Support thread for those of us with family abroad

[TwirpingBird]

I just read on sky news that Nicola Sturgeon has said foreign holidays will be 'unlikely' this summer. As much as this sucks for people who were living for a week in spain (arent we all!), for those of us who have parents or family who live a plane journey away, I guess this means another long while before we get to see our loved ones again.

I dont really know what I want from this thread, but I know many people on MN are coming up to a year away from their loved ones, and facing most of this year away from them, so instead of crying into another glass of prosecco, i thought i would start this thread, so we maybe dont feel so alone.

@JesyRadlett I dont know how they did it. Have you ever watched 'Brooklyn'? I am a sobbing wreck after, but she was similar. Going home was incredibly difficult. I dont think I would have moved if I thought I couldnt get home quickly

My country has announced another 9 weeks of hard lockdown, with nobody allowed to travel further than 5kms except for work until May.

I guess my hope of going home for 4 weeks in June is gone now.

Twirping that’s so tough. Where is that? I may have missed you saying

Its Ireland @MarshaBrady. They just dont have the health system or organisation with vaccines to get on top of it. Its nothing but doom and gloom all over the news daily, and 'dont leave house til May or you will kill someone!!'. They have police checkpoints everywhere and people need official letters to travel anywhere.

That is so hard. Are schools shut there too?

They must be facing one the hardest lockdowns atm compared to ROW. How difficult that is, for you too as you can’t go back

The schools are partially reopening next week to A level years. SEN schools opened last week. No plan for return beyond that yet. Nurseries are all closed. Also, no school is open for key workers. Just completely shut and online learning only (but irelands wifi outside of cities is notoriously bad). They do prioritise education a lot as a society so I think they will go back soon, but everything else they are very strict on, much more than the UK. Pubs have basically been shut for a year. 5kms travel limit, and for such a long period of time (6 months) is very extreme. They even have police checks outside the airport to see if your journey is necessary.

Great idea for a thread. I haven't RTFT yet, only just spotted it, but just wanted to thank the OP. My mum and other family members are abroad and I've not seen them since last year. I'm now pregnant and definitely won't be able to travel for the foreseeable. I'm so sad mum can't be here and that I don't even know when she might be able to see my son. I try not to think about the risks to her and me being away cause it petrifies me. Counting down the days till this is over. Some people with parents living locally really don't understand this, I'd give all my money to be able to see my mum at her doorstep tbh. 😔

@TwirpingBird

My country has announced another 9 weeks of hard lockdown, with nobody allowed to travel further than 5kms except for work until May.

I guess my hope of going home for 4 weeks in June is gone now.

Really This has put paid to my dreams of seeing my parents anytime soon then. The vaccine rollout seems painfully slow there. At this rate I will have my vaccine before my DPs.

@Silverglitterballs My mom has both of hers as she works in a care home, but my dad is 60 and I am expecting to have mine before he has his and i am bottom of the list in the UK (29. No underlying conditions). Typical Ireland. Snails pace for everything. I dont know if I am sad or angry or disappointed. I just feel kind of sick.

@TravellingTilbury

It has been on DH and my mind a lot because, coupled with Brexit and a whole range of associated admin hassles here, plus struggling with the education system a bit at present AND DHs parebts have really struggled with health, operations, moving to nursing care and we haven’t been able to help. I think we became temporarily rose-tinted re. living in Scotland. I even posted on the Living Overseas board about it. The feedback was - don’t make any big decisions now, these are not normal times. Which is true. But «normal times» seem to constantly be receding over the horizon atm...

When we "signed up" for the international life, it felt like a good idea - broad horizons, bicultural kids, easy access to a wider variety of holiday destinations, different food, a different pace of life - the only downside being missing the odd birthday party or family lunch back home.

The notion of Brexit, a global pandemic, the collapse of air travel and the closure of borders certainly weren't on my radar.

The sad outcome is that now I will be advising my DC to think very carefully about where they choose to settle.

Cooperage me too it’s made me reassess.

My parents are British and moved across the world, then us back. Siblings / family in different countries.

This has made me pause to think - although it may fade in time.

I have spent a lot of today hiding my crying from my 2 year old, and while on the phone to my DH (who has now officially ran out of comforting things to say) I said if this isn't done by the end of the year I want to move home. I know it's my heart rather than my head. We would be so much worse off financially. I dont think DH can even do his job in Ireland. Plus he would be leaving his family. But I am so utterly miserable. I miss my parents so much. I cant face doing this with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you to all who posted such kind words. I can't begin to articulate how much this thread has meant to me, to be able to discuss these things with people who understand. Even friends who have been perfectly lovely over the last few months just don't get it in the same way. Although my situation is still shit, my mood has been lifted by the solidarity shown here and I hope the thread keeps running. It would be good to know that the next time the government make a doom and gloom announcement about travel, that there is somewhere I can come to vent, to cry, to support and be supported, rather than torture myself with the inevitable comments elsewhere.

