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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
ekidmxcl · 12/03/2021 10:30

The only things I can suggest are:

Like a law of numbers: hundreds of thousands are getting vaccinated every day. The people doing the jabbing are doing it over and over and over, they are extremely practised at their job. It is very quick and it is literally over in 2 seconds.

Other than that, in our surgery, lots of people are given similar appointment times. They don’t check anyone’s appointment time, they just want names and you queue up. Or if you are struggling at ours, they allow you to skip the queue. I did this with my step father. The entire line just stood aside as he was struggling. So still go late if you miss the appointment. Very likely they;ll still do it.

I would beg him. Covid has orphaned kids.

VanGoghsDog · 12/03/2021 10:30

He doesn't have a phobia and he's fainted a few minutes after other injections, it's like a physical shock reaction.

That is what needle phobia is. It's unhelpful that it's called a "phobia" when it's not really a fear as such, it is the body's shock response. I'm not scared of needles in the same way I am scared of spiders, yet both are called phobias.

ekidmxcl · 12/03/2021 10:31

If you don’t get it done today, I’d email the doctor asking if you can pick up some kind of oral calming pill that he could take prior to the next appointment. I don’t know what these drugs are but they certainly exist.

Xenia · 12/03/2021 10:32

His choice. I am not anti vaxx but I support the fact it is voluntary. That is one reason so many people have been done in the UK- because no one is forced into it.

Ladsladslads · 12/03/2021 10:32

I had a really bad needle phobia for years and it is really difficult to live with. I had hypnotherapy in the end, which was actually really effective. This might be something he would explore?

Pyewackect · 12/03/2021 10:33

Spend a day with me and he'd be fighting to get to the front of the Q.

willibald · 12/03/2021 10:37

I found the injection fast, but it did pinch and hurt and my arm was very sore. Mine was done by our GP who's very good at giving injections and extremely good at taking blood.

CarrieMouse · 12/03/2021 10:37

I was quite surprised when looking at vaccine comparisons by country to see this comparison between France and England re keenness on the vaccine. Quite a difference. Just replying to Xenia saying we've had a good uptake

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go
VanGoghsDog · 12/03/2021 10:38

@willibald

I found the injection fast, but it did pinch and hurt and my arm was very sore. Mine was done by our GP who's very good at giving injections and extremely good at taking blood.
None of that is relevant to people who have a phobia.
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/03/2021 10:39

@ekidmxcl

If you don’t get it done today, I’d email the doctor asking if you can pick up some kind of oral calming pill that he could take prior to the next appointment. I don’t know what these drugs are but they certainly exist.
No, he needs to do it if he wants to, OP needs to butt out and stop trying to force him to do things. I would be furious if DH decided to book appointments, talk to my doctor or try and get pills behind my back.
Belladonna12 · 12/03/2021 10:40

I think he needs to get help for this phobia. You're probably going to make it worse if you try and force him to go for the appointment so I would concentrate on persuading him to do something like hypnotherapy. It may also help if he could get the injection lying down. Perhaps this isn't possible at the moment but it may be something they can do in the future.

PurpleWh1teGreen · 12/03/2021 10:44

You have had good advice OP including the suggestions about therapies to manage his phobia.

Ultimately I think you have to respect his choice and let him take control. He has to consent for the jab if he is having it not be coerced.

Some of the language about men with a fear of needles is hard to read tbh. I have zero respect for people who try to bully people with phobias. Hmm

iwishiwasatcentralperk · 12/03/2021 10:46

I had mine a few weeks ago, it was the Pfizer one, and I literally didn't feel a thing. Can you reassure him that it is not going to hurt and he won't even notice it?

Jessbow · 12/03/2021 10:50

I volunteer at a vac centre.

Please tell him to go and explain. They will get it.

We have managed to get most people in, but those that really cannot bear a clinical environment have been injected in the car park- few and far between but it can happen.

Please try and get him there, even if he cannot go through with it, and be glad he tried

gellico · 12/03/2021 10:50

I saw a post on my local council FB page encouraging needle phobic people to book a specific vaccination centre where there were trained staff to support them. So it's worth calling the vaccine helpline to ask if there's this option in your area, or just for your dh to discuss it with them - I'm sure it's a common query.

There's also some info on the Anxiety UK website which might help.

ekidmxcl · 12/03/2021 10:50

PinkSparkly, I had actually not specifically meant to do this without his permission or knowledge. I actually meant for the OP and her DH to sit down and send an email together. So that she was supporting him, not going behind his back and riding roughshod over his wishes.

He is clinically vulnerable, he wants the jab but doesn’t want the injection. She would be helping and supporting a family member, not controlling him.

noirchatsdeux · 12/03/2021 10:58

I have a severe needle phobia...and I also have tattoos.

Having a tattoo is different - a tattoo pen looks nothing like a needle. For me at least, the needle phobia is nothing to do with the pain, either - unless you have the phobia it's very hard to describe why it causes so much distress.

I had my covid vaccine a couple of weeks ago, I was doing fine until the nurse actually produced the needle in front of me, at which point I promptly burst into tears (the same thing happened when I had the flu shot a month earlier). They were lovely about it, gave me a drink of water to help me calm down and took their time about it all. I deliberately don't let family etc accompany me when I know I have to have a needle as I find their fussing can actually make my reaction worse.

It's an embarrassing and crap phobia to have to deal with. The current heightened feelings and precautions because of covid have made my phobia even worse than usual.

Potatgo · 12/03/2021 10:58

I mean you could try and be supportive rather than dismiss his phobia (which it sounds like he has had all his life and hasn't just 'appeared'). The fact he booked an app is really positive, perhaps try empathising and asking what he needs. Arguing about it all weekend sounds pathetic, try and empathise and perhaps offer to drive him? Listen to him? Anything but just call him a terrible person.

noirchatsdeux · 12/03/2021 10:59

And can people stop going on about how it doesn't hurt, barely notice it, etc? That has absolutely fuck all to do with the phobia, believe me.

Bythemillpond · 12/03/2021 11:03

Why did you book the appointment for him?
I thought as an adult you booked your own appointment.

I think you put him under pressure booking him the appointment and he has done what people do under pressure and that is to run/say no.
If he had been able to come to terms with the injection in his own time then he might have got it done on his own.

Incogweeto · 12/03/2021 11:03

He’s being selfish. We all do things we are scared of and sometimes things we are fucking terrified of because they’re the right thing to do.

Belladonna12 · 12/03/2021 11:07

@Jessbow

I volunteer at a vac centre.

Please tell him to go and explain. They will get it.

We have managed to get most people in, but those that really cannot bear a clinical environment have been injected in the car park- few and far between but it can happen.

Please try and get him there, even if he cannot go through with it, and be glad he tried

That sounds like a good idea. It would mean he is less worried about fainting if he is near his car.
DenisetheMenace · 12/03/2021 11:10

Whatever happens, please cancel so someone else can take his slot: most providers have “short notice” lists.

VanGoghsDog · 12/03/2021 11:11

@iwishiwasatcentralperk

I had mine a few weeks ago, it was the Pfizer one, and I literally didn't feel a thing. Can you reassure him that it is not going to hurt and he won't even notice it?
Can you actually read?
HappydaysArehere · 12/03/2021 11:12

There may well be restrictions for those not vaccinated without a good reason. Point that out to him.