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Original poster

Support thread for those of us with family abroad

291 replies

TwirpingBird · 16/02/2021 19:23

I just read on sky news that Nicola Sturgeon has said foreign holidays will be 'unlikely' this summer. As much as this sucks for people who were living for a week in spain (arent we all!), for those of us who have parents or family who live a plane journey away, I guess this means another long while before we get to see our loved ones again.

I dont really know what I want from this thread, but I know many people on MN are coming up to a year away from their loved ones, and facing most of this year away from them, so instead of crying into another glass of prosecco, i thought i would start this thread, so we maybe dont feel so alone.

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Pumpkinpops · 20/02/2021 08:06

@TwirpingBird my family is in Ireland too. I haven't been following the news as it's so depressing so didn't realise the lockdown had been extended again! I was hoping yo get over in the summer but.. my parents (especially my dad) are petrified of the virus and I'm not even sure they'd be comfortable us going over if they'd had the vaccine. But I agree with you, at this rate I'll the vaccine before they do!

I suspect if we can't go this summer it won't be till next summer. But will have to wait and see what the rules are. I can't do hotel quarantine with a 1YO and a 4YO.

I try not to think of it too much as it's too upsetting. I also to be honest don't call them that often now as none of us has any news and it's awkward avoiding the elephant in the room trying not to upset each other. My 4YO keeps asking when the germs will be gone and when she can go swimming again etc. I hope she can go back to school soon.

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 20/02/2021 08:56

@Pumpkinpops I think your 4yo will be able to go to school and go swimming soon. I think the uk seem very set on getting back to some form of normality. I hate to say it, but I think we are much better off here than in ireland when it comes to life resuming. As Chateaux said below, ireland is extremely fearful, and I dont think they will allow anything that resembles leisure like swimming or sports for a long time. Here, we will have access to a vaccine much faster, we will have places reopen sooner, we might actually have a nice summer with our kids, even if it is here and not with our parents in ireland. I would hate to be a parent in Ireland right now. The government seem to be gunning for zero covid. There just seems to be no hope for any sort of life.

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IvySquirrel · 20/02/2021 09:48

This thread has made me very emotional this morning. My sister, nephew and nieces live in Europe a 2 hour flight away and she has been there for nearly 20 years. Normally we see them 2 or 3 times a year and I know I could just hop on a plane anytime. Now their borders are closed and we haven't seen them since Christmas 2019. This is the longest time in our lives we've been apart. It feels so hopeless.

ChateauMargaux · 20/02/2021 14:00

I think Irish people hold a collective grief and trauma from the famine and subsequent mass emigration. It is not so long ago that vast numbers of families in every village died and then huge numbers of those who were left, emigrated never to return again. I think this fear stays with us even though we didn't experience it ourselves. Like the horror of war and losing a generation of young men.

miimblemomble · 20/02/2021 17:03

@ChateauMargaux

Interesting theory. Scotland has similar events in its past, and I’ve found that my parents and sister gave far more Fear of Covid than I generally encounter here in France.

notdaddycool · 20/02/2021 17:19

The other country has such poor healthcare not sure I’d want to take unvaccinated children, even though the risk is low.

Avondklok · 20/02/2021 19:05

I live in EU and the last member of my family I saw was my Aunt in Feb 2020. I sent her tickets to come visit for her 70th birthday and I'm glad I did as she died last month of Covid. Haven't seen anyone else since for at least 18 months. It's been very hard.

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 20/02/2021 19:29

@Avondklock that's very hard. It is nice you got to see your family. Mine came to see my the first week of Feb last year too. It was great timing in some ways.

I saw on the news that they are thinking of allowing outdoor mixing. I know not having family near has meant (for me anyway) that I have nobody to bubble with. Everyone I know bubbled with their family, which is understandable. I have been sneakily seeing a mum I met at the playground. We just happen to always be there at the same time on a monday morning. But it would be nice to be allowed meet people outdoors outside of their bubble. May make things a bit easier.

