Support thread for those of us with family abroad

[TwirpingBird]

I just read on sky news that Nicola Sturgeon has said foreign holidays will be 'unlikely' this summer. As much as this sucks for people who were living for a week in spain (arent we all!), for those of us who have parents or family who live a plane journey away, I guess this means another long while before we get to see our loved ones again.

I dont really know what I want from this thread, but I know many people on MN are coming up to a year away from their loved ones, and facing most of this year away from them, so instead of crying into another glass of prosecco, i thought i would start this thread, so we maybe dont feel so alone.

@FloconDeNeige , I think the toughest is realising that despite all my great plans when relocating, I never ever imagined a global pandemic creating such issues! It is pretty tough and since we’ve only been here a few years the network has been more work focussed. However, I have some lovely neighbours and colleagues who I’m sure will help in an emergency. I feel very bad for my children though, and my mum who I know is worrying about all of us.

Funny enough, I think this summer they will freak at the amount of money being lost through tourism and relax things faster than we expect.

That really cheered me up, TwirpingBird, thank you.
to PricklyBob, Flocon and all the rest of us.

Wavesandsmiles that sounds so difficult. There is no way that any of us could have foreseen this situation

Just found this thread. My in-laws are across the Atlantic, I miss them so much and worry that one will die before we get to see them again. They aren’t poorly but getting on in age.
They and my husband / children must miss them 100 x more than me.
It’s unbearable to think about. Sending strength to all on this thread.

My in laws live abroad on their own. I feel really sad for them as none of their children are within reach, they all live abroad in various different countries. They all have families of their own. Leaving their own families to go to their parents seems a risk due to not being classed as essential travel and if they go and boarders close then it will become increasingly difficult to go back to their own families, not to mention the horrendous costs for hotel quarantine some countries have imposed. It's difficult for everyone around the world. Praying for some light at the end of the tunnel 😔

@Wavesandsmilesencore

Try not to feel bad for your children; kids are often way more resilient than we give them credit for, especially if they have a loving home. No doubt the have had and continue to have some fascinating and life-enriching experiences, by virtue of experiencing a different country and culture. That’s priceless!

It has been over a year since I have seen anyone from my family and about 18 months since I last went home. People who complain about not being able to go for nights out/holidays etc. are really getting under my skin right now. I know I shouldn't let it as everyone has had a tough time but still...

I am hoping there will be flights available this summer. If so I am currently thinking I will go no matter what. I will have had both my vaccines by then as have already had my first dose and could just isolate at my parents house if needed as they will be at their summer place. I can test before going through work and from what I have read could also get a test there. So fingers crossed for flights.

Dont feel too bad @Solina. I think we are all feeling pretty fed up.

My parents are the same @Liveandletlive3. Both me and my sister lice in a different country to them. They are pretty much on their own. They put on a brave face but I think they are very lonely. My Dad has thrown himself into gardening.

Thank you for this thread. I've considered starting something like this a few times but scared of all the "ALL borders must be closed" "Your family signed up for this" holier than thou types. I'm really heartened to see such a supportive community growing here.

Oh I want to shout and cry when the people who live in the same street as their mother want to make me feel horrible about our family all over the world. We'd still be in the bloody Rift Valley if people didn't go over the next hill. Someone had to tend the fire, that's you. Someone had to find new pastures, that's me.

And my family is from a diaspora nation. Grandparents three nationalities, great grandparents even more. I've lived in three countries, my parents even more.

I get we signed up for some expense and distance but not this.

Oh and can I warn everyone not to listen to White Wine in the Sun by Tim Minchin? I made that mistake at Christmas. DH was worried about my hydration levels I was sobbing so much. I'm normally stoic but you're my people so I can admit that.

@TwirpingBird my dad too, and my mum into sewing. My two boys are her only grandchildren - she’s gone from seeing them 3-4 times a year, to nothing.

We'd still be in the bloody Rift Valley if people didn't go over the next hill. Someone had to tend the fire, that's you. Someone had to find new pastures, that's me.

