my sen year 5 child and so many demands was bit stressful and felt like I was neglecting my toddler.
House constant battle stay tidy.
Miss freinds haven't seen them in over a year.
Every one needs hair cut.
Have odd days I get overwhelmed and start crying .
Sleep not great
Massuve weight gain and lethargy.
I try be optimistic and keep busy.
I miss so much.

One thing that maybe saved my sanity was getting a dog I find him so calming and gives me excuse leave the house.
I don't trust the road map.
Worried they open up travel and worries school get bad again.
In 40s and gutted jabs been put back.

Really sad for my family tbh. It's been a rubbish year for DC starting uni, ending up back home feeling very isolated and depressed and lonely having made no friends after starting out with such high hopes. DParents are stuck in a care home with no visitors. DFiL is hundreds of miles away, living alone in his 90s and seeing no one day in day out.
I can't wait for the world to open up again.

Veering between barely coping, bored, desperate and numb with the occasional moment of forgetting it's all happening.

NC’d for this. In all honesty, I think March 2020-21 has been the worst year of my life.

I tried to wfh with my then 2 year old DS but couldn’t do it. DH said he couldn’t help because he’s by far the main breadwinner, his work (finance) is a lot less understanding than mine and he’d just started a new job. After a month I was furloughed and so it was me and DS 24/7. I adore my DS but he is full on and I was struggling with the total loss of my independence and the identity work gave me. I missed my parents so much. I plunged into the worst depression I’d had since having PND and lost two stone. I felt such horrendous guilt about feeling so unable to cope with my DS all day every day with no breaks. After 5 months we were allowed informal childcare again so I could start working from home, with DS going to my parents 3 days. That helped. As did taking an hour on my 3 working days to go swimming.

Then my city (in Scotland) went into the harshest restrictions and has stayed there, so no more swimming. Informal childcare thankfully still allowed. In December FIL was taken into hospital for end of life care and tested positive for Covid but we didn’t hear about the positive test until it was too late. DH caught it, gave it to DS and me, DS gave it to my parents. We are all ok now but I have never been so frightened for my dad, I was terrified every day that we would lose him. I’ve never seen him look so weak and ill. FIL died mid-December and of course DH is still grieving. DH still hasn’t regained his sense of taste and smell and now it’s turned to many things smelling nauseating. Our little DS’s lovely head smells like cigarettes and dog shit to him and that is very, very hard for DH.

This week I found out I was pregnant. Between me and DH we knew we couldn’t keep this pregnancy. DS still doesn’t sleep through the night and adding a baby to the mix, especially after how my mental health has been this year, would possibly kill me. I don’t say that lightly. So I have a consultation for a termination next week. I never thought I’d be saying that but it is the right thing for our little family.

If I could scratch this year from the records I would.

@profondoRosso

@profondoRosso that is all so tough
On good days, I feel optimistic. I work in a school and we are back which has been a big boost for my mental health. My job is really my calling, the kids are very funny and I'm very busy. On bad days, I feel like this is life now, long-term. I get quite frustrated that museums are open in other countries and bars, restaurants, cafés and indoor visits in some too. I want to bring my children to their sports lessons and maybe visit a zoo for variety. I worry that we'll be caught perpetually in a lockdown loop.
Having said this there have been some positives to the pandemic for me, I've struggled with mild depression and brain fog on and off over the last few years and was prescribed an anti-depressant last March that has helped me regulate my low moods, get more rest and enjoy life more fully.

Over it.

It seems like years since the first lockdown
Everything has gone so slowly.
It has been a very hard year