This situation has made me think about having a serious chat with my mum about moving her back home to the UK. In the past she has always said no; that she has a new home country and would stay there even alone (on the assumption that dad would go before her). I don't want to force her into anything and it will ultimately be her decision but I worry about her future alone now that travel is clearly not the "always there" option that we had once thought.

to all who are struggling. TwirpingBird, I'm sorry things seem so bleak at the moment.

The thing I feel powerless about is there's not really the opportunity to change our situation. Getting visas to be able to move to where my parents and siblings are is unlikely. I don't speak Danish so moving to be close to husband's family is not really possible either as i'm the higher earner.

@JassyRadlett

If anybody gives me that "you signed up for this" crap, they'll be effectively saying that mixed-nationality families deserve to be punished.

TBH I honestly think that’s what some of them believe. I’ve seen some particularly nasty MN threads over the years.

I have to say I have an even greater respect for the courage and fortitude of my forebears who gamely boarded ships knowing they’d likely never see their homeland or their families again.

Thank you for this. I know it's irrational but that's how I feel. Punished. And peoples comments about my family being so far away (varying from pitying to critical, as if we don't love each other as much because they live in a different country) really hurt.

And yes, I too am proud of what my parents and grandparents achieved. They gave me the world, literally.

So sorry twirping. What a horrible blow for you. I've been doing little cries while hiding from my toddler too, although i was definitely rumbled while doing her tea earlier - "don't be upset mummy! We see daddy soon!"

I hate Fridays, it always hits me that its another week wasted away from DH and the whole weekend stretches out ahead with just me to fill it for DD.

I always think, even if they told me borders would be shut until the autumn at least i could plan. I'd cope better then. Its the not knowing when I'll see him again which is so fucking hard. Keeping families apart like this is inhumane.

I hope all of you are having a tolerable friday evening. I have cracked open the prosecco, DH is on baby duty, and we are having (another) movie night. I am also organising my dads 60th birthday zoom next Friday. I suppose you gotta make the best of the birthdays, but by god I hate video calls 😆 I hope you are having somewhat of a relaxing friday night

[quote TwirpingBird]@Silverglitterballs My mom has both of hers as she works in a care home, but my dad is 60 and I am expecting to have mine before he has his and i am bottom of the list in the UK (29. No underlying conditions). Typical Ireland. Snails pace for everything. I dont know if I am sad or angry or disappointed. I just feel kind of sick.[/quote]
Such a shame they did great early on in the pandemic but just lost control. The HSE seem to be organised chaos combined with lack of vaccine supplies is not good. My parents are just so despondent now I really hate that they are loosing hope and fear for their mental health. I don't think the constant negative RTE news is very helpful either. I actually told them to stop watching it.

I agree #SilverGlitterBalls. The media coverage is beyond depressing. It's completely based on fear and keeping people at home, no matter what. I cant believe they wont give them even a glimmer of hope. My parents are logical people, very functional and confident, but they are nervous wrecks now. They told me off for speaking to someone at a playground one day. Pure fear. They are convinced everyone will die if they get it.

Thank you for starting this thread OP. I can deal with all the restrictions but not being able to see my family on the other side of the world is really killing me. No one I speak to can really relate to my predicament, which makes me feel even more isolated and alone with this problem. 😥

Thank you for the thread OP. I feel like I've been dealt a double whammy. DP is working in Middle East and has only been able to return once for a few days over the past one year and I'm struggling with 4 children and holding down a full time demanding job. Missing him terribly while trying very hard to stay positive. It's hard for him too as if he comes back to Europe, he has to make hard choices - with me in the UK, his mother in Germany (he's the only child and she's a very lonely widow) and his teenage DD from his previous marriage in The Netherlands. 3 different countries all with different quarantines and restrictions and nowhere enough leave to cover it all so someone has to compromise about who he visits when he can next come back and it will be probably have to be me.

While my entire family are a 13 hour flight away and I haven't seen them since 2019. Am used to being away from them for long periods so homesickness isn't too bad but worrying so much about my parents falling severely ill and how to get to them quickly. Vacs haven't started over there yet and I'd have to hotel quarantine for a week if I flew out.

Never have I so deeply felt the consequences of an international family.

[quote MrsDrudge]@4ensic I am genuinely so sorry you are feeling like that, I don’t know what to say to help you, although having had severe depression myself after family bereavements all I can offer is a hand hold.Is there anything in your life that keeps you going?? Is there someone you can talk to about how you feel?[/quote]
Thank you so much for such a kind response. The thing that kept me going was knowing that soon they were built to go and see my family but recently I've been admitted to hospital twice with no diagnosis so this means that I can't get travel insurance( they won't insure for an unknown risk which is fair enough) . We have lots of video calls and it's surprising how many games you can play play Over video with a 2-year old a 5-year old and a 1-year old.

Sorry for my mistakes, I use speech to text and forgot to check it before posting.

@TwirpingBird I have family in Ireland and I am shocked they have decided to lockdown for another 9 weeks.

Ireland has fewer deaths at this time of the year than it usually does. I know people are dying of COVID, and I understand the fear of the new variants and the fear that things might get out of control like they have in other countries but I am shocked at how restricted and fearful people are in Ireland.

www.euromomo.eu/graphs-and-maps