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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 12/03/2021 11:12

You have pushed him through this process and now he is rebelling about it. So first thing you need to learn is you should not try to railroad someone through a process to get something done to their body.

Also for those saying tell him doesn't hurt, he won't even know it has been done - this may not be so and therefore is lying to him. Mine hurt. She did it quite high up and it felt like the stereotypical sharp scratch. Definitely not painless. He will need two so no point in lying to get him through the first one.

I agree with some of the others that maybe he can get something from the doctor to help calm him? Or call and see if there is a centre that is recommended for nervous folk.

You say you are concerned so not rational about it. How about trying to understand he is not being rational either? Try being a bit more sympathetic and then maybe he could have it with your support instead of your condemnation.

Bythemillpond · 12/03/2021 11:15

I think this talk of the vaccine passport is ridiculous. Saying that you won’t be able to work/go abroad/go out if you don’t have it done.
If we compare this disease to something like the Spanish flu then with all our staying at home, modern technology and vaccines we are just prolonging everything and I think ultimately the death rate over the years from not letting it rip through the world and putting all other treatments on hold and all of the suicides because of the disease and the shirt and long term effects of lockdowns is going to be so much worse.

In comparable length of time the world would have returned to normal in the summer of next year. Everything being normal again. How many people think that the whole world will be over this by next year and everything will be returning to normal.

trevthecat · 12/03/2021 11:15

If it's the medical setting that's the issue could he, or you, speak to the GP surgery and see if he could have it done somewhere else, like the carpark or something, carpark seems not doable but I can't think or anywhere else! Or could he try for an appointment at a pharmacy, which is less medical

VanGoghsDog · 12/03/2021 11:17

@Bythemillpond

None of that is remotely relevant to the thread.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 12/03/2021 11:18

That is what needle phobia is. It's unhelpful that it's called a "phobia" when it's not really a fear as such, it is the body's shock response. I'm not scared of needles in the same way I am scared of spiders, yet both are called phobias.

Eh? My relative doesn't shy away from injections or needles beforehand at all, but he gets a shock response afterwards. How is that a phobia?

SunshineCake · 12/03/2021 11:19

Probably too late but I had mine yesterday and I didn't even see the needle.

Original poster
Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 11:20

Just to clarify, he asked me to book it for me. He wanted it. He asks me to deal with anything medical. The appointment was booked and he has had to wait over 2 weeks which has caused his anxiety to spiral. If it has been then and there it would be over with now.
Same with today, his appointment is not until 2 so he's got to wait, causing anxiety. If it had been first thing this morning he would have gone.
He's come home now and we've had a chat and we broke down and admitted he's scared. I've comforted him. We've come to the decision so far that we will go. He will wait in the car and I will go and speak to them. I am going to beg them to come to the car to do it. That would be brilliant. If not, maybe we can go straight through and make the process quicker. Fingers crossed, will update later

OP posts:
Original poster
Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 11:20

*he broke down

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 12/03/2021 11:24

My DH caught Covid at work and we all ended up ill with it.

He took every precaution he could and I know he did everything he could to stay safe - however the virus is very contagious and he was working in a high risk setting without being eligible for a vaccination.

If he had turned down a vaccination and then caught it and spread it I would have been absolutely furious. I'm still not quite right 2 months after Covid and if I'd contracted it from someone who hadn't done everything they could to keep themselves and their family safe I would struggle to accept that within a relationship.

Your DH needs to grow up and do what he needs to do to protect himself and everyone he is in contact with. Believe me getting Covid and seeing all of your family ill with an unpredictable and dangerous virus is way more terrifying than having an injection - even with a needle phobia.

PatchworkElmer · 12/03/2021 11:25

Good luck OP!

TheGoodEnoughWife · 12/03/2021 11:25

That is really good news. I hope you get someone sympathetic and they come to the car. When I went the place was really big and there were a lot of staff so I could see easily they could separate someone out to get them sorted. Fingers crossed but him coming home for it is a good sign.

Lindy2 · 12/03/2021 11:26

I've just seen your update OP. I'm glad he is going to go. I'm sure the vaccine centre staff are very experienced with situations like this.

