Thank you for this thread. I've considered starting something like this a few times but scared of all the "ALL borders must be closed" "Your family signed up for this" holier than thou types. I'm really heartened to see such a supportive community growing here.
My parents retired abroad 20 years ago, so my siblings and I are here in the UK and parents are overseas. The country in which they live has been very strict with border restrictions throughout. I last saw my parents in October 2019. Since covid hit, my dad's cancer (which he has lived with for years) has been confirmed terminal. He likely doesn't have long left. A few months if we are lucky. On top of this, he recently had a heart attack. We were told this was likely the end but he somehow rallied enough to hang on in there. He's a shell of a man now though and it's heartbreaking to be so far away. I facetime my mum three times per week and she often just sits and cries through the call as she is barely coping with my dad's illness, the 24hr care she now has to give and the lack of respite and support. My dad rarely comes on camera because he can't see or hear video calls anymore.
Every latest news report about closing borders, quarantining etc is like a knife through my heart. Worse are the raft of inevitable SM comments and MN threads about selfish folk wanting to traipse the world during a pandemic. I've unfriended someone formerly very close to me, due to her views on the subject. I know I torture myself by reading the comments but I can't stop.
I know that my father is likely to die soon and that I won't be there at the end and most likely will not attend his funeral. I won't be able to comfort my mother in the days and weeks afterwards, other than through a screen. It's not the same and I cry most days when I think about this situation.
My parents' adoptive country also has mandatory hotel quarantining (thankfully paid for by their government though) but this means that, in order to go out there, I have to add on two weeks in a hotel there, plus two weeks when I get back. I can't take this amount of time away from work and it also makes it impossible to plan - do I go out soon? Assuming I can then spend some time with my dad but, in doing so, forfeit the liklihood of being at his funeral later? Or do I wait until we are told the end is nigh and then run the risk of him dying while I'm sitting alone in a hotel room. Funerals in their country also have to legally take place within 48 hours of death so whatever happens, there is a strong likliehood that I won't be there. Then, I get the pleasure of returning to the UK and being placed again in solitary confinement for two weeks during what is likely to be an extremely low point for my mental health, dealing with bereavement and worried sick about having left my mum alone. Plus I'll get charged £1750 for the privilege which is money I don't have (hence being alone - we definitely don't have funds for DH to be with me)
DH and I spoke about this yesterday. He feels that, as gut-wrenching as it is - I need to make peace with not being there for my dad's end of life and focus on supporting my mum from afar. He thinks that it makes more sense for me to focus on hopefully being able to take multiple trips to support her later on, once we can travel more freely without quarantine. I know that, rationally, he is correct but I just can't get my head around not being there.
Of course, the other issue is whether flights will be freely available after all of this. Another reason why I feel gut-punched at each new travel restriction ( and yes, rationally, I know it's the right thing to do) is the fear of airlines going bust, travel routes being cancelled or prices rising to a point that it's not feasible to visit my mum in the future. Even in this current situation, friends keep telling me that the travel restrictions shouldn't apply to me and if my dad is nearing the end, I should definitely go abroad... but flights aren't like a taxi service, my parents don't live in a country with business links with the UK and flights have already been slashed. I can't just phone up the airport to say my dad is dying, can you fly me out at 2pm today. The flights need to exist in the fist place.
Sorry, I didn't mean to write a huge "woe-is-me" post but this situation is really getting to me. Hugs to everyone separated from family in this situation. It's so hard.