I'm so disappointed - is it justified?

[dorothy3]

My parents live in a different town a couple of hours away, and we haven't seen them since middle of last year. We have two little ones under two, including a young baby, and it's been hard looking after them with zero support - like it has for lots of people.

We asked my parents if they wanted to visit us over Easter. We also said we'd be happy to go to them. We would form a support bubble with them, permitted as we have a child under one. We don't see anyone currently, and we said we'd self isolate beforehand. Parents have had their first jab.

They said no. I initially felt this was fair enough as they haven't had both jabs, but on reflection, I'm a bit cross. They go to the garden centre, the post office, and other essential shops all the time. They have had workmen round. They have even had an estate agent round recently. They see friends outside and drop things round to them. Why is it ok to do these things, but not see us? We've found things really hard and they're always saying they wished they could help more, so why not now?

I guess I'm just really disappointed and want to vent. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. If you think so, please be gentle - I'm struggling at the moment. Thank you.

@RaggieDolls

Given the risk level balanced against what their daughter has been through I'd say yes, they are being selfish. As I said in my post only time can tell but I can't see me treating my DCs like this in similar circumstances with similar risk levels.

I agree, I think they are selfish too.

I'd be really disappointed and struggle to ever recover the relationship fully. The examples you have listed of the things they have done are far more risky than visiting you. Their perception of risk is skewed.

I'd not ask them again. Wait for them to come to you and suggest a time/date.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

I'd be really disappointed and struggle to ever recover the relationship fully. The examples you have listed of the things they have done are far more risky than visiting you. Their perception of risk is skewed.

I'd not ask them again. Wait for them to come to you and suggest a time/date.

I agree with this, back off to protect yourself.

Nothing really different to add but I'm sorry you're struggling, it must be so difficult.

I've only had support during the very first year of my first DC's life (since then both parents have died and In laws are abroad) and it made such a difference to have a second pair of hands, even if they did have to make a 2 hour journey.

Actually my MIL despite being 3000 miles away was a better support than Ddad in many ways when she could make the trip over. I loved my dad but he was self centred and never had to worry about raising me and my siblings as DM did it all and arranged everything even when she worked.

It's hard when they're little and you have my sympathies. I had to find a playgroup every day when mine were little just to keep my sanity.

I understand your disappointment OP. If I was lucky enough to have grandchildren I'd be desperate to see them. Do you FaceTime or Zoom? Do they show interest in your DC in other ways? Do they have other GC? Sorry about the barrage of questions!

Hi heron they do show interest normally, and love to zoom and send them gifts in the post. And I really appreciate that. So it's not all negative.