Support thread for those of us with family abroad

[TwirpingBird]

I just read on sky news that Nicola Sturgeon has said foreign holidays will be 'unlikely' this summer. As much as this sucks for people who were living for a week in spain (arent we all!), for those of us who have parents or family who live a plane journey away, I guess this means another long while before we get to see our loved ones again.

I dont really know what I want from this thread, but I know many people on MN are coming up to a year away from their loved ones, and facing most of this year away from them, so instead of crying into another glass of prosecco, i thought i would start this thread, so we maybe dont feel so alone.

@oscarandelliesdad - Auckland's lockdown moves down a level at midnight tonight, from 3 to 2 and we move back from Level 2 to Level 1. Level 1 for us means everything is virtually normal, except travelling overseas. We have been very fortunate here but it has made me realise just how very far away we are as I always thought it was just a 27 hour trip and I would be home in the UK.

I hope you and your family are soon re-united, safe and well. and of course

Haven't been to see DH family since Xmas 2015. Had whole trip planned and booked for last year then COVID. No idea when we’ll see them next. They’re Aussies.

Half my support network here are now in shielding households and I'm a sole parent. I'm used to not seeing my parents for a year at a time but I feel alone at the moment.

@oscarandelliesdad oh wow that sounds so tough. I think going to him would be essential travel as you are basically moving home, but then like you said you may be stuck, and 28k is a LOT of money. You are an a amazing woman to be powering through this. You are allowed to feel down.

@fiveshelties that's a lovely saying!

@TheElementsSong so many seem to be in the same situation with loved ones. It's so hard not having any idea if we will see our loved ones again. I (fortunately or unfortunately) have no grandparents. They were all dead by the time I was 15. But my parents are only in their early 50s with no major health issues. My mom works in a care home, but received her second jab on Monday. My dad is a long way off his though. I imagine I will have mine before he will. The idea of vaccine passports make me so anxious. I am bottom of the list for a vaccine and my parents country have a baby functioning health system and a distinct lack of organisational ability.

I’ll join! Even though I wish I couldnt.

DH, me and two DSs in France, with all our families in Scotland. It’s so near and yet so far away! It’s now well over a year since we saw them, and the horizon just keeps getting moved further away. All our older relatives will be fully vaccinated soon - and we still can’t visit.

And I know the virus 🦠 doesn’t differentiate - but I’m sick of being lumped in with “irresponsible and selfish holidaymakers” just because I want to see my mum and dad and sister. 😭

I haven't seen my DM in 15 months, my DF hasn't met our toddler and I haven't met my nephew. I don't think I'll see any of them, it's very depressing.

My daughter is a long haul flight away expecting my first grandchild in April. Was due to fly out this week to be with her for last few weeks of her pregnancy and to help when the baby is born. I am crying as I type this, I miss her so much and wanted to be with her at such a special time.

@twirpingbird, thanks. It really helped to hear some thing kindand back to you. I don't know what we're going to do but hiding in bed without a coffee won't achieve it! @fiveshelties Yay, good for you guys, I do love Jacina. What I would give to sit on a warm beach under a pohutakawa tree....

We were in two minds about driving to Denmark last August but I'm so happy we did now with the way things are going. We normally see them 2 or 3 times a year.

Other family are in Australia but fortunately we were there Christmas 2019 and we'd only normally see them every couple of years so feels relatively normal thus far.

What a sad thread. Sending strength and solidarity to you all.

I haven't seen my parents (in Europe) since autumn 2019. We are supposed to be all getting together in the UK for my mum's 70th in June, and I've only in the last few weeks fully realised it's almost certainly not going to happen. They're in pretty good health, and relatively young, so I'm fortunate not to have the worries that so many people on here do, but it is so disconcerting not being able to think 'oh if there was an emergency, I'm only a flight/overnight drive away'. It's rubbish.

Me too
My parents are in Europe in a red country.
I miss them terribly as do my young dc.
I’ve been vaccinated (health care worker) but their country is very slow so they haven’t yet.
Thanks for starting this thread, It’s hard not to feel alone with it at times especially when all other people seem to say is that we don’t need a holiday abroad.... it’s not a holiday!

I last saw family in summer 2019. It's nice to be on a thread where everyone understands

@TheElementsSong it's so scary when you know your parents are ill and can't go over to help. I hope your parents stay well. For me it's the daily worry of what I might hear when I call my parents that really puts a strain in things. I want to speak to them yet every time I do I feel more guilty for not being there. My DB and his family are in Oz and only left eu in 2018 - they over around the corner from my DPs and it feels like not long after they left everything went to shit. Now I'm worried what we'll do if things deteriorate.

When I look at the news and I see all those poor people having to pay £1.7k to come back from abroad it makes me angry - I doubt anyone coming back right now is going for a jolly. I get needing to protect our boarders but in my parents country people are made to isolate at home - with regular police checks via phone or in person. Their country has nowhere near the cases and deaths we do even though thet health system isn't as good as the Nhs.
I just don't think people realise how much of our lives are intertwined with other countries. Globalisation isn't just about moving products around- there are so many families broken up by this virus. I just pray we find a way to live with it that doesn't continue to break families apart.