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SilverGlitterBaubles · 20/02/2021 20:43

@ChateauMargaux I think that fear is still there particularly in older people. I think there is a natural tendency in Ireland to fear the worst, perhaps due to history we are scarred and tend to catastrophise because as a small nation we feel more vulnerable. Whatever it is I wish it would change, I know lots of older people in the UK that are no where nearly as fearful and terrified as my parents. As mentioned previously I think the Irish media have a part to play, they have nothing positive to say, even entertainment chat shows revert to talking about the virus. Give people some hope and light relief or they will really have a big problem to deal with.

namechange34 · 20/02/2021 20:59

DH's family is in Europe and mine in Aus (although in different states so have had their own issues in seeing each other due to border closures). Coming up for 2 years since we have seen my family and more than 1 year since seeing DH's. Feeling silly now that we didnt just go for it last summer despite the quarantine. If we had known that was as good as it was going to get we would have just done it. I'm really afraid that one of our family will pass away before we can see them again. My heart goes out to those on this thread for whom this is a real possibility Flowers

CousinKrispy · 20/02/2021 22:49

Thank you for starting this thread, though it is full of heartbreaking stories. HalfDutchGirl I'm so sorry about your uncle.

I'm in the UK, family all in US, saw them last in August 2019. We are very close and they dote on DD and it's simply awful that they are missing so much of her development and she is lacking her extended family. I wish I could move back but her dad would never allow it.

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 20/02/2021 22:56

@CousinKrispy

Thank you for starting this thread, though it is full of heartbreaking stories. HalfDutchGirl I'm so sorry about your uncle.

I'm in the UK, family all in US, saw them last in August 2019. We are very close and they dote on DD and it's simply awful that they are missing so much of her development and she is lacking her extended family. I wish I could move back but her dad would never allow it.

You are welcome. I am genuinely happy people find this thread helpful. I sort of started it thinking nobody would look at it. It's so nice to see people finding those who are going through the same thing

The US is very far away. I remember when I lived in thailand it was hard thinking people were asleep when I wanted a chat. Is your DDs dad from the UK? Why would he not 'allow' it?

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CousinKrispy · 21/02/2021 07:37

We're divorced now and yes, he's from the UK. And I couldn't in good conscience separate her from her dad anyway. I knew that leaving the marriage would mean I was "stuck" in the UK for a long time (or forever), but of course none of us planned on being unable to travel like this, and remaining married would have been worse.

So far my family have been in good health. I'm so sorry for all of those who are dealing with elderly or unwell family they can't go and see, it's terribly cruel.

TravellingTilbury · 22/02/2021 02:12

Wishing us all strength this coming week - I think it will be hard hearing about lockdowns 'easing' when we can't do the thing we really want to do: visit family abroad.

Second to that, I wish for it to be easier to mix in this country - not just bubbles/groups of six/not just outside etc, so that those of us without family can meet up with others in other parts of the country a little easier.

TangerineGenie · 22/02/2021 09:39

Not filled with hope here. Seems like they'll allow relatively high risk activities without easing up on any of the restrictions that would allow us to meet family - which in our case is low risk, 2 wfh adults and can drive to destination.

TravellingTilbury · 22/02/2021 11:21

Do you think there will be any point this year when it will feel 'normal' again? It's not looking good is it? I think for those of us who are far away from families it's harder to ignore the doubts that it will still be difficult to book travel/travel without restrictions/not have to worry about due rule changes/travel without extra costs of tests etc for much of this year.

I'll be pleased for people who can see family in this country but long distance travel all feels a bit hopeless. Plus even if travel restrictions are 'lifted' by a certain month, you'd still need available flights, affordable last minute flights, and similar lack of restrictions in the country you are flying to. It's complicated and stressful and tbh doesn't feel much more hopeful than last Autumn, despite the developments since then. Sorry for being a downer! It's just hearing all the news about things 'opening up' - makes it worse. I'll give myself a talking to: Chin up!

