Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
Original poster
Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 11:43

@icdtap he won't do anything for himself at all. I have to make all his doctors/dentist/hospital appointments. I have to accompany him. I have to order, collect and pay for his prescriptions. If I didn't do it, he would never attend anything. He needs a push. Which he asks of me. And he would never ever have therapy or counselling etc.

OP posts:
Chooseausernamenow · 12/03/2021 11:48

He’s being completely selfish. Someone with a needle phobia does not go and get stabbed with needles for hours getting a tattoo.

SVRT19674 · 12/03/2021 11:49

My boss was like this. She had to travel to somewhere in Asia with many endemic illnesses and HAD to get her big girl pants on and get on with it. Went with her husband, went in room with eyes tightly shut, lay face down with a towel to her face so she couldn´t see anything and they gave her the jabs whilst talking to her of other things. She said it was hard but she was proud she did it. A girl I know asked some friend nurses of hers to hold her down or she wouldn´t be able to do it, so they did, and she did.

Jessbow · 12/03/2021 11:50

Belladonna12

Honestly, they can, Its not idea, obviously, but he needs to be there.

See if he will go and explain. They will find a solution. We have had all sorts of issues including a lady who wanted it, Had two of us ( in PPE) hold her while they did it WITH HER CONSENT of course.

She knew he would fly out of the doorway ( we dont even sit ours down if they able bodied) so we we actually there holding her. She was so glad once she was done, cried buckets but did it

noirchatsdeux · 12/03/2021 11:51

@Chooseausernamenow Yes, they do. RTFT.

icdtap · 12/03/2021 11:51

@icdtap he won't do anything for himself at all. I have to make all his doctors/dentist/hospital appointments. I have to accompany him. I have to order, collect and pay for his prescriptions. If I didn't do it, he would never attend anything. He needs a push. Which he asks of me. And he would never ever have therapy or counselling etc.

OK. If he's asked you to do that... but I still think that talking about it all week and putting pressure on by talking about protecting the family etc is not helpful. Might be better to say I've booked the appointment, it's on x at y time... and then not mention the damn thing until the day concerned.

Personally I think he'd be much better off trying to take control of things himself so he can determine the best time for the appointment (ie . first thing - that's what I have to do so that the stress does not build up all day long until I'm fainting); where the treatment/vaccine takes place etc.

I'd be telling him to get his own prescriptions first and go from there. That has nothing to do with needle phobia.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/03/2021 11:52

Could you offer to take him and go in with him?

Ellie56 · 12/03/2021 11:54

Some vaccinations are being carried out in non-medical settings like church halls, sports halls etc. Would he be able to attend one of these centres?

Nicklebox · 12/03/2021 12:03

My husband has to give himself a regular weekly injection he said the covid needle was tiny and he hardly felt it can you go with him for support.

ginghamtablecloths · 12/03/2021 12:05

You don't have to watch the needle going in and you barely feel it anyway - it's very much like the flu jab. "Have you done it yet?" is what he may well ask. "Yes, all done," would be the reply. This was my experience - all you feel is a slightly damp arm from whatever they wipe it with and bit of an ache a day or so afterwards - nothing to be scared of.

Getting the dreadful Covid would surely be a lot worse? Wouldn't he feel a bit stupid if he got Covid because he was scared of the jab? But I can understand that a phobia is very frightening. Is he scared of the dentist? Sometimes you just have to steel yourself in certain situations and this is one of them.

Azuretwist · 12/03/2021 12:07

Can you book a non-medical setting? As others have said, sports halls, places of worship, community halls etc all used.

Chocolatefreak · 12/03/2021 12:08

GAW19: Honestly, you sound like a bit of an entitled arsehole.

Wow, this is an unreasonable comment. OP explains her frustrations clearly, points out the irony between having needles for a tattoo and a single, seconds-long injection for a vaccine that will literally protect lives and you call her out on that?! Her husband is not refusing the injection on rights grounds, he's just scared of a little prick. Now THAT's unreasonable.

Mulhollandmagoo · 12/03/2021 12:10

I'm with, I think I'd be annoyed too, more about this than anything

And on top of all this, I think it's disgusting to just not turn up and that's what I'm most annoyed about. People are desperate for the vaccine

That could well end up being a wasted dose dependent on which vaccine it is

longtompot · 12/03/2021 12:10

My dh is very needle phobic and he had his vaccination.

shinynewapple21 · 12/03/2021 12:13

Is there an option where you live for him to have the vaccination in a non-medical setting , if that is his problem ? I know in some areas there were non-medical buildings used as vaccination hubs.