@MrsTerryPratchett beautifully put. Yes I signed up for not being able to pop round to my folks daily (which none of us would want anyway). But I didn’t sign up for what’s happening now.

A little piece of goodnews in these horrendous times is that my homecountry(Mauritius)has finally confirmed that vaccinated individuals can visit September onwards without quarantine. Mauritius depends heavily on tourism but still closed their borders to everyone then reopened with a strict 14 day quarantine process since May last year.

Oh my God, Shehz, what good news news for you and I hope NZ sees this and adopts the exact same model! I'm aching to go home.

You know, I've never understood the concept of "yearning" so keenly in my life, or home "sickness" for that matter.

I have never experienced home sickness before this either. I lived in Asia for a year at 21, and missed my family, but when I decided to go home I was on a plane the next day. I never had genuine home sickness. Now, I get this horrible feeling in my chest and stomach and it all feels like a complete nightmare. I hate not have any choice. Yes, people arent seeing their family even if they are in the same country, but if something awful happened you could get in the car and you are legally allowed to go to them. We are just trapped. There used to be 4 flights a day to my home city. Now there are 3 a week. Grant it, I could get home if I went through all the testing and isolating there and back (thankfully not in a hotel), but it's a logistical nightmare.

When we 'signed up'for living abroad it was on the assumption that we would be able to see family regularly. Direct flight route to airports near both sets of grandparents were cancelled not long after we moved so it was already more difficult than we anticipated to get back to see them. We also have cousins and siblings we are close to.

In theory, this is the last summer holiday we get with my eldest son (though that may change) and the traditional summer holiday where we all get together and hang out at the beach is nearly at an end.

My mother stopped travelling a few years ago and has become increasingly reclusive in recent years, I fear that after this year of isolation, she may not ever leave her house.

My husband's parents didn't want us to visit when there was a possibility of travelling at half term but they had his brother and family to stay who live in an area that had much higher rates at the time. That hurt...

My sister lives in an area of very high rates, is a key worker and lives in a close community with vulnerable members. It will take a long time before she and people around her are comfortable with foreign visitors.

The complexities of living abroad and being a foreign qualified professional has been difficult for me to work (self employed), this pandemic has made things 10 times worse.

My family are in a European country but we can get there through the Eurotunnel and driving so we will go as soon as we are allowed to, because my mother is a widow and really struggling with not being able to see her only grandchildren. As my home country have allowed children a relatively normal life, schools open etc almost all the way through, I am also not sure how much longer I can do this here. I am fully bilingual, triple national as is my whole nuclear family, so we could leave in theory. However, I have built a life here for the last 25 years so I will give it another 6 months.

My DH’s family are in the US and Asia and the US lot will all be vaccinated soon.

My friend who is a GP has advised me to volunteer locally at a vaccination centre so I can get a jab sooner rather than later. I am thinking about it. There is a chance that travel will be allowed sooner for those who are vaccinated but I don’t know what would happen with my children.

So in our wider family we are hoping to see those who are vaccinated. But it is just hope at this point

@mimblemomble my mom was painting dining room chairs at 8am last sunday. She has also upped her hours in work to about 45. I dont think she is sleeping much.

My 2 girls are also my parents only grandchildren. They love them so much. Me and my DSis joke that we are bottom of the list now. They used to be over to us every 8 weeks and they just lived from one visit to the next. My MIL has another grandchild, my DHs nephew. She sees him a lot, every week, as he lives 10 mins from her. Still moans its 'not enough'.

I'm in Australia, and the last time I saw my siblings ( we are none of us spring chickens) in the UK was 2016, and one visited the same year. I had no plans to go back soon, indeed intended to travel elsewhere with DC, but all of its gone tits up.

My dsd is an adult and has gone to France to see her mum. She wasn't questioned once either here or France.

I haven't seen my sister since December 2019. She's supposed to be coming in April but we'd need about a million restrictions to be lifted before that can happen. When I last saw my nephew he was a baby and now he's a full on toddler

I feel so sorry for you all. The rest of my family are 200 miles away. I know that's so much better than what you are all facing because I did get to see them for five days last august and we did a garden meet in October with ILs (nearly 9hrs of driving in one day) but that was it. They are old and we were in a higher tier and then it flipped and they were in a higher tier.