I wish I could say something uplifting to you all - just don't have the words in me today 😢

I'm another. Last saw my brothers and their families a twelve hour flight away in January 2017. I was too unwell to travel for a couple of years and they're not in a financial position to come to me.
I was just well enough to start planning my long-delayed trip when covid hit.
I have a nephew and niece who don't know me at all.
Before I got ill I'd go over annually for at least three weeks.

The really awful thing is that I've caught myself feeling relieved that my parents are dead.

I don't even really have the option to reconsider where we live once this is over. I live near where I grew up but my family all live in another country now and I can't just move to be closer. Brexit makes moving to be near my husband's family massively more complicated too.

Eldest & his girlfriend is currently living in NZ, enjoying life, was thinking about coming back to the UK but he just got offered a new job with a 20K pay raise so looks as if that is off the cards for a while more. They just been on holiday within NZ and seen a couple of comedy gigs ( not jealous much ).

We did get his sister back from Cambodia in November, she is currently working every hour she can, saving like mad so she can head back out as soon as possible.

Glad to see I am not the only one who feels massively guilty for being away from family. I always felt guilty whenever my parents left to go home after visiting, and I always thought 'my life choices mean my parents dont see their grandchildren enough'. I know I could never have foreseen a pandemic, but we live 40 mins from my inlaws and they get so many opportunities than my parents. Not that they actually appreciate it. Anyone else living near inlaws who look at them on their phones while around your kids and think 'my god. My mom would give her left arm to have what you have, and you dont make any effort'.

I know I shouldn't be angry. They have never missed their family. They have always been near. But they just dont value what they have at all.

We have the other complication of needing to wait around for residence permits in respect of brexit. We don't really want to travel until we have those in case of hassle at the borders. Just keeping an eye on covid requirements.

@FiveShelties Kia kasha indeed. Missing my NZ family, friends and home so very much today and seeing that brought the tears on.
Home is supposed to be 3-4hr flight away. This isn't what we signed up for.
Incredibly grateful that we had my mum for an early Christmas in December 2019, and that DH's parents visited us in august 2019.
Our DS was born at the beginning of lockdown and hasn't met any of our close friends or family yet. He's now almost one.
I agree with the quarantine requirements but they are too much for us with two small active children, and we would need to work during the quarantine period. So it's just not really doable.
Big love to all those missing their loved ones. There are so many of us.

*kia kaha ...auto correct 🙄

Personally I wouldn’t read into what Nicola says it’s all political. I’m pretty sure this summer it’ll be possible to travel abroad. They will leave the announcement till later on though and it’ll be heavily disincentivized with testing cost and possible home quarantine on return.

Zero Coviders use Oz etc as examples but one of the MANY differences is U.K. is far more connected. Some even share child custody across borders here so it’s v v unlikely that we’ll be prevented from travelling.

Also those saying “importing variants etc”, we will have enough of our home grown U.K. variants to worry about.

I’m very hopeful July/Aug we’ll be away visiting family in Europe. Covid is here to stay, international travel is essential. As time progresses vax passports etc will make this easier.

@TheElementsSong

^^

Most of my family are a 13-hour flight away in a country that have closed their borders to foreigners. I last saw my mum in summer 2019 when she last visited here. I haven't seen my dad, my brother, my grandmother or any of my aunts/uncles/cousins since 2016. I miss everyone so badly that it hurts.

We had actually booked a family trip to see them last summer, which of course didn't happen.

My dad has worsening dementia and a heart condition, he's been in and out of hospital. My mum is struggling to care for him. My grandmother is in her 90s, has already survived a stroke, so is very frail.

I have a very real fear that not only will I never see some of my loved ones again, but I won't even be able to attend their funerals

Your last paragraph is the reality a lot of us fear we have to face, inc me and I just try to push that at the back of my head.. Family is on a 12 hr flight away too and on the red list.. I really hope by summer things get a lot better for us.. Stay strong

@TwirpingBird

massively guilty for being away from family. I always felt guilty whenever my parents left to go home after visiting, and I always thought 'my life choices mean my parents dont see their grandchildren enough'. I know I could never have foreseen a pandemic, but we live 40 mins from my inlaws and they get so many opportunities than my parents. Not that they actually appreciate it. Anyone else living near inlaws who look at them on their phones while around your kids and think 'my god. My mom would give her left arm to have what you have, and you dont make any effort'.

^ Omg OP I could have written this bit.
I am really unhappy with the fact that my life choices has enabled me to keep DH happy but my parents are so miserable, not seeing DD while MIL plays with DD for 5mins then is back on her phone for the rest of their time together.
It's so heartbreaking and I really wish I could move back home sometimes..
Both me and DH have very good jobs here and there is no way we would get such good opportunities back home but this pandemic has proved to me that my mental health had been on the tipping edge a lot of time and being far from my family exacerbate it.
I really wish I would know what the best decision for us will be as not seeing my family for years is NOT an option for me.

My children and grandchildren are in Denmark. Sometimes the physical pain of being apart is unbearable. I used to fly over to see them three to 4 times every year and they would also come and see me. Without seeing family is so difficult and its making me cry just doing this post.

And I know the virus 🦠 doesn’t differentiate - but I’m sick of being lumped in with “irresponsible and selfish holidaymakers” just because I want to see my mum and dad and sister.

This makes me so so angry!!