Also , if it's the anticipation of having the injection that's making him worse , could you rebook it for him on a future non-work day and not tell him until just before buoy have to leave to get there ?

Another thought , would something like diazepam or other anxiety medication taken on the day be helpful ? He could probably get this for specific use with a short telephone GP appointment . (I take it for flying , they just give me 7 days prescription)

minchinfin · 12/03/2021 12:14

Dbwoshem i'm with you. I would be much more sympathetic of this if he wasn't fine with tattoos - if it's the medical setting then can he get it in one of the church hall or pharmacy settings?

I had mine in one of the national NHS places and it wasnt very medicalized at all. I'm sure they would do it without him seeing the needle too. It's absolutely tiny, as you know.

notrub · 12/03/2021 12:17

They're already at work on an inhaler delivered vaccine.

If he's so scared, pushing will just make it worse - fear is irrational, you cannot beat it head-on by argument!!

May be worth waiting until a non-needle option comes available and suggesting he gets that.

Frequentflier · 12/03/2021 12:18

[quote Dbwoshem]@icdtap he won't do anything for himself at all. I have to make all his doctors/dentist/hospital appointments. I have to accompany him. I have to order, collect and pay for his prescriptions. If I didn't do it, he would never attend anything. He needs a push. Which he asks of me. And he would never ever have therapy or counselling etc.[/quote]
Well, this has destroyed any tiny sympathy I might have had for him. Let him not have it. And don't run around after him. Let him be ill since he clearly does not care about himself ( or you). It might teach him.

Uronmute · 12/03/2021 12:21

@notrub

They're already at work on an inhaler delivered vaccine.

If he's so scared, pushing will just make it worse - fear is irrational, you cannot beat it head-on by argument!!

May be worth waiting until a non-needle option comes available and suggesting he gets that.

Was going to say that - they’re looking at possible autumn availability. There will be many people that can’t tolerate the needle, but appreciate it’s a worry.
XenoBitch · 12/03/2021 12:31

Phobias are not rational, and by forcing an issue, you make things worse. It makes no difference saying how small the needle is etc. Would you pressure an arachnophobe into holding a tarantula by throwing it on them and saying how fluffy and cute it is whilst commenting on how rarely they bite people?

Some of the comments in this thread about people with legitimate phobias are disgusting. You don't cure them by calling them selfish or telling them they need to get a grip.

I have a severe needle phobia (along with medical phobia too), and I will declining the vaccine on that basis. It is a legitimate medical condition.

minniemoocher · 12/03/2021 12:35

Is it at the gp? Many are using community halls and ours has a marquee, very different to normal drs visits. There's chatty navy staff stewarding here too, lovely sweet young people who are helping with a lot of peoples anxiety

Chocolatefreak · 12/03/2021 12:42

@Xenobitch
Some of the comments in this thread about people with legitimate phobias are disgusting. You don't cure them by calling them selfish or telling them they need to get a grip.

OP says her husband has tattoos, which involve needles...for a lot longer than a single vax shot. Have you ever seen a tattoo needle? Not small.

XenoBitch · 12/03/2021 12:50

[quote Chocolatefreak]@Xenobitch
Some of the comments in this thread about people with legitimate phobias are disgusting. You don't cure them by calling them selfish or telling them they need to get a grip.

OP says her husband has tattoos, which involve needles...for a lot longer than a single vax shot. Have you ever seen a tattoo needle? Not small.[/quote]
Tattoos and injections are totally different. I used to work in theatres and had a big burly man of patient come in who was plastered in tattoos. He was in absolute bits over the prospect of having a cannula put in. I don't have any tattoos, but people who do say having them done is totally different to having an injection. Needle phobia is sometimes not about pain, but about the setting, control etc.

Potatgo · 12/03/2021 13:04

@Chooseausernamenow

He’s being completely selfish. Someone with a needle phobia does not go and get stabbed with needles for hours getting a tattoo.
To be fair when you have a tattoo the needle doesn't inject fluid into your body, it does it onto the surfaces of the skin. For a lot of people the feel of the fluid going into their body is what makes them ehoozy.
Potatgo · 12/03/2021 13:05

I had a 6 hour tattoo no issues, and yet still faint after every injection. I still have them as I have the support from people who don't just call me selfish and ridiculous.