I feel so down this week. I've seen so many children with their grandparents at the park. I honestly don't begrudge these people that opportunity, I'm pleased for them but the sadness for me and my children has been really hard.

It's a small thing compared to missing family members, but do some of you also have a lot of your/family member 'stuff' in the wrong country? we have various belongings that are in the 'wrong' country, but on the other hand they are random items that aren't worth organising shipping back. But then again I can't see when I'm going to next get out there.

Also, if travel remains unpredictable, will some of your families (or you) consider moving in the future? It's in the back of our minds but we'll see how things pan out. On and off travel plans with the threat of future quarantines is so stressful, particularly when children or, conversely, older adults are involved.

Hang in there. Thanks for the thread!

Joining in. My whole family are in a nearby European country, normally less than an hour away so never has been a big issue. It would take me longer to visit them if they lived far away from me in the UK! But flights from the UK are banned now and I have seen them very little over the past year. I'm lucky that I booked immediately when we had air bridges in July and August, so managed to take my son over to see his grandparents twice. It's sad now though because he keeps asking to see them again and to go to their house, and we can't. :(

It's just unsustainable to have no view out of this situation, I am still a citizen of that country and I literally am not allowed back in at the moment... How can countries keep families apart like that? I understand the logic but how can we not have an end in sight?!

I have missed my grandmothers funeral because of lockdowns this way. We were close and it feels odd that I wasn't there.

Feel extremely fortunate to be able to say we flew to UK Feb22nd last year from a visit and just made it back to Oz as mandatory quarantine being brought in as I have no idea when we'll be able to return to Blighty again. Big hugs to everyone in this shitty situ.

Oh I want to shout and cry when the people who live in the same street as their mother want to make me feel horrible about our family all over the world. We'd still be in the bloody Rift Valley if people didn't go over the next hill. Someone had to tend the fire, that's you. Someone had to find new pastures, that's me.

And my family is from a diaspora nation. Grandparents three nationalities, great grandparents even more. I've lived in three countries, my parents even more.

YES THIS.

I think it’s different when you come from a place where nearly everyone, or nearly everyone’s fairly recent ancestors, came from somewhere else. There is an acceptance that you go places, that you travel, that you may end up living far from home but that home is still home, even if you may never see it again.

And so my family are much more accepting of me living far far away than DH’s family, who had an ancestor who came from Glasgow in the early 19th century and apart from that everyone has lived in the same bit of England since basically the Normans, and who can’t get their head around the idea that the A11 runs in both directions.

@MrsTerryPratchett So well said! My ancestors too are from a diaspora culture. And me personally, I'm not in my country of birth because, well, I moved around to study and work, and then I met this nice chap, and then we got married and that's how it went...

If anybody gives me that "you signed up for this" crap, they'll be effectively saying that mixed-nationality families deserve to be punished.

My SIL has told me many times 'well you signed up for this. You cant complain'. The last time she said it was when I was 10 weeks pregnant, puking every 2 hours, during the first lockdown, while looking after my (then) 1 year old. I said I was finding it hard, and I was worried my parents wouldnt meet my baby. I told her I was also worried about my PND rearing its head again. What she seems to fail to realise is that because of my choices, she gets to keep her brother within an hours drive, who can help her if she needs it, who can eventually help with care of parents. Because of me, and what I 'signed up' for, she keeps her family. I had a choice between my DH and my family because my DH couldnt work in Ireland, and I chose him, with my family a plane ride away. She thinks I have no right to complain. She is also a complete b*h IMO. 😆😆

If anybody gives me that "you signed up for this" crap, they'll be effectively saying that mixed-nationality families deserve to be punished.

TBH I honestly think that’s what some of them believe. I’ve seen some particularly nasty MN threads over the years.

I have to say I have an even greater respect for the courage and fortitude of my forebears who gamely boarded ships knowing they’d likely never see their homeland or their families again.