Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

[Dbwoshem]

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

He's pleased he's had it done and I think he will find the second one easier as he knows what to expect now. But he's had a lot of side effects overnight (that he'd already seen me have last week which didn't help) so he's grumpy today.

Glad he's done it - if he's done it once he can do it again and it will be much worse if he gets covid and has to be taken into hospital.

"He won't entertain a therapist. Won't even talk about it. It just gets on my nerves I'm afraid, as I've had the kids etc for him and gone through pain with that, and he won't do anything. He's the same when talking about a vasectomy. He'd rather me go through an invasive procedure to get steralised."

It's great that he got the first dose of the vaccine in the end, but I agree with PPs that you shouldn't be doing everything for him (appointments, prescriptions), he's a grown man and you're not his mother or his secretary.

The fact that he won't consider therapy for his phobia would piss me off hugely (and Covid isn't an excuse, you can get therapy by phone or video call) and the vasectomy thing too; his body his choice but it's hypocritical of him to expect you to get sterilised.

What does he bring to the relationship?! It sounds as if you're both very focused on his needs. What about your needs and the children's needs; are they equally important to him?

I'm with Emma. Nope, wouldn't be getting sterilised for him or spearheading treatments he won't take up for him. Wouldn't want to have sex with someone like this.

I had bad side effects from the first dose. I have a child with special needs. I have to be an adult. I took paracetamol and slept whilst child was in school, no acting fecking grumpy like a child.

Sounds like a manchild you've got.

Couldn't be doing with all the fawning over him for getting the vaccine, either. That's what you do to protect yourself to stay healthy for your kids and protect others.

@willibald

Couldn't be doing with all the fawning over him for getting the vaccine, either. That's what you do to protect yourself to stay healthy for your kids and protect others.

Yep. He did well to overcome his fears but doesn't exactly deserve a medal, especially as he's being grumpy about the side effects.

Bet you weren't grumpy about them, were you OP?

I was thoroughly grumpy about my side effects.

He needs an applied pressure technique and graded exposure to hospital settings and needles, not a therapist (glad he went, that's huge).

He feels faint because blood pressure rises and then rapidly drops, (some people's bodies react like this in an evolutionary survival attempt to stop them bleeding out on the battlefield I think)

Google Guys and St Thomas' 'Overcoming your needle phobia'. The applied pressure might help him with the second jab.

@saraclara

I was thoroughly grumpy about my side effects.

I wasn't pleased but didn't visit this on my family.

@Chimoia

He needs an applied pressure technique and graded exposure to hospital settings and needles, not a therapist (glad he went, that's huge).

He feels faint because blood pressure rises and then rapidly drops, (some people's bodies react like this in an evolutionary survival attempt to stop them bleeding out on the battlefield I think)

Google Guys and St Thomas' 'Overcoming your needle phobia'. The applied pressure might help him with the second jab.

He needs to own his phobia himself like an adult instead of being infantalised and enabled by women. I'd have to have treatment for PTSD and depression that's unpleasant and worse, but as an adult with a family it's what you do to be the best person you can for your family.

My first ever deletion up thread, and it’s taken me 9 years.

And it was for pointing out toxic masculinity.

Well done MN

I'll be grumpy if I get side effects and people will know about it!

On the subject of therapy, it's not something I've ever pursued. When I mentioned my needle phobia to my GP he laughed and called me a baby (I was shocked as he's usually brilliant). I can't afford to pay for therapy myself and so I've just left it.

This thread has also made me think about my phobia and when it started. I've always been terrified of needles but it turned into a full blown phobia when I had blood gasses done when I had pancreatitis. Since then I've also not been able to stand my wrist being touched - the pain was worse than the pancreatitis

It’s his choice not yours. Whether it’s because of a phobia or not it really doesn’t make a difference because it isn’t your decision to make. Who would you feel as a woman if a man started telling you what you could or couldn’t do with your body?

Give him an ultimatum. He gets it or stays away from home and you and kids. The jab is not just for himself, but for society and herd immunity so he’s being selfish. Maybe GP can prescribe a beta blocker or similar. And get him to commit to therapy

I had my first dose today, and I literally didn't even feel it! It was over so quickly, I didn't realise it had been done already. Tell your husband not to worry, it really is completely painless (apart from the sore arm the next day, apparently)!

It's his body and his choice and as his partner you can disagree with it but ultimately it is decision and you need to support it

I can understand his phobia. My DD 19 had a fainting fit in hospital because she was so
Frightened of the needle when they tried
to fit a cannula. They thought she had some sort of heart episode and brought in the crash team. So it is extreme but fear is something very difficult to understand when it comes to phobias.

He’s a grown man. He can make his own appointments. You’re not his secretary. Or his mother.

Dbwoshem "He's pleased he's had it done..."

That's so great. I am so hopeful the more people who have had it done.

Can I ask which version of it? Feel free not to say.

Tell him 'well done' for facing his fears.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat you’ve done it now. I wasn’t going to poke the crazy.