Imnotdeadyet · 12/03/2021 11:26

@HappydaysArehere

There may well be restrictions for those not vaccinated without a good reason. Point that out to him.
Only air travel i think
icdtap · 12/03/2021 11:27

I don't suffer from a phobia so can't 100% relate.
You don't seem to be able to relate AT ALL.
I just think in some situations, phobia or not, you should put the needs and safety of others above yourself
A phobia is not that easily put to one side.

You have absolutely NO idea. I am severely needle phobic and you have pissed me right off with all your judgement and cluelessness.
You booked his appointment. You spent all week going on about it to him. And being pushy stressing how important it is to protect the family etcetc.
That is only going to make him worse.

You've taken all control of the situation away from him and have made the situation worse. Now you say you think less of him.

You need to BACK OFF.

The only thing you could do is get some sensible information, possibly from the GP, about the handling of needle phobia. Therapy might be needed before he can go anywhere the needle. If the vaccine can be done at home that might be an option but it is up to him to talk to his GP about options.
But at the end of the day it is his choice to have the vaccine or not.
You have to respect that choice and if you can't then you'll have to decide what you want to do about it.

Bythemillpond · 12/03/2021 11:27

VanGoghsDog

Op talked of the effects of him not having the vaccine and not getting a vaccine passport and the effects it will have on not going abroad or be able to go out to venues in one of her posts

TJ17 · 12/03/2021 11:29

aww good luck OP 🤞🏻 and to him too.
I hope he ends up having it done and it's as stress free for him as possible!

icdtap · 12/03/2021 11:29

OK I cross-posted sorry...
He's come home now and we've had a chat and we broke down and admitted he's scared. I've comforted him. We've come to the decision so far that we will go. He will wait in the car and I will go and speak to them. I am going to beg them to come to the car to do it. That would be brilliant. If not, maybe we can go straight through and make the process quicker. Fingers crossed, will update later

Do go and speak to them and them coming to the car sounds like a good solution. If they don't want to do it in the car don't force him to go in. The more you push a needle phobic the worse it gets.
He has to have control over the situation.
If they won't come out to the car to do the injection ask them to suggest an alternative solution or find somewhere else which will do it outside of the medical setting.

SirVixofVixHall · 12/03/2021 11:31

Yes someone might come to the car. Do tell him that it is extremely quick, one second and done, tiny needle.

apalledandshocked · 12/03/2021 11:36

@ChameleonClara

It is a phobia. It isn't rational. You've been trying to rationalise him out of it.

If I was him - I might be a bit miffed with you.

I know you care about him, but it is a phobia.

I have a massive phobia about needles. I know it isnt rational. However, while I was pregnant I had a whole host of blood tests/injections etc because it was not only important to my health but also my child. The alternative would have been not to get pregnant I suppose. And before the birth, everyone told me I would want morphine/spinal thingummyjig and chuckled when I said I wouldnt want it. I had a 3 day labour and I NEVER asked for morphine etc because the pain never overtook my fear. I still think the OPs husband should get the injection.
apalledandshocked · 12/03/2021 11:38

That said, I think its totally fine for him to be panicking about it "making a fuss" as my mother would describe it. And good that the OP can helpthem through this as well.

DarlingWithoutYou · 12/03/2021 11:38

Fingers crossed they do it in the car. Keep us updated.

RavingAnnie · 12/03/2021 11:39

I have a dental phobia so very similar. I took diazepam to get me to my kart appointment it was great. So much easier.

BoomShakeShake · 12/03/2021 11:40

Phone the practice and ask for their advice. he won't be the first or last.

Can the GP offer him a sedative like valium or something a few hours before?

That helps so much, takes the edge off things.

CrunchyCarrot · 12/03/2021 11:41

OP I think keep encouraging him, even if in the end he doesn't get the jab today for whatever reason, he's still made so much progress in just going! Sometimes these things take a little while to get enough courage to do, it's terribly hard if you have a phobia (I have more than one). It's good you talked to him and comforted him. Keep encouraging him and praising him for how well he's doing. Because he is!

Chloemol · 12/03/2021 11:41

If it’s anything like our settings it a large room, four bays, you don’t even see the injections, they inject to your side so you are looking forward and don’t see them

They will also be used to people with needle phobias, and a doctor is present so can help

However only he can decide to go, however frustrating If they do go down the route of vaccine passports he may find there is stuff he can no longer do, but again his choice

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