Support thread for those of us with family abroad

[TwirpingBird]

I just read on sky news that Nicola Sturgeon has said foreign holidays will be 'unlikely' this summer. As much as this sucks for people who were living for a week in spain (arent we all!), for those of us who have parents or family who live a plane journey away, I guess this means another long while before we get to see our loved ones again.

I dont really know what I want from this thread, but I know many people on MN are coming up to a year away from their loved ones, and facing most of this year away from them, so instead of crying into another glass of prosecco, i thought i would start this thread, so we maybe dont feel so alone.

Checking in. It will be three years August 25th since we saw our families, back in NZ. We were supposed to go back last June, but. . .

Our Mums are 83. Our girls are so different now, to when we left.

So glad I found this thread! We’re from the US. DH’s mum has dementia and has deteriorated so much during lockdown from
lack of human contact. What’s worse is that she doesn’t understand why we haven’t come to visit.

Hi
Am feeling despondent today. Have not seen my eldest since December 2019. Was hoping they could visit in the Summer. Not a red list country.
Am I correct that if they visit, they need to stay inside with me for 10 days and pay an extra 400-500 pounds for two Covid tests. Have I understood that correctly? They have British passport/were born here - reason for travel would be returning potentially to live here but it is up in the air atm.
Thanks in advance x

@MadreDios I think if it’s a green country no need to quarantine so long as they had a negative test before flying and on arrival, not sure about Amber countries at the moment. Apparently British airways are announcing £39 tests so I’m sure the others will follow to make it more affordable.
I hope so as I’m desperate to see my mum

Hugs and support to all of us in this situation. It's so difficult.

My family lives in the UK and I'm the one living abroad. Haven't seen my parents in nearly two years as had to cancel last summer's plans. They booked to come here this summer (before they said summer holidays are unlikely) and its depressing to think they might not be able to come.

Please can I join. My very old parents are in Germany and I’m so worried I won’t see them this summer. I’ve been feeling so hopeless and lost, I needed my annual trip to Germany with the DDs to reboot every year. I can’t keep doing this.

I'm feeling really down about not seeing my parents. We met up with my in laws last weekend and MIL made a comment about how they've missed out on seeing with the kids and only just getting to meet the baby. She didn't mean it in a bad way at all, but all I could think of was that it's likely to be another year before my parents get to do the same.

My parents and I all emigrated - but to different countries. Missing them myself is one thing but my daughter turned two a couple of weeks ago and they haven't seen her since she was seven months old. We had detailed travel plans last year so she could actively get to know them. Instead she's had two birthdays in lockdown so not even my partner's local parents were able to attend.

We're consoling ourselves with the whole "no or very few long terms memories before they're 3" thing but it's very painful. Luckily my little girl is great at really being her boisterous self for them over FaceTime but it's obviously a million miles away from them being able to cuddle her.

It's so tough isn't it. Just not knowing when you'll be able to see your family in person again. A friend of mine here in the UK brushed it off with 'oh, I haven't been able to see my parents either', but of course nothing is stopping her now from making the 3 hour journey to her parent's house, they live in the UK. We are currently not even allowed to leave the country. I have a German passport so I want to be allowed to leave, thank you very much. Happy to quarantine on return but don't stop me from going to my own country!

It's such bullshit that the UK is preventing people from leaving their own country. I understand quarantines and testing and all that, but we live in Iceland and my parents could enter the country no problem. They'd have to do a 5-day quarantine and tests but they'd be willing to do so. Iceland did have borders closed to arrivals from non-EU/EEA citizens (thanks Brexit) but they recognised the importance of family and exceptions were made for close family members of Icelandic citizens/residents.

So they have been allowed to come here, but not allowed to leave the UK. I believe that being able to leave your country is such a fundamental freedom, it is outrageous that they are getting away with this. I understand the desire to reduce international travel, but the quarantines and tests are already very off-putting to 95% of travellers. And why is work essential but family isn't? What shitty priorities are these?

Our philosophy in this has been to take opportunities wherever possible because things are changing so fast, so we did visit in July 2020 as soon as the 'travel corridors' came in and they came here in September 2020. That last visit they left early in a hurry as new quarantine rules were being brought in. I personally think this was a mistake, but at least we had a few days together.

I recommend everyone in a similar situation to do whatever you can, bend the rules where feasible and take chances where you can get them. Don't feel guilty about prioritising your family if you can. I know not everybody can make plans at short notice because of work commitments and that travel in general has become a lot more expensive and difficult, but please nobody pass up opportunities because of worrying about social responsibility or judgement from others who do not understand. It's just absolutely not worth it.

Missing one of my DGD 4th birthday this month. DD is planning a beach party (Thailand 🇹🇭).
My DH has a joint UK bank account with her so will send some money to buy something.
WhatsApp will have to do. We have had 1st jab but we will have to wait for the right time to be out the Uk and into another country.

I hope all of you with family in Europe are able to see them this summer, and that things continue to improve.

The tiny hope I had of seeing my family this year (and it would be December) is fading fast, with the combination of Australia's vaccine rollout isn't going very well and the AZ trials for children being put on hold. My youngest was three when my family last saw him, he'll already be six before they see him again and a possibility he'll be seven. It just feels so hopeless and nothing we can do about it.

I'll admit I've found the opening up of gardens etc over Easter tougher than I expected. I spent Easter in a fellow immigrant's garden with our kids (and our English husbands) but all the talk and photos of people with their families was pretty tough, even though I know the pandemic has been grim for everyone.

The news of the pause in the vaccine rollout here in Australia and also the advice that it shouldn’t be given to under 50 year olds is a real blow. I’m in Aus, our families are in the U.K., haven’t seen my parents since Dec 2019, DH’s parents haven’t seen the kids since 2018 - they have changed so much.
I have no idea when we’ll be able to regularly see family again with no quarantine and it has made us look into moving back to the U.K. because we lived here on the basis that we could easily travel back. Hard though as we are happy here but feel very far away.

@OzGirl75 It's such a hard decision to make. We're pondering the same. If DH and I were both Australian we'd just go. But he's British, which piles just another few layers of awfulness on top - his parents and family are here, he'd need a spouse visa which costs a fortune and takes for ever, etc.

But that very far away feeling is just crushing.

Yes I can understand your dilemma @JassyRadlett Both of our families are in the U.K. which we have always been fine with when we could travel back 1-2 times a year, but it’s very difficult when we are trapped here with no end in sight.