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 22/02/2021 13:14

Just checking in here. I know today may be a hard one for us. Whilst everyone else gets a date for seeing their family, we may not. I am trying to see the positives; I can meet friends again, my DD can have people to play with, I will know when I can plan my first early summer BBQ, my DH can see his family for a walk once the stay local rule is gone.

But, none the less, I am desperate for some goal for my family. It's a mixed feeling sort of day. Normal is still a long way off for us

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Wavesandsmilesencore · 22/02/2021 13:38

Normal feels a lifetime away! We are in Europe and relatively recent arrivals so don’t yet have a decent network. Whilst we have far less restrictions than in the U.K., we don’t have any family here and no one to socialise with so we are just hanging on to the opening up of travel.

Feeling pretty down about this now, it’s going to be a longer and lonelier year ahead than I had hoped for.

Flippyferloppy · 22/02/2021 13:51

Made myself cry looking at my wedding photos this morning. Last saw most of my family in mid-2018. We were supposed to see them for Christmas 2020, but now it probably won't even be Christmas 2021. I'm missing my nephews growing up, but there are also elderly relatives I may never see again.
I have no hope, no motivation to keep going...

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 22/02/2021 13:55

@Flippyferloppy I cant tell you to keep your chin up, that it won't be long. I know that feeling of hopelessness, and that you cant fix it. All I can say is we all feel that here, and it's ok to be miserable, and you are not alone Flowers I am sorry you feel so sad today.

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user1477391263 · 22/02/2021 14:12

The "You signed up for this" attitude is especially interesting when it comes from those people who usually spend a lot of time pontificating vaguely about the importance of diversity and immigration and so on.

As someone on Twitter snarked recently, "Zero Covid has done what I previously would have considered impossible: it has turned left-wingers into border-hawks."

LivinLaVidaLoki · 22/02/2021 14:41

Can I join?
My family are in Greece. Mainland Greece and Crete. My parents and a few of their siblings moved the the UK in the 70s, so I do have family here (other side of the country), but most of my extended family are in Greece.

I feel very lucky that I got to go and see some of them briefly last year but we have always been incredibly close and I miss so many of them so much.

I get irrationally angry when people complain about others who want foreign travel as "just wanting a foreign holiday". No. I want to see my family, I want my son to experience his culture and you know what? Fuck it, I do want to sit in the sun. At the table under the tree in my aunts garden with the rest of my family.

Flippyferloppy · 22/02/2021 14:50

[quote TwirpingBird]@Flippyferloppy I cant tell you to keep your chin up, that it won't be long. I know that feeling of hopelessness, and that you cant fix it. All I can say is we all feel that here, and it's ok to be miserable, and you are not alone Flowers I am sorry you feel so sad today. [/quote]
Thanks @TwirpingBird. It's nice to be connected to people who understand

EasterIssland · 22/02/2021 15:13

I've been crying most of the day cuz of the unknown and the pain of feeling guilty that my family is missing my sons childhood. Then I see threads about people being pissed off because not being allowed to go to the pub or the hairdresser and become more upset...

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 22/02/2021 15:18

@EasterIssland

I've been crying most of the day cuz of the unknown and the pain of feeling guilty that my family is missing my sons childhood. Then I see threads about people being pissed off because not being allowed to go to the pub or the hairdresser and become more upset...
I think we all feel the same at times, like some people dont get how lucky they are that not having their nails done is the worst thing about this lockdown for them. But everyone is relative to their situation. I try not to hate my MIL for example because she is inconsolable after 5 days of not seeing her DD. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt (although most days it doesnt work). I am not trying to just focus on me, and the idea that one day this will be a memory.

However, I can only say this today because it's sunny. If it was raining I would probably be considering day drinking.

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